Getting married before wedding?

Question

Heres the deal, our wedding date is January 2, 2009. Things have come up that by getting married sooner would help us out big time financially. Has anyone ever done that? Get married in like a court house months before the ceremony? The date we picked for the wedding, is more special and memorable, and thats what we would celebrate as our anniversary. Has anyone ever done that before?

Its not set in stone...just an idea my mother threw out. So any
suggestions/recommendations accepted.

Answer 1

I did it! The only caution is that if you are doing it in a church, the pastor, priest, etc. might refuse to do the service. My future brother in law is doing our service so it didn't matter. You can still use your ceremony date as your anniversary, just don't forget the date you actually got legally married because you will need it for certain documents in the future. I would caution against telling anyone because these things travel fast and some of your guests will not approve of what you are doing and might choose not to attend your wedding.

Answer 2

There is no way to "get away with it". In our community, the wedding licenses are published in both local newspapers. There is "one of you" here at answers it seems every few days, wanting to get married twice. What is the deal? So, you are going to do something where even at the courthouse, God is mentioned as a part of it. And you are going to stand up in front of a JP, and God, and lie. The JP is an officer of the court. It is illegal to lie to him/her. Then you are going to ask clergy to sign a illegal document and perform a ceremony that has already been done. Go to the section on religion, and ask them what they think of your plans. The word blasphemous will be used, I'm sure. Dear, you get one wedding. And all weddings after that one are vow renewals. The officiant #2 will ask if anyone one in the audience knows of reason that you should not marry, And someone will stand up and say, "yes, they are already married!" Officiant #2 will stop the ceremony, take you and husband into a back room, and either talk to you about changing the ceremony to a vow renewal, or he/she will refuse to continue the ceremony. And no, clergy can't sign your license after you already have one. Explain that one to the parents. and I will be even a little harsher spoken the the people answering before me. in my opinion : what a self serving, selfish, money grubbing greedy, manipulative have my cake and eat it to deceitful thing to do. If I were your parents, I would cancel the wedding, and just be out the money that I have spent, and sell anything I have bought for it on e-bay. And cut you out of my life. Again, why are you doing this, some kind of a joke, a lark, a let's see how bad we are and show the world? Why? You are already living with him, right? So why the rush to marry, there has to be some reason, and it is not a nice one, or you would have told us here. And I hate to say this, but you will be committing fraud, see by have a wedding and getting gifts, have another wedding, get gifts, you are shaking people down for gifts, it is a scam, and a well known one and you could be prosecuted for that. all it would take is someone to complain, whether they have proof that was your idea or not. What is stopping you from having multiple weddings, gee have 3 or 4 and get lots of gifts. Oh, I get it! It is the end of the year, you want to file jointly, and still get a wedding with gifts! Dear, it does not matter what year you get married in, for that year you are the write off. Are you in financil trouble, too? What other kind of scams do you have going.?

Answer 3

I would do that now...for one thing you will be considered married for all of 2008 on this year`s taxes. ;-)



Plus if you get it all done at the courthouse then the officiant does not have to worry about filing the license with the courthouse.



If there is danger of people finding out then you might have your ceremony be a `commitment of vows` or something.



Otherwise -- keep it quiet. Obviously your mom will probably know but it does not have to go farther than that.



If I was doing it I would do it that way myself -- even if it was a day in advance I would have it all legalized at the courthouse and then do the formal ceremony afterward simply to make sure it is all legal. You hear of so many officiants out there (especially now that any idiot can be ``ordained`` for 29.95 on the Internet) who fail to file the papers or file them incorrectly and thus your marriage is not legal.



So...if you are okay with signing some papers and thinking ``Wow -- we`re married.`` then going on with your lives for five months I don`t know why anyone else would have an issue (but there are those people who would be offended at not attending your ``real`` wedding).



I would politely decline any offers of showers and engagement parties however -- might feel kind of awkward.



Best wishes to you and your man.



:-)

Answer 4

I don't know anyone who has done it months in advance like that but I don't think there's anything wrong with it. If you wanted you could even wait to tell everyone if you're afraid people will be offended if your wedding isn't the "official" one. I think it's a good idea if it benefits you and that way you still have the fun of the wedding. I know of a few people who eloped or had a civil ceremony at the courthouse and then had a ceremony and reception later. If that's what you want and it will work and make you happy, I say go for it.

Answer 5

Yes, yes, and yes.



I do this ALL the time. See if the person who is going to marry you will do a short ceremony with the license. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want too.



Seriously, I would say 10 to 20 percent of my big wedding ceremonies are people already legally married (for insurance, military, or immigration, etc.)



You could do it at the courthouse, but it's nicer with the same person marring you both times. Also, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to (but if you tell one - people will gossip!)

Answer 6

I had a friend who had to do that because she didn't get her marriage license in time for her wedding. So like a day or two before the wedding they went to Las Vegas said the I DOs and came back to have their big wedding.



I was thinking about going the same thing because I wanted to have medical benefits but my mom didn't like the plan so I'm waiting... Good Luck

Answer 7

I did it a month ago. Our real wedding is in 12 months. My fiancé (or husband) chose to tell a few of his family members but i haven't told any of mine as i am worried about their reaction although it is my life and when it comes down to it I doubt that people are going to remember that you got married before, they would only remember the 'real' wedding when looking back on the past.

Answer 8

Go ahead and get married. many people do that (well people that I know)...Im going to do that, my wedding is not til next november but becuase my fiance is in the navy and leaving in october we are getting married with in the next 2 months. Being that it will help you out financially go ahead and do it...its not like you are getting married now just becuase...ur actual wedding is coming up and you need to do it sooner or later so why not do it now .....good luck

Answer 9

I have a friend who had to marry her fiancee before the wedding because something came up but they didn't tell anyone. They just made it legal and just held off until the wedding. whose to know??

Answer 10

Yes, people do that. However, your anniversary date would be the date of your marriage - so that would be the court ceremony date.

Answer 11

yes... my cousin did it. they just couldnt wait to be married so they did it in their backyard so the church wouldnt frown on them for living together. they had there "ceremony" with family and friends 3 months later.

Answer 12

Skip the wedding. Get married early and have a reception on the date you had planned.

Answer 13

my parents have done that and most people here in the philippines have been in that situation.



well, you could still choose when to celebrate your anniversary.=)

Answer 14

I dont see anything wrong with it. If its best for you, then go for it. It will b memorable, at least :)