Should I serve non vegan food at my wedding reception because family are refusing to attend the wedding if I serve vegan food?

Question

I’ve been vegan half my life and my fiancé has been vegan for almost all of his life as a lot of his family are vegan or vegetarian. We decided early on that we would only have vegan food at our wedding. However now members of my family are turning around and saying that they won’t attend if I serve vegan food, even my own mother has turned around and said she won’t attend as they’ll be nothing she can eat. I’ve been to family weddings, celebrations and birthdays where there has been literally nothing for me to eat and I’ve sat there with a smile on my face. After the first 2 where I realised there was no food I could eat, I brought my own and was often shunned to eating it in my car. I had to pay for and cook my own food when I went vegan as my parents refused to “fund my damaging lifestyle” but were ok to give my brother money every weekend to get incredibly drunk.

I don’t want to fall out over something as silly as what food I serve but at the same time it’s important to me to have vegan food.

Answer 1

If you were Muslim, would your family expect you to serve pig at YOUR OWN wedding? If you were vegetarian for religious reasons, would they expect you to serve animal flesh? If you were Indian, would they expect you to serve Western foods? Honestly, they are acting like a bunch of petulant children. THEY CAN SURVIVE ONE DAY WITHOUT MEAT!!! And nothing they can eat? I'm assuming your mother has never eaten salad, bread, fruit salad, dark chocolate, french fries, garlic bread, Pringles, or mashed potatoes in her entire life?



Seriously though, it is YOUR day. If people are that immature that they cannot come and CELEBRATE YOUR DAY because they can't survive a single meal without animal flesh, then they don't deserve to be there. Don't compromise your beliefs for undeserving people. Don't let them guilt you into paying for something that goes against everything you stand for as a human being just because they're being bullies. Stand your ground and celebrate your day with people who will appreciate you and your husband for who you are.



P.S. Add some plates of vegan nuggets or alternative dishes. They won't even know the difference.

Answer 2

While I don't agree with refusing to attend a wedding due to the couples choice in menu, I also don't agree with not suiting the needs of your guests. A good host considers the needs of their guests, not their self.



My husband is a pescetarian, meaning he doesn't eat any meat aside from seafood. Me, I eat meat but not much red meat. That's nothing with animal treatment or health, I just don't like it that much. However, we both realized we were feeding 350 other people so we had food options for everyone.



If you have just a vegan menu, your catering $ will be wasted since many will not eat it.

Answer 3

Just serve booze and canapes

Answer 4

It's your wedding - serve what YOU want to serve.

People are NOT going to starve if they miss a meal … (they can eat cake).

Don't let people hold you hostage over the menu -- if they think that much of eating a meal more than coming to your wedding - let that be their decision to make.

Answer 5

Good meal hosts don't go out of their way to displease their honored guests.



Good guests don't whine about not being able to eat food that they most definitely CAN eat even if they don't like it.



You're all being ridiculous, and ridiculous people don't take advice. Barnyard animals have better etiquette than you bunch. Guessing the question is fake.



How is you not wanting to eat what you were served any different than them not wanting to eat what you are planning to serve? Everyone has their preferences. Yours are no more important than anyone else's.

Answer 6

it's not like they're going to starve to death if they miss one meal without meat.

BUT it's YOUR wedding and apparently you WANT them there.

if you want to start your marriage with tension and HATE, then stand your ground.

but really there's no need to make the start of your marriage a ffkking p!ss!ng match!!

CONCEDE!!!

leave the rest of the menu exactly as you had planned, with vegan dishes.

just ffkking ADD baked chicken breasts to the menu.

and some sausage and/or cheese appetizers on toothpicks.

put all the meat stuff on a separate buffet table.

DONE!!!!

how ffkking hard is that????????



and as for you - whining about not having vegan options at other people's weddings - why can't you just eat BEFORE you go to the wedding??? go with a full stomach! the general population doesn't do vegan so you should NOT expect it.

Answer 7

There are often two choices of food at receptions. So, why not offer a chicken dish to those meat eaters?



I think it is Hogwash that people will actually boycott a wedding solely due to the food served. My goodness, how closed minded can one get? It is not like you are forcing them to eat jalapeno stuffed scorpions and pigs feet. What, no one ever had a great salad sprinkled with walnuts, mandarin oranges and cranberries with balsamic vinegar drizzled on top?

Answer 8

First : stop giving away anything about the wedding or reception.I can't believe these people eat meat at ever meal.Sounds fake.



Second : since the reception is to thank your guests for attending your wedding, give them what they want.Even though I prefer plate service, make your food a buffet so all these picky people can take what they want. You may need more than one buffet.Same with the bar.



Try a simple choice.Work with your caterer on what you will serve.

Congrats on your wedding.

Answer 9

With all the different diets people are on these days, it makes it hard to make everyone happy. There are some vegan dishes that your family wouldn't realize are vegan unless you make a big deal out of it. Pacify them by having 1 or 2 non-vegan offerings. There will be others there that aren't into the vegan lifestyle either.

Answer 10

If you were attending a wedding, would you hope the bride & groom respected you enough to provide food for you? Your guests will be hoping the same. Its a wedding a time to bring families & friends together to celebrate not a time to preach lifestyle choices, or at least it shouldnt be

Answer 11

So why can't you have both? Most receptions will have a choice of dinner so have a choice of vegan or steak or chicken. If there is a buffet instead then put out a mix so people can take what they want.

Answer 12

Vegan food is gross. Dairy and animal products are delicious and necessary. Your future baby won't thrive so well off of vegan food...you really need to eat animal meat. Yes, serve non-vegan food. Nobody wants your tofu crap.

Answer 13

Serve the vegan food, if they want to, they will be there. It's ONE MEAL! They will NOT starve.

Answer 14

okay. I think this whole story is fake now. didn't you just pretend you were the carnivore sister that didn't want to attend her vegan sister's wedding because there would be no meat? F off.

Answer 15

Its your wedding, serve what you wish. If they are only coming for the food, they came for the wrong reason.

Answer 16

I am not sure if this is a real question.

Or what kind of venues your family use.

I never been to a wedding where there were not a salad served.

I never been to a wedding where they would not give a plate of vegetables and charge no more money.



If you want a vegan wedding, then have one.

Having food your family could eat, if you want them there, then do so.

Answer 17

I would not expect everyone in my family to conform to my dietary choices.



For instance, one of our daughters has to eat gluten free (not a choice, a necessity). When she got married, she had a gluten free cake for her to eat, and regular cake for everyone else.



You aren't really choosing food over family, right?

Answer 18

So why can't you have both? Most receptions will have a choice of dinner so have a choice of vegan or steak or chicken. If there is a buffet instead then put out a mix so people can take what they want.

Answer 19

Ever hear of a menu? have two choices.

Answer 20

While both of you are vegens, you will have many people that would like to eat meat. So IMO you need to compromise a little. I would have a meat dish (chicken is cheapest) and the rest your veggies, potatoes, etc. You and your future husband don't have to eat the chicken but you really should look out for your guests too.

Answer 21

How about not serving a meal? Just do what people used to do--serve wedding cake, punch, nuts and mints.

Answer 22

Why are you even discussing the details of the menu with them?

Answer 23

Serve whatever you like. If some members of your family are so obnoxious and petulant that they won't attend your wedding over the catering choice...they don't love you anyway so you shouldn't care. Your family must truly be pigs if all they think about is food.

Answer 24

A wise host sidesteps questions like "What are you serving?" The person asking such a question is obviously intending to find fault with the host's choices. And the wise host doesn't provide a menu, but instead assures the troublemaker "There will be lots of choices; I can promise there will be familiar foods prepared in familiar ways so that even the pickiest eater isn't going to go home hungry." But it seems it's too late to "head them off at the pass" in this way.



The idea that non-vegans eat ONLY animal foods is nonsense. These people regularly include fruits, vegetables, grains, breads, pasta, legumes, nuts, and many other non-animal foods in their diets. Anyone asserting "If there's no animal foods, then there's nothing for me to eat" is full of bull. Do not allow yourself to be bullied in this way.



And for pete's sake stop patting yourself on the back for discretely tucking some food into purse or pocket, for eating this food in such a way that neither hosts nor other guests will be aware of your survival strategy. This is simply good manners for ANYONE who is picky about diet, for whatever reason. Nobody owes you anything for it.

Answer 25

Being vegan is less damaging then getting drunk, wow your parents are so ignorant.

If you want them to come then you should offer some thing for them. Don't force food on them if they don't want to eat it.

I have a lot of food allergies, but at my wedding I didn't want my guests to miss out on the food. So I asked if some thing could be made for me that I could eat, but my guest would be allowed to have what ever was put on the menu. I'm not vegetarian, but a few family members are so I did have a couple of vegetarian options for them.

If your family is acting that way towards you, then I would re consider inviting them to your wedding.

Answer 26

The reception is held for your guests, not for you.

Unless you have a religious objection, you should be considerate and serve food that your guests will like. The way you treat your friends and family when you entertain will set the tone for your future relationships. There are some things that are easy enough to do which will pay of greatly in later dealings with them- and clearly, this is one.

Answer 27

It s not difficult to incorporate a vegan option in the wedding menu- doesn t have to be one or the other.

Answer 28

If friends and family have to travel far from home to attend your wedding, a polite host would feed them what they want to eat. An impolite host would seek to impose their own tastes and values on their guests. No one goes to a social function to be snubbed or insulted. Given the choice, they prefer not to attend.



If your friends and family live close enough that they can depart after the wedding ceremony and feed themselves, then that is what they might choose to do but only if you are the sort of person whose wedding they want to celebrate with you in the first place.



If you see the reception and food as the important part, then I suggest you misunderstand marriage.



If your principles matter more than your friends and family, I am sure you feel fully justified and that your family fully understand where they stand in your priorities.



We all have choices in life. We are free to exercise them if we are willing to live with the consequences.

Answer 29

I would refuse to attend if you did not serve real food. Be vegan in your own home.

Answer 30

Well you should offer something non vegan at least.

Answer 31

They're getting back at you for your rigidity.

Answer 32

Non-vegans can eat vegan food without any issues. It's false for them to claim there wouldn't be anything for them to eat. They could eat EVERYTHING served at the wedding without compromising their non-vegan diet in any way. In fact unless they pour lard over absolutely everything they ever eat, they probably eat vegan food regularly without realizing.



You're right. They're wrong. If they were asking about this situation (and yes, I did notice your question from the opposite perspective) I would tell them to get over it already.



But you're asking as the vegan bride now. And unreasonable or not, this does sound like it could cause a falling out with your family. In your position I would probably try to reach a compromise. Maybe some lacto-ovo vegetarian dishes? Not because you're wrong, but because I personally would consider peace in the family more important than being right.

Answer 33

Yes you damn well should. You should make your guests happy. No one is telling you to change your beliefs.

Answer 34

No, why should you have to compromise on your morals and beliefs? It’s just one meal, if they can’t suck it up when they know full well that you’ve gone without then they shouldn’t be at the wedding.