Taking a break in a relationship..?

Question

Does it really help things?
Me and my fiance have been together for nealy 4 yrs and we have a beautiful baby girl.
We have been through a lot since we had the baby. I had post natal depression, things like that.
Now our sex life is totally gone. We argue constantly. Sometimes I feel like i just need a break from us.
He thinks if we take a break then it will ruin us.
I dont i want to go and find another man or anything, just time to be with me and my child.

We have been speaking about it today, and i think hes starting to agree. But now because he is starting to agree, im feeling really emmotional :o(

I think taking a break will help us not to take each other for granted?

Help please xx

Answer 1

Yes I do believe in some relationships taking a break does help. It can help strengthen a relationship.



My personal opinion is maybe it is best for the two of you to take a break. Whatever is going on the two of you aren't connecting at this time.



Will it ruin what you have? Not necessarily. If you love one another and want a relationship to succeed sometimes you have to do things that may seem bad for a relationship. Sometimes stepping back and giving space to one another can help immensely. Of course sometimes it makes one of you realize that maybe it's just not what you want.



The getting emotional part is just being scared. Scared that while it was something you think is good, is scared of what may happen. It's completely normal. We can't control what will happen in the future. But would you rather continue in a relationship that has become unhealthy or would you like to try and make it healthy again? If you two are meant to spend the rest of your lives together it will happen, don't worry about what you can't control, it's going to happen regardless.



Staying together for the sake of a child, could be more detrimental because children are very resiliant and can sense when something is amist with their parents



. I'm not against relationships. I just think that if your having thoughts of taking a break, then maybe you should go with your gut feelings.



Please don't believe those that say if you take a break that he won't come back, the relationship is down the tubes. That isn't necessarily always say. I've had many friends who have taken breaks from their gf/bf it may have been a month to 6 months and then went back and tried again and the relationship is at it's best because they took the time to find themselves.



My only other suggestion is if your having doubts of not taking a break now, then maybe seeking couples counseling will help. You can get this through a church or a doctor. And it's not as expensive as you think. You just have to call around and find the resources.



I agree that taking a break will help you both not to take one another for granted. It may very well help you see what you have with him and him you. Be strong and keep your head up.



Good luck!

Answer 2

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Answer 3

It really does depend on the situation. Breaks can be a good or a bad thing depending on the state of your relationship and the feelings you have for each other.



It sounds to me like you have been through a lot and a break is probably;y what you need. you both need to take a step back and assess whether your relationship problems come from the general life issues you've been having or whether your relationship problems are there anyway. A break will enable you to make this distinction. Some time apart will definitely make you realise your true feelings. You might miss each other terribly and want to get back together and this could do you both the world of good. Your relationship will feel new and refreshed. OR it could make you both realise you're actually OK on your own. In that case, some serious decisions will need to be made. this is a tough decision and it won't be easy but I do think it will be the best thing in your circumstances. My partner and were in a similar situation. We were constantly arguing and our relationship felt like a battle. So we had a break. Even though I was angry at him my feeling for him never went away. I Missed him terribly and that time apart made me realise just how much he meant to me. That was 4 years ago now and we bought our first house last January. I wish you and your partner the best of luck and I hope this works out for you one way or another.

Answer 4

Shutting him out is not gonna help either you or your relationship. You sound as if you are still a bit depressed which will kill your sex drive if the tiredness from caring for a baby hasn't already. Talk to you GP or health visitor again. Is there anyone who could have your baby for a couple of days so you could maybe go away or just stay home and enjoy each others company? You need a rest and a bit of your own identity back- you are more than just 'mummy' and it's easy to forget that. Don't give up on your relationship just yet, if you can get through all the other stuff, then you may well survive this and be stronger at the end of it. Good luck.

Answer 5

I think it will harm your relationship beyond repair. If you can't stay together because you have nothing in your relationship right now, what is going to change? So you split up for a time, then because you miss each other you get back together. You go back to the same relationship without working on it and you end up exactly where you are now. Are you going to take another break? That is not providing the safe stable atmosphere your child needs and deserves. You need to take a long hard look at what you mean to each other right now and either make a commitment to work together to make it better or walk away. Good luck, I hope it works out the best for all of you.

Answer 6

Instead of breaking up, why don't you do something pro-active like getting counselling and help?

You don't mention what you're arguing about. Is it something important or just the little niggling bits of life that get in the way? Do you love him?

Your little girl needs a mum and a dad. If you could work together to achieve this, you're doing the absolute best for your child. Single parenting is so much harder than having a person by your side who cares for your child as much as you do. (I know - been there!)

You don't have to argue - you can both learn how to overcome your disagreements and how you see each other. Every relationship has low points and high points. But sometimes we just need to work it out. All the best.

Answer 7

I do think that a break does ruin relationships. Maybe you should just sit down and talk how you can improve your situation and now how you will end it. My boyfriend and his ex had taken a break. It was then then I met him and he never turned back. If you want to keep your man, don't take breaks. Just talk honestly about what bothers you in your relationship but also talk with him about what you love of your relationship. Tell him openly the reason why you fell for him 4 years ago and why you loved him all this time. It will give him the incentive to try to arrange things between you two. And above all, remember that you have a child. Good luck.

Answer 8

Can you go and stay with a relative for a week to think or could you go on a little trip with some relatives?Just a little breather not a break up sounds like what you need.Dont throw the relationship away ,dont breakup just tell him you need a little space.Is there anyone who can watch your baby sometimes so you can go out alone?I dont mean to the club I just mean the mall or the library or maybe take a art class or learn to play poker or something just for you.Having a baby and dealing with postpartum depression can be so draining I really hope you have a support system.best wishes,

Answer 9

truthfully i think taking a break is wrong, every relationship has its ups and downs, especially plenty of arguements, its horrible i know, you end up argueing so much that its over stupid little things that aint even worth arguing about in the first place, i really belive that if u take a break, theres no chance of the relationship working further, ive been with someone for a very long time, and for the first year we never argued once and from that year on its nearly everyday that we argue, we almost took a break but after sitting down and talking about it, it will ruin the relationship, instead of drifting further together you end up drifting further apart, you get use to not seeing each other, i really dont think you should take a break, think about your beautiful daughter, do you really want to risk taking a break? i hope you make the right decision x

Answer 10

Of course it won't help things, once you split it must be final. You can only move forward not backwards. If you are considering a split then I am afraid you do not truly love each other, it's better to end this now while your little girl is still a baby. Best wishes.

Answer 11

Reevaluation of the importance of a relationship is very important. If you can take and extended break, chances are that the relationship doesn't hold that much of a commitment to you. Not saying that things are important, but when you have to take a step back, it's a good thing because you see down the road. Most relationships break up permanently because one or two of the people couldn't see down the road, if they had, they would have never hooked up in the first place. I admire what you are trying to do. If you take a step back and feel that you can't live without him, then hook get back together permanently.

Answer 12

The fact is only you two can decide, but from personal experience I wouldnt suggest it. Maybe if you suggest changing living arrangements. for example see if he's willing to move out for a period of time. This should make things easier for you to be around your child more and also the fact your not living in each others pockets could make you want each other and find the spark that triggered it in the first place.



Also I reccomended dating each other again to find what attracted you together in the first place. Hope this helps chick x

Answer 13

I was in a similar sort of situation and what we did, was swap roles for a while. I took some time off and became a househusband and my wife spent a lot of time with the Baby.



I did the "Looking after" the baby bit, she had quality time. After a couple of months, we both respected what each other did, and was capable of doing.



My advice would be to NOT! take a break. Just have a wee change of jobs. It certainly removes the "Taking for Granted" scenario.



Good Luck!

Answer 14

Take a break, Yes. But not from each other. You need to take time away together. Have you got someone who can look after your little girl for few days? Then together, arrange to go away and spend quality time together to rediscover what it was that made you fall in love in the beginning, without all the other distractions from commitments, family and friends.

Never walk away from a problem, until you know in your heart that it can not be resolved.

Hope that helps

Answer 15

Most of the time breaks aren't bad. Your relationship has to be strong in order to withstand a break. My children's dad and I took a break, a long break. Everything seems to be great now. We are able to communicate better. Since our break everything between us is better, our relationship moved to a new level. There are some consequences that can happen while you are on a break. Only the two of you know if a break will work for you. I was totally against mine and it worked out for the better! Good luck!

Answer 16

When I was engaged years ago we had a break, then we got back together, broke up, got back and broke up.

I wish now I never did get back. The first time we split was for 4 weeks and at the time I did feel happy on my own, but I guess I couldnt say no.

We didnt have any kids. Now I have 2 without my wife and my worst fear would be to split up.

Answer 17

As things are as bad as you paint them, then a degree of separation' may well do you both good, or not.



Human relationships are often, in many respects, quite complex. Trying to resolve issues 'in isolation' may well work if say, one body sees that his / her behaviour has been the cause of so many problems and wants to change.



In the subsequent coming together, it could be discovered that the 'other party' has lost all hope and resigned their self to an ending of the relationship ....just for an example.



There are rarely any 'straight lines' in relationships, so thinking rarely runs in parallels.



Look for 'help,' from someone who has experience in helping couples resolve their problems or issues ('Relate,' for example), as the eye of someone who has no bias and is clear of any antagonisms, can often see what is going on for / between two people involved with each other ....and knows ways of helping them clear what keeps tripping them up.



Good Luck.

Sash.

Answer 18

Taking a break is not a good idea, in my opinion. The whole point of a marriage is to make it work. It's a struggle sometimes. If you aren't prepared to do that, then you should just end things. Marriage is for better or worse...consider this a test right now. If you can't handle the worse, then you can't handle marriage.

Answer 19

Sounds like you both feel trapped.



So taking a break will free you from this.



But then why would you ever go back to it ?



I don't think it will ever be the same again knowing that one , or both of you, have been able to walk away from the relationship before.



Best of luck, but i think its either stick at it, or seperate. If you choose to talk about it again in 6 months with no strings attached in the meantime then good luck, but you will both have moved on by then

Answer 20

In my experience, which is long. I give a temporary split a 50 - 50 chance of reconciliation. If he is really looking for freedom, you have given it to him and he will probably move on it.. One thing. All the guess work has been taken out. Plus you have put him and your self in harms way. Temptation. I think you should give counseling the first shot.

Good Luck in the future!

Answer 21

Try to find time to do things as a couple again. Arrange for someone to babysit, go out together and get to know each other as people again, not just as parents. Also, try to find time for yourself, to do things that you enjoy. I know this is difficult to work around children (I have 4!), but it's important to retain a sense of your own identity. Best of luck. X

Answer 22

It's great that you two can communicate. You are taking a good approach by being open with each other.Instead of taking a break why not take time just for yourself and he can do the same.

Answer 23

With a child to take care of you will both be very tired, this can cause the problems that you have described above.

Have you tried to get counselling, this isn't just for married couples.

I hope it all works out for you all.



Try this site:



http://www.relate.org.uk/

Answer 24

It sounds like you been through alot talking is the best way. a break is not, I have been married for 20 years we have never been apart. Try and talk things out best of luck.

Answer 25

Sounds like your the one that needs time appart. Guys just don't see it that way. you will take the child and he we be left alone and feel abandoned. Trust me I know. Going through it right now...You need to be honest and tell him you need time away from the argueing and fighting. If you don't, it will just get worse. If he really loves you he will get over it and yall can rebuild your relationship....It won't be easy.....

Answer 26

Only the two of you can work that one out I am afraid. Though I tend to think that working it out together is the best way. Whichever way you go I wish you all the best. xx

Answer 27

you take a break and have custody of the kid full time, he'll be away like a rat up a drainpipe. his head will be turned everyway. there is no such thing as a break its either all or nothing. both have to be sure its right for the child not yourselves.

Answer 28

sometimes you need a break to have a bit of a breather and some time apart can help. you need to explain that you are wanting a break for this and its not a cop out to splitting up for good.

Answer 29

You both owe it to your child to get married, be mature, and settle down to family life. Everyone has problems, you just have to be grown up, you are parents now. The child comes first, but you have to really, really not be selfish and sacrifice whatever for him or her.

Answer 30

try taking a break away from it all both of u head of somewhere 4 a weekend without ur daughter

Answer 31

taking a break in this relationship is not the solution. why won't u sit down and talk. if you have the break and he went in for another lady, whom are going to blame.

Answer 32

I have One think to say. You better leave your house and get a rented house near your house(It will be better if you get a house next to yours). Remember to take your baby girl with you.

Answer 33

only you 2 can decide. a break is not a bad thing good luck

Answer 34

idea is good

but see to it that u dont loose communication with ur hubby

or it may ruin ur life

Answer 35

go for it , you have nothing to lose ( the way things are at the mo ) and everything to gain ..

Answer 36

Great idea, go for it.