Some Questions about Getting Engaged Young?

Question

I've known my partner for about a year now, he asked me out after knowing him a week but I said no. I got to know him, he became my best friend and just before Christmas we started dating officially. After 2 months we went on holiday together and he is looking at moving out of his parents house and has asked me to join him, but not until we are ready of course.

He's talked to me a lot about our future together, he wants us to be married before he turns 26 (bit of an odd number, I know!) and just wants to have us two together and happy. I am 17 and he is nearly 19. He has also talked about how he is going to propose soon and I'm not sure what to think. I know when the time comes I'm going to say yes because I think we might be one of those exceptional couples that find each other young.

I would obviously make sure it is a very long engagement (at least 4-5 years) but I was wondering what other peoples opinions are on a young, long engagement? Is it okay to be engaged at such a young age as long as there is no chance of a wedding for a long time? I know around 23-24 is a common age to marry, but is it wrong of us to be planning ahead?

Honest, thought out answers would be appreciated. We aren't just another one of those young sweethearts in our 'honeymoon phase'. This is a serious question and I would appreciate sincere answers. Thank you :-)

Answer 1

A long engagement may be right. Especially if you plan to go to college or want to establish yourself in a good enough job first for security and are building on a relationship that canhave a lot of forethought put into it. It's not good to just leap into a marriage anyway. I don't know how long it should last, but it varies all the time with different people wh have different goals anyway.

Answer 2

You said, " I'm going to say yes because I think we might be one of those exceptional couples that find each other young." And that only validates your immaturity level. All those other 95 percent of divorced people thought the same thing. Same way with long distance relationships. We'll be The One couple who is different. They never are and you won't be either.



You are 17 years old and I hope to shout that by the time you want to get married at 24 in another 7 years your entire outlook on life will have changed. Your goals, likes, dislikes, requirements, deal breakers, things you'll compromise on and things you won't. So you at 17 won't be the same you at 24 nor should it be. There is no guarantee that what you think is great now will be great 7 years from now and if life goes the way it should, you should not think they are. It's called maturing and gaining life experience.



There is absolutely no reason whatsoever to get engaged now. In fact, after awhile people just look at it as a joke. When you get engaged you usually start planning the wedding. You don't wait 7 years then start planning. So an engagement that long is really foolish and foolish looking.



When you say he just wants the two of you together does that mean he is ruling out having a family? If so, you better think about what you want!



This is teenage silliness. Don't let your ego get in the way of making logical decisions or as logical as you can get without hardly living any life yet. Good luck!

Answer 3

An engagement is literally the time during which you plan your wedding. If you are not planning a wedding, then you aren't engaged.



He says he wants to get married before he turns 26. If that's the case, he should wait to propose until like a year and a half before you guys actually plan on getting married, because a year and a half seems like a pretty normal stretch of time to plan a wedding in.



I just don't see why so many people are like "Oh we're engaged, but we're not getting married for 5 years". Then why bother being engaged? Literally the only difference between an engaged couple and a couple that is just dating is that one of the couples is planning a wedding and the other is not. It doesn't make you more exclusive, it doesn't make your relationship more special, it is simply the time in which you plan a wedding.



Also, at your age, no one is going to take your engagement seriously, especially if you say the wedding isn't until five years from now. They will treat you like another one of those couples who just plays at being engaged to try and make your relationship seem more special than all the other 17 year old relationships out there



EDIT: I reread the question. You've known him a year, haven't even actually been friends with him that entire time, and have only been actually dating him for about two months? No. Just no. No no no. Don't even THINK of getting engaged. Given how long you have been dating, engagement should be the last thing on your mind and I'd be telling you that no matter how old you were

Answer 4

"We aren't just another one of those young sweethearts in our 'honeymoon phase'."



Yeah, you are.



"I know when the time comes I'm going to say yes because I think we might be one of those exceptional couples that find each other young."



This is what every single young couple thinks, honey. And yet, somehow, the percentage of these couples who actually go the distance is very small. Don't place your bet on such a small chance.



Anyway ... getting engaged so young is a stupid idea. You're throwing away your future by doing this.



Plus, there's absolutely no point in a very long engagement. What you're referring to - staying committed to a person until the time when you're old enough to support yourselves, and sure enough about marriage that you want to start planning a wedding for a year or so in the future - that is called DATING.



You don't have to get engaged right now because you're in puppy love and (like every single other couple your age) you think it's going to last forever. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. You know how you find out? You date each other. You get to know each other. You work to set yourselves up for a good future, by getting an education and getting a full-time job with health insurance and saving your money and practicing safe sex. In a few years, if you're still together and if you can support yourselves, THEN you can think about marriage. But right now you have a lot of growing up to do.



The options aren't limited to "get engaged at 17" or "break up." DATE.

Answer 5

Long engagements don't really make sense. An engagement is simply the period in which a couple decides to marry, and they set those plans in motion. If there is no wedding on the horizon for 5 or more years, there is no real point in being engaged. An engagement doesn't make you more serious than any other couple, it doesn't make you more committed, it simply means you're getting married.



At 17, you may think you have what it takes to last a lifetime, but you can't truly comprehend what that means. I don't know one person who was with their high school sweetheart who didn't swear up and down they were so in love and would end up married; myself included. At your age, I just *knew* my boyfriend was it for me, we would be married, and live happily ever after. We broke up when I was 19. I don't know anyone else who ended up with their high school sweetheart and had a successful marriage. You could be the most mature 17 year old in the world, and you still wouldn't be able to tell the right person to spend the rest of your life with, your brain hasn't even finished developing yet. Until you've lived on your own as an adult, you will not be ready for marriage and all life's ups and downs. You are too young to be doing this. This isn't me being rude, it's me being honest.



If you're still incredibly in love after you've finished school and established yourself, then start planning. Until then, focus on your own life instead of becoming a teenage wife.

Answer 6

"We aren't just another one of those young sweethearts in our 'honeymoon phase'."



Uh...you do realize that every single couple asking about this says the exact same thing? Trust me, you ARE just another young couple. In fact, if you've only been dating a couple months, you're even behind people saying this.



It's all silly stuff. Even if you were 30, dating for a couple months is too soon. Add in your young age and you're no different than I was when I was 6 and my neighbor proposed.



If you have to make some kind of promise to each other, get a promise ring. Otherwise, stop pretending your "relationship" is ready for this. You're a teenager who just starting dating a guy.

Answer 7

Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 13 years, we got together when we were 16. We are happy together without being married. We have chose to not get married because we have seen so many of our friends relationships go downhill after marriage. I don't see anything wrong with staying engaged long term with out getting married, as long as you both agree on that.

Answer 8

Please. He is just telling you what you want to hear to get what he wants. He is just a teenage boy living with mommy and daddy. Unless he has a job, a car, a career, savings, health insurance and a dental plan, don't take anything seriously. He is just a teenage little boy just like you, saying sweet nothings over the pillow. Don't be naive...

Answer 9

Most engagements at that age can't be taken seriously. A lot of people get "engaged" at that age and then break up and then get "engaged" again.