Question:
1st yr wedding anniversary :(?
Curious Stranger
2012-06-10 21:49:15 UTC
Okay so I married my husband on June 12 2011 our first year wedding anniversary is Tuesday and I'm super excited. I can't believe I've been married a year a lot has happened between us and I'm happy . Except: me and my husband went to Aruba on vacation in may for a getaway before I went back to college for summer courses. At first he never mentioned anything about that being my anniversary present we both said it was a summer getaway bc I was starting school again and we both wanted to get away before we had no time . Now with our anniversary one day away he tried to pull the so glad we went to Aruba for our anniversary :0 Wth I held it in but was so confused and then to make it worse he ASKS me do u wanna go to dinner Tuesday ? Nothing planned already ? DO I WANT to go for dinner ? Is that a question I can't sleep thinking he hadn't planned anything or any gift ideas I put so much thought into occasions is it bc ima girl ? Should I not be so emotional about this ? What should I say. ?
Seven answers:
SK
2012-06-10 23:12:23 UTC
I know you feel like you plan things ahead of time and it shows a lack of caring if he doesn't, but you have to get out of that mindset. Some people are really good at planning. Others are really good at giving good gifts. Some of us aren't. I come home with gifts for my husband sometimes, when I see things I know he'll like. But I'm rubbish at planning gifts or trips for specific dates. I do try, but I'm just bad at it, and forgetful, and I never know what to give on a specific day if I haven't seen something promising lately. I still love my husband more than anybody on earth, and I think I show it in lots of other ways. We all have different skills. Obviously you love your husband; he must be kind, or good-looking, or thoughtful in bed, or successful at work, or interesting to talk to. Maybe he is strong when you need him to be, or maybe he is great at handling unexpected crises. But it may also be that you have to get used to the fact - the disappointing fact, since it is important to you - that his skills do not lie in the particular areas of gift-giving and planning. He shows his love in other ways (like taking you to Aruba - not for your anniversary, it's true, but just as a trip because he loves you).



At the same time - look, it is your one-year anniversary, so you don't yet know whether he's any good at this. For all you know, he's secretly planning something awesome.



I bet you read the situation right, and he really hasn't thought much. But then, give him the benefit of the doubt. Understand that this just isn't his forte, and it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. Do say to him that these celebrations are important to you and you'd appreciate it if he got you a gift in the future... and then, in future years, do remind him that the anniversary is coming up in the week ahead of time. And also? You're allowed to do things yourself, and to joke about how you wish things were. If you're bad at cooking, he cooks. If he's bad at vacuuming, you vacuum. If he's got a better job, he works at it, while maybe you stay home with the kids. In other words, you're a team. If he's bad at planning an anniversary you'd enjoy, then you plan it in future years. He'll be grateful, and he'll enjoy it, too. Then say, "dear, you're lucky to have me, else we'd never celebrate ANYTHING." Say it with a laugh - he'll know you're a little hurt, but he'll also hear that you love him and are willing to do it yourself if you have to.
Toni
2012-06-11 15:48:23 UTC
Hun, he is a man and they arent known for the planning type. But whose to say he doesnt have something to give you when you two go to dinner together. Dinner alone with my husband always is great and when its his idea to do something like that, anniversary or not, it puts a smile on my face. Just be happy and love him for even remembering. I mean you did just have a very expensive trip to Aruba, you should still be floating on cloud 9
my_2_cents
2012-06-11 05:13:41 UTC
You're overthinking things. You don't say anything at all about what you had planned for the event. Why should it be up to him to plan something? You could have done it too. I'm working full time and studying part time, and we still managed to go away for our first wedding anniversary.



I know it's your first anniversary, and it's exciting. I've been married less than two years myself. But if you keep heaping all these expectations on your husband without him even knowing, you're just going to end up resenting him for failing to meet these expectations when he has no idea.



If you're disappointed, talk to him about it. You're married. You're supposed to be able to talk to each other about anything.
Me
2012-06-11 05:34:49 UTC
So...if he took you to Aruba in June..then you would have been ok with it as a first anniversary present? LOL

Go to dinner, enjoy his company as your husband and have a wonderful night!
anonymous
2012-06-11 04:51:30 UTC
Go to dinner with him :) I'm sure he has something nice planned out.. I just celebrated my one year wedding anniversary but I didn't go out and do anything since my husband is deployed.. But just go out with you hubby and enjoy the night
Meg
2012-06-11 05:01:07 UTC
You're over reacting... I mean, why is it only up to HIM to plan something? Why didn't YOU have something planned already?! It goes both ways you know...
Master of Nothing
2012-06-11 04:53:47 UTC
Girl you are so funny, suppose he does have something setup already and is messing with you. Come back Wednesday.....


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