Do I plan my wedding around my maid of honor?

Question

I am planning a destination cruise wedding. My ideal time to go on the cruise would be May because of numerous reasons. My maid of honor is unable to attend the wedding if it is in May because of school commitment. The only other time to go on the cruise that works for both of us is during their hurricane season, which poses a big risk of the cruise being cancelled. I am having multiple people tell me that I should not be planning my cruise around one person but she is my maid of honor and told me right away when I first told her about my plans that if I have it in May, she would not be able to go. I feel that I would be in the wrong if I did it during that time knowing she could not attend the wedding. But others are telling me different that I should not plan MY wedding around her schedule. WHAT TO DO!?

Answer 1

You and your fiance(e) need to pick the date that works best for you. If someone can't make it, then so be it. That's especially true for a destination wedding ... DWs can be very difficult (and expensive) on the guests, keep in mind. It's absolutely your right to have a DW if you wish, but just don't hold it against anyone who says they won't be coming.



It's not wrong of you to plan your wedding if you know for a fact that MOH cannot make it. There is ALWAYS going to be someone who needs to decline your wedding, no matter when or where you decide to hold it. Again, as long as you don't fault her for it, then you're all set. Maybe you can Skype her in to the ceremony or something.



That being said, if it's absolutely non-negotiable to you that your MOH be there, then you and your fiance(e) should talk to her and see if you can work out a suitable date.



Also keep in mind that cruises are a big commitment to ask of people. You risk people getting seasick, or something like norovirus (cruise ships can be floating petri dishes - read the news). Some people don't want to take a cruise. If a cruise is presenting difficulties for your guests, then maybe you should consider marrying on land and then saving the cruise for your own honeymoon.



Also, look into the logistics of the cruise wedding before you make any commitments or deposits. I worked for a cruise company years ago, and while they offered weddings on board they only conducted the weddings while the ships were docked at the port of origin ... that way, guests who didn't want to take the cruise could stay for the wedding and then debark before the cruise left port. The weddings were not conducted out at sea. If this is the setup for your preferred cruise line then maybe your MOH can make it after all, if your departure port is close to where she lives.

Answer 2

Are you marrying your maid of honor?



No, you are not.



So why would you plan your wedding around her?



I get that yeah, okay, it's important to you that she's there.



But at the end of the day the only people who MUST be at a wedding are the bride and groom. So pick the date that works for the two of you, and whether or not your intended MoH can make it is irrelevant because you aren't marrying her.

Answer 3

I was about to agree with the answer saying this hurricane thing is overblown (pun intended) until I saw your comment about getting married during a port call. Since you say this isn't negotiable and you wouldn't want to get married on the ship, doesn't this answer your own question?



I've probably been to the Caribbean 10 times and almost all were during hurricane season. I've never once run into a storm, although we came close one time and they told us we'd be rerouted in 24 hours if it changed course. But obviously, it's a little more risky if you have plans to marry on a specific island and won't change them.



In that case you're probably forced into doing it in May. I do hope this is a fairly long port call. Cruise ships can get delayed by all sorts of things.

Answer 4

You just have to decide whether this cruise is what you want more than having your friend at the wedding. You can't have both. You could skip the cruise, hold the wedding in June when your MOH is available and then go on a cruise with your husband next May.

Answer 5

The choice is rather simple. Chose a date without your maid of honor or chose a date with your maid of honor. It's not about arranging it around her or not it's about how important it is to have her there.



It's EXTREMELY unlikely a hurricane would cancel your cruise. Cruise ships have the advantage of being able to move to ports outside of the area of the hurricane. If there was one your ship would just move to a different port schedule. If you book it on an island in hurricane season then you certainly can't move the island. That's once of the HUGE advantages of a cruise. This "big risk" you refer to is just a product of a bunch of morons who do not know what they are talking about.

Answer 6

Your wedding should be planned around you and your fiance.



However if there's an important person you want there, then obviously that's something you should take into account.

Answer 7

Normally they do not cancelled cruise, they just move them away from the hurricane. You may end up some where out of the hurricane area. Something to think about, hurricane season, for that reason, you could get an really good deal. Check with the cruise line.



You friend can not go, she has prior comments.

You know that.

So, if you choice to get married in May, you will need an new MOH.

That is your choice. If you want to get married in May, then do so.



If you want to move it to when your friend can come, than do so. You have to be alright with that. If you are not, then do not.



What do you want?

Do that

Answer 8

You are planning your wedding for you. If people can't make it that is understandable, but do not change your date because someone can't make it or be apart of it.

Answer 9

You pick the day and month that makes most sense for you and your groom. The only other people to really accomadate, if you want them there, are your parents.



My best friend who I had know since birth got married while I was on a study aboard trip to the UK. I could not change my plans and if she delayed hers plans to accomadate me, they could get into their church for another six weeks. Which won't work for the bride or groom. Thisnisntheir wedding, I didn't want to cause them problems

Answer 10

There will always be someone who cannot attend for one reason or the other. I missed one of my brothers weddings because it was a destination wedding and I was 35 weeks pregnant and in no mood to fly.



Choose the date that you and your fiancé want. Your friend will have to adjust her schedule or miss out.

Answer 11

Uh..you plan it for in May, since that's when you want to have it. Unless she's selfish and immature, she will understand that you cannot plan everything around her, even if you did ask her to be your MOH.

Answer 12

You must plan your wedding to suit you It is your big day and your once in a lifetime(hopefully) chance to spoil yourself and your husband rotten

Answer 13

Don't plan your wedding around someone else. IF she can come great, if not it's no loss on your part.

Answer 14

I would plan it around her if she is your best friend.

Answer 15

No, you set your date when you two want it.