Future mother-in-law "uncomfortable" with me having lingerie shower. Why is it any of her business?

Question

A little background: I have five sisters and 7 female first cousins. I have been to more wedding showers than most people have gotten parking tickets. I didn't want one, but my oldest sister wanted to contribute in some way, so she suggested a lingerie shower. It isn't the typical shower-games, prizes, etc and it will be a lot edgier and racier-just my speed-so I said yes. There will be no moms or older female relatives there at all and this is the only shower I am having, period. FMIL for some reason, feels the need to stick her beak in and voiced her unwanted and definitey not needed opinion that she was "uncomfortable" with me having a lingerie shower and felt it was something that was not becoming to a young bride. I told her that things had changed since her day, that I wasn't a typical, dainty, "young" bride and this is what I wanted and that my mom had no issue with it. Why is this FMIL's business and why couldn't she have kept her opinion to herself?

Answer 1

Ah, gotta love mother-in-laws. I say she needs to relax, and it's not like you guys are having male strippers at the party! It's a cute/fun lingerie party (which I'm hoping to have myself!). However, you don't want to offend her...as fun as it would be to do so! You have to remember that this woman will be in your life from here on out. So tell her you're sorry she feels the way she does but that this is a party for YOU, and that you would never do anything to disrespect her son, because I'm sure that's her real concern.



I hope this helped =]

-Shelby

Answer 2

You're right--it's none of her business and she won't even be there. This is the perfect opportunity for you to put your foot down and set boundaries and you did. Don't let her run your marriage and make sure your husband backs you. My own shower had lingerie and my husband's grandma was there along with my mother and all my aunts and everyone had a good time. Times HAVE changed and part of it growing is also accepting that. You won't be able to stop her from voicing her opinions, so I would ignore her at this point and have your party.

Answer 3

Because she has Stuffy Old Bird Syndrome!! Your right it isn't any of her business, it's about you and not her! If you wanted a tea party then you would be having one. The events leading up to and including your wedding are supposed to be fun for you and the groom! You guys are supposed to be happy and enjoy every moment! It isn't Bride & Grooms job to be considerate to everybodys opinions and feelings! Trust me she's just getting started with her crap, and there probably will be more to come! I wouldn't include her in anything else so you don't have to worry about hearing her opinion! There is nothing wrong with that type of shower, I like the idea and may have to steal it!!

Good Luck :-)!

Answer 4

Don't let this get under your skin! She feels differently than you do, so what. Remember that this woman is going to be in your life as long as your married to her son. So pick your battles girl! Let this comment of hers slide. If it blows up, even if you "win" it won't be a win.



Now if she brings it up again. Then it's on! If I was in your situation I'd try & turn it back on her. It's obvious even the idea of lingerie makes this woman blush. So if it comes up again I'd either suggest to her that she take it up with her son: "YOUR future husband."-Like that will happen. Or if you're feeling more confrontational you could always grab your man & ask him if you should have this lingerie shower in front of his mother. I'm guessing his answer of "yes baby & here's an extra $100 to spend" will do the trick.



But please remember that this woman will always be in your life. So again PICK YOUR BATTLES!

Answer 5

Why is honesty non-tactful? moving on. My MIL has issues with me and her only baby boy but the in and out of it is, we're together I am who I am and he loves me for that. When I first met her I was reserved, meaning I didn't just throw it all out there and see her reaction. I should also explain I grew up with a mother that was incredibly honest and open and she and the FH well, werent to say the least. And when she figured out I'm open and honest she learned to not ask questions she REALLY didnt want to know and when she did I wasnt going to lie.

There are some things that we (fiance and I) have decided are best left up the the parent/child to talk about and others that are open. But we're always on the same side and we always have shown his parents WE make decisions for US, and we compromise but after the decision has been made no amount of whining on her behalf will change that. Hell right now I think my FMIL would be happy to find out that it was ONLY a lingerie party and she wasnt forced to come, out of love for her son. His parents know the basics of how I grew up and know the life I have lived, they know I have never forced him into something he didnt want to do and vice versa.

Dont get me wrong she has stuck her nose into our wedding and the end result was "Listen, we have decided we dont want a bridal party." I know it sounds harsh but this was about the 10th conversation we have had about her wanting us to have a bridal party mainly having her nieces as my bridesmaids. (Reason we're not having a bridal party is simply I dont want to torture anyone with the dresses, the expenses and the un-comfort factor).

She may treat her son like a 10 yr old but she treats me like an adult cause the respect is mutual and I have told them (his parents) about stories of how I react to older adults thinking they automatically get respect (not well, in fact less than nice to that specific person). My point in all this is staying cool when she buts her head in and then just telling her like 2 adults would,"I'm sorry you feel that way but I didnt invite you out of respect for your comfort and I hope you would respect me enough to not care what me and my friends do for my bridal shower and he didnt have a problem with it."

Answer 6

This is not any of your FMIL's business. I simply wouldn't discuss the issue with her at all. She (or any other older relative), is not included on the invite list. She is not being asked to put this on or to give you a present. Really, it is none of her business. I personally wouldn't tell her that to keep the peace, I just simply would not in any way discuss it with her.

Answer 7

None of her business, you're right. She wouldn't be the first FMIL to put her nose where it doesn't belong. She seems traditional and willing to express her opinions so expect this same judgement in the future when you don't cook the right meals for her son or you don't raise her grandchildren the same as she would...fun, fun.

Answer 8

You chose your husband.

You don't chose you're husbands' family :)



You're right, it is none of her business.

You're also right, times have changed a lot since the late 40s when she got married (j/k).



Unfortunately, odds are you're going to be spending the rest of your life with this woman, on some terms. I don't think there is a clean way out of this, i/e, you probably can't convince her that its a good thing because you won't use any of the garments until after the betrothal and only on your her son.

Just do the best you can, try to keep it civil. Is all I can advise.

Answer 9

You have to remember that MIL especially ones with sons instead of daughters, may be because Mom's and daughter communicate more. But, she has a case of the DP (double placenta), meaning that when she gave birth she had one placenta that you could see and the invisible one that never goes away. This is true of most MIL, he is her son, her baby and as guys don't do much stuff rather than like daughters do, go shopping, etc. she has probably done everything for her precious baby and now feels the need to stay in his life and think for him. I am not being ugly, just telling it like it is, my MIL refers to her four boys and sisinlaws are not mentioned, they are not blood relatives. Just ignore her, this is none of her business but she is worried how it will reflect on her son. If she has another opinion about something, put her in her place now, nicely or have fiance' have a talk with her because it is going to be hard for her to cut that other cord. This is just my opinion, but one more thing you do need to realiaze that he is her son and you will have to incorperate her into your life for hubby's sake. I let my daughter form her own relationship with her grandmother, It was hard, but , I put my feelings behind and let her go, I didn't want to spoil the chance of her having a grandmother and them have a good relationship now and I am happy for her, but still have my own feelings. Hope this helps.Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Because she's a female just like you and I are. And you aren't keeping your thoughts to yourself, but instead you're putting them on the web for others to read. And I'm not keeping my thoughts to myself but am doing the same thing as you. ;-)



She just expresses her opinion. We all have them (opinions), but they are just that. Opinions and not facts.



Guess what? I grew up in a conservative church and am old enough to be your mother. And lingerie showers was given when I got married. So don't worry about it. Put her comments in the same category as "I like to drink iced tea more than Coke." It's just her opinion and not worth wasting time worrying about. Okay?



Have fun!

Answer 11

Well, it is definitely none of her business at all.



I think maybe she wants you to have a regular wedding shower to invite the whole family too, and get gifts and things, so she wants to make you think it's a bad idea to have a shower llike that.



I would just tell her it is none of her business what YOU want to do with YOUR shower.

Answer 12

This is typical of the "older generation". Not Becoming? That's ALL that is becoming to your GROOM! LMFAO! Tell her that you KNOW her son will love your new lingerie! If she doesn't want to attend, that's her problem! Tell her "I'm sorry my lingerie shower is making you uncomfortable, if you prefer not to come, I will understand. LOL Good LUCK!

Answer 13

Here is your chance to put a stop to her behavior before this becomes a habit. Tell her your sorry she doesn't approve but you're having it anyway. Don't ever let her think she has a say in your marriage or life with her son and make sure he backs you up 100%.

Answer 14

Tell the old gizzard that whatever she thinks is irrelevant to you. It's your wedding, your shower and you call the shots. She has some nerve to think that you should act like Mother Theresa! This is hilarious.



Good luck

Answer 15

Ahh yes, this is the way of the mother-in-law, get used to it. Even the best MILs do this, it comes with the territory unfortunately. All you can do is explain it to her, and be done with it. You will not be able to change her mind. Just try to let it go and enjoy your shower, sounds fun to me :)

Answer 16

i'm thinking it incredibly is no longer what you way, however the form you're saying it. No, it incredibly is no longer incorrect to have a underclothes bathe with your contemporaries and with out mothers and grandmas, and so on. What regarding the 2nd bathe? you have 2 showers -- i assume your 8 cousins are throwing that for you? i'm puzzled as to what's happening with the 2nd? would desire to she in step with possibility come to that one? i think on your case it would desire to be clever to have the underclothes bathe and a towels-and-dishes one to your mom, MIL and the different previous women human beings to come again ooh and ahh (and convey you stuff!) besides, confident it is your wedding ceremony, and no it incredibly is no longer incorrect so which you would be able to desire to spend this time with your loved ones, yet as quickly as your married, it in basic terms isn't in basic terms your loved ones and HIS kin, you're able to have one kin at the same time.i think of you're able to locate some possibility to contain her in something even to throw her a bone. I understand approximately no longer needing greater suitable than your maximum intimate circle at costume fittings, yet there is incredibly no longer something that non-public approximately tastings. She would desire to come on those if there are any left. regardless of if in case you're already having hair and makeup trials then it would desire to be close to to the marriage. i think of no remember if or no longer you discover the thank you to contain MIL interior the marriage making plans you're able to truly develop your physique of suggestions and attempt to be greater friendly to her. additionally be friendly while she's going off. permit it roll off you. yet understand in step with possibility she's needy and in basic terms needs to be coated. confusing because it incredibly is to have faith, she is human, too, and that i think of you're egocentric to be this variety of b*tch to her.

Answer 17

It IS none of her business. But the situation could have been handled MUCH more tactfully by YOU-- but then again, as your non-typical "dainty young bride" I'm assuming that the ability to have tact is lost on you.



It's called being gracious. Learn it sometime!

Answer 18

Okay, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I'm probably your MIL's age (late 50's) but I'm with you on this...



Innocent, demure, blushing bride? WHERE?????????

lol.



She's said her piece, she won't be there to be embarrassed any so enjoy...



BTW, we threw a 'naughty nightie' party for my AUNT when she remarried!...Your MIL sounds like she's, um....sexually repressed. Feel sorry for her.

Answer 19

lol get used to it she will have her 2 cents in all the time, should tell her hey at least your not going to have a sex party lol.

Answer 20

You're marrying HER SON, that's why she's uncomfortable with it. And since it's her son, it's also her business.



Granted, she should not have said anything, but you could be a bit more understanding and gracious. You're going to be spending a lot of time in the future with her, can't you try to be nice at least?



No mother wants to know details about their childrens sex life, especially what their spouse will or won't be wearing!

Answer 21

It's not any of her business. Just don't discuss it with her anymore.

Answer 22

You anger is completely understandable, and I would have been outraged had I been in your place, too. Who the hell is SHE when your MOM is okay with it ? And what is inappropriate with having a little fun with your GIRL friends ? Geez.



As if your FMIL never watched porn ? Never had sex with people other than your FFIL (when she was single) ?? Like she was a dainty little virgin ? Never got wasted and did crazy stuff ?



Here's the deal - get some dirt on the old lady and throw it in her face. And THEN tell how that despite being of a later generation, you're a better person. ( I know that this is really mean, but such hypocrisy gets on my nerve )



And if nothing at all, talk to your future husband. If he's okay with it, then to hell with your FMIL's out-dated thinking. You have to live your life with your hubby, not that old woman. If he can talk sense into her, well and good. Otherwise, just learn to ignore that woman.



That's my advice. And I hope that you do exactly as I say. That'll teach her to mess with ya ;)