Stressing out over Wedding!!!?

Question

The wedding shower is coming up in about a week (the shower got moved back a week due to lack of preparation), and my fiance and I, are not happy with how the planning is going. The task of organizing everything was done by the maid of honor, who has procrastinated and just sent the invitations out 2 days ago!!

We took one look at the invitations and they looked like a child had made them! That’s just the very beginning of a long list of complaints, but my bride’s mother thinks otherwise. She's absolutely thrilled about everything planned.

Is this the case? My fiance and I lose control over “our” wedding? Everyone seems to think it’s “their wedding” to ruin. We’re tempted to cancel everything and do our own thing. Is this normal???

And just in case the shower is a flop and leaves my fiance in tears, what kind of party can I throw her to help alleviate a crappy shower?

A party one weekend with just friends, food & drinks?

Could I do it without invited her maid of honor??

Answer 1

First of all, congratulations on getting married. Secondly, be thankful ANYONE wants to do anything for you to help. I did mine all on my own with no help from anyone, ever. lol



Here is my suggestion: Grab the reigns. Tell the maid of honor that you appreciate her help, but that you and your fiance would like to do things from now on. If she needs an explanation, simply tell her that your fiance wants to be more hands on as she feels she might be missing out or something of that nature.



As for the party (that happened at my non-existant wedding shower - which included a bowl of doritos and just my hubby and I... seriously! LAME), I say friends, food, and drinks is perfect. And, "accidentally" forget to invite the maid of honor. Let your fiance know that the maid of honor is ruining things and you want this to be a time for HER. She probably already knows that, but would appreciate knowing that you are trying to make things better.



Either way it goes, you guys need to take over. If the invitations weren't to your liking, they didn't get sent out on time, and things are just icky... a change HAS to be made before the day is totally ruined... and you don't want that!



Congratulations... and good luck!

Answer 2

First of all, I realize your stress levels are rising as the wedding aproaches, but you have to ask yourself a couple questions. why are you having a wedding in the first place versus eloping? Is it because you wanted to share your special day with family and friends? If so, then you have to understand that that's why you pick a best man and maid of honor. They are supposed to be your left/right hand. But your wedding shouldn't ever be out of your control. It's your job to lay down the law. You can't let people who probably mean well run over you with their ideas of how your perfect day should be. But you don't need to get mean about it. If the wedding shower got pushed back, that's not that big of a deal unless its held the week of the wedding and gets in the way and makes things more stressful. I agree that the maid of honor should be on top of her duties, but maybe your future mother-in-law should step in and offer to help with the shower. That way, you and your brides input may "sneak" its way into the wedding shower planning and turn it around so that its fun and beautiful and doesn't end in a tearful mess. It is probably not a good idea to throw a get together after the shower just because the shower didn't go the way you planned. If you must do something just in case, send her to a spa for 2-3 treatments or something. And The maid of honor should be asking the bride what she wants anyway. And it is the maid of honor's duties to attend all pre-wedding parties. That plus the job of being the brides right/left hand girl and a support for the bride, it is NOT ok to invite other wedding party members, or other people attending the wedding and not invite the maid of honor.



It sounds like the 2 of you are having a problem with the MOH. I don't know her finacial situation or any other reason for concern, but the bride DEFINTELY needs to have a talk with her. Let her know why she was chosen and let her know what is expected of her and that if she can't fulfill her duties, to please let you know. This talk is not by any means bad etiquette and sometimes is necessary to realign everyone on your vision for your perfect day. Good luck! I wish you the best!

Answer 3

I am torn between two answers here. First, I want you to know it is your wedding! No body else's wedding and you and your fiance are the ones that matter: your opinions, your likes and dislikes and your satisfaction. I say take the bull by the horns right now before anything else goes wrong and personally start seeing to it or delegating to someone whom you know is reliable. Tell the Maid of Honor, you just know how much work it is and it is just too much to expect of anyone.

Second, I want to tell you that no wedding is ever perfect from the smallest to the biggest. Keep a sense of humor and remember the important thing is taking your vows and announcing your love for one another to the world.

Thirdly, if I knew then what I know now, we would have saved the money from the wedding and eloped to Jamaica or Mexico, got married there and had a great two week honeymoon!

I wouldn't invite a lot of people to a party if the shower fails. With all the hustle, bustle and stress a romantic get a way for the two of you alone, would be the ticket. No talk about weddings, just a laid back, love weekend.

Answer 4

Wow, way to be grateful to someone throwing a party in your honor. Wedding showers are not mandatory and they are certainly not a right. You are simply an invited guest and should have no say in the planning of this event, this is up to the host(ess). It hardly constitutes losing control over the actual wedding planning, the two events are only loosely related and guests know this. If your fiance can't be grateful that her friends and family took the time, effort, and money to plan her a shower then I really think she sounds a bit spoiled and should receive a copy of a Ms Manners book. By the way, throwing her another shower would just make it look like you are fishing for gifts and not inviting the maid of honor sounds like a great way to cause a fight before the wedding.

Answer 5

You haven't lost control of "your wedding". A shower is supposed to be planned by the wedding party and you should appreciate the thought alone. I'm sorry the maid of honor doesn't seem prepared but maybe she's never thrown a party like this before and didn't know what to do. It should not be a reflection on your wedding day at all and your fiance should be gracious and honored that the person she chose to be the MOH cared enough to throw her a shower in the first place. If you want to host a party, throw a bridal dinner or luncheon and of course you should invite the MOH. I wish you the best of luck on your wedding day. Congratulations!

Answer 6

First of all, its just the shower, and i know how small things can seem bigger than they really are when you have all this stress on you, and you want so much for it all to be perfect...that being said, most brides have little or no control over the shower, and she should just go with the attitude that she will have fun and will get presents and have a nice time. If she does into it with dread, she will probably be unhappy with whatever happens...if her mother thinks its good, trust that and move on...this means nothing of hte wedding, which is a completely separate event! If you're worried about attendance, just have her mom or MOH call the guests to explain and invite by word of mouth! Be calm, this will all work out....

Answer 7

I wouldn't cancel everything. People have put in time and money already, even if it hasn't been done spectacularly. As others have said, you are at the mercy of the MOH for the shower. Just make the best of it and keep in mind that it is not the most important thing in the world. If it turns out to be horrible, your idea of having a small party might be nice. Have a cookout or something small. However, if you fail to invite the MOH, you are setting yourself up for trouble. She will be hurt and probably angry that she was left off the invite list. For all you know, she could be clueless about how to properly plan a party and might not realize that she is doing a less than par job. Invite her out of courtesy and to avoid drama for the rest of the events. Good luck!

Answer 8

Just try to relax! This isn't supposed to be a stressful time!



First of all, the wedding shower isn't a "must have" - it's something nice that your friends throw for the bride. It won't be a flop because people are going out of their way to plan it for her and to attend in her honour.



Also, are you referring to the "child-like" invites as invites for the wedding or the shower? I wasn't clear on that. If they're for the shower, well, again the shower isn't a must-have! They don't even have to send out invites and you shouldn't be concerned about the shower at all. Sorry to be blunt but that's not something you plan yourself - it's a gift from your friends. You do not have control over this part of the wedding/engagement.



If the invites are for the wedding, why didn't you do them yourself? (Again, I'm unclear as to what they're for.) "If you want something done right, do it yourself." The old saying is very true! Do the wedding invites yourself if you don't like how someone else did it.



Hopefully your bride is not so ungrateful that she would be in tears over a bridal shower not living up to her expectations. I have a friend who's not even getting a bridal shower because nobody will throw her one (I would do it but don't have the space in my apartment). At least someone is taking the time/money (they're not cheap) to plan one for her.

Answer 9

take a deep breath. It can't be perfect (in your mind) because someone else is planning it. Also, if it goes bad have a private time with your fiance or send her to a spa so that she can de-stress before the wedding.



Try to enjoy the shower and the maid of honor will eventually know through others that she could have done a better job. Just don't let it come from you or your fiance.

Answer 10

After the wedding, none of this will matter. What seems like a big deal now will be forgotten or at least will make a good story to tell later. I started stressing about things other people were doing when I got married, but now 7 years later it doesn't bother me at all. My mom told me that no matter what happens at the wedding, in the end you are still married, and that is what is really important.

Answer 11

Try to relax. If someone else is throwing the shower for you, then you kind of have to work with what they want to give you and be grateful. It may be a really nice shower, who knows?



You should not lose control over the wedding. If something starts going on you don't like, politely but firmly tell them it's not what you want.

Answer 12

you CANNOT do it without inviting her maid of honor. But don't be so polite and not trying to hurt anyone's feelings that your wedding gets ruined. I personally think a wedding planner can handle all this stuff for you, or a GOOD wedding planner can. If you don't want to do that, take the reins and do the rest yourself. But be prepared that doing that might cause additional stress in your relationship. But it will all be over after the wedding.

Answer 13

It feels like to me, that you both are too concerned with perfection. If the shower reflects the two of you, if it was done with the best of intentions, and people you love and care about are there, isn't that what it should be all about? Frankly, if your bride to be cries, then perhaps her priorities are a bit skewed. Do you really think these superficial aspects matter?

Answer 14

if you and your fiance planned your wedding, im sure you'll be ok. as for the wedding shower, try to make the best out of it. my fiancee and i are planning to have a rehearsal dinner the night before our wedding and take everyone to Hooters for wings & beer. nothing big, but everyone will have fun. its your wedding! enjoy it! dont stress out for the small stuff. think of the day that you will see your beautiful wife in her wedding gown and it will be all worth while!





good luck and congratulations!

Answer 15

Since matter had reach to a point of not return, Why kill yourselves,wedding is between you two future, celebrations can be made any time nothing say it must be only that particular day. Look forward to your future happiness together, take this as a starter.

Answer 16

You have your wedding once, so cancel it and push it back a few months.