How do I tell my guests about the after party without breaking the bank?

Question

I'd like to think I'm a pretty practical person when it comes to most life situations. I've applied that practicality to my wedding budget. I don't believe a wedding is something worth breaking the bank over (especially in this economy!). And because my future husband's family is from one part of the country, and my family is on the complete opposite side of the United States, we've decided to have a destination wedding--where both sides will be traveling.

We are inviting anyone we think would care enough to be invited and are having a early afternoon "dessert reception" which includes cake, various desserts and sweets, and tea and coffee. We anticipate about 45-50 people attending.

My parents have generously offered to pay for dinner and drinks afterwards for my family, his family, and our wedding party at a nice restaurant nearby. I think it would be a wonderful end to the evening.

However, I'm confident most family members will be staying together in the same hotel--and I don't want to risk offending anyone (and his gossipy family WILL be offended)--but I don't want my parents to feel obligated to pick up their tab.

What should I do?
I don't care if they come, but should I INISIST that they don't for my parent's sake?
Or should I tell them that it's an after party and hope they assume they pick up their own tab?

Answer 1

Send separate invitations to everyone who is invited to the dinner, so that they know where to go.



For the other guests, leave a welcome packet in their hotel rooms with a list of "nearby dinner options for after the wedding reception." DO NOT put the restaurant that you/your immediate family/your wedding party is going to. Don't even make it an option.



And if anyone asks what you're doing after the reception, just say "Oh, we have dinner plans with our parents." Don't call it a party or an after-party or anything that implies people can tag along. And then change the subject. You are not obligated to invite anyone else - you have already thrown them a nice reception.



And ignore Annabelle. No one is obligated to make the trip for your wedding. If they're only coming for the food, they're not the kind of people you want in your life. Your guests will come and be happy to celebrate with you, or they will decide the trip isn't worth it and stay home. Either way, it is not your responsibility to provide them with meals.

Answer 2

clearly keeping it quiet is out of the question so do as people do for a rehersal dinner, exclusive invitations. not invited, dont come, dont complain.

keep a few hours between the afternoon reception and the dinner. give people time to go their seperate ways and have everyone who is invited to dinner meet at the resaurant at the designated time. the gap between reception and dinner will show that the dinner is not part of the wedding, just a family dinner.

remember, if anyone doesnt like it, noone is forcing them to make the trip at all.

Congratulations on your upcomming wedding and great job keeping it simple.

Answer 3

I guess the right wording is all it would take.

I would write them an invitation that says "after the wedding, we will retire to our hotel to freshen up. My husband xxx and I anticipate eating an informal dinner around xxxx time at xxxx restaurant, if you'd like to spend more time with us and meet us there, we'd be happy to see you."

Then give the waitress order to take each party's order on their own ticket.

I wouldn't exclude any family outright, give them the option to meet you there, after all, they're family for the long haul!!

I wouldn't tell anyone that your parents offered to pay for anyone besides the two of you either. If they insist on paying for his parents, too, then let them do so after dinner as if it was a spontaneous thing.

Answer 4

Well you don't need to say a thing if you have had the dessert reception. This is dinner. If anyone may ask just tell them that your parents are taking you to dinner and how about meeting later in hotel lobby for a night cap.

Answer 5

How about this idea ...estimate how much your dinner and drinks will be for your parents, his parents, the wedding party (including you and your new husband). Discuss this amount with your mum and dad and whether it's acceptable and if they would like to pay some extra. If they think that this amount is enough, ask them for the money and pay in advance for your drinks and food for the specified people. You can always pay the extra, if any at the end of the evening. Explain to his mother and father what you have done (they should be grateful) and ask them to inform the rest of his family that the drinks and food will be at their own expense. This is fair as you are starting a new relationship and it's hard out there for money. If your mum and dad would like to pay extra, ask them for a dollar value they wish to contribute, and inform his family that there is X amount of $ available to them, courtesy of your generous parents and they can work the rest out between themselves. Or you can always ask people instead of gifts, to pick up their own tabs, and ask your mum and dad if they would be willing to give you the money instead to buy house items.



NEVER assume with families, make it very very clear what is happening.

Answer 6

Good day,

I would keep it simple. We are going out to dinner after the reception..everyone is welcome, please let the wait staff how many in your party and who will be responsible for your party's tab...hope you can join us, if not, you will be in our thoughts...

You are having a reception and providing cake and punch...I wouldn't give it much more thought..Its your day after all and it sound wonderful. My best to all and happy nups....

After reading some of the other comments, I am blown away...You darling have ever right in the world to have a lovely lite reception...(check Ms Post if some of you don't agree) remember the saying- opinions are like ******* everyone one...

Answer 7

since it's a large group of people, you'll have to reserve a private room or several tables at whatever restaurant you go to. your dad or whoever is paying should instruct the wait staff which tables are included on his tab, and which tables are paying for themselves. the wait staff should discreetly give the check to your parents for only the people they want to cover.

Answer 8

or you could have two parties, or since you dont feel the need to spend a lot of money on your wedding, why dont you just have two small weddings, one for his family and one for yours. and two small after parties. it would save everyone money to not have to travel, and the two of you could have twice as much fun.

Answer 9

I'm kind of blown away by your complete lack of consideration for your guests. Your entire thing is all about money (or lack thereof) so you're having a destination wedding where people have to travel, foot their own bill for flights, driving, whatever, hotel rooms, etc. And then you have the audacity to serve nothing but a chunk of sugar & some coffee? No alcohol provided? No food? Not even appetizers? BUT THEN to add insult to injury, you want to find a way to make sure they don't come to dinner expecting anything? AND even considering letting them know their presence isn't welcomed?



Let me guess. You probably registered for gifts, right? Or are you just hoping for cash?



FYI . . . there's a difference between practicality & full blown cheapness. Are you doing anything for your guests? A bag of jordan almonds? Anything?