how do you ask people for money rather than wedding presents?

Question

my partner and i are combining 2 households, so we dont really need anything at the moment. so we hit on the idea of a wedding postbox or wishing well.but how do you tell people you would prefer monetary contributions than presents?

Answer 1

Delicately...



Might be an idea to write a cute poem to go in with your invites, or do a little mini card with a piccy of a wishing well and on the front say 'for those who wish to purchase a gift', then inside explain that you have everything you need house-wise so a donation in your 'wishing-well' is all you would like...



Instead of cash, we asked for holiday vouchers. We paid for our honeymoon and then asked for vouchers from the travel agent. The day after the wedding we then called into travel agent and they refunded us the value of the vouchers xx

Answer 2

You can't ask nicely for money. It's tasteless, tacky, rude, bad mannered and GREEDY. Why do people getting married expect gifts? Why do they think their guests should pay for their wedding/honeymoon? You want a big wedding, you pay for it. Exotic honeymoon - save up or stay at home. Gifts should be given from the heart. The value is in the thought behind the gift, not how much it cost. I recently received an invitation to a workmates evening wedding reception, also inside the envelope was a demand for money. It was like charging an admission fee. I'm not going, neither are my colleagues. I'm sure if she didn't want the money she wouldn't have invited us.

Answer 3

What do you want the money FOR? ie. what do you intend to spend it on when you get it?



Maybe you'd like to decorate your house? Ask for B&Q/Wickes/Homebase vouchers.



A holiday? Ask for vouchers for a holiday company.



Better still - do you have a favourite charity? You could ask that people spend the money they would have spent on your present, on a donation to that charity.



Just a thought.....







Some people may wish to buy you something instead. If there's anyone you think might feel that way, it's probably best to speak to them personally.



(if you're at all concerned, do it anyway - and start early - it's surprising how long it takes to phone everyone!!).



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My wife and I were in a similar situation to you when we got married. We had plenty of cutlery, crockery, toasters, kettles etc. etc. but we were short of cash.



What was important to us though was that we could share our day with as many of the people who were important to us as possible. You've probably found out by now how expensive it is to feed all the guests you want to invite. So what we did was hired out a large hall and asked people to make a contribution to the buffet instead of conventional presents.



You've probably got an auntie who takes pride in her recipe for madeira cake or something - it'd be a nice gesture to ask her for that.



(make sure to give everyone a particular thing to bring, or you may end up with nothing but sausage rolls!!)



Whatever you think you want to go with, sound people out before you go along with it. If people seem ok with that, just go ahead, but don't make it a requirement of the invitation.



If there's nothing in particular that you want - just ask them to turn up.



Chances are, some people will want to give a gift as well, if so - vouchers could well be the way forward. If you get cash from anyone, put it towards something tangible. "We put it towards (eg) a new dining table" sounds better than "oh, it got swallowed up by the council tax". Plus you'll have something to look at that will remind you of your wedding day.



Good Luck and Congratulations

Answer 4

don't put anything on the invitations, that's considered tacky to a lot of people. sure, some people might not be offended, but some will - and is it really worth offending even one person?



what we did was have a very small registry, with just a few items on it - mostly things that we had that really needed an upgrade, and a few fun items.



if people ask you what to get, you can say, "oh, just your presence! but, we are saving up for house/vacation/whatever". they'll get the hint.



tell your parents/etc that you are having only a small registry because you don't need very many things. they'll spread the word that you'd prefer cash if anyone asks them.

Answer 5

Asking for money is the height of rudeness - don't do it. And one of those naff poems doesn't take away the fact that most people do not want to give money to the bride and groom.



John Lewis vouchers seems to be an acceptable way to do it or vouchers from another favourite store.



I knew a couple who actually gave their bank account details in the invitation and asked guests to 'deposit wedding wishes' in there!!



Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Answer 6

I got married at Xmas and was in the same boat! We mad little slips with a verse on and put them in with the inviations, I thought it was easier than having a house full of things we didnt need!

Here's the verse I hope it helps:



We are sending out this invitation,

And hope you join our celebration,

If to send a gift is your intention,

In modesty we would like to mention,

We've already got a kettle and a toaster,

Crockery, dinner mats and coasters,

So rather than something we have already got,

Please give us money for our saving pot,

But, most importantly we request,

You turn up as our wedding guest.

Answer 7

You don't. Sorry, but it is extremely rude to include any type of information about the gifts in an invitation. Doing so says that you expect gifts, but remember that wedding gifts are completely optional. Just tell your parents and bridal party that you prefer money, and don't register anywhere. Let it spread by word of mouth. Most guests bring money anyway.

Answer 8

Just put one of that little card in the invitation letter with your account number. They'll write in the figure. Its rude to ask but some people have a hard time deceiding on what to buy so they rather give the cash. Money rocks - presents are often worthless anyway

Answer 9

I asked for money but put it in a verse as we are in the same position as yourself, combining 2 households! we decided we wanted a facelift for the kitchen so put it in a poem in with the invites. Its not rude to ask for money as some are saying, I think it is honest and you are not wasting peoples money by buying you something you probably will never use!! Our verse went like this:



OUR WEDDING IS NEARLY UPON US,

ARRANGEMENTS ARE FALLING IN PLACE

WE PRAY THAT YOU'LL SHARE OUR DAY WITH US

TO PUT A GREAT SMILE ON OUR FACE!



WE HAVEN'T HAD TOO MANY HICCUPS

ARGUMENTS N STRESS AT A LOW

AND NOW THE DATES GETTING CLOSER

WE'RE READY AND RARING TO GO.



ITS 2 YEARS THAT WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER

WE'VE SETTLED IN STAFFORDSHIRE FINE

BUT THE KITCHENS IN NEED OF A FACELIFT

WE'LL SETTLE FOR OAK OR FOR PINE.



SP PLEASE INSTEAD OF A GIFT LIST

ITS MONEY WE'D LIKE TO REQUEST

OR MAYBE A VOUCHER FROM ARGOS

TO HELP KEEP OUR HOME AT ITS BEST.

Answer 10

I'm going to give you my personal experience with this kind of thing.



When I was in college a girlfriend of mine decided to get married to her boyfriend who was in the Armed Forces and shipping out soon to be stationed in Japan. When I recieved the invite it said this:

"Due to Jim and Marys move across seas we ask that thouse wishing to give gifts do so in cash form only."



My reaction: I immediately threw it in the trash can.



Now I was in COLLEGE and I knew this was in incredibly bad taste, believe me, adults are much more aware of such improprieties.



Do not make any mention of gifts at all. Let people bring what they want to the reception, you will probably find that if they cant find any gift ideas you will get money anyway.

Answer 11

let me get this straight. you are combining two households, so you have all you need. so you are inviting guests and demanding money? tacky, nasty, greedy people!

geez, i hope i dont know you, but if i do, and you ask me for money - you wont be getting anything!

gifts are supposed to come from the heart, not as a result of demands from the bride and groom.

if you have so much then why not ask people to make donations to charity in honor of your wedding?

Answer 12

just state on the invitations that due to 2 combining households you do not wish any particular gifts but money contributions would be gratefull recieved. Thats what i did!

Answer 13

I had the same problem. I didnt ask for money cos that is just rude, but whenever someone asked have we got a wedding list or what do we want as a present, we just told them we don't need anything or expect anything, but if they insisted we just said vouchers for DIY store cos needed to re-decorate or money for the honeymoon.

Answer 14

We hope you have a wonderful day with us and you just being there makes it more special.We don't expected anything from you but if you would like to give a little something we will have a box for people to pop a little something in x We have already got two of everything and hope you don't think us rude but this will help us more.



Or something like that anyway x

Answer 15

There really is no good way to request money instead of gifts. A person is not required to buy you a present of anykind as a guest of your wedding, they choose to buy/give you something. If you must, have the mothers pass the word verbally.

Answer 16

If you don't need presents the polite thing to do is have the guests donate to a charity in your name. Otherwise it just looks like you are begging for money and many people find that extremely rude. http://www.justgive.org/weddings/index.jsp is a way to do this.

Answer 17

we have a gift registry with Argos, and as most big stores have vouchers anyway we have included these on our registry as well... most people like to give a gift at a wedding. i know i hate not going with a big gift... for the bride and groom to unwrap...

some people find it pushy and rude if you include your gift list in the invitations, we have left ours with our parents and siblings and close work collegues , people talk amongst themselves about up coming events, and your wedding is going to be one of them, therefore your family can spread the word. at the end of the day, most people hate shopping for others, so will probably be glad you have a guide / list for them to follow.... good luck with your wedding planning....

Answer 18

well most of whos invited will already know you or your husband and they will also know that you are combining two households so they will be stumped at wat to get for you anyway you will find most of your gifts will be monetary or high street vouchers, what ppl forget a lot of the time is gifts are a bonus they are very optional, not every one buys one, seeing as you already have what you need to set up home you mightnt get anything at all , but i wouldnt let that upset you as you have got married wat more do u want

Answer 19

If you ever read Dear Abby or Dear Margo, you will see that a lot of people complain when they are asked to give money rather than presents. A lot of people see it as rather rude to ask.

Answer 20

I think it's more acceptable to ask for vouchers from a specific store rather than cash. People will probably feel more comfortable with that.

Answer 21

You can get cards to put in your invitations with poems on them

asking for money rather than gifts.



Have a look at the Confetti Website and Bride and Groom Direct.

Answer 22

You don't - it's rude and tacky. If you really don't want ANY gifts, then you can say that. You should be reading other postings on here that have dealt with this question ad nauseum....

Answer 23

You cant. But ask your mom or if you have an aunt or something with a big mouth to spread it by word of mouth. Good luck and Congrats!

Answer 24

we were the same when me and my hubby got married, so we chose to have vouchers from a big dept store so we caould get everything we needed under one roof. good luck with the wedding day!!

Answer 25

I set up a website for the wedding. Me and my fiance are in the process of building a house, so In the gift registry page I said..."while your presence is gift enough, if you so choose, cash gifts would be appreciated."



That way you don't have to put it on your invitations, just put your website link.

Answer 26

You can put wishing well on the invitations. I've seen it done twice before. You can also let your family and friends know and hopefully they can spread the word. Hope this helps.

Answer 27

On the wedding invitation use the phrase



"greenback preferred".

Answer 28

You should include this information on the invitation. If I were one of your guests I would love to be relieved of the burden of choosing a gift.

Answer 29

Don't ask. Just let it be known (not through invites), but through rumour that you have a lot of stuff and well, you know.

Answer 30

Just be upfront. Most people will understand.

Some may wish also to give you a token gift such as tea towels. Accept that in the spirit it is offered.

Answer 31

a money tree u get a flower are something like that and get someone like you are your husband to put like 5 dollars on there and people will see and put money on it make sure you have to hang it on too i did it and i got over 300 dollars...

Answer 32

sometimes its awkward asking for money, id suggest asking for vouchers for somewhere or setting up a honey moon fund so that you can have an amazing holiday

Answer 33

it all depends on your family and what they are like if they are OK just ask them but if not just let them get what they want or Ur name will b mud.

Answer 34

Write in fine, nice words in your invitation cards to hint about it. If they care about you, they will understand.

Answer 35

How about buying tickets for the reception?

Answer 36

To our guest, we are extemely greedy and tacky. Please send us money.





Most people will give you money.... you don't ask for it.

Have a small registery for your shower and that's it.

Answer 37

Hope this helps...



Poems 4 Money instead of Gifts



So what do you get

For the Bride and Groom

Whose house has things

In every room?



When shopping for a present

Please, don't be rash

As the option is there

to just give cash



We hope that you don't find

Our request to be funny

But the decision is yours

To buy a present, or just give money



Now you have the choice

Please do not fuss

the most important thing of all

Is that you come and celebrate with us!



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Our worldly possessions are plentiful as such,

On our wedding present list there really isn't much,

A gift of currency is all we ask, To help us on our lifelong task

---------------------------------



We've been together a few years now;

We have pots and pans and linen and towels;

We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;

So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;

If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;

What we would really appreciate is quite simply money

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"If you were thinking of giving a gift, to help us on our way.

A gift of cash towards our house, would really make our day.

However, if you prefer to purchase a gift, feel free to surprise us in your own way.

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An Ode to the Gift List



In a wedding invitation,

You usually find some lists,

For venues, menus and hotels,

And also for the gifts



But this one is unusual,

It comes in a different way,

As we're not asking for presents,

But for something else today



Now please don't think we're selfish,

Or that this comes from greed,

But we've lived together for a while,

So there's not that much we need



We would appreciate help though,

To send us on our way,

And allow us to have our honeymoon,

In a land quite far away



So now the point of all this rhyme,

The thing that we would like,

Isn't towels, toasters or microwaves,

But pounds and pence alike



And now you know the reason,

Behind this cheeky accord,

Please help to give us memories,

Of a dream honeymoon abroad

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(Asking for money, but you could revamp it for your honeymoon money) Not a poem.



You being there to share our special day with us is the best gift we could receive. However, some people have expressed a wish to buy us a present to mark the occasion.

We do not expect anything, but if anyone wishes to give us a gift, then a monetary donation to our home renovation project would be gratefully received, as we have already accumulated most things that we would put on a wedding list.

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Because at first we lived in sin

We've got the sheets and a rubbish bin

A gift from you would be swell

But we'd prefer a donation to our Wishing Well!!



More than just kisses so far we've shared,

Our home has been made with Love and Care,

Most things we need we've already got,

And in our home we can't fit a lot!

A wishing well we thought would be great,

(But only if you wish to participate),

A gift of money is placed in the well,

Then make a wish .... but shhh don't tell!

Once we've replaced the old with the new,

We can look back and say it was thanks to you!

And in return for your kindness, we're sure

That one day soon you will get what you wished for.



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For a couple of years we’ve lived in sin,

we have a toaster, a kettle and a stainless steel bin,

saucepans and towels we have many,

corkscrews and flannels we don’t need any,

we just want you with us to celebrate our day,

but if you insist on a gift anyway,

What we’d really like is a gift of money,

we hope you don’t think we’re being funny!

We’ll put it all together and buy something that’s best,

as a reminder of our day and our wonderful guests!





Liz & Paul’s possessions are plentiful as such,

On their wedding present list there isn’t really much.

So please consider our request, but do not take it wrong,

On this special day, the day they’ll be wed,

There’s a register for gifts, or give money instead.



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'As everyone is aware, we both have a home so gifts are not needed but if anyone feels the need to give anything then a couple of pennies would be very appreciated. Please don't feel obliged to give cash as we are more than happy that you will be here to join us on our happy day'





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We know it's not traditional

It's not the way it's done

But instead of a wedding list

We'd like a bit of sun.



Please do not think of us as rude

Please do not take offence

We do not want to upset you

That's not the way it's meant.



We've lived together quite a while

And all the bills are paid

We've got our plates, our pots and pans

Our plans have all been made.



So if you'd like to give a gift

To help us celebrate

Some money for a honeymoon

We would appreciate



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We are sending out this invitation,

And hope you will join our celebration.

If to send a gift is your intention,

In modesty we would like to mention,

We have already got a kettle and a toaster,

Crockery, dinner mats and coasters,

So rather than something we have already got,

Please give us money for our saving pot.

But, most importantly, we request,

That you turn up as our wedding guest



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We live together and have everything we need but if you wish a monetary gift will be gratefully received.



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WE HAVEN'T GOT A WEDDING LIST

THE REASONS WE'LL EXPLAIN

IT'S TO SAVE YOU ALL THE HASSLE

AS SHOPPING IS A PAIN



WE THOUGHT WE'D ASK YOU ALL

FOR SOMETHING ELSE INSTEAD

A SMALL CONTRIBUTION

FOR US TO TAKE A HOLIDAY IN THE MED



SO IF YOU'D LIKE TO CONTRIBUTE

TOWARDS OUR HONEYMOON

WE OFFER YOU OUR HEART FELT THANKS

WITH LOVE THE BRIDE AND GROOM



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We are sending out this invitation

In hope you will join a celebration

But if a gift is your intention

May we take this opportunity to mention

We have already got a kettle and toaster

crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters

so rather than something we have already got

We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot

But most importantly we request

That you come to our wedding as our guest



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To celebrate our wedding you may wish to buy us presents

However this is not required, all we want is your presence

If you insist, we must admit, some money would be great

To help us do some home improvements at a later date.

If you still feel the need, to get us a small token,

We have a small Argos gift list, or

We would appreciate vouchers for any shop that's open

Regardless of which choice you make, all we would like to say,

is come along and have some fun, on this our special day.



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We would prefer your wedding presence

rather than your wedding presents

but if you really do insist

then please visit debenhams for our gift list









We haven't got a gift list, for all of you to see,

Because as you all know we never can agree!

But if you'd like to help us, start our married life,

cash or high street vouchers, would save a lot of strife



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We hope that you will come along

On this special day,

To celebrate our union

In a very special way.

Together we have been for a while now,

We collected all our household goods

Before we took our Vows.

To make it easy for you

And avoid the shopping hell,

We thought that we would have

A little 'Money Well'.

So please don't be offended at our request,

Just seal it in this envelope

And come and be our guest.



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We have most of the things we need

Like a kettle and two toasters,

We have two different crockery sets

With dinner plates and coasters,

Pots and pans, knives and forks

A chopping board for cheese,

If you would like to give us a gift

We would like the money please!



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The wedding has come, its here at last

what present shall I get? I hear you ask

a set of glasses, towels or a toaster,

vases, plates or even some coasters.

these things we already have in our nest

so if we may we'd like to suggest

a gift of money would be best.

we know reading this some may be offended

we hope your not as this wasn't intended

but the life we have we hope you agree

means being honest with you is the best way to be.

So please don't think we are being funny,

If we say "can we just have money"?

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We haven't got a wedding list,

the reason we'll explain,

is to save you all the hassle as shopping is a pain,



We've been together for a while,

And have most things we need,

John Lewis vouchers, cash or cheque will be gratefully received,



So, if you'd like to contribute,

to our soft & cosy rooms,

Our heartfelt thanks go out to you

-with love the bride & groom

Answer 38

Honestly, i would just flat out tell them. "Hey! Can you please just give me cash instead of worthless presents that i'll never ever use? I mean, i really don't want to put your money to waste," that's exactly what i would say!

Answer 39

how totally miserable of you. i'd be too embarrassed. you shouldn't ask for anything then.

Answer 40

Don't do it!!! Its rude, tacky and embarrassing..!

Answer 41

Just say on the invites, "no presents please, just cash or cheques"

Answer 42

Try this 'Can I have money instead of a wedding present, please'.

Answer 43

You don't!

Answer 44

you get what they want to give you and say thanks