My mom keeps inviting people?

Question

I love my mother. She is one of my best friends and she is a great person.
BUT
she keeps inviting people to my wedding (which isn't for another year) that I have barely spoken to and/or don't even consider myself close to.
It is driving me insane. I tell her to stop doing it and she continues. I have no idea what else I can do!
It's like she wants to invite the entire world!!!
We cannot afford to have any more freakin guests on our guest list and I become so embarassed when I talk to one of her friends who just happens to say, I can't wait til your wedding! WTF?
Is anyone else going through this with their mom?
Advice, please!

Answer 1

OMGod... do u know how proud mom is of u! she is not thinking rite now, she is just bragging, i know how she feels!!! she wants to shout it to the world how proud she is and how happy u have made her.... she has probably been waiting for this longer than u have...

CONGRATULATIONS!!!



ok, enuf about how she feels, i suggest u tell her if she wants to invite people to ur big day then she has to pay for them... let her know the cost of each plate and that u expect her to pay as she invites, no i.o.u's r allowed. let her know that u r happy she is proud and excited but u can not afford to keep adding to the guest list, unless she is willing to put up the dough...



ok, compromise... when u get ur invitations, allow mom to invite at least 10 people u wouldn't normally invite but if she wants more then again remind her she will be paying for their plate... as u hand over an invitation she must hand over the cost of a plate and don't let her manipulate this decision in no way... after all it is ur day, not hers...



that's how my daughter stopped me from doing that...

p.s. i ended up buying 20 extra plates... an expensive choice i made but it was worth it :o)

Answer 2

Honey you need to draw the line and put your foot down. That's a lot of people and if your wedding isn't for another year then whose to say that your guest list won't grow to 300, I would go out to lunch with her and politely tell her that she can't invite anymore people as you can't afford all of the extra costs, and if she continues then she should have to foot the bill for the extras that she's inviting, unless she already is paying for the food, but you have the final say so. Have you already sent out the invitations? If not then I wouldn't worry too much about it, just send the invites to those that you are close with and care about. I'm sorry to hear that you are already stressing this much, things will get better just try to relax and stay calm and don't go bridezilla on her just yet lol Good Luck with all of your planning and Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!! Have a great day! : )

Answer 3

Let her know she can invite as many people as she wants.....as long as she picks up the tab for them. Tell her, reception is at X and costs $50 a plate plus $20 for the table rentals and such.



Otherwise we just gave each side of the family a number. For instance his family would get 50, mine 60, and we get 20. I don't care if they invite the mailman or my aunt. If they go over their number they can do the explinations becuase I am only sending out X number of invitations. At the wedding we have a door guy (long story) and if someone shows up without an invitation or their name is not on the list they will have the choice of



1. pay for their dinners

2. feel free to wait in the cocktail area with all the non-alcoholic drinks they can handle and are free to join the dancing afterwards.



A few have complained this is rude but we have a limited budget and I don't have problems bieng "rude" enough to ask an uninvited guest to pay for their dinner. After all, they were pretty freaking rude to show up in the first place.

Answer 4

Is she verbally inviting these people??? If so, don't worry too much about it. I've been verbally invited to many a wedding over the years and then am very relieved when I never do receive my invitation.



My mom pulled the very same thing....AND my mother-in-law did the same thing. I finally had to sit them all down and lay down the law:



(My wedding was total 90 guests).





Luckily though I didn't have any angry people calling me demanding invitations -- that happened to my sister! Can you even imagine???





I only really went through with the big fanfare wedding because I knew what it meant to the mothers. Since they all demanded it happen, I offered an idea to overflow people; a huge before-gala shower. (Honestly, the most boring 3 hours of your life, but it makes the old women happy.)

Answer 5

First of all, if it is not for a year, you won't be sending out the invites for a long time, so you do have time to take care of this.



If you and the fiance are paying for this, then sit her down and tell her that since you two are paying for the wedding, you only have a budget of $____. There may be a few people she wants invited that you are willing to pay for. There may be others that you are not. Tell her this.



If you are willing to let her invite others and cover all the costs for the extra invites, postage, seating, tables, chairs, linens, food, beverages, and favors, then let her. If not, then tell her that even if she offered to pay for them you still would really like to keep the guest count at _____.



Tell her that since you will be the one addressing and mailing the invites when it is time, it will be very embarrassing for her if she keeps inviting people now and then they don't receive a written invite.



Leave it at that for now, and work on other wedding stuff.



When it comes time to order the invites, tackle the subject again, but stand your ground!

Answer 6

Mom is just sooooo proud. However, she doesn't really have the right to try and control the day. It is not her day, tell her this. Mom, I know that you are proud and I know that you want to show off your daughter. But, every time you add someone else to the guest list, it puts more stress on me. Mom, this is MY DAY. I want it perfect. So, if you insist on inviting more of your friends then I must insist that you give us $500.00 for each one to cover expenses. Now, you may want to change this a little or maybe even allot. But it is YOUR DAY, not hers. The only way to stop this is to make this clear. Also, keep the invites under your control. No one without one will be admitted to the wedding. Period. This may help, but try not to alienate your mother in the process. She has some rights, but remember this is YOUR DAY.........

Answer 7

When it get closer to the date and you are going to finalize your list and send out invitations you can deal with it then. I wouldn't stress over the guest list this far in advance. You may have people on there that in a year from now you may not be speaking to, that will free up a space for one of the people your Mom invites. By the way, she wants all the people she knows there because she is so proud of you, and she thinks you are going to be the most beautiful bride in the world and she wants everyone to see you..... ease up!!

Answer 8

I feel sad that your mother has no respect for your wishes. It is HER wedding it looks like . Is she paying? If not, you seriously have to get together with your fiance and go tell her that you love her but this will be YOUR wedding so she will not be able to invite anyone.Especially not people you hardly know or want there. Then do NOT tell her the wedding plans. It should be between you two. What about your fiance? Maybe he wants 40 people. Maybe he wants an intimate small wedding. What about that.? I seriously believe that you are going to have marital problems if you do not stifle your mother right now. She needs to go tell everyone she invited that she is sorry but she has no say. And even if your mother IS paying for the wedding, you can say Mom no thanks. We want it to be ours so will not be taking any of your money.

Answer 9

If she's paying for the wedding, then I don't see harm in having her invite a few extra folks. If you are paying for the wedding - best friend or not, she MUST talk to you about any addition she is considering making to the guest list. It's simple courtesy. Talk to her about it, and ask her to run it by you next time. If you have a good relationship with her, it should be easy to explain.

Answer 10

omg im a mother of 4 and i couldnt begin to tell you how happy she must be about this wedding and who you are marrying but you might need to sit er down and say mom i love you but we really need to talk about the wedding you can not be inviting any more people to this wedding i can not afford to pay for all these guests and as it is im going to need you to pay for the xtra guests you have already invited or my fiancee and i are gonna have to cacle the wedding and elope maybe she will get the hint if that doesnt work traditionally your father is soposto pay for the wedding and if they are still together she must realize the financial burden a big wedding will cause if they arent together maybe shes doing it to cause your father financial problems but how ever if none of this works what if you place someone in charge of guest invites ,anyway congrats to you and i sur ehope you can make your mother understand and that everything works out for you but the upside is think of all the gifts lol

Answer 11

I went through this with my mother-in-law.



I'm assuming you're paying for your own wedding? Your mom shouldn't be inviting people, whomever is hosting should be the one giving invitations. Your mom is free to make suggestions, but ultimately, you're the one writing out the invitations.



My mother-in-law and I compromised and she had a garden party the weekend before our wedding so that she could celebrate with her church friends and neighbors.



Set up a system for her suggesting guests. My husband and I told each of our parents to make a list of 10 couples who they would like to invite. They gave the list to us and we made the invitations. It's not too late for your mom to tell the people she's prematurely invited that you have decided to have a very small wedding, so she doesn't have to have egg all over her face.

Answer 12

Tell her that unless she's paying for these extra guests, she must stop inviting them. Remind her that only so many people can be accomodated and she is going to be embarrased when some of the people she is verbally inviting now don't receive an invitation. The thought of that future embarassment might get her to stop.

Answer 13

Is your mother paying for a lot of wedding? If she is footing the bill, she can invite whoever she wants (etiquette-wise).



If you are paying for just about everything yourselves and you haven't sent out invites yet, just send invites to the people YOU want to send invites to.



If you did send out the invites already, and sent them to people you didn't want to send them to... That's too bed, you can't dis-invite people.



Tell your mom the kind of wedding you want. Tell her that you want people you actually KNOW at your wedding and not just a bunch of random people who knew you when you were six-years-old. If she continues to vocally invite people, tell her that you're only inviting people you want there and she's going to have to deal with the rest of her friends.



Personally, I would tell my mom to back off and deal with what she's done. If she didn't ask me if more people could come, it's all her fault. I would continue with the guest list I had before she wanted to add all her friends.



Remember, although more guests generally means more gifts/money, it also means you have to spend more money.

Answer 14

Tell her that if she wants these people at your wedding, then she needs to pay for them. You didn't give them invitation, so therefore, they are not invited. Tell her that she needs to tell every single person that she told that is not on your list that they are not invited. Also have someone with a guest list and that way, whoever is not invited, can't come in.

Answer 15

I can definately relate! I have 150 people on my gueslist and I'm trying to chop it down to 100. My fiance mom and him keeps inviting more people and we can't afford all those people. I mean people that they barely talk to. My mom just passed in April so I know if she could have her way, the whole world would know about it. You're the bride! Stand your ground!!! If she's going to invite, she's going to pay for all the people invited. Its your wedding and you have to do what makes you happy! Even if it means you have to be a bridezilla...lol.



If you need any ideas though, I'd be willing to help you.

Answer 16

Talk to your mother about it. She is probably very excited about the wedding. "Explain" to her that you would like the wedding to be more intimate, involving mostly (or only) people that you are somewhat close to.



If she throws a fit, remind her that it's your wedding, not hers. That means YOU have the final say for the guest list.



You might also try suggesting that SHE fork over the money for the extra guests...that will most likely get her to stop...

Answer 17

Sit her down over coffee, and be serious. Say, I'm glad you would like to invite more people to our wedding, however, we can't afford it. Unless you are paying for the guests, then I suggest you stop inviting people. I would be furious too! It's a lot of money for plates and such. Let alone the dresses, reception, etc! Good luck, and Congrats!

Answer 18

Well if she's going to keep inviting then i'd tell her she needs to pay for it. The wedding is YOURS and you HUSBANDS day. Not hers. I'm sure she's proud and wants everyone to know it, but she needs to realize it's not her day. If you don't know the people then it will be so akward on the day of you wedding. I think you should just sit her down and tell her that you don't want anyone else coming besides the people you invited. If she gets mad...it's her own fault..it's not her day, it's yours.

Answer 19

I had the same problem with my mother in law. Sit down with your mom, and say that you are only only inviting 75 people from your side (he gets half the guest list). Tell her that she can verbally invite as many people as she wants, but you aren't necessarily inviting them to the wedding. Tell her that she will be the one who looks silly when people she verbally invites people who aren't formally invited.

Answer 20

First you send out the invitations does she have them in her possession. discuss it with your mom-write it out first-

the wifes parents are suppose to pay for the wedding and reception-if she is paying for it-then let her invite the whole world-the more the more gifts-if she isnt paying for it--she needs to get a wake up call-at the cost per person and do her share. If she invited people that cant be accomodated its her job to explain the situation-if you dont take a stand here it will enter into your marriage too-you may not see it coming but it will-when a person doesnt know the lines there are no boundaries.



and some help from above= would seek help from above and especially for your own heart and relationships for today and for forever both romantically and with friends=and a drop of advice in frienship turned to true love=



"In marriage the bed is undefiled, but all the others will be judged." Hebrews 13

and some help from above

true love



spoken from heaven Revelation 1:1 chapter 1 verse 1 & 3:19&20 "I love you and ask you to turn to me from sin, even one past lie. Behold I stand at your heart door and knock, if you ask me in I will com in and be your friend and you mine." Jesus

so I prayed, "Im sorry for my sins, come into my heart and be my friend, thanks for loving me enough to die to forgive me, amen."



Now life is grand

Have a nice day and remember there is a way-prayin for you in that way

Answer 21

Well I guess the first thing you have to ask is who is paying for the wedding. You and your future husband? Or your mother? If it is your mother then I would say "let her invite as many people as she would like." If you are the one paying for it then I would definitely put a curbing to the invitations.

Answer 22

Don't get into a fight with her, let her do that but tell her you won't really have them at your wedding. She'll be the one responsible, then you just say you had a sudden change of plans or guest list.

Well, I don't know, I wouldn't care at all if you invite/uninvite me to a wedding...

Answer 23

Worry about it later, the invitations are't ready to go out yet, so I'm sure by then, you will have plenty of people to scratch from the list! Your Mom can say anything, but it won't mean a thing if they don't get the invitation!

Answer 24

let her no that she is stressing you out because to a mother the only thing she wants is for you to be happy i went threw this it wont hurt her feeling when you talk to her just let her no mom i love you but this process should be fun not stressful and tell her this is my budget... if she would like to help let her but i can tell you she will stop inviting people when she has to pay for it lol good luck

Answer 25

Tell ur mom that if she continues to invite people that she had better intend on paying for them because u jsut cannot afford it. Telling her that u wont pay for them cus u CANT will assure she wont invite anyone else... I dont think she will want to fork out that money...

Answer 26

Is she paying for it?



That's the #1 question you should be considering. If she is the one who is paying for it, then don't worry. It may be your wedding, but if you don't have to pay, then relax a bit.



If YOU are paying, then you need to sit with her and COMMAND her to stop. Tell her that while you understand that she wants to invite her friends, she needs to respect YOUR wishes.

Answer 27

just go to your mom and say mom stop inviting people i cant afford to have all these people at my wedding and i dont want it to be huge and filled with all your friends id rather have my friends

Answer 28

(o.0) <( Wow )



Did you speak in a firm voice and told her you can't afford anymore people? Also that this is your wedding not hers, and to stop it or else you won't have a wedding? (Of course not being serious.)

Answer 29

A wedding is a celebration more than anything else. You two sign that paper and its legal everything else is just show.



She wants to show off her daughter. So.. if she is willing to kick in for all the extra expense.. why not let her invite who she wants?

Answer 30

HAND HER THE BILLS AND TELL HER SHE NEEDS TO PAY HALF - or quit inviting people to YOUR party. That should get the point across.

Answer 31

just say we have 150 max on our guest list.

Answer 32

Just let her. Mom's vicaroiusly relive their weddings through their daughters... Your gonna do the same.

Answer 33

The best thing to do do is to sit down and talk to her about it, its only going to fustrate you more if you dont. She'll understand you and its your wedding.

Answer 34

If your mom is paying for it, it is her problem (or your father's). You will get the benefit of more gifts, but you will probably end up which things you can't use. Give the duplicates to your mother.

Answer 35

just tell her to stop inviting people and make a speech that it is your choice

Answer 36

You need to tell your mother to stop she can't control your weding its your day you have to put your foot down and tell her to stop or she won't be invited

Answer 37

i hope they all bring you gifts, she may be lonely for them and since you only live once... a lot of those people will not be able to make it there so don't worry

Answer 38

who's paying?

if dear old mom

is paying she should

invite whoever she wants,

as long as you have

everyone you want

already included on that

list???

Answer 39

tell her than anyone she has invited she will have to pay for. seriously.

Answer 40

You need to concentrate on you. You need a dress, you need bridesmaids, you need a license and a priest. The rest...pay no attention to it, as you can't control it.

Answer 41

Seat down and talk to her about it maybe she will stop.

Answer 42

Are you paying or is she? That is the question!!!!

Answer 43

Well the more people come,the more gifts you'll get.