How would you feel if you were invited to this wedding, or the fact that they are even having it?

Question

I just went to get my mail and low and behold there was a wedding invitation in it. (I could tell from the wedding belles printed on the envelope) So before I opened it I was thinking, who do we know thats been engaged? I couldn't think of a single person. So I open the invite and to my suprises it's an invite to my FSIL's wedding. Now she lives 3 blocks form us and we see her/talk to her every other day. There are a bilizzion reasons why this totally upsets me: 1 our wedding is April 5, 09. We have been planning since last May, and considerig that (to my dismay) she is a bridesmaid, she certainly knows about it an all the detials. When we originally told her our date she said to my HTB "o we were going to get married next april" speaking of her fiance and herself. Granted we knew this was Bull and she just wanted attention; so we ignored it. Well appreantly she got a brilliant idea in the last 3 days to have a wedding. Also did I mention that she will be 7 1/2 months pregnant at our wedding, and also has a 3 year old. And she just go fired from her job as a checker at Acme (a grocery store). So basically the invite reads that they are having a wedding 4/19/09. The ceremony will be in her mothers back yard, and to please bring your own chair. Then for the reception they are asking everyone to bring one food/drink per person, IT'S A FREAKING POTLUCK WEDDING! And also if anyone has an ipod and speaker hook up to load some good songs to listen to.

Now I understand that everyone has the right to thier wedding, but come on. From the day we got engaged she's been trying to "outdo" us. As good hearted of a person as she my be, this guy wouldn't be around if it weren't for their kid(s). And honestly she doesn't really understand materialism so she isn't trying to "outdo" us in cost or quality, but she is pretty much trying to highjack the whole excitment of our wedding. And get this, the girl having a potluck wedding, who printed the invites on plain computer paper, like she was doing her 3 YO's bday invites, is registered at POTTERY BARN and WILLIAMS-SONOMA. Now until all my BM's (she is one too) started discussing my shower last week she didn't know what pottery barn or williams-sonoma was; until she found that I am registered there. Not to make this too much about me but for gosh sakes this is TOO MUCH. I don't even know what to do. We're supposed to see them tomorrow. And no her mother didn't encourage this, her mother actually has some class and would have done things properly, and not 2 weeks after our wedding!

Answer 1

Don't worry. She's obviously doing a really good job of making an @ss out of herself over the wedding thing. I'm sure most people will see that. Just go to it. You'll be the better person in the end.



Besides, a wedding like hers is probably just going to make your wedding look that much better.

Answer 2

OK first of all, I really don't think you need to worry about her wedding taking the spotlight from yours because it's two weeks later. People will be excited about your wedding and after it's over they'll focus on hers.

Second of all, try to look at her copying you by registering at the same places as a complement. She likes your taste and wants to copy it. Annoying, sure. But there's nothing you can do about it. And technically, she's not doing anything wrong. So try to ignore it or take it as a complement.

Third, yes I agree that it's tacky to make all those requests of her guests in the invitation. It would be more appropriate to ask family members or better yet just not have a wedding since she apparently can't afford it. But if that's the type of wedding she wants, that's her business. It sounds like her wedding won't upstage yours in any way, despite the fact that its two weeks later. Try not to let it stress you. It's not worth it.

And by the way, if she wants to have a joint shower, please say no.

Answer 3

You write: her mother actually has some class and would have done things properly, and not 2 weeks after our wedding!



There is your answer . . . right there. Be thankful this wedding is two weeks AFTER yours, not two weeks before.



Since she is family, please consider bringing a dish to the potluck. Then since you are contributing a dish, just get her a small wedding gift. Maybe a crystal vase? Pretty photo frame? Something like that.



This is your chance to be the bigger person. Be kind and helpful to FSIL, and maybe she will learn something from you. Good luck.

Answer 4

My sister went to a PotLuck wedding, but it wasn't bring your own chair.

Sounds like something that should be on that hillbilly wedding show. Something like "My redneck wedding" or something? Anyways, having it in a backyard isn't too bad. But the bring your own chair, THAT is bad. And the bring your own dish... well... it depends. My boyfriend is very low key and he said that he wants just a small get together in someone's back yard for the reception, and everyone bring something. Basically a barbeque/graduation type atmosphere for the reception. But I know my mom would insist on a hall and she will most likely pay for it, so yeah. And I'm not so sure how I'd like it. Lol. But he's from the country and would only have about 15 guests to the wedding, if that. And my side of the family would be, if I invited everyone, over 200. So to him, that atmosphere is ok. But with me, it's not.

I don't think it's AS bad if you make all the food or get it catered by a small company, and then ask if maybe they bring a dessert to help out. That's the family atmosphere like a graduation party. But not bring basically everything. The flowers is just hilarious. I almost fell out of my chair!



I'm not spoiled, but this seems way too cheapy for me. But maybe it isn't for her. Idk. I think you shouldn't let it bother you since your wedding is soon. Just let it slide like nothing's wrong. Maybe she is just doing this to annoy you, and won't actually go through with it.



I wouldn't bring it up. If they ask you about their "wedding" then say as little as you can. Don't be mean. There is no need to bring more stress into the equation. Just simply say "I'm very happy for you." And change the subject.



Now, are you going to bring McDonald's, or KFC to the wedding? *cracks up laughing*

Answer 5

How is she taking the attention away from you? If she was having some big elaborate affair I could understand, but her obviously low-keyed (for lack of other words) wedding is 2 weeks after yours and if your words are any indication, yours will be very classy in comparison.

The worse thing you can do is let it ruin your day. Forget about it and move on to planning your wedding.

Answer 6

Wow - all I have to say is Bring your own Chair??



Besides the funniness of the crazy wedding, don't let it get to you. Just be kind and honest when you need to be with her about your feelings. This is someone who is going to be in our life from now on, so you'll have to learn to get along with her.

Answer 7

You sound bitter. Play the hand you've been dealt instead of brooding on your misfortunes. Why don't you embrace this as an opportunity to show everyone how gracious and magnanimous you can be instead of as a chance to show your most unattractive side? People soon forget what you do and what you say but never forget how you make them feel. Do you want to make people feel admiration and respect when they are around you? or discomfort and impatience?

Answer 8

Listen,

From what you've said no way can her wedding out class or outshine yours...right? So that is NOT an issue



From what you've said, the wedding is set for two weeks after yours.....right?



So, if her wedding is after yours, how is it taking any attention away from you?????



First, you only own the day...once you leave the reception as man & wife, your wedding is OVER. There is no 'residual effect' that you own after the wedding...your day is OVER. period.



So, how long are you supposed to dance in the limelight? that much of an attention seeker? You don't own the day after, the week after the month after , the year after the decade after your wedding...wow. You will no longer be a bride, you will be a wife...talk about milking the attention.....



Your being silly, petty, and grousing about something that is, quite frankly, non of your business...as well as the crack about her being a pregnant bride's maid at your wedding...so what? She has a young child...so what? she just got fired from a grocery store...so what? she can't afford a big fancy wedding..so what?



What's it to you is what I ask.



Honestly, it's all a non issue....and you have no claim to any of the days immediately after your own wedding. Grow Up.



Edit: what I would do if I were invited? I would keep my opinions to myself, not act like a spoiled B on wheels and do whatever I could to help make HER day as nice as mine....it's the better part of valor and it would make me feel really good about myself that I helped in making someone's day special...that's called thinking of someone else other than oneself, m'dear, rather than being a petty nitpicky gossipy you know what.....but then I'M an adult.



Edit: In the relm of reality the importance of your wedding is not nearly as large as you think....and it's only important to you. This Life's lesson you will learn and unfortunately you'll learn it the hard way.

Answer 9

Do I think she sounds tacky and kind of ridiculous? Yes.



Do I think you should go to the wedding anyway? Yes. She's a member of your fiance's immediate family, which means soon she will be a part of your immediate family. If it were a distant cousin, you could blow it off, but this woman is going to be a huge part of your life.



Siblings get exceptions, even when we think they are making completely stupid decisions. Put a fake smile on your face, get them a modest gift, and go.

Answer 10

is she really that poor? i mean not to be rude but it really does seem like she wants attention. last year i went to my boyfriends sister wedding. they were broke as hell but found a way to do a decent wedding with no potluck dinner or stuff like that. wow seems like she really needs attention. idk. maybe you should talk to her and tell her that she should reconsider a different date where you and other friends could help her prepare a more beautiful wedding that she can remember and smile about in the future.

Answer 11

For Pete's sake, she's pregnant and having a cheap and tacky pot luck wedding on mommy's back yard and they are asking people to bring lawn chairs AFTER your wedding... and you are worrying that she's trying to "out-do" you???



Please

Answer 12

I don't get why you are worried. It's after your wedding and anything she'll do will only highlight how wonderful your wedding was in comparison. Go to the wedding, smile, congratulate her and show that you have more class than she does.

Answer 13

She seems like a bridesmaid from hell! She's going to regret it later on in life!

I wish the very best for you and yours, and congrats on the upcoming marriage!

As for her, well, only time can tell! Very sorry for her absurd behaviour!

Answer 14

That is madness.

But if she wants to mess up the happiest day of her life than that's her business! She'll regret it in the future.

Don't let her spoil your big day!

Answer 15

Wow that's really horrible. Don't go to her wedding. What she is doing is totally outrageous. Don't let her be your bridesmaid either. Why would you want to be friends with someone who is so utterly stupid?