Fiance TEXTED my dad for permission to marry me and didn't put much effort into the proposal. Am I wrong to feel a little hurt?

Question

I know it may seem silly but I've been engaged for a couple of months now and when i first became engaged I was so excited and caught up in the moment and don't get me wrong i am still very excited for this new chapter of life with the love of my life but as some time has gone on there are some things about my proposal that I wish went different and that i feel my fiance could have put in a little more effort. To start he purchased a cheap engagment ring from kohls (no more than $1,000) because my fiance negotiated the price down so much. When a diamond fell off a few months ago they couldnt replace it and I had to replace the ring. Now before everyone jumps down my throat I know that how much it cost is not what matters and i love my ring and am very appreciative for it however I don't feel like he should have negotiated it down more than what it already was. I know he could afford it and was in a sense bieng cheap and I feel I am worth more than this. He also TEXTED my dad to ask for permission and this bothers me because I feel I was AT LEAST worth a phone call. He doesnt live anymore than 15 minutes from my parents he could have also made an effort to see them face to face. I know my dad would have appreciated that. His proposal was at a restaurant we had our first date and that was about it. I know this may come off as selfish but I can't help but feel a little more effort in this would have been nice? Am I wrong to feel the way I do?

Answer 1

Your feelings are not silly In spite of your excitement something in you is warning you about this man. If he does not know what seems to mean so much to you are you certain the two of you are compatible enough for the long haul that is marriage. I wonder and so should yoo.

Answer 2

You, like so many other immature young ladies, have been totally brainwashed over what you should have expected during the time of your engagement. With such expectations, of course you are bound to be disappointed. He did nothing wrong, you just want more than he can or is willing to give.



I sure hope this is not a common thread in your relationship because you really should not marry him because you will be forever disappointed. If you hated the proposal, OMG, you are going to HATE the way he handles the wedding planning.



Her you are, all of this time later and you are still not getting over the fact that you did not get what you wanted. Sweetie, this is life, and it is full of disappointments. You either need to learn how to cope with life or withdraw and always be unhappy and wishing for more.



You honestly sound kinda bytchie. How on earth did you pry it out of him as to how much he paid for the ring? THAT is none of your business. And, I doubt Kohls employees have the authority to lower prices and negotiate the sale. I do not believe that for a second. And, you sound very immature to try and equate his love for you in conjunction of how much he paid and how he handled buying the ring and proposal planning.



You are not ready to get married.

Answer 3

He did all that and you did nothing. You're just an ungrateful whiney b***h

Answer 4

It's interesting that nowhere in your post do you mention, or show any interest in, your fiancé's feelings. You seem to be the type of partner that demands wasteful extravagance and sacrifice by a man in order to feel valued and to show off.



Why is it expected only of men to make all the effort? Are you more worthy of respect than he is? If you believe it's fine to treat people unfairly then you have no excuse for complaining how others treat you. Nothing you have described is mistreatment of you. On the contrary, your situation is better than most people get in life.



Why didn't you propose to him instead? Then you could choose where and how it happened. You waited for him to come to you, so he gets to choose how. You could have said no to marriage if you're that disappointed in him. Sounds like a lucky escape for him if you had.



You don't think $1000 is enough? Did you offer to pay for it? Did you buy one for him? Are you aware that diamonds are artificially inflated in price and social importance by the industry itself? Nobody should still be falling for this con.



Why is he asking your father's permission at all? Apparently you expected it of him so he went along with it. Maybe he did it by text precisely because it was the least effort he could make in a task he found revolting. Perhaps he was making a point to you, and you took offence instead of reflecting on your values. Alternatively, he might have been trying to give your father the opportunity to respond in his own time, without a real-time call or conversation pressing on him. When did he find out your father's permission was required? Was it at the time he proposed? He might have thought it was a romantic gesture to pursue the matter immediately. If anyone told me to ask a parent for permission to marry their offspring I'd laugh in their face. If it was my would-be fiancé who expected it I would end the relationship.



If this many things bother you already you probably shouldn't be a couple at all, let alone married.

Answer 5

I think you're wrong on a few points but not the text.

Answer 6

If you have this many complaints about the guy BEFORE you ever get married, it's not going to get better after the two of you say "i do".



You're disappointed, and that's just going to continue. Getting married does not turn your life into a fairy tale. After we are married, it's back to life as usual.



And what guy hides behind a cell phone and texts permission to a girl's father about getting married? A coward

Answer 7

You had to replace the ring??? Why didn’t he replace it.

What did you dad have to say about a text to him? Sorry but that was a real jerk of a move. So lame. My husband would of hit the roof if my daughter’s husband would if pulled that.



Kohl’s sale people can NOT negotiate prices. They have Jewelry sales and coupons and rewards you can use on jewelry. But a sales person can not change the price. He did not negotiate the price.



Fairly common to propose at the same site at when you met or had your first date. Proposing at a restaurant is fairly common too. Don’t see a problem with that. He could of thought is was romantic thing to do.

My daughter’s husband propose in the middle of the parking lot ...on the exact spot where they first met.



Communication is key. Did you tell him it would of been much more respectful if he met with your dad in person? Can you both ask for your parent’s blessing in person together now?

Be sure as you move forward you two are talking about expectations and thoughts and wants for the wedding ceremony and reception. He isn’t a mind reader.

And neither are you. Have you asked him why he texted you dad? Or how he came up with the proposal? Maybe he did put thought into it. Maybe he thought going back to the same restaurant you had your first date at was a brilliant idea., romantic.

Answer 8

The time to lodge your complaints about this would have been BEFORE you said yes to the proposal. When someone underperforms (in your estimation) yet you give them the result they wanted anyway you enable them to continue doing as they've been doing. Better sort all this differential in expectation out before you get married or you'll have set the pattern for what you're willing to accept.

Answer 9

Why is negotiating the price a negative thing?



And why is a proposal in the restaurant where you had your first date a bad thing? Not everyone wants a flash mob.

Answer 10

Here is the attention you're so desperately seeking.

Answer 11

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Answer 12

Feel any way you want. It appears your finance is a doofus and you've picked him. You're the kind of person who enjoys feeling hurt and getting the spotlight for it. A peach of a pair.

Answer 13

You are not wrong. Did he txt your father before or after asking you?

Answer 14

My fiance is a fisherman. He decided to take me out fishing, even though I don't fish, and then proposed to me. He never asked any of my parents permission to marry me, just for advice on how to propose(and was told not to take me fishing, which he did anyways lmao).

But I dont regret saying no. Because on that fishing trip i know that he let me sleep in, even though he was itching to leave at the break of dawn, he waited so i could lay on his boat and enjoy the sunshine rather than freeze in the early morning.

He asked my mom because he wanted it to be memorable for me, yes, but also memorable for himself.

He didnt ask for permission because I know we dont live in a world where it's important to have permission, but just to gauge if the other person is or isnt ready for it.

The problem isnt what you think- it's the heart behind it, which is harsher. It sounds like you dont trust his intentions(whether hes deserving of that or not) to marry him, and you need to find out why first.

Answer 15

My fiance asked my brother for permission (my dad is deceased [by the way, he didn't HAVE to ask your dad's permission. Not every guy does, but he chose to out of respect for your father.]) My ring was about $150 (he gave me a necklace that cost $200 more) and he planned to propose to me on the cruise we were going on, at sunset, but couldn't wait any longer so he proposed to me a couple weeks prior, in the car on the way to a restaurant (so, not even at the actual restaurant). I still love him and am planning to marry him. Be grateful for what you got.

Answer 16

Feelings are not right or wrong. You feel how you feel.

Answer 17

I think you're living in a fantasy world. $1,000 is not a cheap engagement ring. Do you expect him to drop $5,000 on you or something? He negotiated on the price because he clearly didn't have more than the $1,000 on him.



I think while asking in person for your hand in marriage with your father would have been better, I think you are just nit picking for the purpose of nit picking. Your dream proposal didn't go how you wanted so you're angry and complaining. Your fiance clearly loves you and may be a bit immature but he meant well and you're just picking at materialistic things.

Answer 18

I was curious about your age so I looked at your other questions. A month ago, you were asking if you should tolerate his behavior! You got some good answers, but none of them suggested getting engaged, lol.



Of course it's idiotic to text your dad over this (although I'm curious why someone in their late 20's needs dad's permission). And now you're having a slightly bizarre reaction to the fact he negotiated the price on your ring. None of this makes sense, but it isn't even the biggest problem. You're marrying a guy based on promises he will change and give up habits you don't want in your life. He won't change and he won't give them up.



My guess is you're nitpicking over stupid stuff because this makes it easier for you to ignore the elephant in the room.

Answer 19

I don't think Kohl's negotiates on prices. I think you're getting taken for a ride with that one. (Even if it's true, why WOULDN'T he want to see if he could pay less? Paying sticker price doesn't mean he loves you more, it means he's a sucker.)



I'd be wary of marrying a man who thinks that it's appropriate to ask a father's blessing/permission to marry his daughter over TEXT MESSAGE. At best your fiance is immature; at worst he's thoughtless and doesn't give a shiiiiit.



I don't see WTF is wrong with the restaurant proposal. WTF were you expecting, a parade?

Answer 20

My husband asked me to marry him in a noisy bar. He had nattered on about 'when we have a house' or something. I said I wasn't living with someone without being married, so he asked me right there to marry him. He purchased a second-hand engagement ring from a friend whose fiancee had called off their wedding.



I would think his unhealthy diet and smoking would be a much greater concern. You're re-arranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Answer 21

The little things that "kind of bother you a little" right now in the context of "newly engaged" will become big things that make you miserably unhappy in the context of "and this what my life is going to be forever." For your sake I hope you aren't rushing right into wedding planning but will instead devote a year or two to traditional engagement. The proposal is about "We wish to marry." The engagement is about "Will this marriage be good for us? Are we a good match for 60+ years of responsibility and commitment we're considering?"



Don't be in a hurry to take an irrevocable step. Better to find out "I love ___ like crazy but 60 years of living with his/her ___ just wasn't going to work for me" BEFORE the wedding than finding out AFTER the wedding. Give it a couple years to see if "Very much WANTING to marry but not sure it's a great idea" will turn into "We've worked out our differences want to marry more than ever."

Answer 22

Understandable. In return, on the day, text him your vows. Snapchat the marital first kiss.

Answer 23

You feel how you feel, but that proposal has passed. There's no do-over available for this one. Second guessing and picking it apart is only going to ruin it for both of you. Is that really how you want to begin your life together?

Answer 24

boohoo, a proposal is a proposal. get over yourself. it's 2019. how else is he supposed to do it with you moping around?

Answer 25

i dont think youre wrong to feel that way and rnaybe you should talk to your fiance about it

Answer 26

hahahahaha. at least he asked your father. that is what a gentlemen does out of respect. traditional marriages like the ones involving my family members..the head of the house must approve the marriage or the it would be considered morganatic and the children and wife would not have the same social status as I do.

as far as you rant about the ring..your being selfish. just be grateful he wants to marry you. there is no such thing as a tradition in the west of engagement rings. it was started by a ads campaign to sell diamond by the diamond industry in the 30s or maybe 50's. why r u being such a betch. does he expect you to buy him some expensive thing that has no real value(diamonds are iunherinmtly worthless unless they hold some historical value, and are not scarce at all like rubies for example) to entice him to marry you? NO..Of Course not. you should show him this post and see if he still wants to marry you?

Answer 27

I've been married for over 48 years and trust me, how he asked your father for your hand is not going to matter. Not one bit. At least he asked. You know him better than any of us so be honest. Is your fiance a demonstrative man? Is he comfortable with speaking to your father? Give him the benefit of the doubt. You are an adult now and if you love your fiance you will need to get over these things. No one is perfect but he is kind, treats you with love and respect, that's pretty close to perfect. We can't have it all.