Long engagement. Good idea?

Question

My friend got engaged a year ago and they have still not set a wedding date. What are the odds they will get married? Do long engagements end up happy or sad?

Answer 1

I have been engaged for 10 months and only set the date recently. Our total engagement will have been 17 months. Why? It's my second marriage, his third. We have children ranging in age from 14-22 yrs. The long engagement not only gives the kids time to adjust to the idea of becoming a blended family and a step-parent, but also allows us time to learn our roles and responsibilities with and to each other.



Having our finances in order, having a wedding we can afford, since we do not expect our parents to pay for it is another reason it has been long. Money (or lack thereof) was the biggest factor in ending my first marriage.



I think if you are young a long engagement is a good idea. My first marriage I was 23, the engagement was 6 months, we were married 14 years. I am a different person from that 23 yr old, and he is a different man. We are friends, but even after our divorce, we still had a lot of personal growth.

Answer 2

We had a long engagement, but we had a date set fairly early on. We were engaged for 2 years so we could save up the money to pay for the wedding we wanted. Weddings can be expensive, so if you want it to be a certain way, it may take a while to save up the money. Of course, some people just never set a date (my mom has been "engaged" for 7 years!), and some make it, and some don't. Depends on the couple.

Answer 3

2 1/2 year engagement and getting married this Saturday.



We wanted to get married sooner, but life gets busy, weddings are expensive, and we waited to a time we could afford the wedding we wanted and were in a position where planning a wedding wouldn't be too much to take on and as stressful.



We couldn't be happier. Yes, it was a long time to wait, and yes we are anxious, but we can honestly say we are stepping into this marriage 110% commited to each other. Trying to rush a wedding when we just got to busy and money was needed other places wasn't practical for us.



I think long engagements probably can end up sad or happy. Really depends on the couple. I don't think you can tell if a marriage will be successful wether it was a short or long engagment. Everyones circumstances are different.

Answer 4

It really depends on the couple and their situation. My husband and I were in college when we got engaged, and waited over a year before setting our date, which was another year away, so we were engaged for 2 years and 3 months.



There is nothing wrong with wanting to make a commitment to your significant other by proposing even if you cannot get married right away. I think it's absurd for someone to say that a couple shouldn't get engaged if they can't get married immediately. It is perfectly fine to wait a few years after becoming engaged, until your situation is right for a wedding and a marriage.



On the other hand, if your friend and his/her fiance haven't set a date because they just aren't emotionally ready, or still aren't sure, then that's a completely different story. Since we don't know your friend, you are really the best person to figure out the real story!



Good luck to you and your friend!

Answer 5

The length of the engagement is not the one indicator of how the relationship will turn out.



There are lots of reasons to why a wedding date might not be chosen yet.



-Monetary. Weddings are expensive, even more so if the couple is young and doesn't have savings to draw from or wealthy families to contribute. They could be doing the smart thing by saving for their wedding rather than going into debt because of one day.



-Venue availability. If the couple has their heart set on a particular venue, they may be waiting for an opening. If they want a destination wedding they could be waiting for the right time of year to start planning. If they got engaged during the time they wanted to have the wedding it's at least 2 year wait to get a date there.



-Family/friend situations. If there is a sick family member or close friend, the couple might want to wait until that person is well again before subjecting them to the stress of planning a wedding.



-School/work situations. If the couple is in school they may prefer to wait until they have graduated before losing valuable study time (and even rarer couple time) to wedding plans. If they have just started new jobs, they may not be entitled to vacation time, thus no honeymoon, thus a delay until they can coordinate vacation time(s).



-Religious. If the couple is deeply religious they may be doing pre-marital counseling that is required by the church they belong to. If one of them has to convert in order to be married they may prefer to get that done with before making wedding plans.



I could go on but you get the gist...

Answer 6

I'm having a long engagement and I'm not doing it for attention. We aren't doing engagement parties, photos, we aren't telling everyone we know, we just got engaged for us. I would be ready to get married tomorrow, but I'm only getting one wedding and I want it to be a memorable one, which requires some $$$! I also don't want to cram planning into 6 months, I like having lots of time so I don't have an anxiety attack. Therefore, its really hard to say whether or not long engagements end up in happiness or sadness, I'm sure they result in both. Just like I've seen plenty of short engagements end in failed marriages. It is a tad bit fishy that they haven't even set a general date, perhaps they aren't serious about getting married.

Answer 7

I personally think it's a good thing for many reasons.

1. Weddings can be expensive. Having a long engagement will allow you to be able to get everything you wanted.

2. It gives you time to make sure you are truly ready to get married and to make sure that person is right for you. Especially if you have not been dating for a long time.

3. You might want a particular place that is booked up, and don't want to choose what you would think would be "second best".

Answer 8

Personally, I think it's foolish to have an open-ended engagement. Some people need a long engagement because they need a lot of time to plan their wedding. But I feel that you shouldn't get engaged unless you're prepared to get married asap.



My engagement lasted a year. We had our date set 3 weeks after we were engaged. A friend of mine had a 2 year engagement because she had her heart set on having her reception at a certain hall in June, and had to wait for an opening.



It's hard to guess how your friend's engagement will turn out. Maybe there are some extenuating circumstances that prevent them from setting a date. Or maybe one of them has cold feet. Who knows?

Answer 9

it depends on the couple's situation. I just got engaged two weeks ago and we have our date set and venue booked (oct 14th of next year). we've also been dating for 5 and half years :)



I personally feel that if a date is not set within a month or so of the initial engagement (even if the wedding is two years away), then someone in the relationship is having reservations about getting married.



your wedding should occur w/in 2 years of the engagement..

Answer 10

I hate the idea of a long engagement, but that's going to be my situation.

My boyfriend and I felt like it was the right time to make the big decision that we want to spend the rest of our lives together, and that we also wanted to share this with our families. But, unfortunately, the engagement is going to be longer than I hoped. I always thought it was silly to plan a wedding for so long.

The reason we are waiting is because I graduated college a year before him and now I'm living 300 miles away while he finishes his degree. Long distance is no fun, but I like knowing the committment we have agreed on.

Answer 11

Planning for a long engagement is silly. It shows the people have no intention of marrying, rather they just want the short-lived attention that comes with getting engaged and for people to take their relationship more seriously. Childish, it is. One year and no wedding date? I would bet they are more likely to break up than get married.

Answer 12

I am a big believer that one doesn't get engaged unless one is willing to get married the following day. I mean, otherwise, what's the point? My personal opinion is that long engagements are a waste of time. But, to each their own. It certainly wasn't for me, but other people might need that time.

Answer 13

I am unaware of any correlation between the length of the engagement and the chance of divorce. It may be something to consider.

Answer 14

I don't see the point in getting engaged if you don't plan to get married anytime soon.

Answer 15

in my observation, the longer the engagement the better the marriage. it gives them time to think about the commitment they're heading to and to really ask serious questions.