Question:
How do I say no to this offer without causing offence?
sparkleythings_4you
2007-02-16 05:16:39 UTC
My colleague has offered me her wedding tiara for my wedding this year. Its a sweet offer and a nice enough tiara, but some stones are missing which I would have to replace, and I just did not see myself wearing a tiara. I tried it on and it looks ok, but I just don't want to use it. How can I say no thank you without offending her? She is a really sweet friend, and I feel bad rejecting her offer.
189 answers:
insp.clouseau
2007-02-16 05:59:44 UTC
The good old sickness excuse is still valid. Tell her tiaras generally give you a headache because of the weight on your head and even if you do wear one for your wedding you will have to get one that is ultra light and not a problem. This would eliminate her tiara but still leave your options open to wear one if you wish.
deep in thought
2007-02-16 07:42:27 UTC
I can see that you are in an awkward situation. My suggestion would be so as not to offend 1) Say that a close member of the family has provided a tiara for you and as she is a friend she should realise that a family member may easily get offended etc., However, if you are having bridesmaids then why not have the chief bridesmaid wear it and if possible have their hair so it falls over some of the tiara in gentle waves so to speak. Ask her is she is OK with that because you 'so' appreciate her kindness. I am sure she will be understanding as a friend as you already recognise her sweet qualities. Whenever you big day is I sincerely hope everything is magical for you and Good Luck.
Serendipity
2007-02-16 14:44:53 UTC
157 answers when I started typing - do you really need another?



It shouldn't even be a question as no matter how well-meaning she might be, I would never dream of offering something on a par with stones missing for what is to many a very special day - is she all there?



You say colleague and sweet friend - which is she? Regardless, you just say thank you but no - it is YOUR day and you are not obligated by what is after all just an offer - she will prabably take it fine if you just say no tiara. Have a lovely wedding.
2007-02-16 09:21:12 UTC
thank her and tell her you really appreciate her offer

and that if you were wearing a tiara it would definitely be hers but that with the dress you have chosen a tiara doesnt work



when i need to say no i use a little trick - ADQ



acknowledge the request or offer - thanks for the offer of the tiara

disclose something - with my dress a tiara doesnt look right

question - you understand that dont you?



it has got me out of many things i didnt want to do without causing offense



i am sure she wont be offended - she is a friend after all



above all - enjoy your wedding day!!
All 4 JR
2007-02-16 05:27:23 UTC
Pull her aside, don't do it in a crowd, and tell her you appreciate the offer but the dress you picked out, or are looking at, doesn't look good with a tiara and the hair style you will be wearing.Or the tiara will take away from the dress and you want something to compliment the dress. It was a great offer, but she should wrap it up and save it for her daughter someday.
2007-02-16 06:16:41 UTC
Thank her for the kind offer and say that IF you decide to wear a tiara then you might just take her up on her offer. Dont make a big deal out of it. She shouldnt be offended - she should understand that for your wedding you want everything just perfect. It will all work out grand !
jillmarie2000
2007-02-16 05:21:27 UTC
As long as you arent wearing a tiara at all it shouldnt be a problem. Just tell her you tried it on and it was pretty but you dont think you want to wear a tiara w your dress but you appreciate the offer. That should be fine - not everyone wants to wear a tiara at thier wedding and I am guessing she will understand that.
Charlotte B
2007-02-16 22:16:26 UTC
First of all - congratulations. Remember, this is your day and you are the most important person.



People like to muscle in and try and get a bit of the action when someone is getting married - I'll bet you have had all sorts of people offering to lend you stuff or do something for you. It's called reflected glory.



However, you will never get a chance to shine like this ever again so be a little bit selfish.



If you don't want to hurt her feelings, say you have decided that you would rather wear flowers than a tiara, or that your head must be much bigger than hers as you wore the tiara round the house for half and hour and it gave you a headache or that you are wearing a family one that your fiancee's mother has produced or something like that.



Please remember, this is your day, not your friend's, who has already had her day in the limelight. It is the one chance you will get to behave like a princess, so just go ahead and do it. If she is any kind of friend, she will understand: if she does not understand, do you want to keep her as a friend?



Have a great day and don't let yourself get stressed out by too many situations like this beforehand - you will find this is the first in a long line of irritations (like writing thank you letters for the presents, trying to get Aunt Mabel to the right seat, bridesmaids being sick, mother's hat etc.). Keep smiling and breathe deeply.
CTU
2007-02-16 08:31:34 UTC
Don't lie! Why do some people seem to think lying is a great solution to a problem!! Simply tell her the truth - that you don't want to wear a tiara for your wedding. I really doubt you will be offending her by saying that. She'll definitely be hurt if you lie to her, though.



Have a nice, tiara-less wedding :)
luckylou808
2007-02-16 07:30:43 UTC
I'm sure your friend will understand that this is your special day and that you want everything to be just how you like it.



Thank her very much for offering you the tiara, but tell her it's not what you had in mind. Then, if you haven't already bought a head dress but intend to wear one, why not invite her to go with you when you do buy one?



It shows you appreciate her opinion, but demonstrates that you don't have to have the same taste in everything.



Wedding are stressful enough, and your friend would hate to think she was adding to that stress. Just do it, and then try and relax and enjoy your day as much as possible.



Good luck on the big day!
toni
2007-02-16 08:55:10 UTC
All you have to do is tell her politely that you had no intention of wearing a tiara. Tell her you really like it and that you wouldn't want anything to happen to it as it looks really beautiful and don't want to mess it up if there is an accident or something. To make it as if it isn't just a rejection because you don't want her tiara you could suggest getting her involved somewhere or ask to lend something else.
Love&Laughter
2007-02-16 07:52:48 UTC
Weddings are a very personal thing and sometimes it does not matter how sugared your refusal is someone will be only too willing to tell you how bitter it was.



You could try "Its lovely and I appreciate the offer but my wedding outfit does not include a tiara if you have a blue garter on the other hand, that would do nicely."
Leiani
2007-02-16 07:10:31 UTC
Lie. Tell her thank you very much for the offer, but that your mother / bridesmaid / dear friend wants to buy you a tiara of your own which you can keep as a keepsake after the wedding.



Tell her its a very sweet gesture and you really appreciate it, but this person is not taking no for an answer and you would feel ungrateful if you turned them down, especially as they want to buy something special for your wedding that you can keep and cherish.
Brandy
2007-02-16 06:40:54 UTC
People must like this question, you already have 68 answers! I would think it would be okay to tell your friend that the tiara simply isn't your style. HOWEVER, in lieu of something borrowed perhaps you can find a way to include it in the wedding - instead of wearing it you use it as part of the centerpiece on your table. It would be lovely with flowers (not a bunch of different colors, perhaps simply calla lillies) and ribbon. That way she'll still feel honored that you included her. It could also double as your something old. Good luck.
2007-02-16 06:04:10 UTC
Say you have seen a really nice hairdo that you would love to have n your wedding day but it might not go with the tiara and if she doesn't mind if you choose not to wear it, if she's a good friend she will want you to have everything perfect on your wedding day.
Leapling
2007-02-16 05:23:37 UTC
Take her out for lunch. Tell her you've gone off the idea of having a tiara since seeing a picture of something else in a magazine. But say you know it is good luck for a bride to wear something borrowed and as she was so generous as to offer the loan of her tiara could she let you borrow something else. Then you can have a nice friendly talk about what you might be able to borrow - she doesn't feel rejected and you get a good luck borrowed thing.
?
2007-02-17 04:56:53 UTC
You could say that and Aunt, Uncle, Parent( Which Ever) have said that it’s tradition for them to buy the veil and head wear ,

or not as the case may be, it's tradition not to wear head wear, anything ,

and that you are so very honoured that she thought of you but that you can’t go against the tradition of your family,

Or you could just sit her down and say thank you but you really couldn’t accept her offer as you were thinking of having something else etc etc,

If she is a true friend she will understand,

And Really It’s your Day With Your Soon To Be Hubby ,

You Wear What You Like,

Congratulations and Good Luck, Have A Wonderful Day
amfies
2007-02-16 07:45:33 UTC
Just tell her straight that you had no plans in wearing a tiara. Then thank her for the offer.
hockey sticks
2007-02-16 13:25:20 UTC
It is a very sweet offer and she is only being a good friend, but if you really don't like it , just tell her in a nice way that the gesture is well though of, but that its not just your style and thank her by giving her a small gift, and may be an invite to the wedding
momof3
2007-02-16 10:20:18 UTC
to be honest the best way is to be honest and tell her that you are really grateful and touched that she wanted you to borrow her Tiara however you were not planning on wearing one you had always dreamed of such and such whatever it is you want to wear.

After all it is your day one you have planned for just like she did and most of us in our head plan the whole thing down to every detail and one of the most important is the dress and veil. Most of us know what we want so I am sure by telling her the truth she will understand and besides how could she give you it with it being broke?

Do not feel bad it is your day not hers and I hope it all goes well for you and good luck for the future.
2007-02-16 08:08:23 UTC
Just be honest, say that you dont want to wear a tiara for your wedding day as they dont suit you and you have your veil and head gear etc bought already but thanks for the offer and sure you'll probably want to keep the tiara up safe yourself as it was from your wedding.

something to them lines anyway i'm sure if shes as nice as you say she'll understand.
frenziedmonkey
2007-02-16 06:26:28 UTC
I think you're worrying about it too much. If she's offering you a tiara with stones missing it obviously doesn't mean that much to her. Thank her and tell her you want to make all your own arranegments for your special day.
ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ
2007-02-16 05:21:23 UTC
Wearing a different tiara - say that someone (important, like a grandmother, godparent etc) brought you one...The hairstyle you have decided on, won't suit the tiara...



Not wearing a tiara - say that you don't wish to wear a tiara for the wedding....



Hope that helps, congratulations with the big day!!x
Tricia
2007-02-18 13:01:35 UTC
i had the same problem as you so you can take her out and sit her down and say thank you for letting you use her tiara but a tiara wont go with my dress but i made sure i let her know how thankful you are that she offer you her tiara to use.
bevalou
2007-02-16 12:18:14 UTC
Just tell her that it was really nice of her to offer you the loan of her tiara but youve decided not to wear one! If she is a real friend than she will not be offended but glad that you were honest with her.
SLH
2007-02-16 09:47:24 UTC
Thank her and say how much you appreciate her very generous offer but explain that the tiara unfortunately does not go with the dress or hairstyle that you had in mind.
alexiskittenfoxylady
2007-02-16 09:31:59 UTC
hi i had the same problem as you so you can take her out and sit her down and say thank you for letting you use her tiara but a tiara wont go with my dress but i made sure i let her know how thankful you are that she offer you her tiara to use
2007-02-16 15:30:47 UTC
Start as you mean to go on. As you go on planning your wedding there will be lots more sticky situations to deal with. It's best to be brave and do what you want to do -which i know is not always easy, it's your wedding - your friend has already had hers. Tell her you really appreciate her offer but that you tried it on at home and feel that it is just not you.



Congrats and good luck , I'm sure it will be easier than you think to say no !
Easy Rider
2007-02-16 06:23:15 UTC
Tell her that you are not going to wear a tiara. It doesn't matter if you offend her, be honest - she will get over it, you are just her colleague, and you really don't mean that much to her. - don't sweat the small stuff!
nat
2007-02-16 06:09:22 UTC
just tell her it's a really nice offer but your not wanting to wear a tiara for your wedding or it wouldn't go with your hair style
ANF
2007-02-17 00:57:15 UTC
Say that you do not see yourself as a tiara type of person. It looked great on her but you look only second best. Your hair and dress is to be coordinated by your sister etc and you would not like to up set her or whoever.

Find some special piece of jewelry and say that you are wearing it in your hair for your mother or grandmother etc.
marie m
2007-02-16 11:52:08 UTC
Be very honest and say "I hope you don't mind too much, but I have decided not to wear a tiara at all; it doesnt suit me, but thank you so much for the offer"

That's all. It's your day; you don't owe any explanations to anyone about your choices. Have a wonderful time.
2007-02-16 07:13:20 UTC
say it how you are saying it now, say you are sorry and hope that you do not offend her and decline her offer as you - are the sort of person that would never wear sometyhing like a tiara, but basically, you should have said no thanks right at the beginning before you got yourself in this muddle with your friend.



Hope it works for you, remember, the wedding day is your day, no one elses, so may pay to remember that one......
Ms Mat Urity
2007-02-16 05:37:04 UTC
Sooner you tell her nicely the better,it is only causing you a bit of unnecessary stress leading up to the wedding. If you haven't your dress then it's easier to say that much as it was beautiful you when you choose your dress it just wasn't right for it. If you already have your dress and you have told her it was fine with it just say something like your mum or whoever was disappointed as it was something you hadn't realised they wanted to buy you and you don't want to hurt her. These are excuses not for you to lie but to avoid hurting. However, I wouldn't be hurt if you just said to be honest by the time you got stones replaced etc you thought it just best to buy one but thanks for the very kind offer. Also most of us realise we don't all have the exact same taste and she may have offered it just as a suggestion and not really bothered if you don't use it. That would be how I would feel if I offered to let someone borrow something of mine.
Dollytot :-)
2007-02-16 19:35:11 UTC
Tell her the truth,that you don't want to wear a tiara,that it looked great on her,but you have chosen a different head dress already.If she is a good friend she will understand, and maybe she will realise that every bride must wear her own choice,as hopefully it is a one off occasion and must be perfect for you the bride.Good luck on your big day!
heckuvapeach
2007-02-16 15:24:20 UTC
I would say thanks, take it home then take it back saying that you like the tiara but it just isnt right with your dress - that way you wont offend or (depending on the length of your hair) tell her that how you intend wearing your hair it just wouldnt sit on the style and do you or the tiara justice - afterall you want perfect on your dream day
.
2007-02-16 12:11:12 UTC
Simple thing to do is to say that the hairstyle you are getting done for your wedding day won't allow a tiara to sit on your head.
British*Bird
2007-02-16 09:30:47 UTC
Honesty is the best policy, you said it already you just dont plan to wear a tiara. Ask her to do something else for you instead, that way she wont think its because you dont appreciate her. Have a lovely day x
2007-02-16 08:15:03 UTC
You can thank her for the offer but tell her as you have not decided on what your wedding dress is going to be like you cannot accept at the present time but will let her know if it will go with the dress or not. Being diplomatic but honest with her will be better than accepting the offer then not wearing it. remember it is your wedding and you decide what you want to wear
?
2016-05-24 10:27:16 UTC
You sound depressed, but being in your 60's is not old these days. If someone offers help don't refuse them. You may not want the help but you can make them feel better by accepting this. Obviously your condition makes you focus on your own problems but really you won't feel any better until you start to try to help other people who may well appreciate your offers of help.
Pink Denial
2007-02-16 07:27:14 UTC
Just tell her no, thanks, you hadn't planned on wearing a tiara. She's been a bride, she understands that there is a specific look you're going for. She's probably just looking to save you some money. I really don't think she'll be offended at all.
2007-02-16 07:10:31 UTC
Just tell her straight! Be nice, but tell her thanks for the offer, but you have decided not to wear one. That would be better than taking it from her and not wearing it in the end! If shes a real good friend she will understand! Try not to feel bad rejecting her offer, it is your day and you know what you want! Good luck!
monkienutz
2007-02-16 05:49:53 UTC
Tell her that your hairstyle on the day will not accomodate a tiara but go on and on about whow nice of her to offer etc... tell other people in the office how kind she has been.That will cancel out and hurt she feels that you're not wearing it.
rickybobbi
2007-02-16 05:34:40 UTC
Thank her for her offer and just say that you want all of our own items to wear at the wedding.



Or just tell her you weren't planning on wearing a tiara.



My friend offered me a perfectly nice veil but I said this is silly and maybe a waste of money but I kinda want something that is all my own. Even though there was nothing wrong with the veil she offered - she understood.
Jezabeel
2007-02-17 07:11:30 UTC
Well.



If that's a good friend of yours, imply tell her the truth. Or just tell her that you imagined for yourself another hairstyle for the wedding and that you won't be wearing a tiara at all.
2007-02-16 07:08:53 UTC
Thank her for offering such a nice thing. Just let her know that you have decided that the tiara that you will be wearing will be your "something new" she will understand.
Charlene
2007-02-16 07:04:34 UTC
Lying is a slippery slope and with the stress that comes with a wedding she may be hurt so just be honest with her. Say that you went to the hairdresser and tried out various styles for your big day and tiaras don't work with you.
2007-02-16 06:51:22 UTC
Just tell her that although the tiara is lovely you were not planning on wearing one. Tell her that it is a lovely offer and you hope by refusing it you have not caused any offence to her. Thanks but no thanks is always the best way to go. She will probably not mind you saying no to her offer.
Zebedeesnose
2007-02-16 05:51:37 UTC
You can't tell her you aren't wearing a tiara. What your saying is "I've got taste and you haven't." Why don't you stage a burglary at your house, pretend the tiara was stolen, sell it on E-bay and buy her something she would really like to make up for it. It's that or wear the tirara even though you don't want to.
ziggyzp77
2007-02-16 05:21:15 UTC
Explain to her that though you like the tiara very much you just don't think that you'll use it. Tell her that you want the focus on your dress and not split between your hairpiece and your dress. Or maybe say that the hairstyle you were thinking of wouldn't work with a tiara.
2007-02-17 03:44:09 UTC
Just say that you apprieciate her offer - but you don't plan to wear a tiara?



I wore one with a veil for my wedding fo please someone and it made me unhappy.



Just tell the truth and be as nice as poss.



best of luck on the big day xxx
MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION
2007-02-16 12:02:50 UTC
Tell her you saw the most beautiful head piece in the shop today ,and you have to have it , tell her thanks for HER generous offer but you could not leave this one behind ,and you know the hairstyle that will go with it , thats telling her without being rude. Well if some of the stones are missing in all fairness it is not up to you to go to the expense of having it fixed. DO NOT WEAR SOMETHING FOR THE SAKE OF IT YOU WOULD REGRET IT
jacqueline g
2007-02-16 08:23:19 UTC
Hello, you said you don't see yourself wearing a tiara, Just be honest, and tell her just that and thank her for the offer.

Hope you have a wonderful day when the time comes...

Jackie
monkeymanelvis
2007-02-16 07:51:07 UTC
Tell her that although you like it you don't think it goes well with your dress. Say you will gladly wear it for some other occasion but it just would not look right at the wedding. Thank her for her kindness in offering this to you but say you must decline.
Live&LetLive
2007-02-16 08:21:51 UTC
Tell her although you like her tiara very much... a close family member has asked if they may buy you one as a gift and that It was very sweet of them to offer and you dont like to say no...also tell her you will be looking for one like hers as its very nice...
MrJohnson
2007-02-16 07:21:10 UTC
Best thing is to say is that you don't think your a tiara person. You loved her one but it didn't really suit you. you tried on others and feel that SHE must be one of those lucky ones that can pull it off. Guarantee she'll see it from your point of view.
sarah a
2007-02-16 05:22:49 UTC
I had the same situation for my wedding. I just simply told her you know with everything i am doing for my big day i getting my hair fixed really pretty and I want everyone to see my hair and with a tiara Im afraid it is going to weigh my head down and i am prone to migraine headaches. I am glad you made a thoughtful gesture but I plan on just having my hair done.
willsy
2007-02-16 11:44:25 UTC
I don't think you have any other choice but to thank her for her kindness and for thinking of you but.........If she really is such a sweet friend she won't be offended, but i'm sure she would be if you came up with some made up excuse. Put yourself in her position and I'm sure you would not be offended, I know I would not be.

Good luck, tell the truth and keep a good friend.
~Kitana~
2007-02-16 06:09:42 UTC
Tell her a close relative has offered you something that you like to use and it's sentimental so it would cause an offence to them if you did not take it. And say I'm afraid it goes better with your wedding dress.

Remb it's your wedding so you do what you want!
malta1943
2007-02-16 05:50:18 UTC
Thank her very much but say that you do not want a tiara
Vulture38
2007-02-16 05:48:27 UTC
Tell her you plan to have your head shaved for a charity event the week before the big day, so it won't be long enough to wear a tiara.
mimu
2007-02-17 02:22:03 UTC
Tell her that you cannot manage to replace the stones and your parents don,t want you to wear tiara and there is nothing you can do.....
gorgeousfluffpot
2007-02-16 07:55:19 UTC
there's a tactful way you can do this. Thank her profusely and tell her that it is beautiful, etc., and you'd love to wear it BUT

BUT

yourmother/aunt/grannie wants to contribute to your wedding outfit and wants to buy you your headdress, and you've already arranged to go out with her next week (just lie through your teeth, you can do this). Say how important it is that this relative buys this for you, it would mean so much to her, etc.,



Now you've refused tactfully - no-one can possibly argue with the wishes of an elderly relative.



Good luck, you can do. Lie through your teeth, but smile while you're doing it!
Smiles
2007-02-16 07:25:58 UTC
Make sure you wear what you want to wear. it's your pictures and your wedding. If you don't want to hurt her feelings you could say either you decided not to weara tiara or that your maid of honor (or someone else close to you) bought one for you as a gift and you don't have the heart to tell them she was letting you use hers. You could also say that you want one of your own so you have a set to pass down to your children. when it comes down to it, your the one that is going to have to wear it....if it's not something you wouldn't have picked yourself...don't wear it.
Sylar
2007-02-16 06:47:11 UTC
have two weddings, dont invite her to the first "real" wedding and dont wear the tiara, your perfect day. Then have a fake one for her benefit. (Saw it in a tv show once)
shellhiggs07
2007-02-16 05:40:32 UTC
Just tell her you will think about it but you still aren't too sure on what you have decided on wearing yet, but you will keep thje tiara in mind. That way you are not rejecting her you are just undecided
babyshambles
2007-02-16 05:26:43 UTC
Arrange to go for a coffee and say please dont be offended but i dont want the tiara, I think it will take too much time and effort to replace the stones, thanks it was really nice of you but I think i will go for a different look.
Janet C
2007-02-17 16:25:31 UTC
Just tell her the truth you are not wearing a tiara
Eva
2007-02-16 06:28:36 UTC
I was in your position last year, my friend offered to lend me her headpiece which i didn't care for. I told her the truth: I wanted to have a headpiece that I could keep and give to my daughter. Everyone knows and understands what a woman wears for her wedding is a very personal choice. I'm sure your friend will understand.
Nutty Girl
2007-02-16 07:39:09 UTC
do exactly what you have said here ,i didn't want to hurt your feelings as i know it was a lovely gusture but i didn't want to wear a tiara and was feeling i had to as you had give it to me i hope you understand and don't take it badly .

I'm sure she won't everyone has been in similar postitions with other things and find hard to say to their friends
2007-02-16 06:07:04 UTC
Just say thank you so much, I never realised how many people would offer to loan me things for my wedding, I've had so many offers of stuff and I've decided not to use any of them as I can't use them all, and I wouldn't want to offend anyone.
wise1
2007-02-16 16:11:10 UTC
Tell her your superstitious and you want your day to run without a hitch... well apart from the obvious one lol (congratulations by the way) explain to her that its traditional to have something borrowed but you've already borrowed something........ and you don't want to reverse the good luck I'm sure she'll understand

Maybe you could soften the blow by telling her you need something new/ blue even a sixpence for your shoe (a little bit harder to find these day's she might even appreciate the challenge) Good luck
Simon C
2007-02-16 09:51:43 UTC
Just say thanks. It looks cheap and nasty and it will make you a laughing stock...



Only kidding! Just say its not what you're looking for - if you are planning to wear a tiara. If you're not then just say no!



Honestly its not like a mother - to daughter tradition going back 18 generations! She's trying to be helpful - thats all!



I think you're just stressing...
2007-02-16 05:24:41 UTC
I would say tell her what you just said. If she knows you don't want to offend her, you just don't want to wear it, she should understand. You sound like a good friend, I hope the wedding goes well, good luck and God bless!
lister_larger
2007-02-16 10:13:28 UTC
Cancel the wedding, I think she will understand.....noooo im joking!!!! Didnt mean it. Tell her the truth. Say that you want to buy your own so you can keep it for memories etc. Then you can always changed your mind and not wear it at the last minute.
mrssandii1982
2007-02-16 05:58:38 UTC
tell her that your dress comew with headwear, and although u appreciate her offer you sadly dont need it. Stress that it a beautiful tiara and she should keep it safe till someone is lucky enough to wear it!
rhiannon
2007-02-16 05:48:12 UTC
thank her very much but say you are not wearing a tiara, or whatever you are putting in your hair is just what your stylist is doing. i offend easily myself, but that answer wouldnt offend me.



after all, its your big day and you get what you want!
2007-02-16 14:02:49 UTC
you have to b straight with her tell her you really appreciate her offer but your not really keen on wearing a tiara and i will cause problems with you hair and Vail
greagues2
2007-02-16 12:18:37 UTC
When other people offer to lend you their 'trash' they imply that you are 'in need of their charity' - and only for them? and there by the grace of God go I.

Try the line "I know that your old, cheap, and broken, bit of costume trash is really lovely, but I would feel so ashamed and belittled if I could only dress in second-hand cast-offs on my very special day".

People who impose themselves upon others are more of a pain in the but than a friend, has she suggested yet making changes to the Bridegroom?.
Vicky S
2007-02-16 11:35:56 UTC
This day should be the happiest day of your life. Tell your freind you value her help and appreciate her offer but you have a really cool idea for your head style thats gonna be a big suprise.
Tom Q
2007-02-16 07:20:20 UTC
No need to worry about sayting no to this - it's your day so it's got to go your way, everything is up to you on such a special day and nobody will expect you to do anything other than your way. The best way is to simply decline the offer politely and let her know that you really appreciated that the offer was made.
samdawsoniow
2007-02-16 07:13:43 UTC
Be honest, if you don't plan on wearing ANY tiara tell her so, I'm sure she'll understand.
iris
2007-02-16 16:32:34 UTC
tell your friend that your wedding dress does not go along w/ a tiara. she's your friend so do tell her , what are friends are for. it's your big day you so have it your way.
Afi
2007-02-16 06:58:55 UTC
Just say that you have been thinking about it and although it is very nice...and it was great of her to offer it to you...you have decided that it's a bit too posh and princess-sy for you. Say that you would feel a little too conspicous wearing it.

Then give her a hug and say that you hope she doesn't mind.
2007-02-16 15:55:36 UTC
tell her you think its a sweet idea but it wasnt on your agenda to wear a tiara
Mrs.H
2007-02-16 06:13:56 UTC
just thank her tell her that was a very kind offer but your not planning on having a tiara.



i don't see how she can be to offended it's not like your fibbing and your running out to buy 1
jojo78
2007-02-16 05:47:20 UTC
just say you dont want to wear a tiara, thank her for her kind gesture
joddie
2007-02-16 05:24:45 UTC
tell her sweetly how bad u feel refusing the tiara but u have something else already planned which ur finace agrees to.
2007-02-16 23:47:34 UTC
If she is your friend I am sure that though she may be offended that you don't want to use it she will get over it, there again being a friend why should she want you to if she knows that it has stones missing?
♥gigi♥
2007-02-16 06:18:59 UTC
just cos she is a friend does not mean you have to wear it



just explain to her that you wasn't planning on wearing a tiara, im sure she will understand
2007-02-16 06:27:54 UTC
You said yourself,` I don`tsee myself wearing a tiara`. Tell her the truth she will respect you more for it.
Koalabear
2007-02-16 05:29:44 UTC
Congratulations on your forthcoming wedding ......



Just tell your friend exactly what you have written in your questions, explain to her why you don't want the tiara.



If she is a true friend she will understand, and lets face it a bride should get exactly what she wants on her wedding day - which your friend should also understand!



Best of luck
abc
2007-02-16 05:23:30 UTC
You can tell her how sweet it is that she is offering to lend it to you, but you are afraid it won't go with your veil or your hairstyle or your dress; or you can tell her how sweet it is to lend it to you, and tell her you'll go ahead and borrow it so you can see how it will look with your veil and hairstyle.....then just not wear it; and after you get back from your honeymoon and return it you can just say it didn't work out.....but thank you so much
Bettie Page
2007-02-17 06:54:26 UTC
Just tell her thank-you very much but you're not wearing a tiara.

I hate it when people do that though, put you on the spot.....

Thing is, why the heck would she lend it to you when it has stones missing?? How pants is that???!!
Ms Dee
2007-02-16 05:49:34 UTC
Say you have already bought one, or to replace the stones works out as an added expense. Or if you are truly good friends be honest..Im sure she will understand. Im sure it wont ruin your friendship.
♥kristie♥
2007-02-16 05:25:55 UTC
tell her that you really love the tiara but it isnt the same style as your dress tell her that it is beautiful but it just doesnt match or fit with the dress!
friendly face
2007-02-16 05:22:54 UTC
Just tell her that you didn't intend to wear a tiara for your wedding and that it was sweet of her to offer and you were flattered but you'll have to say, no thanks.
Ellie1
2007-02-16 10:05:58 UTC
Tell her you have been given something to wear by your mother or mother in law and as a fellow female she should realise you are more 'duty bound' to go with their offering as opposed to hers. Sneaky but its your day and you should be able to do what you want.
2007-02-16 08:14:33 UTC
Thank her for her kind offer but you have decided not to wear a tira and maybe you could take her with you to look at what you have decided to have instead
SOJLO
2007-02-16 06:07:30 UTC
If you are sticking to tradition

something old something new something borrowed something blue.

Just tell her you have covered that bit you have borrowed the cars for the day and its bad luck to have two items in the same catergory.

All the best
2007-02-17 16:23:10 UTC
Tell her its beautifully but i have fantasized about this day for years and it was always with a (fill in the blank), i feel honered by the offer though so thank you.
2007-02-17 00:59:08 UTC
be very grateful for the offer, let her know that in your dream day you had not planned to wear one, then ask her to show you her wedding photo's and effuse about how nice SHE looks, and say to her that you hope she finds your choices as nice!
Poppy
2007-02-16 05:33:14 UTC
Tell her that you've recently heard it's bad luck to wear something from someone else's wedding, there is a superstition that it will bring bad luck into her marriage and you'd hate for that to happen

or

Tell her that someone has bought you one as a surprise and it would rude not to wear it.
why?
2007-02-16 08:49:42 UTC
Thank her, but also say that you are not sure if you are going to wear it yet as you have more than one option for the day, depending on how you feel.
Rozzy
2007-02-16 10:18:27 UTC
You need to be straight with her. Just say thanks very much but you have already discussed it with your family/friends and have decided to

a) wear a............. (whatever)

or b) show off your wonderful hair.



If she is a good friend she will be aware that it is ultimately YOUR choice and no doubt you have preferences that may not be the same as hers.
Duisend-poot
2007-02-16 08:42:42 UTC
I would thank her kindly for her offer and tell her that i have already organised something else. I cannot see how she would be offended by that. You just say thank you and that is that.
?
2007-02-16 07:02:49 UTC
just tell her honestly you already have something in mind and you really apprieciate the offer, if she is such as good sweet friend she will understand after all it is your wedding day.
gaviscon
2007-02-16 05:49:35 UTC
Why not report it stolen - and buy her a new one after the wedding - cowardly I know but I can't think of anything additional to what other people have suggested
2007-02-16 07:43:28 UTC
Just tell her for your wedding that you would prefer to wear a new dress and accessories. She will understand. Its not every day you get married is it. You want it to be special.
laplandfan
2007-02-16 07:30:38 UTC
I would thank her very much for the offer but that you want to buy something new
2007-02-16 11:29:35 UTC
Tell her your not wearing one but cheers for the offer any way
Black Orchid
2007-02-16 10:40:05 UTC
Just thank her and tell her how wonderful it looked on her

but say it just doesn't suit you. If you can ask her to help you choose what you want she will be landed that you value her opinion
2007-02-16 12:58:50 UTC
Tell her the truth. If she is a really good friend she will understand and you will not have to lie to her. After all it will be your big day, and I am sure you both will enjoy it.
nosy old lady
2007-02-16 09:39:10 UTC
Just say you are honoured at her offer but you have your heart set on some other headdress and thank her for her thoughtfulness.
2007-02-16 06:22:20 UTC
just be honest and say that you like it but its not for you and you have something else in mind. If she is a good enough friend she will understand and be fine about it
2014-11-18 18:54:11 UTC
Start as you mean to go on. As you go on planning your wedding there will be lots more sticky situations to deal with. It's best to be brave and do what you want to do -which i know is not always easy, it's your wedding - your friend has already had hers. Tell her you really appreciate her offer but that you tried it on at home and feel that it is just not you.
2007-02-16 07:35:34 UTC
tell her that it was a really nice thought but u remember her wedding day and as she looked so lovely her tiaria was gourgoues on her that u want to be a little diffrent
Michael H
2007-02-16 07:26:10 UTC
A "really sweet friend" wouldn't think twice about this conversation:



you: "Thanks for the offer, but i don't think i'll wear one"

Friend "ok, no probs"



why people try to complicate things beat me.
2007-02-16 11:26:56 UTC
Well if she is a sweet friend, she will understand if you'd rather not wear it.



Explain to her that you haven't yet decided on headwear for your big day, and you may not wear it.
Siobhon W
2007-02-16 08:57:19 UTC
She'll understand if she's a good friend. Just be open and honest with her and tell her you weren't going to wear one.
DEADMAN WALKING.
2007-02-16 09:40:12 UTC
Tell her you would not feel comfortable wearing white, as you could not live up to the image that White is supposed to signfy!
psychoticgenius
2007-02-16 07:58:39 UTC
If she is a true friend tell her the truth, she will understand, plus if you lie and she finds out, it could be the end of your friendship.
dottydog
2007-02-16 11:27:24 UTC
try saying something like you hadnt thought about wearing one and that if you do youd like to buy a new one so that you can it on to any daughters you may have and start a family trend
Kilroy
2007-02-16 10:38:36 UTC
Give it to a bridesmaid. Tell your friend that although you were planning to have your hair done up, you want to see your bridesmaid wear it.

Now it's not your problem anymore.
j.j.
2007-02-16 06:11:02 UTC
be honest , tell her you appreciate that but already have a borrowed thing or tell her its not quite what you wanted but hopefully you will find the one you want .

if shes a good Friend she will understand and love the fact your being honest .
billy
2007-02-16 05:48:06 UTC
tell her that you are not 5 years old and going to a ballet recital, you are getting married!



just kidding... best option is to be honest and say that you just don't think its for your wedding.
IPnlove
2007-02-16 05:38:36 UTC
thank your colleague for the generous offer but tell her you had something else in mind.
HELEN LOOKING4
2007-02-16 08:33:09 UTC
Perhaps you could say that it is lovely but you've already got

an headdress or your distant Aunt expects you to wear hers???
Nneave
2007-02-16 12:54:50 UTC
Tell her you have set your heart on something else.



Tell her you really apprieciate it, but it's your big day and you want it to be exactly how you have planned. I'm sure she will understand.
LAWRENCE Plamchops
2007-02-16 06:10:50 UTC
say you want to get somfing you can keep in the family and hand down over the years to come all the best
2007-02-16 08:17:04 UTC
If she is a good enough friend she will understand if you just tell her the truth.
2007-02-16 15:59:13 UTC
Remember Grange Hill?Just Say No?? You could even do it in sign language...
2007-02-16 10:30:48 UTC
Tell her either it won't go with your dress, or it's just not you, but thanks for offering anyway.



Don't be tempted to lie, just be straight with her, she'll appreciate your honesty if she is such a good friend.
2007-02-16 08:34:46 UTC
I would accept it not to hurt her feelings, then later on you may have an accident and be unable to wear it.
Forlorn Hope - returned
2007-02-16 05:18:56 UTC
Tell her you aren't wearing a tiara...
john w
2007-02-17 02:23:44 UTC
jusy say 'no thank you' and if she is a good friend she will understand. me and my friends are more than honest with each other and we never argue or fall out over petty things
Mimi
2007-02-16 07:40:57 UTC
What is there to be upset about? Just tell her you don't want to wear it. It's simple.

It's not as if you are telling her you hate her.
x- Emz -x
2007-02-16 11:40:36 UTC
make up al little whte lie like .... 'my mum wor this piece of hairdress when she got marriedn so i would like to wear it too to keep it in the family' i think she would understand hope it help! emz
Heather
2007-02-16 05:20:52 UTC
If your not wearing one, then tell her. If you decide to wear one, tell a little white lie and tell her that someone special, who ever that would be bought you one...good luck
tiemetight814
2007-02-16 05:20:17 UTC
Take it for a while, and then when you return it tell her you really liked it but it just caused too many problems between your hair and veil so you decided not to use it.
Samsonovitch
2007-02-16 06:18:32 UTC
Just tell your friend that you would wish to have it but you don't prefer wearing it.
Lee
2007-02-16 08:22:17 UTC
tell her you seen one you want from somewhere else, but thank her for the offer
2007-02-16 06:17:44 UTC
If she isnt going to the chruch bit just make out you used it, thats what I would do..
oop139gg
2007-02-16 18:32:57 UTC
Good for offering.

You must be straight

A good mate will understand.

Don't be false.
Caz
2007-02-16 06:49:48 UTC
tell her it doesnt go with the dress that you're wearing but you appreciate the thought and the gesture.
2007-02-17 09:53:22 UTC
just tell her thanks but you don't want to wear a tiara and suggest if she dosent want it to put it on ebay .leanne
Princesspoison
2007-02-16 05:19:55 UTC
Why not try telling her someone has bought a new one for you and you don't have the heart to say no as they have already paid for it. Tell her you would have loved to have used hers but the headdress/veil/tiara has already been bought.
Longjohn
2007-02-16 06:11:48 UTC
If she is your friend then tell her the truth. It is really as simple as that, also, if she is your friend then she will understand.



So, no problems with an honest friendship.............
Lydia
2007-02-16 06:46:54 UTC
You just thank her, and say politely that you have something else in mind.
crawdash
2007-02-16 06:35:46 UTC
tell her the truth she will understand if not tough luck make a new friend
areyurflowersinbloom
2007-02-16 10:54:43 UTC
just tell her though it's wonderfull

it wont be ideal as it really don't fit in with the theam your planning
2007-02-16 05:20:27 UTC
Be honest, and say you think it's lovely but it's not the one for you, and thank her for being so generous for offering it.
ATP
2007-02-16 12:44:33 UTC
say thanks you very much for the kind offer but you already had something else in mind that you think will compliment your dress better
bronzebabekentucky
2007-02-16 05:18:55 UTC
just tell her you artent planning to wear a tiara...
2007-02-17 04:17:36 UTC
honesty is the best policy just say no and shell understand
Mclaren
2007-02-16 11:01:28 UTC
Be honest and say "I'm not wearing that fcuking supid thing".
Me
2007-02-16 09:18:11 UTC
tell her hubby to be has asked for you to wear something else and has his heart set on it
Banny Grasher
2007-02-17 08:32:09 UTC
Be truthful, if she is a good friend she will not mind at all. xx
2007-02-17 04:47:13 UTC
Just say "I've got a headache coming".
jacques
2007-02-16 14:14:39 UTC
tell her u had something else in mind for yr hair
grumpcookie
2007-02-16 07:07:52 UTC
mm, tricky one..best to be honest here i think, just tell her your reasons..otherwise your going to have to wear it and ruin your day.
damari_8
2007-02-16 11:15:42 UTC
Tell her you are not wearing one.
Graeme K
2007-02-16 06:25:35 UTC
point her in the direction of this question that should help things
aoife m
2007-02-17 09:57:07 UTC
tell her ur mum,sister auntie wants u to wear theirs(its tradition)
Sunshine
2007-02-16 08:18:22 UTC
Be honest with her and tell her how u feel.
2007-02-16 05:22:04 UTC
Tell her you love it but your husband to be can't stand them. We're men and are used to taking the blame. lol
2007-02-16 09:26:42 UTC
Tell her that you suffer from Tiaraphobia...
Martin14th
2007-02-16 07:09:09 UTC
Just say thank you, but no thank you. If she's friend it won't matter
Contessa Noir
2007-02-16 06:31:15 UTC
just tell her you have another one in mind and like it better.
2007-02-16 06:25:07 UTC
get a less sensitive friend
mako
2007-02-16 09:32:22 UTC
just say no but thanks.

i have got another idea for my wedding.

no probs!
woolly bully
2007-02-16 06:56:51 UTC
dont invite her and she wont know that you didnt wear it
Spanner
2007-02-16 06:54:34 UTC
What do they say? "Something BORROWED something blue"

There is your answer It does not have to be perfect, it has been borrowed. :o)
Transi Betty
2007-02-16 06:12:11 UTC
TELL HER YOU DON'T NEED THE FUC KING THING AND YOU'LL BE GIVING ENOUGH HEAD ON YOUR HONEYMOON ANYWAY
2007-02-16 05:24:55 UTC
Tell her you like it so much that you will only wear it in bed the night of your honeymoon.
Ruth Less RN
2007-02-16 05:19:46 UTC
just tell her you have already made prior arrangements
slice264
2007-02-16 07:44:44 UTC
honesty is the best policy

tell her you like it but its not for you.
dream theatre
2007-02-16 06:29:21 UTC
just tell her straight she be cool
weilongli2003
2007-02-16 05:24:39 UTC
Explain why. If she is your friend, she won't care.
lidakamo
2007-02-16 05:25:37 UTC
just tell her that you already purchased a head piece. but, thanks for the offer.
prabhakar_ace
2007-02-16 05:21:05 UTC
1. u better say it straight,
peter o
2007-02-16 08:50:40 UTC
tell her you dont do hand me downs.
2007-02-16 15:17:01 UTC
take it,then forget to take it.
2007-02-17 10:53:51 UTC
It won't go with the way you want to do your hair



Or just say thanks but no thanks
2007-02-17 08:46:54 UTC
no
2007-02-16 12:36:16 UTC
Say thanks, but it doesn't quite suit your style.
2007-02-16 06:03:32 UTC
say you had something else planned. but thanks anyway
fatherf.lotski
2007-02-16 05:22:04 UTC
Put your tongue at the top of your mouth , exhale making noise, drop the tongue and make a circle with your lips. No. Practice that then we'll try 'thank you' later.
2007-02-17 02:06:40 UTC
TELL HER THANKS BUT NO THANKS


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