How do I get my fiance to stop complaining.?

Question

I asked him to stop the other day, but he still didn't. It's so annoying! What's the use in complaining about things we cannot change?

Answer 1

You get him to quit complaining by confiscating the keys to YOUR car, packing up his stuff and booting him out of your apartment.



You need a more assertive, positive thinking man. Trust me. If he whines and moans now - what's going to happen when you marry and start a family - and every other paycheck goes to raising your kids?



What he's really complaining about is having to accept adult responsibilities and life's hardships when what he really wants to do is be a lazy bum.



I think you should rethink your relationship with this man. You certainly can do better than this spoiled whiner.

Answer 2

Unfortunately the only person you can change is yourself. You can't make him stop complaining. Yes, he does sound unhappy for some reason. Has he always been a complainer, or is this a recent problem? Maybe the stress of getting married? Maybe knowing that after the wedding life will never be the same? Not that it's a bad change, it's just a BIG change.



All you can do is set the example. It will take nerves of steel on your part to bite your tongue when you hear him complain. Stay positive. When he starts in, maybe change the subject to a happier note...something good that happened during the day. You will most likely need a positive reinforcement partner for yourself. Tell a friend or a family member what you are trying to do so that when his complaining gets you down and you don't feel you can keep up the happy face (and want to tear into him) you can resist and rely on your friend/family member to help keep your spirits up.



Have you ever heard of Dale Carnegie? My husband took the Dale Carnegie Course three years ago and became a completely different person. He used to be negative and would scare me with his thoughts of revenge on those who had wronged him. He's not a violent person and wouldn't carry them out, but he didn't handle things very well. And he would complain complain complain. Now he can help me out when I get down. He is confident and knows how to handle the tough times and people. He believes in the course so much that he is now an instructor for it in our city. He loves to see how it can change peoples lives.



Overall, I guess the message is that there is hope. It will take time and hard work.



Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

What exactly is he complaining about?



EDIT: To be perfectly honest, your fiance' sounds a lot like myself. Work (mainly my crazy co-workers), school (my know-it-all-because-I-have-a-doctorate professors), and gas (my Ford Ranger ain't exactly a hybrid) are in my Top 5 list. These really are understandable complaints. Perhaps you've gotten to the point that you expect these complaints and this is the only thing you hear. My boyfriend has his own Top 5 list of complaints and there are times that I think that I'll explode if I have to listen to one of them one more time. I'm sure he feels the same way about my complaints. My trick is to simply tone out the usual stuff and nod when appropriate. All he wants is someone to listen. Complaints usually only last about 5-10 minutes at the time. When it's all over and done, you can both sit down and think of other things to talk about. I find watching the news with my boyfriend leads into some interesting conversations. Good luck!

Answer 4

I have to agree with melouofs. He may be a person stuck in a very negative way of viewing the world. The way you make it sound, I think I'd have choked him by now. Complaining sometimes is normal, but constantly complaining about the same things is not good. You need to talk to him to find out if he is willing to let go of his negativity. He may need counseling, he may be depressed. If he's not willing to change it's liable to cause some serious problems in your relationship. If he refuses to change, try to imagine living with this for the rest of your life.



I've been in a relationship like this, and as much as I loved him, he would not change his negative ways, so I had to leave.



Best of luck to the both of you.

Answer 5

Sounds like he needs to grow a backbone. Its okay to complain but if he doesnt do anything to change the situation what good is complaining. Next time ask him for a solution. My ex complained all the time but never had the guts to change the situation. It go to the point where we didn't do anything. Movies she complained. Dinner she complained. Just some people are not satisfied no matter what you do. I recommend you think if thats how you want to live. Sometimes people just dont change.

Answer 6

You can't. You have done everything it seems to get him to stop. Unfortunately this is one of those things that you have to decide if you can live with or not. Right now its gas & College, later it will be the kids, the mortgage payment, taxes, gas, oil etc. It won't change, and neither will he. So my dear you have to decide if its something your willing to live with or do you leave and find someone who can look at life in the Half full kinda way instead of the half empty. Good luck.

Answer 7

You can't get him to stop complaining. As you've said, you have tried and nothing works. Some people are just chronic complainers. If you don't want to be married to one, you might want to postpone the wedding if possible until you can resolve this difference of personalities.

Answer 8

All I know is that living with a negative, complaining, fault-finding man is a real drain on yoru energy and personal happiness. I'd never want to go through life like that. Do you think he's depressed? Maybe he needs to talk to someone? Best of luck.

Answer 9

He's unhappy. So he's complaining and making you unhappy. He could stop complaining, but he'd still be unhappy. Together you need to find a way to change your life so that you're both happier. Maybe you could move closer to the college. Maybe you could arrange a car pool with other students that live near you. Whatever it takes, find a way to be happier together.

Answer 10

This is straight out of "Women are From Venus, Men are From Mars" except it's YOU who are acting like a Martian,not him.



If he needs to vent at the end of the day, then you let him vent. He doesn't want you trying to "fix it" with all your suggestions for alternatives, he wants to feel better by verbalizing his negative feelings. You need to learn to say things that accept his need to vent instead of denying him his validity. Say things like "Well that certainly sounds annoying" and "How can people be so inconsiderate" instead of "I don't want to hear your complaints" if you want to get along with this guy. He's not likely to change -- if you won't learn to let him vent, then he'll be turning to someone who will.

Answer 11

Tell him to quit whining and just deal with it like you do.

Unless he can do something or come up with a solution then he needs to stop. Don't listen to him. Don't respond. Move away when he starts up. He'll get the message.

Answer 12

What is he complaining about? I understand the annoyance. I do the same thing sometimes!

Answer 13

he will complain no matter what.. he likes to complain.. if it bothers you don't marry him.. i am willing to bet one or both of his parents complain a lot too..



although it is possible that something else is bothering him and he is focusing on this irritation to supress his real problem..

Answer 14

actually, some people have different ways of dealing with their fears.



some people try to push us away before they "get left".



find out if he might have some attachment troubles or other nervous thing pre-wedding.

Answer 15

If he's like this now....he'll only get worse. Not a healthy way to be in a relationship.

Answer 16

And you're going to marry this guy? Foolish girl!

Answer 17

some people are just complainers....