Stolen ideas?

Question

My cousin is getting married in a few months. She doesn't like cake so they want something different. A few nights ago she asked what we were doing for our wedding (I also don't like wedding cake) and I mentioned we were planning on doing pies. She thought that was the best idea ever, started getting really excited, and told her fiance about it.

Now they're also doing pies for their wedding! Normally I wouldn't mind, but EVERYONE at my wedding will be going to her wedding (we grew up together and have the same group of friends) and her wedding is first, so it's going to look like we copied her. There's no changing her mind and they went to the baker over the weekend to put in their order.

Is it silly of me to be annoyed about this? I feel like now I need a new idea because it's going to look like it was her "original" idea and I was just copying her. I feel like a whiny kid right now... would anyone else be annoyed?? Thank you! I just need to be told I'm being stupid. ;o)

Answer 1

Yes, I would be annoyed. However, it's really not a huge deal. You don't need a new idea. If anyone mentions that your cousin also had pies at her wedding, just say that you suggested it to her because she doesn't like cake.



Just don't tell her anything else you are doing for your wedding...keep it a secret.

Answer 2

I think it depends on the context in which the idea was received. For example, if a friend is telling you an idea they have for writing a story and you go away and write the story then it's stealing. If a group of people are kicking around ideas, or an idea comes out of a group of people visiting, then no. I've never stolen an idea and never had to. Besides, an idea is just a kernel of a story, so even if you liked someones idea it's simple to take that kernel, turn it around, add and take away, and make the idea your own. Oh, and it also depends on the environment. If someone is talking about an idea in a location like a writer's group, there's the expectation of privacy, confidentiality, and honesty. So take a look at what that person's expectation was when they told you the idea. In the end, it's always best to create something original.

Answer 3

It is absolutely legitimate for you to feel annoyed by this. This is the day that you dream up for such a long time, and you want everything to be perfect. No matter how hard you try, something will always go astray (TRUST me), however there IS an upside to this.



Search the web- ask for alternate ideas- do a zillion bits of research to see what other options you have. If her wedding is first, then you can either:: *A) See that this not such a good idea and find something better OR *B) Find out that it IS a good idea, and do it better.



If she's simply doing a pie, do bunch of small pies or pies with designs or pies that incorporate your wedding theme/colors/ Do pies with Tiaras or toppers, and then when guests comment you can reply, "I told my cousin about the pies to help her through her wedding, but didn't give her the full vision so that mine would still stand out."



This allows you to be different AND better, allows your guests to know that you didn't steal your cousin's idea, and also helps save face making it seem as if you purposely told her to help her out.



Seriously- there's gotta be a gazillion things you can do to make 'your' pies better. Colors, toppings, arrangements? Get creative and good luck! ♥

Answer 4

oh girl, i totally understand. it's YOUR wedding and you want it to be special. And her taking your idea was rude if she didn't ask if was ok with you. She kinda stole your thunder in a way so i think you DO have the right to be annoyed. That being said, it seems there is nothing you can do about her at this point so you might as well (and i say this nicely!) suck it up and move on! :) you COULD try to come up with a new idea if you are really concerned about the "copying" issue. Petifores are similar to cake but it's somthing different and they're cute and yummy! or you could just do the pie thing since it WAS your idea and maybe do somthing creative for the way they are set up...maybe have them on teirs or i don't know have them stacked really cute. But the most important thing is that it's your wedding do whatever you won't regret. You don't wanna look back and think "man i wish i would've just done the pies!"

Answer 5

Ok, you've already said that they're not changing their minds about this, so it's really not accomplishing anything for you to get upset about it. Yes, it's annoying that she is doing the same thing you're doing, but if you KNEW that she was looking for an idea other than cake, it probably wasn't terribly bright to tell her your idea, considering it was pretty obvious that she was looking for an idea for what to do for her wedding. If you don't want people to use your ideas, don't tell them your ideas.



Let's be honest, though. There are very few wedding ideas that are truly original (white dress, veil, bouquet toss, etc). If she hadn't heard of the pie idea from you, what are the chances that she wouldn't have heard of it somewhere else? It's not really a huge leap of the imagination to go from cake to pie.

Answer 6

I would be annoyed too. Usually I would say everything at most weddings are stolen ideas, so who cares. But since most of the guests are going to both weddings, I would switch it up by having a dessert buffet offering: pies, cookies, cupcakes, brownies, etc.



And have a very small wedding cake (1 tier) in the center of the table on a pedestal for you and your fiancee to cut and then keep for your one year anniversary (be sure it's taken away right after you cut it).



I think this would be more of a welcome to your guests than just pies. And this time, keep your ideas to yourself:)

Answer 7

Frankly, wedding pies are hardly an original idea. They're popping up as a new trend in wedding fare. The Food Network even showed a vendor that specializes in wedding pies.



If you're worried about your future ideas being 'stolen' then stop sharing them. In the meantime, don't worry about the pie thing. What's done is done and being annoyed about something you can't change is pointless.

Answer 8

It's not silly at all that you're annoyed, that is a pretty rude thing to do. Make sure you don't give her any more ideas! : ) Tell a few strategic people that you chose pies for your idea and that she thought it was such a good idea that she did it too. Word will get around that she stole your idea, trust me. Not that it really matters. The more pie, the better, in my opinion. But you can have a better variety of pies, more toppings, better quality pies, etc. if you want to make yours special.

Answer 9

Oh yeah, I would be incredibly annoyed at your cousin. I would never do something like that KNOWING that everyone coming to my wedding would eventually be going to yours!



Anyway....



How about doing this instead:



* Instead of just pies, do small cakes AND pies

* Have a dessert table filled with cookies, cakes and pies

* Gourmet Cupcakes

* Candy & Chocolate buffet



Check out this link:



http://www.herecomestheguide.com/blog/detail/think-outside-the-wedding-cake/



Good luck!



:)

Answer 10

Yeah, I'd be annoyed too! I don't think you're being stupid, you're just being a bride!

So why don't you have pies but add much more stuff. Make it more like a dessert buffet with the pies as your confection that you symbolically cut. There are so many ideas:

chocolate fountain:

donut tiers

Creampuff tower

Chocolate sushi bites

Assorted tarts

Candy bar

Apple or peach cobbler



OR



Do pies but make them fancier and better . If someone asks just say "I loved the pie idea but had to have better pies!" lol Ok, sorry that's being a bit childish.





best wishes.......................

Answer 11

Yes, it is annoying. I would definitely be a little put out. But it's also a life lesson - don't share those plans unless you wouldn't mind them being stolen. Better your wedding pies than a baby name, believe me!



That cannoli idea is fantastic. I also think the cheesecake option is really tasty - that's what my sister did at her wedding. Take some time to go taste testing and maybe you'll find something you like better.

Answer 12

No, your right in feeling pissed.

I have another idea. Some people don't like pies, their fussy about what kind of fruit is inside them. Why not go to a Italian baker and perhaps get canolli's. Have them put a wedding design or perhaps both your names written on them with icing to decorate them. I don't know of anyone that doesn like cannoli's. Don't tell your cousin, let her be surprised too. If she asks why you changed, tell her exactly why you did it. Maybe in the future she'll think twice about copying your ideas. After all, in the future, there will baby names, party ideas etc. that may be copied by her and perhaps she'll think twice.

Answer 13

Well I can completely understand that. We were thinking of doing cupcakes and possibly candy for our wedding (That I have been planning since November!) My fiancee's family had known all of our plans. His cousin decided to engaged in December and married in February. and guess what...cupcakes and candy!! I was upset, but nothing I could do. We decided to go with cheesecake and different favors. I am not telling a soul about our plans..I'm too paranoid now! I would suggest cheesecake. Its not really like cake, but still really good. There are 100's of recipes to try! I can give you a site with lots of different flavors but there are no recipes listed--but a good baker might be able to help there! I hope that this helps!

Answer 14

Oh man I would be so annoyed too. That is why you NEVER share ideas about your wedding OR what you would name your children to anyone.



You need to talk to her but I doubt that will go through. What you should do is mention that you are unhappy so that she knows and at your wedding, think of something better and bigger like individual sized pies or cupcakes or something.

Answer 15

You're not stupid. I would be upset as well especially since her wedding is before yours and the same people will be at both. I would just make sure you don't give her anymore details and try to enjoy planning still. It's ok to be upset. But remember people won't really care too much, just make sure those pies are good ;) Congrats and good luck!

Answer 16

well Im going through that same thing only a girl I work with has taken all my glory and time to shine away. So from now on dont tell her anything about the wedding at all.

If I were you I would do wedding cookies. You can put your intials on them and wedding bells just make them cute .

Good luck !

Answer 17

You're not being stupid, but I do think you're over-reacting a little. It's not completely unique to have pies (we're having apple tarts and ice cream). And, what difference does it make who thought of it first, anyway? There will be lots of similarities in your weddings, but also lots of differences. I don't think anyone cares who thought of which ideas that will be similar. Take a deep breath: you have bigger things to worry about. Have a lovely wedding!

Answer 18

i know what you're talking about my sister is getting married and her fiance's sister is also getting married my sister bought a car, fiance's sister bought the same exact one color and everything my sister got a cake from some place and so did fiance's sister my sister got her dress at david's bridal and so did fiance's sister there are so many other things but i'm not trying to bore you

do you like cookies?

if you do get those cookies in a cake shape for your wedding there's nothing similar about cookies and pies (don't tell your cousin)

Answer 19

Why does it matter whose idea it is? I am torn because on the one hand, I know we all struggle with having "original" ideas for our weddings. On the other hand, it is a great idea and if people comment, you could always say, yes, we decided to do pies and she liked the idea so much, she decided to do it, too.

Answer 20

I would be annoyed but pies at weddings isnt as uncommon as you think. Do you think all the folks who have wedding cake are annoyed at the people who get married after them who also have cake? No.

Pick your own pie flavors and add your own personal touch to them!

Answer 21

It is a little silly. Wedding pies aren't exactly "original" anymore. Anyway, who cares what people think?

Answer 22

No your not being stupid for feeling that way. It's so hard to keep your great ideas a secret, I have learned tho to keep my ideas to myself. When asked about what we are doing I just say oh we haven't made a final decision yet. Then re-focus them on themselves.



We are doing cupcakes instead of a cake, and while its not that original here, in my circle of family and friends it has not yet been done so we are keeping it hush hush.

Answer 23

No, I don't think it's silly that you're annoyed...I would be too!! Maybe switch to different kinds of cheesecakes. Or even an ice-cream wedding cake (new to the market). Or just have a desert buffet, with one piece of your fav. desert to feed each other with.

Answer 24

Alternative ideas:



Tiered Puddings and Mousses -

Pre-chill wine or champagne glasses, and fill with:

Chocolate, chocolate orange, lemon mousse; rice, coconut rice or wild rice pudding; Raspberry, hazelnut or regular tiramisu; White chocolate, key lime, blackberry or biscotti parfaits; Heavy whipped cream, topped with sweet in-season berries



Or maybe have a variety of desserts - pie, cake, tarts, brownies. Place on platforms of varying heights.

Answer 25

dessert bar with brownies, pies, cookies, cream puffs, cupcakes, cream horns, eclairs, whatever desert you can think of



mini cheese cakes



ice cream sundae bar (I love this idea)



chocolate fountain



chocolate truffle tower like this

http://www.gotchatreats.co.nz/WeddingsOccasions/tabid/1206/Default.aspx



There are so many other options you could do that would be just as perfect as the pies you wanted to do.

Answer 26

well, i didn't want to be that harsh.



i wouldn't be too happy, myself. is it possible to change to a candy buffet? or is your heart really set on pies?



if it is, can you possibly do mini pies or put a different twist on it?



she really did steal it, but i doubt she had any intention of hurting you or stealing your thunder. but i can really, truly understand why you would be upset.



if peopleon here or in real life tell you to just get over it, i don't think they're really thinking how they would feel.



i'm sorry this happened to ya:(

Answer 27

Do something really elegant and let her have her pies. I know it's annoying, and yes your feelings are justified.



Something like this http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:LNEbi30k3JGX7M:http://www.weddingmagazine.com.au/images/cakes/CB40703_sml.jpg

Answer 28

make a bigger and better pie!