To the newly engaged; did you talk it beforehand?

Question

Tis the season for many engagements & proposals! Did all of you newly/and not so newly engaged talk about things beforehand? Or was it a total suprise? If there was talk, what did you talk about; when, arrangements, life in the future?

Answer 1

I'm not newly engaged but yes we did talk about marriage, I think this is very important as you may have very different views on what you want from life and your future, so it is really important to talk and make sure you are on the same page as it were. Don't be upset, just be patient, the more you nag, or moan, or push, or put the pressure on the more he will back off. Relax, enjoy the time you have together, make him remember why he fell in love with you, concentrate on keeping the relationship healthy and happy and the proposal will come.

Answer 2

We definitely talked about it beforehand because it is such a major committment. However, we had talked about it a lot throughout our relationship and had known for many years that we would eventually marry. We met at 15 and 17, got engaged at 19 and 21, and will marry at 20 and 22. Being so young, we of course had to talk about it, and we even talked to my parents about it TOGETHER several months before he proposed. So, it was not a surprise. He did, however, still want to incorporate SOME surprise, so I didn't know when, in the span of several months, he was going to propose.



We talked about EVERYTHING. We always talked about when, and being so young, that changed a lot. Where we would live, what life would be like, financial problems we would have, how many children, the best time to get married, how the committment of marriage is forever, etc. is all stuff we talked about. I don't think there is one thing we ever left out.



I think it's important to talk about all this stuff before you even get engaged. If it IS a total suprise, then talking about all this stuff directly afterward is important. Just in my opinion.



But, anyway, I'm going shopping for shoes today! Wish me luck, as shoes are my feet's worst enemy! lol. I hate buying shoes. *sigh*

Answer 3

I've been engaged twice, and both times I knew ahead of time that he was going to ask. I didn't know exactly when, so the timing was still a surprise, but we did discuss the fact that marriage was probably going to occur. Fortunately, I broke off the first engagement after six years, but followed through with the second, (right,) one! My husband and I talked about our future plans from the time we met. After a while, we started saying things like "when we are married" or "let's move there" or "when we have kids." We both knew it was going to happen, but my husband picked the day to make it official.



And to anyone who's thinking of proposing, talking it over first is essential. You do NOT want to be surprised by the person saying "no!"

Answer 4

Oh my gosh, I am almost the same as you but I still haven't had the nerve to say anything. I thought (really had myself convinced) that he was going to propose over the holidays and now I'm sad he didn't. I actually feel guilty for feeling sad cause I know I only did it to myself, building up my hopes.



We haven't talked about it either, I have sensed that he's the sort who wants it to be "his thing" so I've tried not to interfere, but I'm starting to try to think of ways to let him know I want to be engaged to him.



I actually asked a question on here the other day about how to deal with the sad feeling, and some people weren't nice about it - they said that he was never going to ask me or they said I was being a gold-digger and just wanted the ring. It was even more upsetting to see all that, cause that's not what I am about.



There were some people who suggested that I sit down and tell him that I want it to be soon, but I am afraid to do that... and your story reinforced that.



I guess we'll just have to be patient... But believe me, I can totally relate to you. I got a beautiful necklace from him for Christmas and actually had to make myself not be let-down by it. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the necklace, but when I opened it, somehow I knew it was all the jewelry I was going to get.



My heart is with you! We'll make it!

Answer 5

Yes, we talked about it before--it was kind of understood by us and everyone we knew that we would end up married! We were engaged after dating 18 months, and this was a topic of casual conversation for about the last 6 months of our dating. We never ring shopped together or anything like that, it was just, ;'when we get married, let's do this or that'



I asked him when he was ready to propose, please give me a nice story to tell--don't just hand it to me on our way into the store and say, how about it? He made a wonderful production out of it, and my surprise proposal was thrilling and so memorable.



I never worried about arguing over the wedding (and we haven't) because the main thing to me is that he becomes my husband. Though we are having a somewhat extravagant thing, IMO, it is what he wants, and I know I will love it too, so extravagant it is! We work great as a team, and haven't had a single argument through our planning or building our dreamhome (both going on right now)

Answer 6

Ours was a lot like Mathie's answer. I think if you're mature and dating seriously, you just naturally would talk about marriage and talking about all the things about life lets you see if you are really suited. You can love someone and still not be a match for marriage if you want different things!

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt and sad, but really after two years of dating, the two of you should have been having some serious talks already. Otherwise, you're dating just for the sake of dating... then what's the purpose.

To me, it shows the character of the man that he should WANT to know all about the things you want, and you wanting to know about him and his thoughts on things.

I remember us having this serious all night discussion on this hypothetical scenario - ok, we're married, I'm pregnant, and there's an emergency. Only one of us can be saved - the wife or the baby - what should happen? Aside from the usual ones about religion, cultural stuff (luckily we totally meshed on both of those), we talked lots about kids - how many, what if a child were handicapped, being a SAHM, etc.

Good luck. Get the dude talking....

Answer 7

We absolutely talked about it all first. When we started dating, it was with the intent to possibly marry someday-we were not going to risk our great friendship for anything less than total commitment. But we didn't actually talk seriously about engagement until about a year and a half into our relationship. We talked about when we wanted to get married, and what our job plans were, and where we would want to live, and children, and etc. Though I knew a proposal was coming, I had no idea when he would actually pop the question...so when he did ask this past April, I was definitely surprised. :)

Answer 8

I've been engaged for a little more than 6 months. Yes we talked about it. We talked about having a life together, having kids, where to live and all that jazz. I knew he was going to propose I just didn't know when. It was a total surprise when he did.

Answer 9

We've talked about our future a lot. You need to. I knew we would get engaged eventually but didn't know when it would happen just that it would be in 2007. I knew he was saving for a ring. But he along with all our friends threw me off guard and made me think it wouldn't be happening any time soon. It totally worked because he surprised me on New Year's Eve with a proposal in front of all our friends.

Answer 10

Well...our decision to get married came from a conversation and not from a formal proposal. In fact, neither one of us formally proposed to the other. We decided that the time had come to have an open, honest discussion about our future. The outcome of that discussion was that we wanted our futures to include each other. So I said "I think we should get married". He said "Good idea - let's do it!". Then we started planning the wedding. That was in July, our wedding is in just over 4 weeks.

Answer 11

Been engaged for a few mos here.....wedding is march 1st.



We did talk about it. I didn't now any of the specifics or anything, but we talked about being "together forever" and having kids etc. I didn't know when and where etc, but it finally happened when we were on vacation.



I knew he was the one and he knew too, and yes we did tell each other that, but its nice to have the formal proposal too.



Its a very exciting time and a very stressful one too. Take your time and enjoy things. Good Luck.

Answer 12

We definitely talked about! It's smart to discus future plans before you get engaged. You need to make sure you are on the same page about what you want in the future before making the commitment. We talked about where we want to be after school, where we want to live, if we wanted children, how many, religious stuff, views on raising children, financial stuff, etc. You really need to get it all out there.



It may not sound like the most romantic thing in the world, but neither is a broken engagement or divorce because you didn't talk about it before hand.

Answer 13

We talked about it before we got engaged. We talked about marriage, responsibilities associated with marriage, children, even where we wanted to live and how we wanted to get married. We talked about marriage for a few months before he proposed. He still managed to surprise me in the park with his proposal. He was sweet and thoughtful about it. I knew it was coming but not when and we wouldn't have gotten engaged without some serious conversations first.

Answer 14

I got engaged years ago, but yes we had discussed it alot before it happened. I actually wanted the ring for Christmas, but he waited until July. He was smart. We got married the following October (3 month engagement). I think it is good to plan it a little. Just to be sure you are both on the same page.

Answer 15

Yep, I just got engaged on New Years Eve but we talked about it in November. We moved in together a year ago and now are talking about moving again, so we thought it time in our relationship to take the next step. So we discussed it and decided to get engaged. He told his kids over Thanksgiving and we waited a month or so for them to get used to the idea before making it official. I'm so excited!

Answer 16

My fiance and I discussed EVERYTHING before we got engaged. We decided if we wanted a large or small wedding, we decided what kind of ring to get me, who to invite, where to have it, where to honeymoon. All of it. I didn't get a big romantic surprise proposal, but it is worth the exchange. We didn't get engaged and THEN find out that I wanted a huge wedding and he wanted a small ceremony. We don't have all of the little hassles and arguments that come from surprises. We have also decided whether we want children and since we don't how we are going to keep that from happening, we decided where we want to live, what we want to do with our lives. Get it all out now!

Answer 17

We talked about marriage and then one day decided to go ring shopping. We bought the ring and I waited patiently for a whole week while it was being sized. He picked up the ring about 10am on a Saturday morning. I knew he had it with him, I was just waiting for him to propose. About 1pm or so, I was out in my car. It was like a 100 plus degrees out and I was going to follow him somewhere in my car. I was trying to air my car out, I had the air conditioner on full blast. He came over to me at my car, got down on one knee in the street and asked me to marry him. One year later we were married. This was both our second marriage, but the one that will last till death.

Answer 18

We had talked about it happening, but when and where were a surprise. I think it's good to talk about things so you get an idea of what each others wants and needs are.



We talked about what kind of wedding we wanted, where, a time frame...all kinds of things. We also talked about where we wanted to live and if we wanted to have children... this is a BIG thing to discuss beforehand lol

Answer 19

He told me he was going to propose sometime during the holidays. I guess he wanted to get a hint if I was going to say no.

Answer 20

We always talk about the future.. and last night, he finally decided it was time for him to sit down and seriously see what I wanted.. But we talk about EVERYTHING.. we're living apart right now, so we talk alot about living together, kids, etc.

Answer 21

well... just talk about like what plans are in the future. how many kids you want. and where they want to get married when they get married.

Answer 22

talked about it beforehand...so it was semi-surprise but still great!

Answer 23

SURE...