Small Wedding Please Help!?

2014-01-14 13:18:41 UTC

The loveliest wedding I ever attended was an intimate family wedding at a private house. I think the house belonged to the bride's grandmother. The minister married them in the living room, then they served cake and champagne. It was in the afternoon. We left after about an hour, and I seem to remember the bride and groom were leaving for their honeymoon soon after that. It all seemed very low key and old-fashioned, in a good way. This sort of thing is hard to do sometimes if family members have to come from far away, but if everyone is right there...

You just have to remember that the wedding is not really just about you and your fiance. Like it or not your family and friends will play a big role in your married life, so if they are counting on being at the wedding then eloping to the court house isn't the answer.

2014-01-14 12:47:32 UTC

I would get married at courthouse and then invite the guests to have luncheon with you at a nice restaurant that has special rooms that they can reserve for this purpose. Start looking around. You don't have to worry about bad weather and getting all the food together, you can eat, drink and be merry with your new hubby and all your family and not have to worry about a thing. It's your day, you don't want to be washing dishes.

Yes, I would have a small reception with the ones you choose. If in a private room, will be nice and it won't be like calling on the phone, hey guess what or coming out of the courthouse door and well, what do we do now. Make it a bit special. I didn't have one and still regret it. Have a friend ready to drive you to the restaurant, that way you can wear your dress and look like the bride, but only before your family. What does your fiance think??? It's his wedding also. You only get one shot. Also, remember that these people love you and want to spend this special time with you both---you two have the rest of your lives, take a few pictures, you won't regret it.

Halo Mom

2014-01-14 09:43:51 UTC

If you want to get married in a church, they will do small group.

I do not think any church will say no. Some minsters might go to you.

You could look at a Justice of peace as well.

My dad got married once on a weeknight. He just has 6 adults and about 12 children. He had it at a restaurant that had a banquet room. The JOP came and did the place then we had dinner. it was sweet.

If you do have it a restaurant, you pay. There nothing wrong with having something at your home or a family member. (If someone has a bigger house or a nice yard to have the ceremony). That would be nice. YOu could look into a JOP or minister coming and doing the ceremony. If you want a church wedding, that could be done.

Rosalie

2014-01-14 16:03:26 UTC

First of all, no guest is supposed to be asked to pay for anything at a reception. The reception is to thank them for coming to your wedding. So anything along those lines is going to be out of line - if you catch my drift. Therefore, it should never be requested.

Does someone have a big barn and yard?

You could have a backyard wedding, and then a big picnic.

Barbecue is going to be cheaper than a sit-down dinner, and more fun as well. An informal wedding like that is more like a family picnic, and therefore wouldn't be so trumped-up around you. Hopefully, that would make you more comfortable.

You could get a lot of the supplies at one of the warehouse stores, hire someone to serve the food, and buy flowers wholesale through Costco or Sam's Club - all of that would help control costs, and allow your whole family to share your joy.

I went to a backyard wedding, and it was one of the nicest ones. Their family cooked, lent them a bunch of crock pots and picnic tables, and everyone had a great time. That's how it should be - how it can be. I think they said they had about $300 to spend.

Casey Stone

2014-01-14 09:24:07 UTC

I've had two court house weddings- and also two divorces. I wouldn't reccomend the courthouse route. There's many, many, other ways to have a small wedding. Have it your backyard with just the preacher and family. Or even in your house. And if you're spiritual Or religious at all then have it in a church - it doesn't have to be a church you attend. It can be any church. And you can have it with just family that you want. The thing about courthouse weddings is it undermines the commitment. And it doesn't make the marriage seem real, it just makes it seem like a piece of paper. And marriage is everything BUT a piece of paper. Just make sure you're getting married for the right reason. Any reason other than "love" is not a reason to get married. So when you get married make sure you're doing it because you both love eachother and only want to get married cause you're in love. It's gotta be a love move, not a "benefit" or problem solver move. Also, wedding chapels do small & big weddings.

?

2014-01-14 12:50:19 UTC

You can still have a small private wedding at a church. It will be so much nicer than getting married at the courthouse, which is so impersonal. So go to your church or your family's church or make a few phone calls to see who will accomodate you.

Then have a sweet little ceremony and celebrate with everyone either at the church social hall, at a nearby family style restaurant or in your own home with chili or a cook out.

Daniel Bradley

2014-01-14 09:23:36 UTC

You could go to court...or even do it in your living room. There are an infinite number of places you can go(for free!)

If you don't have a personal pastor(who is free) you could hire a 'Justice of the Peace' who is able to legally marry you(they will have a fee probably $100-200)

If you don't want to plan you could go to an 'elopement' place...granted you have your family with you. Here you would (usually) pay a flat fee to get married (<$500) and they would supply the JP. You'll have to read each one and figure out their rules.

If you have a favorite spot and you know a pastor you could get married their with your family for free...and just pay the $50 marriage license fee(you get this first from your town hall and get it signed by the pastor)

Messykatt

2014-01-14 09:44:28 UTC

If you're close to your family, there's no reason to go to the courthouse if they'd want to see you exchange vows. All you'd need to do is contact your county and/or state to get a list of certified officiants and you'd just get in touch with them. They'll go to where ever you hold the ceremony and conduct it there. In many cases, this is even cheaper than the courthouse.

After that, you're required to have some kind of reception, but for this size group, it doesn't have to cost much at all. If I were you, I'd think of your fave cheapie restaurant (barbecue, Mexican, Chinese, pizza) and have them cater. With barbeque in particular, you could just get the meat by the pound and then make the incredibly cheap side dishes - corn, baked beans, potato salad, deviled eggs. You could easily feed this size group for under $75, I'd think. Then just figure out beverages and if you want come kind of cake or dessert.

With pizza, same deal. Get enough to feed everyone, and then just make a big salad with dressing choices. Add in some garlic bread and if you want, some frozen chicken wings.

Liz

2014-01-14 17:12:47 UTC

You need to offer your guests some refreshments after the ceremony. Whether that's at your house or at a restaurant doesn't matter. The point is, you and your future spouse need to pay for everyone. Never ever ask your guests to pay for what is essentially your party. Since you don't plan on having hundreds of guests, it shouldn't be a problem.

?

2014-01-14 09:22:45 UTC

My friend (about 20 years ago) got married and the whole thing was £350 - and the most expensive single thing was the licence!! She basically did it in a registry office, and got people to donate the cake, photos etc, made a buffet and had a party in a rent free community hall (everyone paid for their own drinks) - so you can make is as cheap as you want. She saw it as a challenge - and I think it was fun planning it too.

?

2014-01-14 10:27:27 UTC

well the best thing you could do is invied couple small people for the wedding also have finger food call that the recption

BeatriceBatten

2014-01-14 09:46:28 UTC

* Does anyone have any ideas on what we could do? I want to have a special day but private too...

should I just go to the court house or where else could I have the ceremony?

You can marry at the courthouse, sure. But if you want these people in attendance, then you need to call the courthouse and ask how many guests you're allowed. Some courthouses are short on space and limit the number of guests you can bring.

Or you could marry in your house of worship, if you're religious. Call your minister/rabbi and ask about a small ceremony. A large ceremony is not required at a house of worship - neither is a big white gown or a ton of music. My grandparents were both married in small church ceremonies in the 1940s wearing nice formal clothes (regular suits and dresses), with only a handful of witnesses.

Or you could have an officiant (minister, judge, wedding officiant for hire, or a friend ordained online if your state allows it) come to a location of your choice to perform the ceremony - your home, a public park (you'll need to buy a permit), a museum, a restaurant where you're having the reception, etc.

Basically, decide what you'd like best, then call City Hall to ask what's allowed and what permits you may need. And also ask about the process to get a marriage license, because it takes at least a few days (meaning, you can't just get the license on the day you want to wed - the exception is Vegas and a few other towns across the country, but by and large you need at least three business days).

* Do I invite everyone out to dinner? do they pay or do I pay for them? or should I invite everyone to my apartment and have a cookout or make dinner?

The rule is that you need to feed your ceremony guests, and you need to feed them on your own dime. You can't just send them away after the ceremony, and you ABSOLUTELY CANNOT ask them to pay for their own meals.

So, if you choose to invite them to a restaurant after the ceremony, make it very clear that it's your treat. "Lunch/dinner/refreshments to follow at Mario's Restaurant, 123 Main Street, Anytown USA" is all you need to print on the invitation. Call the restaurant and make a reservation for your party ahead of time. If you're on a budget, then talk to the restaurant about putting together a prix fixe menu for guests to choose from ... it could be a choice of two or three entrees plus salad/appetizer and dessert, or everyone gets the same meal (with an alternate option available for vegetarians), or a buffet of your chosen items, or if you do it during a non-mealtime (like 2-4 p.m.) you can just serve finger foods and cake, or simply cake/fruit/coffee. You can set up a drink package ahead of time where soda and domestic beer and house wine is unlimited. If you're have a more flexible budget, you could just let them order their food and drink of choice off the regular menu, and you just pay the bill at the end. Don't forget about tax and gratuity.

You can ask them to set it up like a traditional reception with centerpieces and room for dancing and stuff, or you can just be a big group going out to dinner like a normal day. Your choice. Talk to the restaurant and see what they can offer you.

If you prefer to bring everyone back to your home and make/order food or have a cookout, that is perfectly fine. Make sure you have enough seating for everyone, plus enough food and drinks (NO POTLUCK - they are your guests so you need to feed them). Again, doing a complete dinner is fine, or if it's during a non-mealtime then snacks or cake only is fine. Formal is fine (arrange for a catered Italian dinner, for example) or casual is fine (barbecue, fried chicken, pizza, Chinese food, whatever). Your choice.

You can also rent out a hall (VFW, firehouse, etc.) and bring in some catering. You can hire a DJ/band or throw on an iPod for background music. You can decorate or you can leave it the way it is.

A mealtime reception requires enough food to count as a lunch or dinner. That's typically 11 a.m.-2 p.m. for lunch, and 5-8:30 p.m. for a dinner. If your reception is during a time other than those, it's fine to serve lighter refreshments ... small sandwiches, a few assorted platters (cheese and crackers, fruit, vegetables, cold cuts), some hot hors d'oeuvres (either catered or from a frozen box). Or just a cake, along with a fruit platter for those who can't eat cake. Plus drinks - soft drinks at least, but alcohol is optional.

Cash bars are tacky, so if you want to serve alcohol then make sure it's free. You can do a full bar with liquors, or a limited selection of beer and wine. If you don't want to serve alcohol, fine ... but ice water and some form of soft drinks should ALWAYS be served and should ALWAYS be free. Nobody should have to pay for a soda or coffee. Options include lemonade, punch, iced tea, various sodas, and you should serve coffee and hot tea with dessert, and if you wish you can get fancy with flavored gourmet coffees, lattes, hot cocoa, etc.

* I really have no Idea what I should do please help me... I don't want anything big or expensive because I don't like to have all of the attention on me and to be honest I also think that it is a waste of money... id rather spend the money on the honeymoon lol

That's entirely your call. Your obligations are to seat and feed all your ceremony guests after the ceremony ... meaning, anyone invited to the ceremony must also be invited to the reception and must be fed. How you do that is up to you. A restaurant is fine, your home is fine, casual or formal food is fine, full meal or light snacks is fine as long as it's appropriate for your chosen time of day (lots of food for a mealtime, lighter food for in-between mealtimes). Dancing is optional, bouquet toss is optional, speeches are optional, champagne toast is optional, flowers and centerpieces are optional. You can do a structured party with events, or you can just sit and eat and chat. Your call.

* or is it okay for my boyfriend and I to just go to the court house and not invite anyone and then just tell people that we got married? Idk if its bad but I feel like the ceremony is for the two people getting married not about the party or whatever...

Yes, it's fine to get married by yourselves. You will likely need a witness, though, so call the courthouse and ask if they provide one in the event that you don't want to bring a friend.

It's fine to just get married alone and let that be it. It's also fine to contact a few loved ones and say, "We got married, please join us for a celebratory dinner." And then you can host people at your home or treat them to a restaurant meal.

So, in a nutshell, if you're inviting people to your ceremony then you need to feed them afterward, on your own dime. If you want to get married alone, then that's fine and you aren't obligated to do anything with anybody afterward. If you get married alone and choose to invite people to a celebratory event afterward, then you need to pay for the food and drinks. If you get married alone and don't organize a party afterward, but someone (example, your parents) choose to throw you a party, then it's OK to accept it and let them pay.