How do you tell wedding guests that they have to pay for their own dates?

Question

I'm currently planning my wedding and making a fact sheet insert type thing for the invitation.

It will include RSVP information, and I'm trying to find a way to make it clear to our guests that, if they bring a date that wasn't already invited, they will have to pay for them. All of our guests will be paid for, not their dates, basically.

The wedding is on a tight budget. I don't mind if our guests bring dates...we just know what we can afford, and it doesn't include paying for people we wouldn't invite otherwise. I figured if bringing a date is that important, the guests would be willing to pay $50 reception fee for a five course meal, premium bar, and dancing.

The fact sheet currently says, "If you plan on bringing a date, please contact Max or Lindsay personally to discuss accommodations." Is this okay?

Answer 1

If you cannot afford for guests to bring dates, then you do not extend them the offer. Most people understand that weddings are quite expensive, so people who are single or in relatively new relationships are usually invited alone.



You need to make sure, however, that you are inviting 'social units' together. This covers people who are married, engaged, living together and in long term relationships (most people determine their own definition of 'long term' - we, personally, are drawing the line at anyone dating less than a year). It is rude to invite only one part of a social unit and not the other. If you have people on your guest list who you were going to ask to pay for their date and who fit into one of the above categories, then you really need to re-jig your guest list so that they can be accommodated.

Answer 2

No, this is not only bizarre but you're complicating your own life.



It's very common for adults to be invited as singles. If you don't want someone to bring a guest, you're not insulting them! Just invite them singly. If you're worried about someone bringing a date when they weren't given a "plus one", the best way to handle this is make sure your RSVP cards contain a line for (one) meal. If you're offering an entree choice, just have them place an X by their choice, and have a section for total.



If this won't work, then you have some clueless friends! And these people may need a separate phone call.



When I said you're making more trouble for yourself, your caterers will need an exact meal count several weeks before the wedding. It's hard enough to get this to them in time even when you aren't complicating it with this other stuff.



PS - As to those who are considered "social units", it's people who are married, engaged, and in some cases, living together. A person dating for 6 months is not a social unit.

Answer 3

Nope. There is no polite way to word this because there's no polite way to do it. You have the party you can afford, with the number of guests you can afford to host. If having a guest is that important to an attendee who doesn't get one, then they can make their own decision to stay home and free up additional space and costs for you, or you can take that into account when planning the invite list in the first place. You do not ask people to get in touch with you only to tell them that there will be an additional fee attached, because if they're going to have to pay for a night out, they'll want to do it on their own terms without having to sit through a ceremony for a cheapskate who doesn't really want them there first.

Answer 4

Um....no. This is beyond tacky. You write the invitation out to the intended person, and if they are not to bring a date you leave off the "and guest." That is more than enough indication that they are not to bring a date. You claim that you "don't mind" if those invited bring dates...well, unless you have the budget to pay for them (which you don't) do not mention it at all. You may get a phone call or two asking if someone can bring a date, and your response is a kind "that is simply not in our budget."

Answer 5

You don't have to invite plus ones. On the other hand, you don't send a bill either.



This is silly. Your guest will say only one is attending,and show up with a date. You going to collect a cover charge at the door? That won't make more food appear.



You need to grow up. Part of that is telling people what you expect, what they should expect, and dealing with negative fallout. Set your budget. Invite who you want. If your friends are so shallow as to skip because they can't entertain their friends on your dime..they are not very good friends.

Answer 6

You don't, because there is literally zero polite way to do this ever.



You need to keep on top of it from the start. Long term steady couples, engaged couples, and married couples get invited as a unit. If you don't know the name of someone's significant other, you call to find out. Then, you list EXACTLY who the invite is for ON the invite. For example, if you want to invite Homer and Marge Simpson, then the invite needs to say "Homer and Marge Simpson". If you want to invite just Rachel Green, then you write "Rachel Green" on the invite. If Rachel RSVPs that she's bringing some guy she's seen once or twice, then you call her up and say "I'm sorry, we're able to accommodate you, but not your date, can we still count on seeing you at the wedding?"



Don't even THINK of asking guests to pay for their dates.

Answer 7

You don't, that is so very tacky. What you do is plan a wedding you can realistically afford to host.



If you can't afford for your guests to bring a guest, then don't invite a guest with them. The reception is your gift to your guests to thank them for attending your wedding. How much thanks is it to say "here's your portion of my bill"?



Host only the number of people you can afford to. This means you will need to do guest list modification. Married/engaged/living together is a social unit, you have to invite both of them together, if you want to invite one and not the other, don't invite either. Single guests, you can omit a plus one.



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Answer 8

No, my dear....you can not do this without coming across as, well....for want of a better word....tacky.



You address your invites ONLY to those you wish to invite and do NOT extend a 'plus one' to those you are inviting as singles ( a practice that goes against old school etiquette but folk are gonna do this anyway so....) Only IF they call you asking (which is also against etiquette but hey...seems everyone is rude today) if they may bring a date may you say "Yes, but since our budget is so tight, you'd have to be willing to pay for their meal"...here again, ALSO rude but we're not sticking to the 'rules' are we? IMO, if asked, you should say "I'm afraid no, our wedding budget is already stretched to the max"...and let THEM OFFER to foot the cost of an extra meal.



I much rather downsize my wedding so my singles can bring a 'plus one' even if it means a simple cake and punch reception, rather than have a small 'upscale' wedding at the cost of having my singles go 'stag'....just something a caring host does.

Answer 9

No, no, and no. And oh, did I mention NO???



You can't have guests who are being treated to dinner and guests who are second-class scum. EVERYONE you invite is your guest and must be hosted the same. If you can't afford to pay for dinner for a hundred people, only invite fifty. Or provide cocktails and finger foods for the hundred, rather than a full sit-down formal dinner. Or postpone your wedding until you have had enough time to save up the money you need. Lots of options here. Treating some of your guests different than others is NOT one of them.

Answer 10

No it is not ok.

You invite and pay for guests you can afford.

IF you are not giving your single guests the option of a Plus One.- then you address the wedding invitation to your single guest Only

Mr. John Smith.

IF John RSVP's with 2 to attend- then you get on the phone (DO NOT TEXT) and tell John you are so sorry but the invitation was only for him. and you must stick to your guest list only. Can you stil count on him attending?



You never ever have your guests pay for anything. YOU are the host. Your guest list count is based on what you can afford

Answer 11

No, it's not O.K. at all for you to do this.



You either invite someone or you don't. None of this, "You can bring someone but it'll cost you" nonsense.



If someone has a steady significant other, then they are a social unit and must be invited to the wedding as a pair. If you can't afford to feed both of them on your own dime, then do not invite either of them.



If someone has a steady significant other - a spouse, a fiance(e), a significant other that they live with, or a long-time partner (regardless of whether you've met them or not), then you write "Mr. Michael Smith and Miss Kelly Girlfriend" or "Ms. Nancy Andrews and Mr. Steven Fiance" or "Mr. and Mrs. John Jones" on the invitation envelope. If you don't know the partner's name, then call and ask. It is unacceptable to call a steady significant other "And Guest/Plus One." Call and get their names.



If the person is single but you'd like to let them bring a random date if they choose, then you can write "Ms. Ellen McDonald and Guest" on the invitation. Hopefully Ellen will respond with her guest's name (if not, call her and ask) and then you can write both names on her place card. If Ellen does not want to bring a guest then she should reply that only she is coming.



If you cannot afford for singles to bring a guest, then do not invite them with a guest. Do NOT tell them that they can bring a guest if they pay for them. You either host them or you don't.



If you choose to invite Ellen by herself, and Ellen replies that she is bringing a guest, then you need to call her and say, "I'm sorry for the confusion, Ellen, but we cannot accommodate your guest. Please let me know if you will still be coming to the wedding." Simple as that. If Ellen doesn't want to come without a date, then Ellen can stay home ... DO NOT tell Ellen that she can bring a date if she pays for him/her.

Answer 12

How tacky and trashy is this!



Obviously you do mind since you can't afford to have extra guests. If you can't afford them, then don't! The idea of sending invoices is pretty classless. Invite people alone like everyone else. Jeez!

Answer 13

well ... don't allow them to bring a guest ... you can't make people pay for stuff ... just put on the invitation that it is for 1 ... not + 1 ... then if they bring a date (which they shouldn't) it's not your fault



maybe if the person is insistant that they bring a date ... tell them to come to the dance after the dinner