Okay to plan your own engagement party?

Question

My boyfriend and I are getting engaged soon. There is weirdness on both sides of our families toward each other, and they haven't even met. (things like religion, culture, beliefs....it's a long story!) We'd really like to have a party so our parents can meet each other as well as other members of our family. Depending on how the party goes.. would probably determine what kind of wedding we have - traditional if things go well, or desintation by ourselves if it's awkward! The thing is, I know my parents will not volunteer to host an engagement party, because they don't exactly love my boyfriend. What should I do in this case?? I just want everyone to meet and get along!!!! I also want it to be confirmation so the families begin to be more excepting of our relationship now that we are taking it to the next level. Any advice will be greatly appreciated, thanks!!

Answer 1

WOW...This is a tough one...OK, first of all, it is perfectly acceptable to host your own engagement party. Couples do this all the time. Now, I have no idea what the long story is, as long stories tend to be pretty complicated and stressful. I can only imagine that you and your boyfriend must be feeling that stress as well. The most important thing I can say is to not let the family stress put a strain in your personal relationship with each other. You two are going to spend the rest of your lives together, and it's super important to learn how to get through tough spots together AS A TEAM. Learning how to do this now will set the tone in your relationship when other bumps in the road come along. Support each other first!!!!

So, when you do indeed get engaged and host the party, remember that YOUR (meaning you and your new fiance) emotional stability will set the tone of the party. Make sure you two do something RELAXING together the day before or the day of the party. You will need to focus on each other. Remember, this party is to CELEBRATE your relationship and your HAPPINESS first and foremost. Having the families meet should be a secondary objective. KEEP THE FOCUS ON THE CELEBRATION. It may be a good idea to also invite as many of your loving and supportive friends as possible to help you set the tone as well as to help you recenter yourself if the families get a little heated. You and your fiance may not be able to keep the families in check because you'll be outnumbered if you don't have any friends in your corner that night to back you up.

Your families need to see how well you treat each other, how well you work together as a team, and most importantly, how much you love each other. They are probably upset because they have a different idea in their minds of what they think is best for you because they love you. But, when it comes to love, there is no right or wrong answer. It may take some time for them to get used to the idea that what they have in mind for you is different than what YOU want with your life. This is not going to be an easy transition for you or them, so you will need to be the "rock". Be honest with your family and tell them that this is a healthy relationship, show them with your actions, and explain to them that you understand why their upset and they now need to understand your decision and why it's so important to you as well.



Good luck! I'll be thinking of you!

Answer 2

You know, there's more involved here than an engagement party. I agree, equal treatment would suggest you get a party too. But I'm guessing your little sister gets special treatment most of the time. Look, before you decide to rock the boat over this, think about the possible consequences. If you drag all this into the light, you may find that you and your family don't get along for a while. Your parents will resent the implication, even if it's true. Your sister will think you're just being petty, she's likely blind to the truth. So, is this party worth the drama? Up to you. Now, if I'm way off base here I'm sorry. If this is the first time your parents have been unfair, then ask your parents. And don't assume it's not the economy. It's possible that the new house has cost them more than they expected, but they don't want to admit it.

Answer 3

This probably not the answer you are hoping for.

It is O.K. to plan your own engagement party.

That said, DO NOT GET YOUR HOPES UP TO HIGH. First, not everyone you invite will come for reasons you've stated as well as other reasons.

Hoping this party will get your families to be more accepting, it would be nice if that happened. Be prepared for it NOT to happen. A party will not change religious, cultural beliefs. so the confirmation you are looking for may not happen with an engagement party. If confirmation is to happen, only time will help with that, if at all.

Answer 4

I'm sorry to tell you this, but "weirdness" on both sides of your family is an automatic indicator that an engagement party is off. "Parties" are for celebrating, which obviously, neither of your families is willing to do. Any party planning should be only for those who are supportive of your union. Those who are not supportive should not be expected to attend. But etiquette-wise, it is tacky to throw a party for yourself. If you want to marry your boyfriend, especially in your circumstances, the proper thing for you to do is to make the announcement (in writing, those who approve) and then to simply get married and have a dinner (that you will pay for) with those who are supportive after. Please specify that no gifts are expected. (Your loved ones may bring you something anyway). You can still make this a great occasion for the two of you and you do not have to let all of the nay-sayers ruin your good time. You do not need anybody's approval and having a party will not make it any better for those who disapprove.

Answer 5

Look, you should be dealing with the family thing BEFORE you get engaged... not at the time of engagement or at the party. I would NEVER marry a guy my family didn't love; you become part of one another's families after you get married! The two of you should have been dating long enough that you each were spending LOTS of time with one another's families, so you all could get to know each other better. If there are things like religion and culture which are different, make sure you aren't glossing over them, but are dealing with them yourselves, and how they would affect your marriage and future family.

Yes, you can host your own engagement party. It is basically a time for everyone to get together and visit. Just have a variety of finger foods and drinks.

Wish you luck! Premarital counselling would be a good idea!

Answer 6

I think you could come off safest having a small dinner out with them in a place that the two of you like. It could provide a quick out for you if it does get weird. You just want them to meet and get comfortable. Or you could host a small party for them at your place and see how it goes there.

Answer 7

Your not suppose to plan your own engagement party, but you can plan a party just to have everyone meet. If your concerned about them making a scene, maybe try having it at a restaurant with a meeting room. People generally act better when they are in public.

Good luck and Congrats!

Answer 8

Yes, have a dinner at a restaurant with the involved parents and in=laws to be, and rent a private room for the occasion if it's available.

Answer 9

Have it at your place or a friends place and just invite everyone over. I really don't know what to say. I got engaged, but my fiancee ended everything later on after I proposed. All I can say is congratulations!

Answer 10

Are you representing yourself as a male, or are you truly male? (See the image on your icon.) This would change the answer dramatically.



I'm not trying to be insensitive to you or anyone else.



But I am trying to understand the reality of the situation, as I do with all of the questions I choose to answer.

Answer 11

you can have your families meet without calling it an engagement party. call it what it is a dinner with family.

Answer 12

the couple usually does host the engagement party.

Answer 13

it is not okay to plan any party in your honor. especially when gifts are traditionally given.



you may however, ask a friend to host, and assist (mildly, bridezilla) :) with guest list or arrangments.



be sure to not invite anyone who would not be invited to the wedding.



check out www.theknot.com

Answer 14

do what makes you happy--the better they can get along before the wedding the better