Is it rude to bring a guest?

Question

I recieved the invitation for my firend's wedding today. It was just addressed to me on the envelope but the RSVP card has a space to put how many people will be attending. Is it rude to just assume I can bring a guest? I feel weird asking her if she wasn't planning on it, but at the same time, I wouldn't really know anyone else there and would feel very out of place if I went alone. All of her other friends have serious boyfriends, so I'm sure they'll be attending, should a single gal be expected to sit awkwardly alone at an event or is it assumed I would bring a guest?

Answer 1

Traditionally, if it says only YOUR name on the invite, only YOU are invited.



Unless she or the wedding party have told you otherwise despite how the invite was addressed, you should NOT bring a guest.



Many people go to weddings on their own. I have in the past. Have you not heard of "singles tables" where you get to meet other singles at the wedding?



You will be focusing on your friend and her big day, not how awkward you feel because you have to sit next to a guy you don't know for 3 hours. Big deal.



I do have to say that I am allowing my guests to bring dates, but I am having a formal wedding and have budgeted for that. Not everyone can afford that, nor should you expect them to. No one should be forced to pay for a guest's random friend they don't even know. Yes, you may be able to "get away" with it, but that doesn't justify the cost for her.



Go have a good time solo, and celebrate with your friend. If you absolutely cannot stand to go to a social event by yourself for a few hours, then fine, ask her if you can bring a date. If you and her are close, she might agree and not mind. Perhaps she simply assumed you had no one to bring (i.e. You ARE single). Perhaps she put you at the singles table so you can meet her "hot" single cousin. Perhaps she thinks you two have mutual friends that will also be there for you to hang out with. I would bring this up with HER, but don't just bring a "surprise" guest.



P.S. I'm not saying I disagree with you, just that you need to ask HER for permission, since it's HER wedding. Most people, myself included, have realized people in your situation and have allowed ALL guests to bring a date. However, there is probably a REASON why she has decided against this, most likely that she can't afford it. You really should ask her directly. It's only right.



Avis did make a very good point that it might make her feel awkward if you ask. That is true, which is why I said only ask her if you are *close* friends. You could say something like:



"Do you have a set number of seats already mapped out? The RSVP card doesn't indicate if it's OK for me to bring a guest or not, so I just thought I'd ask". If she doesn't want extra people, she can nicely say that "her seating plan is full". Give her an out. If you were planning on bringing a guest anyway no matter what, asking this isn't any worse in my opinion, but each case is individual.

Answer 2

First, if that envelope did not say "and guest," then a guest was not invited for you. The reply cards are not created individually...it has a blank space so that families can write down how many family members will be coming.



Second, it is prefectly acceptible for the couple to not include dates for their single guests. Why should they have to dish out all the money for an extra person who doesn't know them, will probably never see them again, and couldn't care less about the fact that they're getting married?



Third, I have been single and have attended weddings alone. It's no big deal! If you feel awkward, it's only because of your own insecurity about being single, otherwise being around couples wouldn't bother you. And you should not let that insecurity prevent you from celebrating your friend's marriage. Also, You will not be the only single person there.



Any adult should have the basic, necessary social skills to make it through one dinner conversation with strangers. You will be fine!

Answer 3

What a predicament!



Technically, the invitation should have had an inner envelope. That would have cleared up all of your confusion!



Traditional etiquette states if there's no mention of "and guest" or "plus one" no, a date/guest for you was not factored into the guest list, and to RSVP for two would be considered rude.



Hear me out --



Honestly? I understand where you're coming from. I would feel the same way if I wanted to go share in my friend's day and wouldn't really know anyone, and a lot of people are in relationships - so the old "singles meeting" argument is a crock.



Ask her. Explain to her that you DON'T want to put her between a rock and a hard place, NOR do you want to strain her guest list beyond what she can afford, but you are uncertain as to what to do as far as a guest goes. I wouldn't tell her that you'll be uncomfortable if you have to come alone (so you're not guilting her into one more at the wedding). Just ask her, and respect what answer she gives you!



She may not have stuffed all the envelopes alone, and whoever was helping her may have forgotten the inner envelope, and she may not even know it! Wedding invites are a tremendous pain to assemble - outer envelope, inner envelople, tissue paper, response card, response envelope, etc. When you're doing a bunch of them, mistakes can happen.



I hope that helps.

Answer 4

Being that I'm getting married in 2 weeks and have had to address this very same problem, I would say that only you were invited. I wouldn't bring a guest.

Weddings are expensive, but every single person I invited, I added "and guest" to their envelope. They should be able to bring a guest. Now, if your friend can only afford to have you attend the wedding, it's for a reason... limited space, money, whatever. Please don't assume to bring someone if they are not properly invited. After all it is HER day and you don't want to make her feel uncomfortable when you RSVP for 2. If you feel this strongly about being alone at the wedding, you can always decline.

Answer 5

You have to ask your friend if you can bring someone I'm sure they would say it's ok. When I invited my guests and if they were single I put "and guest" next to their name on the inner envelope of the invitation. I just got married and I got a little irritated when I got the response cards back and people added 1 or 2 guests that I didn't invite. Head count is a big thing when planning a wedding because each person costs a certain amount of money, food, drink, etc. If your friend is a good friend they will allow you to bring a guest if you ask.

Answer 6

I went through this myself while sending out invitations. We are on a very tight budget and have limited space, so if you didn't not have a steady girl/boyfriend, I did not include "guest" on the invitation.



If you really feel that you should be allowed to bring a guest, PLEASE call the bride/groom and speak to them about it first. If they say that they're sorry and can't accomodate more guests, then do not get upsets. It's very hard to juggle planning a wedding and guests who can't simply understand.



For instance we had a situation with a great aunt on my fiance's side. She called CRYING and very upset, because I did not include the name of her son and his girlfriend on the invitation. It was an honest mistake. I'm not very familiar with that side of the family, and I went by the list that my future mother in law made. I told her it was no problem at all. They could come. We'd just squeeze them in somehow. That's 2 more people I didn't expect to pay for, but what the hell. The next day I got her RSVP back in the mail, and she invited all of them anyway. I still don't understand why she called crying when she RSVP'd whoever she wanted anyway.



We also had another situation with a friend. He doesn't have a significant other, so only his name was on the envelope. We received his RSVP back with 4 names on it, and it was not in his handwriting. I guess his mother opened it up and invited her and her husband along with their daughter. It's nice that other people open up your mail.



But there's 5 people we didn't expect to pay for that just invited themselves, and we've had a few other situations.



I've tried to make everyone happy and just go along with the flow, but the money adds up quickly, and you have to put a stop to it somewhere.



I hope you understand.

Answer 7

The rule of thumb is that whomever the outside envelope was addressed to (in this case, just you).. that is who is invited. So unless it said YOUR NAME AND GUEST, I would assume that only you are invited.



The RSVP probably only said "Number of Guests Attending" because everyone invited to the wedding gets the same RSVP card and some people do have guests being invited (such as husbands, children, etc.)



If I were you, I would simply CALL the Bride or Groom and ask them. "Is this an invite for just me or do I bring a guest?" I certainly would not just show up with a guest. That is extremely rude and will cause all kinds of problems if the Bride and Groom are not prepared for it (not enough seats, no food for your guest, etc.)



Play it safe and just ask! Have fun!

Answer 8

Yes. Your invitation was meant only for you, or it would have had "and guest" on the envelope. Of course the rsvp card has a place for the number of people - because that number varies with families, etc. It is not assumed you will bring a guest if it was not specifically stated. Oh, go ahead to the wedding alone and just have fun - weddings are a great place to meet new people.

Answer 9

Well, you said the envelope was just addressed to you, right? What about the inner envelope? For proper ettiquite, the outer envelope should be addressed to Ms. Your Name. Then the envelope would say You and Guest, or if no guest is invited, it would just say your name.



It is completley in bad taste to bring a guest if it dosn't clearley invite you to do so. If there was no inner envelope, there is definitly no harm in calling the bride to ask her for clarification. But, you've gotta think about her end.



I think she SHOULD have let you bring a guest, but if she isnt, she definitly has a reason for it. Maybe she is getting to high of a guest list for her venue? And they would probably have to be paying per person. For each person attending my wedding, I had to pay $30 for their dinner, $8 for a peice of cake, $4 for a chair cover, additional ceremony programs, and not to mention one more person enjoying that OPEN BAR!



When in doubt, just ask the bride. If she is inviting you solo, she may be hoping you hit it off with the guy friend she is inviting alone?

Answer 10

Usually, the invite would read "So and So and guest" if she wanted you to bring a guest. You can ask her, but she might not have let you bring a guest because she wanted to save money (and that's rude of her) or she thinks you can't get a date (and that's rude of her too). It's proper for her to invite a guest when inviting you. You should not be expected as a single person to just sit alone at her wedding especially if you don't know a lot of people there. If she's sort of a ditz, she probably wasn't thinking and didn't put 'and guest' on any of the invites. Anyway, I'd ask her.

Answer 11

It is NOT ok to bring a guest nor is it expected unless it says Ms So So & Guest on the ENVELOPE.

No excuses! Don't feel weird, feel fancy free and just go and have a good time and meet lots of new people. Why would you just sit on your bum and sit awkwardly. If you really can't deal with it send a nice card and gift and stay home.



Where are all these people getting off telling you to bring a guest!!!!! Can't they read???? The inside card is a standard card, the name on the ENVELOPE tells the story. No wonder this world is so mess us!!!!! People don't know how to read or follow rules... they just make up their own.

Answer 12

It's very common to invite single people without a guest. If you don't feel comfortable going alone, don't go. The wedding isn't about you, it's about the couple.



It is very poor manners to bring someone when they are not invited. Don't even ask if you can bring someone. It puts the bride in an uncomfortable position.

Answer 13

Generally - if it doesn't say &Guest anywhere - the no, you can't bring a guest. Remember, weddings are expensive and an additional guest may cost the couple anywhere from $40-$100!



If you are friends with the couple, then just give them a call. Let her know that you weren't sure if you could bring a guest and then ACCEPT her answer:) If she says yes, great. If she says no, make sure you let her know you are okay with that and don't make her feel bad about it:) Most brides don't mind being asked - they mind being begged, pleaded with and guilt tripped.

Answer 14

Definitely rude .. don't assume - it's not a big deal to just ask your friend if you can bring a friend. It's *her* day - not yours. Besides, I'm certain your friend will want her guests to have a good time and have taken the single people into account and will ensure that the seating arrangement will mix couples and singles together so you won't be the only single on your table.

Answer 15

Yes, it is both rude and inconsiderate. If your friend wanted you to bring someone that should have been indicated on the envelope "and guest." Everytime an invited guest brings "an uninvited guest" the cash register rings and that's inconsiderate. And don't call them and ask them if it is OK to bring someone because you are putting them in an awkward position (and asking them to purchase one more dinner). Go by yourself and have a good time! Answered by: A certified wedding specialist/professional bridal consultant/wedding ceremony officiant.

Answer 16

i am getting married in august and for the invitations to my single friends i wrote on the envelope

"Linsday and guest" or "tyler and guest" so that they know they are allowed to invite someone.

If it doesn't say AND GUEST on the card to you do not bring a guest. You friend probably mass produced the RSVP cards so that if a family is invited she can see how many of them are comnig (do not assume that you can bring a guest..)

Answer 17

It is perfectly okay to assume that you can bring a date. Most people when compiling there guest list will automatically figure in that a guest will accompany the single people on the their list. If really feel uncomfortable about it just give your friend a call and ask if it is okay to bring a date. The reaction you will probably get is that they expected you to bring one.

Answer 18

for wedding invitations.. there can be more than one person invited on the same invitaion. for example husband and wife, etc. so the "how many people will be attending?" question is just there to let the person know if both of these people will actually be attending. for example if the wife will be attending and the husband wouldn't be attending then there's only one person attending. if that makes sense.

Answer 19

only if it said plus one or bring a friend, you even said some of your friends will have boyfriends so you will know people there - its her day not yours - enjoy sometime on your own and remember a wedding is a great place for a single woman to met a single man - good luck

Answer 20

Since she has an area asking you how many people will be attending I would say you are alright to bring a guest. Fill in 2 when you rsvp and don't give it another thought. If she didn't want you to bring a guest she would not have included the how many ______. designation.

Answer 21

If the RSVP card has a blank for the number of guests, then I would say that she is leaving the date option up to you! If it were filled in with a one already and you marked over it with a two, then you would be overstpping. However, I would say she left it blank assuming that maybe you would bring a guest!

Answer 22

If it is just you and not "and guest" it would be rude of you to bring one.



I would call and ask the bride and groom if you could bring one.



If they say no, then go alone.

Answer 23

Every formal wedding invitation allows 1 guest.

Answer 24

i suggest if you don't feel comfortable sit awkwardly alone, then bring a guest with you, i think it won't cause any trouble, but make sure you bring a good friend not a bad one, it'll mess up your friend's party. i did that so many times without telling the host, so no worries. good luck

Answer 25

No, it's not rude if someone gets invited it's assumed you're going to bring a "date"

Answer 26

bring a guest, its not rude most wedding are meant to bring people

Answer 27

I would of course ~ bring a guest/partner!



Have a great time by the way!!!!!

Answer 28

just have a few drinks b4 hand and youll cut out that akward feeling

Answer 29

Call your friend and ask her will it be alright with her for you to bring a friend. Keep your reason to yourself.

Answer 30

Why don't you just call her and ask?

Answer 31

not at all... you can always ask to make sure though.

Answer 32

no