Who typically hosts the bridal shower?

Question

So my soon to be mother-in-law and sister-in-law offered to host my bridal shower. When my mom got wind of this her feeling were totally hurt because she wanted to host my shower, however, she really isn't in the financial position to do so. I told her that I am going to have my MIL and SIL host the shower and that my mom can have a brunch the day after the shower (thought that would be a lot less expensive). Am I being insensitive?

Answer 1

Mom's don't usually do the shower....

Answer 2

usually a friend of the bride... it is considered poor etiquette for the mother of the bride to host a bridal shower -- it looks too much like a money grab... tell your mom that she dodge both a financial and social blunder bullet and to get over herself... instead, she can enjoy attending your shower and focus on her role as your mother...

Answer 3

If your mom can't cost it, then what is the freaghin big deal? Secondly MOB don't host showers, and a brunch is a terrible idea. People just want to move in with their lives after already wasting a Saturday afternoon giving you gifts and attention, they don't need to be summoned for Sunday too.



She can offer to pay for the cake or the invitations or something. This doesn't have to be about "poor me, I m excluded" and blah blah blah.

Answer 4

Etiquette states that Mother of Bride and any siblings do not host bridal shower, although today many do, but to me, it looks like a gift grab if family does it, just me. Let MIL and SIL host. Mom can do something else.

Answer 5

You don't have to go by the books. Anyone can host your bridal shower! My mother-in-law and my own mother hosted it together! See if they can work together on it. Its your wedding, and it's not like you had any say in the matter. It goes to whoever volunteers first.



I think your mom is coming to terms with 'losing her daughter' in this matter, and probably wants to be a sole part in some portion of your big day. Understandably so, but she also shouldn't implicate the stress on you when you have no part in it.



Have your soon-to-be Mom(s) get together to discuss something!



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Answer 6

Etiquette wise none of them are supposed to host the shower, the shower is not supposed to be be hosted by immediate family because it is a gift giving event.



Traditionally, the shower is planned and hosted by your bridesmaids if they are willing. Nobody is actually owed a shower.



However, I've been to few showers that weren't hosted by a mom or a sister (who is often the MOH) so personally I don't care if an immediate family member hosts it.



If your mom can't afford to host the shower, she should just be happy your MIL and SIL are willing to do it and just attend as a guest or offer them help if they need it. Given your mom cannot afford the expense, your in-laws didn't step on her toes.



Hosting a brunch will really cost about the same as a shower, the most expensive part of a shower or any luncheon you host is the food. A brunch also may come across as a greedy gift grab because it's not a shower, thus not a gift giving event. If you have any guests that would be invited to both, some may not want to or have time to attend both.



A bridal luncheon/brunch is generally hosted by the bride herself to treat her bridesmaids, the mom's and others who have helped with the wedding. It's not a gift event, it's a thank yougift you give them.



I didn't have a bridal shower, because I didn't want one. I did however, host a luncheon for my attendants, our mom's and a few other people.

Answer 7

Whoever would like to throw you one is fine...really it doesn't matter. (I don't get why some people say it can only be certain people who throw a shower for you) For me, both my Mother and my Sister, along with my Godmother hosted my shower....it was beautiful.

It may be too much to have Two parties the day after the other, especially for your guests.

Answer 8

Family members often host the shower when it would be too much of a burden on close friends. Your in-laws are very generous. I think it's very odd for someone to host a brunch after a shower. You mother should help your in-laws with the shower or host a separate shower with just her friends\family. Both of these are very common. Don't listen to people who say it's rude for family to host. In a perfect world it would be nice if a friend always stepped in, and had the ability to throw a big shower, but it rarely happens in my experience at least.

Answer 9

Technically family shouldn't be hosting the shower at all. Friends, bridesmaids, etc.... should be doing that.

Answer 10

They should all step back, because it is a faux pas for any family member on either side to host a shower - unless the guest list is to be family members only, who will all be invited to the wedding.



A shower is a gift giving party. If a family member throws it, that may be seen as a gift grab to enrich the family. It should be hosted by a friend - often one of the bridesmaids, but that is only coincidental. It *can* be held at the home of a family member, if the friend is from out of town or does not have the space for it. Ideally, invitations would be sent out by the friend, NOT the family member.



Anyone can throw you a party, so be a gracious guest of honor no matter what.



http://emilypost.com/advice/shower-etiquette/

Answer 11

usually a friend of the bride......... it is considered poor etiquette for the mother of the bride to host a bridal shower -- it looks too much like a money grab......... tell your mom that she dodge both a financial and social blunder bullet and to get over herself......... instead, she can enjoy attending your shower and focus on her role as your mother.........

Answer 12

if your mom feels pushed aside, or that your future mil jumped the gun, you need to tell her that it's generally considered bad form for moms to throw bridal showers... this is a long time etiquette thing, so it's very possible your future mil knows it and assumed your mom wouldn't be throwing one anyway... it might lessen any bad feelings she has...



i'm not sure what i think about a brunch the next day, though... would this be the same (or similar) group of people? it might be better for your mom to call your future mil and offer any kind of help she needs... she could offer to bring a covered dish, for example...

Answer 13

Usually the maid of honor or the mothers, from my experiences.

Answer 14

Typically your bridesmaids host your shower. Members of your family or the groom's per etiquette standards should not host your shower, as it's considered rude for the family of the couple to request gifts.



Tell your mom that you want her to be able to just have a good time and bask in the excitement of an engaged daughter. Best wishes to you!

Answer 15

I would ask your MIL and SIL to please let your mom be a part of the planing and express her desire to help in anyway she can and that it would mean a lot to her to be involved. Then tell your mom that they are so happy for the 3 of you to plan together and that she needs to call and ask them how she can help.

Answer 16

I agree with all of the people who have said that it looks like a gift-grab (because it is a gift grab) for the bride's mother or the groom's sister and mom to host a gift-giving event. That's not old-fashioned, it's reality.

Answer 17

The maid of honor hosts the shower. It's considered tacky for relatives to do it.

Answer 18

In my opinion, anybody can host a bridal shower. Where I grew up, it was considered a bridesmaid duty for the MOH and bridesmaids to host a modest bridal shower. Where I live now, giving one's own shower is starting to be a trend (and that's fine with me!). And then I have been to countless showers that were hosted by mothers and/or other family members.



All in all, I think the suggestion you made to your mom is just fine. Congratulations on your wedding!

Answer 19

Usually a friend of the bride. It is considered poor etiquette for the mother of the bride to host a bridal shower -- it looks too much like a money grab. Tell your mom that she dodge both a financial and social blunder bullet and to get over herself. Instead, she can enjoy attending your shower and focus on her role as your mother.

Answer 20

If your mom feels pushed aside, or that your future MIL jumped the gun, you need to tell her that it's generally considered bad form for moms to throw bridal showers. This is a long time etiquette thing, so it's very possible your future MIL knows it and assumed your mom wouldn't be throwing one anyway. It might lessen any bad feelings she has.



I'm not sure what I think about a brunch the next day, though. Would this be the same (or similar) group of people? It might be better for your mom to call your future MIL and offer any kind of help she needs. She could offer to bring a covered dish, for example.

Answer 21

Anyone who wants to throw a shower may offer to do so. Your future mother-in-law and future sister-in-law did not step on any toes here.



In some circles it's actually considered rude for the bride's mother to throw the shower, in fact. But not all circles. It might be "traditional" for the Maid of Honor/bridesmaids to throw a shower - but, again, they need to OFFER. It's not their mandatory job. If nobody offers to throw a shower then the bride simply doesn't get one.



Your mom needs to get over it. Especially since she wasn't in a financial position to host a shower in the first place. What was her plan here ... to not throw a shower because she cannot afford it, and therefore no one else is allowed to throw you a shower? She needs a reality check here.



She can throw you her own shower if she wishes - again, since the shower is an optional gift that someone may volunteer to give, there really aren't any limits on how many a bride can have. So long as the bride is not throwing/demanding them herself, that is.



Or your mom can just show up to the one FMIL and FSIL throw with a smile on her face. And be thankful that she doesn't have to pay.



Or she can contact FMIL and FSIl, and offer to help them with their shower, either with a monetary contribution or by offering something else - setup/cleanup duties, bake or buy the cake, address the invitations, plans the games and prizes, etc. But if FMIL and FSIL say "no thanks" then your mom needs to be gracious and back off.



If your mom wants to throw a non-shower event, like a brunch or a tea, she's certainly free to do that as well. Again, though, not mandatory or expected. (Although, I have to add ... your mom throwing a brunch the day after your in-laws' shower would seem REALLY passive-aggressive, so if your mom wants to do this then I'd encourage her to space it out. And make sure the future in-laws are invited.)



Whatever happens, though, you really need to stay out of it. You should have no part in planning a party where the main objective is for people to bring you gifts. Frankly your mom is being a pouty baby here, and it's not your job to pacify her. Just do your best to stay out of it and let her handle it herself - she's a big girl.