Is it OK to send out a 2nd wave of wedding invitations based on RSVPs?

Question

We can only afford to have about 70 people at our wedding in October. I have a big family and most of them live out of state, so I am not sure if they will be able to afford to travel to Atlanta for our wedding. We have narrowed our list down to "closest friends and family", about 86 invites, and expect that roughly 70 people are likely to attend. But, we are close to many of the people we have had to cut from the list and would like to have them at our wedding... they just don't fit into the "closest friends and family" category. If many of the out-of-state family members RSVP "no", is it OK to send invitations to the other people? If so, when should I do that??

Answer 1

I'm going to get tons of thumbs down for this, but I think A lists and B lists are stupid! I never even knew people did that until I started reading these boards. It's terribly rude and insensitive. I don't care if people don't know they're on the B list or not. The ones who send their regrets will most likely send a gift anyway. Then, the B listers will either accept and bring a gift, or decline and perhaps send a gift. Who would want to come to a wedding knowing they weren't on the original list of invitees anyway. I think it's horrible etiquette and people shouldn't do it.

Answer 2

I'm sorry, I don't think this will be a very popular response...but I think it's rude to have two different lists. Obviously, family and close friends are more important than casual friends or coworkers, but I think it would be hard to conceal the fact that people were on the "B" list. Even if you did like some said and sent them out 8 weeks ahead of time, you have to realize that not everyone is going to RSVP to your schedule and have them in by 6 weeks.



I think in this type of situation, the bride and groom should scale back their wedding. Instead of having a sit down dinner, maybe they should have a different type of reception, or cut back the flowers, or videographer, or whatever. A wedding is about uniting a couple, not who can throw the biggest fanfare. I'm not sure what your wedding is like, but perhaps you could cut costs somewhere else? If you do end up inviting your second wave of guests, realize that you may offend someone that finds out, and it sort of looks like you are looking for more gifts.

Answer 3

You can't send the invitations out any more than 8 weeks ahead of time. Even if tried to get an RSVP count before then, it would end up being inaccurate. The earlier you send the invites, the more likely it is that someone who said they will come will end up being a no-show.

Answer 4

No. You can't do that. People will find out that they were on your "second class guest" list and may not even attend for that reason. You are supposed to make a guest list based on the people you absolutely must have there (not who your parent require you to invite) and what fits the venue. Anyone else who isn't close to you will think that you're inviting them only as a gift grab.

Answer 5

I think it's perfectly fine to send a second wave of invites if people RSVP with NO. It's the perfect scenario. You invited the most important guest, they have been acknowledged, unfortunately they are unable to attend so you continue on down the list. Go for it. Just make sure you send out the next invitation as soon as possible after the first NO comes in so that they have time to reply to you. And I would also keep this information to yourself. I dont think you're doing anything wrong, you just dont want to make a big deal out of it.

Answer 6

I just wouldn't discuss ahead of time who you are and aren't inviting. That way its not obvious who is and isn't the second wave. I would send the first wave out earlier than the traditional 6 weeks, and send them out 8 weeks ahead. All the invitations should be the same, specifically with the same rsvp date, so no one would definitely know they are on the 2nd wave of invites. Usually people know if they are or aren't able to come and should rsvp early, especially out-of-towners. As "no's" come in you can send out invites one-by-one working your way down the 2nd list. Ahead of time I would order the 2nd list with who you would want to invite in a specific order. Also, I would pay attention to grouping. Such as, two brothers and their respective partners- you might not want to invite one brother without being able to invite the other brother.



Good luck!

Answer 7

I think it's OK, but you are going to end up hurting people's feelings. Are these just friends? or family? I know my sister at her wedding she did that, but she then had room available so she invited co-workers and they didn't mind, because she told them family first. I'm doing the same thing for my wedding, we actually only had 2 declines, so my fiance was able to invite 2 additional friends, by telling them sorry for the late notice, but we had to see about family first. You could perhaps include a note stating that you are sorry they weren't invited sooner, but you were limited to immeditely family first.

Answer 8

I don't think there is a PC way to do that - invites go out 6 weeks ahead and they'll know they are a part of a second wave (as you call it). If it's something you want to do, as soon as the no's come in, send out the invites ASAP so they aren't so late.

Answer 9

Etiquette says invitations should be sent our 6-8 weeks ahead of time. If you send out invitations at the 8 week mark and get some "no" responses back by the 6 week mark, then no one will know they are part of the second wave.

Answer 10

Yes, a B list is fine. Unless someone is particularly childish, everybody knows that costs are such that most people have a limit on the number of guests. I'd be happy to be included!

Answer 11

There is nothing wrong with inviting more people as long as you manage to hide the fact that there was a "B" list and "A" list of guests.

Answer 12

yes. there's no law saying what you have to do for your wedding (congrats by the way) so i think you could. Also, people tend to forget, especially if they live outta state, so it would serve as a good reminder too. :)

Answer 13

I think it is okay, but def. do it asap so they can rsvp.