Help with my parents who say they are willing to help?

Question

My parents keep saying they are willing to help pay for our wedding but won't give us a set amount on how much they will be able to help us with. I told my mom if she can help great but we need to know how much to be able to plan anything.
Our idea is to go to the beach, have a beach wedding just grandparents, parents siblings, & bridal party. Stay down there for a week for our honey moon. Then come home & have a reception for the rest of our family & friends. (I have a huge family so to pay for all of them with a sit down dinner would be crazy we already priced that)

My mom says they pay for the wedding (traditionally) not the reception. Is that true?
She is willing to pay for half my dress (dress only no add ons) the dress I like is $150. Or they are willing to pay for some of the food if we have our reception at their house pot luck style picnic. At their house we will fight with 3 huge dogs, they live in between 2 farms so tons of cow, & cow poop. Also they get to help pick the guest list. since its their house. To top if off we want to get married in October so by the time we get to this reception it will be mid-October in Pittsburgh PA. We could have 2 inches of snow by then. Or they will help with food if we got to the local VFW. The local VFW is very trashy! Holes in the walls, 1950s wall paper half falling off. & the fireman always invite themselves to your function there.

What should I do? We can't make a budge with out knowing how much we have to work with.
I know my parents don't have a lot of money. I'm just mad they make a big deal to say we will help but then won't....

Answer 1

There's a very easy solution to this, and I'm not being snarky at all: Plan the wedding that you can comfortably afford without the help of your parents. Seriously. Because then you can make decisions the way you want them - the venue you want, the date you want, the guest list you want, etc.



Once the plans are made, share them with your parents. IF they want to contribute something as a gift, they can - and then you have a little bonus cash in your pocket. But if they decide not to, you are still within your budget and you still have the wedding you want.

Answer 2

First: Be appreciative that they are willing to help at all...some parents wouldn't or couldn't.

Second: Maybe they aren't putting a set amount on helping you because the cost(s) of what they might be willing to pay for could go up at any time, especially in a year's time. It may be more than they could pay for by then.

Third: Parents should be "allowed" to choose SOME of the guest list, but ONLY if you know the people well (ie. NOT their boss(es) if you don't know them; not acquaintances they want to impress, etc.) and have no animosity toward those people.

Fourth: Stop acting like a snob. If you live in a country setting (cows, cow poop, etc.) your family and friends understand that and probably won't care one way or the other. Ask friends to "board" the dogs for the day, even if it means 3 different places. Find another place to use such as a church hall or something if the VFW doesn't work. You and your prospective husband should be prepared to "shell out money" for that, unless your folks want to.

Fifth: Move your wedding date up if you're worried about snow.

Six: It sounds like you "want it all" your way, no matter what. If this is how you act now, you will have a very "rude awakening" when married life settles in and your husband can't give you everything you want, when you want it! I suggest you grow up!

Seven: If you haven't stopped reading by now, have you thought about the marriage and not the wedding? That's the important thing...the marriage...not the party!

Personally, and not that it's my business, I doubt very much if you paid for your college education before you were 21. You probably hadn't even finished college at that age. Stop making it sound like you're someone you're probably not.

Answer 3

Firstly take a deep breath.



Why not organise a meeting with all interested parties (people who are giving you money for the wedding) there. Make sure for this meeting you have planned and costed exactly what YOU and your fiancee want to happen for your wedding.



Then show everyone what you want and ask them how they would like to help. It does not have to be cash to be helpful. One person could have a friend who is a printer and will do your invitations for you, or a family member is a chef who doesnt mind making up a buffet for your reception.



Tell everyone involved that everything needs to be organised on that day so that your wedding can be the day of your dreams. If they are not happy not set a definite ammount or what they are going to do to help at that point then you may have to do it yourselves without any help from them.



This is your day and you need to be happy that everything was your decision and that you were not pushed into things that you didnt want by other people.



Congratulations and good luck!

Answer 4

Ask again how much they are willing to contribute to the wedding. A set amount, not so much for the dress, so much for food. Give them a deadline. Mom and Dad we need to know by this date how much you want to contribute to the wedding. If they don't give you an amount, go with them not giving you any money at all. plan your wedding and reception with what you can do yourself. If you can't afford a reception when you get back, then don't plan one. Have a beautiful wedding and honeymoon and don't worry about the rest.

Answer 5

Just plan small and even though they said they will help plan to do it yourself. Don't put too much on them. See if you can find a nicer place if at all possible. Or just do the beach wedding and for the rest of the family do something either next year or go to a restaurant. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 6

I would ask them again, one more time flat out. Sometimes parents can be really difficult to work with--and unreasonable for a lot of reasons, which might have nothing to do with us kids! Ask them again, see what they say. But maybe you should not count on them too much.



If they are not going to pull through for you, plan it all out on your own, and figure on paying for most of it yourselves. You can find a way to make it inexpensive. Of you are having a family get together, maybe everyone can meet at a large restuarant in a party room, you could provide a dj and dancing, but everyone pays their own meals and drinks to celebrate! It should just be a fun time! enjoy!

Answer 7

I could be mistaken, but I think you sound spoiled and ungrateful.



If your parents are willing to help pay just for the wedding and half of your dress, be grateful for that. What they give you is a gift, and is completely up to them. If you don't like their choice of where to have a reception or your honeymoon, then you foot the bill.



A honeymoon is like a vacation. It is not a requirement of marriage. From now on, you will be financially responsible for your vacations as well as your parties.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Your parents are trying to help, but don't have a lot of money. So, make sure your plans are on a very small budget. Figure out different options and what they will cost. Then, present those options and costs to your parents and see how much they can help.