Secret Wedding in the Office???? What should the paparazzi do?

Question

Our office is a friendly place that loves parties for any occasion. In other words, with one exception, we're all into each other's business and use that as any occasion for a party.

Now here's the exception--there's one woman who is very private and doesn't tell anyone much about her business. Now, this woman is off on 2 weeks vacation getting married. The office paparazzi found this out from something that this woman left on the printer.

So now, people have googled everything, confirmed it's true, and the whole office has the details and is planning festivities upon her return.

I'm uncomfortable with chipping in for a group gift or giving a shower and it's not because I'm cheap--I think she's gonna be enraged.

However, dysfunctional this is, I'd just prefer to act as if nothing was learned and leave it to her to announce her own wedding, or else act as if nothing had happened.

Have you ever heard of anything as crazy as this? What would you do?

Answer 1

Before they plan any further, I would tell them "You know, Im not sure if __ is the kind of person who would appreciate being surprised like this. Shes so private! I just dont feel right about this. Im going to sit this one out."

Answer 2

I agree with most other responders - your gut instinct is telling you to mind your own business - I'd go with it. Whether she's a private person or not, whether she left info on the printer or not, the point is that SHE DIDN'T TELL ANYONE for whatever HER reason is - that decision should be respected & it should be left up to HER to make the announcement. Unless you KNOW that she didn't say anything because she didn't want to feel obligated to inviting the entire office to the wedding (that's also a good possibility) and won't mind all the office hoopla upon her return, I would err on the side of caution and step away from this one. (p.s. your description of your co-workers as being "office paparazzi" is a good one - sheeesh those people are nosy!!! lol!)

Answer 3

I think you should contact the co-worker and let her know she left something on the printer - an no, it is not her problem for leaving something behind, she is human, just because she slipped up and left something does not give anyone the right to disrespect her, which is what they are doing - and that they are planning a surprise. I don't think she would have a problem with a group gift, but with as private as she is, I don't think she will be happy about the celebration, after she did not disclose her wedding plans. She kept them secret for a reason, the office needs to respect her privacy. I would also tell the office that they need to cancel the party plans, for the very same reasons, and that they are unprofessional for researching her private life to verify her wedding... if she wanted them to know, she would have told them.

Answer 4

If she wanted ppl to know then she would have told them. I think it's kinda wrong that there's a surprise party being m. ade up for her when you could tell that that's not what she wants. I probably would give that woman a head's up about what's going on (if she doesn't know already) because it should be her choice if she has an office party....I didn't like it when it happened to me. I thought that I was in trouble when the boss brought me out of a meeting & into his office. I liked the gesture but was really uncomfortable about the party since I didn't hardly know anyone that was there. I just started working there full-time & didn't know anyone but a few ppl that was there & there's like 50 ppl that work there. Would need to decide what you think is best.

Answer 5

My thoughts are that the woman might not be as enraged as you think - she may be private, and many people don't tell anyone when they're doing a small destination wedding...but people rarely mind a kind, generous gift. In fact, I have yet to meet such a person! Also, your co-worker is not likely to notice exactly who contributed to her gift, and will not give you any kudos from abstaining (assuming she was upset that people found out)...but your other co-workers will be short-changed, and they will notice. You're never under any obligation to contribute if you truly can't contribute, but that doesn't appear to be the issue for you. Finally, your co-workers found out the news in a legitimate, unavoidable way (i.e., not by snooping through her e-mail or anything, in which case of course she would feel unsettled)...so if she were angry, she would be completely out of line. Have some fun, let loose, and celebrate with everyone :)

Answer 6

Is it possible to give her a secret 'heads up?'....but that should be your plan B...plan A should be to tell the office that you will not chip in at this time because....if the lady had wanted her upcoming change of status to be known, she would have said something, and they run the great risk of upsetting her, and in a very unpleasant way.



There are some people who prefer not to mix business with personal life.....I am one, however I never carried it to the extremes that it seems this lady does......I would mention positive stuff going on in my life depending on the conversations...but I never hung out with co-workers after I was off the clock,nor invited them to my family functions....



If talking to this eager bunch goes nowhere you might consider talking to your supervisor, unless he/she is the ringleader (oh dear)...then you may have to implement plan B.....if the lady re-acts unfavorably to the heads up, don't join in on the gift, if she seems okay with it, then go ahead....you might be ruining the suprise, but rather that then a situation in the office that put everyone on the defensive.....good luck.

Answer 7

I think you should try to convince your coworkers to tone down a it. They could chip in money for a nice gift and leave a card on her desk. Perhaps even invite her out to lunch to celebrate? But don't go overboard. I'm not crazy about being the center of attention either, and I know I'd feel very uncomfortable if a stunt like this was pulled on me.

Answer 8

Don't do it. If you are uncomfortable with it you have a right to say no. Just ignore what they are doing and if they ask you to chip in you can say something like I'm gonna sit this party out...I'll be part of the next one and walk away, shut your door or say you have a call to make. If other people do this to her and "celebrate" just lie low and she will see that you aren't part of it. You don't even need to say anything.



And yes, I think she will be very bothered by this...I would. Its a violation of her privacy (although she did this stuff at work).

Answer 9

If she wanted the people in the office to know, she would have informed you. Maybe she is hoping to surprise everyone when she gets back. Whatever her motives, it's wrong for the people in the office to assume she wants to celebrate with them. If I were in your position, I would recommend waiting until she gets back and asking her if it's ok to have a celebration. If the people in the office insist, then they should just get an envelope and present her with a financial gift. That rarely insults people!

Answer 10

I think you and your coworkers have too much time on your hands. If the woman is a private person, let it be. Let her be the one to say anything when she comes back. Try to talk to your coworkers before the woman comes back and get them to come to their senses. She'd feel betrayed, embarrassed, and uncomfortable. She may accidentally left something on a printer due to stress, excitement, whatever, but the person finding it should have had more sense and just toss the paper away instead of gossiping about it to the whole office. It's very disrespectful. Office gossipers are low. I sure wouldn't want to work with that group of people. No respect.

Answer 11

I worked in a place much like that. No one could keep a secret. And we all played pranks on each other and did all kinds of crazy stuff. If it was me, I'd totally do up her desk with "Congratulations" signs, hang balloons, and go completely over the top. Maybe even a cake, along with the gift.



If she's mad, too bad. She shouldn't have left the info on the printer. I can understand not wanting to put everything out there, but come on - getting married? Why would you want to keep that a secret? It should be a celebration. And obviously everyone is going to find out anyway because of the changes she'll have to make through HR (plus a possible name change - duh).

Answer 12

Sounds like a great office to work in! Design profession by any chance?

I can agree with not wanting to chip in on the gift if she might be mad... Though if they are giving her something maybe you should get her a card and a gift/gift card from you only. Hopefully its something you think she'll like, but maybe you want to give it after theirs to see the reaction. And if she gets pissed about you all nosing in on her business then don't even give her your gift but return it or give it to someone else for the next occasion.



Maybe she left it on the printer on purpose, hoping you guys would throw her a party. I really hope she wouldn't be mad though, I mean... "how inconsiderate of them to throw me a celebratory party, how rude" *sarcasm*.



Does she take part in your office parties? If she doesn't that may be a sign as to how she's going to react.



Good luck and happy partying!

Answer 13

I think you are right, she may not be into that kind of thing and get angry. I'm sure if she wanted anyone to know she would tell you herself. There is still the chance that she is not getting married and what was found on her printer has been misinterpreted, then you will all feel stupid and she will be embarrassed.

Answer 14

Dear Latrice. I am glad there is one healthy person in your office, who has boundaries, and respects privacy. I agree that the reaction of this woman might be far from happy. I would stand up to your coworkers, and say, "Look, Susie prefers her privacy, and what you are doing is a violation of her privacy. If she wanted the office to be part of her private life, she would have announced this to us." Someone needs to be the voice of sanity. Good ness, gracious, I have never heard of such a group of hens, acting like like chickadees.

Answer 15

I see nothing wrong with a group gift . . . but think the coworkers should leave it at that.



I don't think an office shower or surprise celebration would be appropriate, especially since you all know this person values her privacy.



I think a group gift and card shows you are happy for her . . . without invading her privacy.

Answer 16

I'm close to my immediate peeps at the office but I DO NOT like people all up in my crap. That's freaking rude to spy on people & take things out of their printer. And then they googled it? How bored are these people? Geez. Leave the woman alone. If she's not comfortable telling her co-workers about something as eventful as her own wedding then something tells me she won't appreciate a surprise party.



And what do you mean by paparazzi? You have a camera crew in your office? That's strange.

Answer 17

The paparazzi, should mind their own damned business, that's what. Haven't they got work to do, other than noseying into other peoples business. Keep out of it and don't be a party to it. If she wanted anyone to know she would have told them. How irritating!

Answer 18

I think that your instinct's are correct, but if she's as private as you say, how was she so careless as to leave vital information on a printer in the office? My FH is a freak for privacy. We live in different states right now(he's in the military) and he spent a lot of money, when we were broke as all get out, to get me my own shredder, just for everyday paperwork!

If the others are doing it anyway, just go ahead and chip in just in case, but let them know that you object to this invasion of her privacy. Compose a private letter of apology for the interference, just in case you need one.

Answer 19

If she had wanted anyone in the office involved in the wedding, you all would have been invited. I think you have the right idea.

Answer 20

I think you should chip in for the present but not do anything that is "in your face" to draw attention to yourself. Its not your fault the truth came out and there is nothing wrong with giving her a present. Would you give her a present "just because"? I bet you would, I do that. So, this is like that but a bit more.

Answer 21

Sounds like your office staff has way to much time on their hands!



I would stay out of it. How would you feel if everyone you worked with invaded your privacy.

Answer 22

yep you are correct. Dont make a big deal out of things but just stay out of getting involved. Perhaps just get her a congrats card ready for her to announce it and be sincere.

Answer 23

I think you should get her a gift card and just tell her congrats. I dont think she will be enraged. I mean who doesnt like gifts.

Answer 24

I'm with you, mind your own business!!

If she wanted everyone to know she would have told you. then it would be ok to plan a surprise party fo rher and her new husband.

Answer 25

that mean your office partner has not planed to tell all of you. that's her private ,it's best to respect her

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Answer 26

all I can really say is WOW. but I agree with you, and yet I think nothing can be done really to stop what is going to happen.

Answer 27

maybe she keeps private for a reason. I would tell them that and have her wait till she is ready to tell you guys.

Answer 28

Your office staff may be "fun"...but they clearly don't have "respect" for each other!

Answer 29

marriage is the boon of society. so u can enjoy gf but a bride is allted in the open yard . don,t leave society who r witness also

Answer 30

I think she will be very excited everyone likes wedding gifts.

Answer 31

i think.. u'r right..!!

mebbe she alwes wanted to keep as a secret till she herslf discloses this to evri1 there...!

all the best.. tc..!!

Answer 32

dont do it! Wait till she shares the news or this all might blow up in everyones face...

Answer 33

I think that she will be pleased that the office has organised a surprise for her.

Answer 34

just sit down and keep ur mouth shut