18 and getting married. What is your opinion on this?

Question

My fiance and I are both 18 and we've been engaged for a year. Our wedding is this July and everything is pretty much set. I'm not having doubts but I am nervous and scared. I don't expect to have a fairy tale life with him, because marriage is hard at any age. We are both starting college this fall and we both have well-paid jobs. Our plans are to do college, save money up and have our own place within two years. Our families are very supportive but I'm curious to know what people think of me being an 18 year old wife?

Answer 1

There is no ideal age for any life event as calendar age is not an accurate depiction of developmental age. An 18 year old might be ready for what a 40 year old isn't, and vice versa. If you feel that you are ready for marriage, love each other completely, support each other always, faithful forever, I see no problem with it. Just make sure that you can afford a place of your own, have good paying jobs, and don't miss out on any dreams or opportunities so that you can marry. I'll be almost 21 when I get married next year (engaged at 18) and my fiance' will be a week from 24. My parents married at 17 and 18, and they'll celebrate 30 years together in August. As long as two people are dedicated to each other and the love they share, and are willing to work to keep their relationship strong, age is not a factor (sparing matters of illegality i.e. adults and minors).



You are likely experiencing the nervousness that comes with any major life decision. Some will tell that is a bad sign. In my opinion, if you weren't a little nervous, you wouldn't be taking it very seriously. Just make sure that your nerves aren't warning you off of making a mistake.

Answer 2

I find it interesting that you are posting this question. What we say really doesn't matter, and in all honesty, what your families think really does not matter. As since you are both responsible adults, who think matters through, you can be secure in your decisions without needing other people's buy-in.



But, since you asked, you'll get replies from the 14-17 year olds who think that yeah, 18 is an adult and you can do what you want, plus love is all that matters. You'll get replies from 18-20 year olds who will be mixed on their responses. But more likely than not, you'll get replies from those who are older than 20, and most will tell you that 18 is too young.



Why do most people consider 18 to be too young? Why do you think? If a part of you didn't think that 18 was too young, you wouldn't be tempted to ask this question. What I also find interesting is that I have yet to see a question posted "I'm 28 years old, am I too young to get married?". Why do you think that is?



Looking back, I know I wasn't the same person at 16 that I was at 19. I wasn't the same person at 19 that I was at 22. I wasn't the same person at 22 that I was at 26...you get the point. I thank my lucky stars that I didn't marry my high school boyfriend at 18. We both changed so much during college. By the end, we were both two different people. We were both still good people, but just different. However, at 18, I was heads over heels in love, and knew that we would get married after college. I can gladly say I was wrong.



One last question for you...I have a hunch on this that I may get some flack for...not too many people get engaged at 17. Where's your dad and/or what tramatic event happend to you between the ages of 3 - 7?

Answer 3

I'm not really going to answer your question. But I am going to give you some insight into it.

My mother married my father when she was 19 and he was 17. They both claimed they were very much in love and would be together for the rest of their lives. They have been divorced for more than 10 years.

On the other hand, my grandparents married when they were 16 and 21. And they are still together as strong as they ever were.

Love is very fragile. It takes a lot more than just strong emotions to sustain it, it takes caring, understanding, compromise and trust. Not to mention a lot of sacrifice.

If you are both willing to make these changes, and trust me when I say this-things will change once you say 'I do', then you aren't too young.

You will both have to prepare for the changes that will happen during the next few years, not just with each other, but with yourselves. You will become different. Not saying that you will do a 180, but you will become more firm in some beliefs and lax in others.

All I can tell you is this, be prepared to make changes, don't fight with each other- talk. Communication is the most important part of a marriage. Never be afraid to laugh and always take everything with a grain of salt, even life changing events. Love unconditionally and never try to hurt each other or accuse each other without facts.

Last but not least, congratulations on your marriage, God bless you both and I hope you have a great life together. You can be mature enough at 18 to get married, I know plenty of people that aren't mature enough at 40. Good luck!



BTW, for the people that are saying that people over 20 will tell you that 18 is too young, I am 23. And I don't appreciate people speaking for me.

Answer 4

You know what I got engaged at 18 and this August I'm planning on announcing to my family that I've set my wedding date (I'll be 20 when I walk the aisle) and all I've heard is how young I am. Honestly I don't think that you have forgotten how old you are. But these people don't stop to get to know you and what you and your hubby to be have planned they just read "18" and "getting married" so automatically it is a bad idea. My aunt got married at 16 in the 70's and she's been married for 30+ years and they own a business and are about to open another. Marriage isn't easy that is that but that doesn't mean that just because you're 18 that your marriage won't work. Statistically it won't work but there are hundreds of people who beat statistics with every passing anniversary, however because they're doing good it's not talked about. Just be careful to take precautions so that you're not a mom before you get college finished. Congratulations and Best Wishes!



Oh and be sure to keep us updated. :)

Answer 5

The main thing is knowing yourself. If you know who you are and you know exactly what you want, then go for it.



I absolutely believe that a very self-aware 18-year-old can enter into marriage with another very self-aware 18-year-old.



But let me also add that I am 19 and I've changed so much in the past year I feel like a different person. College was a bigger transition than I bargained for.



If you think you should take it slower, know that it's never to late to cancel your plans. A postponed wedding or even a broken engagement is much better than a divorce.



That said, it sounds to me like you know what you're doing. Stick to your guns. People who don't know you will say stuff, and it doesn't mean anything. The people who matter are your fiance, your family, his family, and most importantly, YOU!



Congratulations on your engagement, and best wishes for a happy future!

Answer 6

I personally would not have gotten married that young just because I was not ready. I was in college and so is he. I have been with my fiance for 4 years and we plan on getting married in a year and a half. We will both be finished with college and will no longer have to depend on our parents. He will be 22 and I will be 21. I still consider this young, but we are finally ready. I think if you feel good about getting married go for it! It is your life and if you are mature enough to deal with getting married and all the things that come along with it more power to you! Just please make sure you continue your education so you can get a great job and be financially comfortable! GOOD LUCK! I hope everything works out for you and your future husband!

Answer 7

My personal opinion is that you are both too young . You neither of you have had a chance to enjoy any experience of life on your own . Married life is not a bed of roses , it is a big compromise ; doing what pleases your partner . Some young men like to go out with the lads and enjoy a few beers ; the wife is at home , feeling neglected . Girls like to spend time with their girlfriends and he thinks she should be home cooking supper . I am sure you are devoted lovers and afraid of losing one another if you have a few years of independence . If your asking , there may be a doubt in your mind . You both seem to be capable down to earth people , so maybe you can make it work . Remember Loving is giving , each to the other .

Answer 8

I personally I think 18 is too young. I was dating somebody when I was 18 and got married when I was 23 with that person. However, at that time, I felt the change in me and could not grow with him anymore. I realized that we are way too different and had different wants & values in life. SO we separated, divorced. I was alone for awhile dating people until I was 30 and I met the man I will be marrying in 2 months. The bottom line is - you have a lot of growign up to do from being 18 to 30. I did not even really fell confident as a woman til I reached 30. My advise is wait, stay as good friend, experience life, travel and if your relationship and friendship grow stronger through all where life takes you, then he is your best friend. The man you marry will not be just a lover, but your best friend and partner for life..... Good luck.

Answer 9

congrats!

my fiance and i will be 18 when we get married.



i was curious too. what i've found is that people who are happily married (no matter when they got married) are very

happy for us. people who have had a bad marriage and/or are generally unhappy with their own lives are complete jerks about it.



sow your wild oats, don't get married too soon or you will ruin your life, you might become a totally different person in 2 or 3 years, you need to sleep around and get some experience, you won't know if it's true love unless you try out some others, you need to live alone, you need to find your true identity blah blah blah. if you don't believe any of that stuff, then it won't be true for you. everyone is different.



If you are ready, you are ready. It's just that simple. All the excuses won't bother you unless you choose to believe them.

After all, what the hell is wrong with the idea of growing up together? When did the idea of "protracted adolescence" become so prevalent?



it's not about your age, it's about whether or not you're willing to make it work. no matter what age you are, if you are committed and have found your soul mate, go for it!



lol...kudos for posting this, i was afraid to ask complete strangers.

Answer 10

Honestly....when I was 18 my boyfriend of and I of 2 1/2 years talked about us getting married and were all set to go. A year later and one year of college in, we had broken up and have never talked since. I think that at 18 I was too young and am glad that we didn't actually go and get married but that doesn't mean it is the same for everyone. Two of my best friends got married at 18, one is getting a divorce currently, the other one is planning on renewing her vows next year. I hope that things work out well for you and wish you the best.

Answer 11

I would put it off. You are really young. You can still enjoy being in love. At first just put off the wedding for a year. Wait to see how you feel after a year in college. One or both of you might decide to go into something that requires a lot of graduate school and/or international travel. It's better to do that kind of thing before you get married. There's no rush. You have a very long life ahead of you.

Answer 12

Will you both retain your current jobs and attend college full-time? If you can't, then you will rack up a huge amount of debt for living expenses on top of enormous student loans by the time you graduate. This is not a scenario that would allow you to save your money for a home within two years of graduation.



You might want to sit down with a financial analyst and go over your plans with him/her, especially if you also have current credit card debt on top of future loans and additonal credit card debt for living expenses while in school.



You seem like a very level-headed person that had rather face facts than rush into a situation. You said that your families are both supportive. Perhaps you should also discuss your financial plans with them to prevent any misconceptions about what lies ahead for you.



Good luck!! : /

Answer 13

i think its amazing. i've been with my boyfriend for over 2 years. and i'm 17. thats not long, but we are very much in love. i would love to get married in the next year or two. his parents were married at 16 and 19, and my mother was married once at 17. i am very supportive of this. i think it is a great thing to do if you love each other. i'm sure it will make you feel like you have more freedom to live your life the way you want without parents telling you what you can and can't do. i'm not sure if you have that problem, but we do.

Answer 14

Personally, I wouldn't get married right now (I'm 18) I don't feel mentally prepared to be with one man for the rest of my life because I know how much people can change and that scares me. It's nice that your family is supportive and I wish you two the best of luck.

Answer 15

You sould to be pretty grounded in understanding nothing is perfect. We all have to work for it!

The concern with the age I have is that you may not have had all the "single" and "dating" experiences yet that we all do before settling down. You lives at that age are just really beginning. And its a big step. And I would want to be old enough at my wedding do have a glass of champage!

But if its waht you want then dont let any of us talk you from it! Follow your head and heart

Answer 16

You may make a life decision that you are not ready to handle! Plus, what's the rush?!?....you have the rest of your life! You're loved one isn't going anywhere soon. Wouldn't you like to wait until after college so you can afford a nice wedding?



Congrats anyways and good luck!!

Answer 17

Too young. I went through 4 boyfriends between my high school sweetheart and the love of my life (between ages 18 and 25). My tastes changed drastically because I matured A LOT in that time. I learned about life outside of high school (college teaches you more than just classroom stuff), and my core beliefs changed. Wait, please.

Answer 18

aww gooood luck!! I hope your college doesn't create debt. If you need to take out loans for your college- do not get married yet. You need to start with a clean slate because financial ruin will deter any solid relationship!

Answer 19

i think you are too young. coming from someone that is older than you, you wont realise how too young you are until a few more years down the line



good luck with your marriage

Answer 20

You seem very confident about it. If this is what you both want and you have support from your family then what does it matter what other people think. Prove them wrong.

Answer 21

I'd get married after you saved enough for a house.

Answer 22

My personal opinion, since you asked, is that is too young. It is your life though.

Answer 23

Hey?love is love and thats all there is to it if you love umm and you wanna share your life then i think:NEVER to young.

*Good Luck*