Women, would you marry a man who refuses to give you an engagement ring?

Question

We are both financially stable and have some extra cash to use on the things that we want, as we have been working for a while now and each have some savings. I am 29 and he is 32.

I know it sounds kind of selfish, but my girlfriends and women at work have been getting engaged left to right, each having their own nice piece of jewelry to signify their commitment. Some women have bigger rings, some have smaller rings with very unique designs. I would be happy with just about any ring that signifies we are serious about each other and have a wedding coming up. That's all I really want.

We've been dating for 1.5 years and frankly I thought we were on the same page with each other. At the six month mark he did ask if I wanted to move in with him, but I replied that I wouldn't live with a person unless I was at least engaged. He fully respected that. I also don't do anything for a boyfriend that a wife would do for her husband so it's not like he already has me for free (but that's just my view on my relationship. If you want to move in together, then your happiness is not mine to judge, and vice versa).

Just a couple months ago he brought up the idea of marriage and I couldn't be quicker to agree. I was already happy as though he was proposing. However, my mood took a quick drop when he said that he's one of those men who don't believe that a ring is necessary or practical. I asked if he would be okay with one after we got married, and I still got a flat out no *cont

Answer 1

I used to be a lot different when to marriage. Now I don’t need marriage to be happy. As long as l am happy and in a stable relationship a ring on my isn’t necessary. However, in your case l would your guy how you feel about the current status of your relationship. You want to know what he’s thinking, and feeling. You Should be on the same page. 

Answer 2

Some women are liberal about divorce, premarital sex, aborting kids etc... it looks like the guy you are dating is "liberal" when it comes to giving engagement rings...I mean, "Traditionally" men would give women engagement rings... but a "liberal" man rejects "traditional values" just like liberal women reject traditional values.

Answer 3

This is just a note that the two of you are not on the same page. And what the heck does he mean by “one of those men”, what else does “one of those men” not believe in?  No wedding bands for either of you? I am sure there are a lot of things he owns that are neither practical or necessary. So what is really going on here?



Bringing mom and dad in on this probably NOT the best idea.  Bringing in your other family shouldn’t have been done. 

This is between the two of you.  Now if he does buy you a ring, your parents are never ever going to forget this.  



Bottom line is you felt bad, he is making you feel bad without a real explanation. 



You really need a discussion with him alone. If he knows how you feel and still doesn’t want to get you a ring or feels pushed into getting you a ring. The two of you need to rethink the relationship. And all wedding plan should be dismissed at this point. 

Answer 4

If He Really Wants To Marry You, He'll Put A Ring On It ....he might be selfish,  if he never gets one...then that is suspicious on how much he values you!

I'd accept the proposal (if it was the right guy).



But it wouldn't be official until I got a ring.I wouldn't consider official until a ring was involved.Wait until he puts a ring on it.



No, I don't consider myself to be materialistic, but if he can't buy a ring that symbolizes love, I'd be concerned.I wouldn't consider it official without a ring.

Answer 5

If he wants you in his life as a wife he should follow the protocol and get the ring.  What other common customs will he refuse to follow?  I would think twice about wanting to marry him if he doesn't come up with that ring.  It means too much to ignore.  

Answer 6

The one thing you never clarified might be the most important of all.  WHY does he not want to get you a ring?  Saying they aren't necessary isn't an explanation.   A smartphone isn't necessary, either.  I assume there's another reason.



Also, from your update, why are your parents chiming in on this?  You ask if  "we all" are being childish, but by the time I was 29, I was long past the point of sharing relationship (marriage) issues with my parents.  This struck me, because I'm trying to figure out what's off here.  If you told him what they said, I can't imagine him being happy this stuff is turning into family gossip.



Wish I could be more helpful!  I don't think it's childish at all for you to want a ring, but I would not have accepted that answer he gave.  By the time a couple starts talking marriage, you should be able to tell him ANYTHING you're thinking or feeling.  It's a big red flag if you aren't.

Answer 7

OK - so you 2 need to communicate and talk.



He doesn't want a ring - that's his prerogative, and he doesn't need a wedding ring.



You do want a ring - and it's a deal breaker for you.



Relationships are about compromise.

Answer 8

He sounds like a cheapskate to me. What are your dates like? Does he take you to nice places, or to Burger King or Denny's? Even his shoes - does he buy good shoes or pieces ofShit shoes? In other words, is he cheap about everything?



This sounds like being cheap to me, or else being scared to spend money on a ring just in case it doesn't work out.



Either way, he needs to grow a pair



I agree with the person who said you two could figure out how to negotiate about the ring, and also to compromise and communicate in your relationship generally.

Answer 9

If the man is Pentecostal or a certain religion they don't believe in wedding rings or jewelry if that is the case then I can agree with his reasons. But if you run into certain men like this you have to tell the man my religion requires that you pay to my father. The token of respect which is $7,000. Without it we cannot be married or continue this relationship. If the man is not willing to pay his financial respect. By giving you some security essentially for a divorce then tell him no.

Answer 10

1.5 years of dating is NOT that long. idk why you're pushing for a ring. i've been in a relationship for over 3 years so you need to sit down!....



if you two don't have the same views, then clearly break up

Answer 11

Well, that's rude. He should have asked you if you believed in it and you clearly do. I don't know, is this a deal breaker? I think this is a money issue but a ring doesn't have to be expensive. If you can't sort this out you shouldn't get married.

Answer 12

It looks like part of your question was cut off. No engagement ring? Some people prefer to upgrade their car with the money, instead. No wedding ring either?  A little odder. 





A wedding ring doesn't stop people from cheating,but that would be about him wearing one, I guess. He won't buy you a wedding ring? Seems really petty and kind of  mean.





I can go either way on this: loved getting engaged, but I stopped wearing my engagement ring within a couple years of getting married. I work with my hands and the ring was catching on things.





It sounds like he hasn't actually asked you to marry him, and you're young enough to have looped your parents into a ring discussion. If I was a man, this would lead me to think maybe you're not mature enough to get married. I wonder if this is his way of getting you to break up with him, so he doesn't have the guilt of breaking it off.





It sounds like it's time to walk away from this man. The two of you aren't on the same page, he's not willing to buy a symbolic ring to make you happy, and you're not ready. At 29, you should be handling your own courtship issues.

Answer 13

Does your boyfriend know that your parents are badmouthing him?



I don't fully get it... are you cohabiting with him? are you having premarital sex with him? if so, why are you traditional about men's "responsibilities"  if you are liberal about your duties as a woman?



Now, if you aren't cohabiting with him nor having premarital sex with him it makes total sense if you want him to get you an engagement ring.

Answer 14

That would be a deal breaker in my book....its a small thing to want but if you start denying yourself of the small things now he will know you will settle....

Him just knowing and not wanting to make you happy is a deal breaker

Answer 15

This is why a couple should have a few years of engagement before taking the nigh irrevocable step of marriage. Don't even think about planning a wedding until you two figure out how to negotiate an agreement on buying or not buying ring(s) and how much to spend, if anything. 

Answer 16

As you tell the story, he's not actually proposed to you. He's not formally asked you to be his wife and you two have not set a date for the wedding. It's been in discussion. It doesn't sound as if you are engaged. 



Would I marry a man without an engagement ring? OF Course I would! But you don't want to. My husband proposed, after 5 years of living together (on and off), and we wed 5 weeks later. Jewelry had nothing to do with it. Though he had bought me a ring because he knew I'd not believe him otherwise. But I'd have wed him regardless. 



It's okay. You don't want to wed him without a ring and he won't buy you one... guess you don't wed him then. You get to make all your own choices. Every one of them. Life is all about choices!  I didn't even meet my husband until I was 30. 

Answer 17

Here is the thing, relationships are about COMPROMISE, no matter what the issue is. It could be about a ring, or it could be about a fishing boat. Whatever it is, sometimes objects have meanings attached to people and others can throw around the saying that money doesn't buy happiness; but if it is important to you, then it is not stupid.



You said that the price doesn't matter, right? Then how about suggesting some of the smaller and daintier rings at about $100-$500? If he still refuses and gives you another "flat out no" then kindly tell him you will refuse a proposal without a ring.



You also might want to consider breaking up, but what concerns me is if he's the type to downright refuse to compromise. Think back to how many times you have compromised your needs for his and see if this relationship needs some reevaluating.