About marriage..please if anyone can help me out..i love her very much?

Question

This is the girl with whom i am going to marry. She has grown up in a religious family where traditions matters. At first meet when i asked her regarding her view regarding me that she likes me or not ..she replied yes. Our telephonic conversation started from the date of meet itself. We used to talk to each other as like love birds. After few days i came to know she actually was not liked me when we met, It was all she did for her family. Actually she has not told this fact directly but i can percept it. I am really feeling bad now by knowing this fact cause i am the person who don't like to force anyone for anything and this the very important decision to be taken. I am totally disturbed now thinking that all the talk we had was a real involvement or she tried to not hurt me. Now also we talk the same way, i really unable to trace her true feelings about me because she used to call me more than i used to. Can anyone tell me what to do ? Does she loves me..? Is it going to work?

Answer 1

you need to be honest. Tell her that you are not prepared to marry her if she does not really want to marry you. I can understand the pressures on her from the family. You sound like a decent guy, and you should offer to speak to them perhaps telling them that it is your decision saving her hastle from them.



You are right, the marriage will not work in the end and you will both be unhappy and maybe even with kids, so better to stop it now and both of you find somebody more suited to you.

Answer 2

Hi, you poor thing. Please rest assured, marriage rarely works just because two people love each other. It's really about choosing an appropriate person to share your life with and comitting to them completely. If she understands that and is willing to do the same you're off to a flying start. Love changes over time SO MUCH anyway. I really think you need to talk to her directly about feelings, get the answers from her. The love I have for my wife today is a completely different love to the one we started out with four years ago, if I'd wanted to build a marriage on just that love it would have failed. But being married is the most wonderful thing if you set about it properly, a lifelong agreement between two people to share lives, whatever happens. Find out how she really feels. Joe.

Answer 3

From the sounds of it, it may take quite a while to really get to know her: she seems quite dominated by her family and their traditions, and does not show her true feelings easily. If you really like her a lot, why not look for opportunities to get her alone so you can really find out what she is like and what she is thinking? Meanwhile, i suggest you guard your heart a bit: you don't want to be completely crushed if things don't work out. She may not be able to easily break free from her strict up bringing so she can be herself and not what her family wants. On the other hand, you can hopefully teach and encourage her to think for herself!! Whatever you do, do NOT get married until you are certain you know her true self well enough: marriage is not something to be taken lightly and so many of them fail because they are entered into too early on in a relationship.

Answer 4

wait as long as possible whats the rush? You have things you still need to find out from her, like how she truly feels about you. I would ask her straight out if it's really a concern. As much as you may love her if the answer is not love from her side then dont waste your time pining over her or trying to make her fall in love with you, move on. Trust me I wasted 4 years trying to make something work that was broken. There are sooo many beautiful women in this world to be wasting your time trying to get one that doesnt feel the same towards you is just a waste.

Answer 5

Sorry, but the only way to know is to talk face to face.



In situations where a family is 'controlling', it is hard to know the truth, is she being supressed due to the family demands? Then you need to get her face to face, if you cant get the truth or don't feel you are then, apologies, but there is only one thing to do. I demand from my partner honesty as that is what she will get from me, if you don't get it then call it off, it might not be easy but would you trade decades of unhappiness just to hold onto a dream?

Answer 6

Have a talk with her. Tell her very gently that you think she has perhaps only agreed to marry you in order to please her family. Explain to her that it is very important to you that you and your partner are *both* marrying for love. Tell her that if she wants you to release her from her promise to marry you that you will find a way to make it good with her family. Maybe insult her mother or father, or let them catch you disobeying a religious law that they hold dear.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

if she is a christian it can work. Love is not a feeling but a choice and a principle. Falling in love is not a good thing, because if you fall inlove you can also fall out again. To step into love with your eyes wide open is much wiser. True love grows over the years and is more enduring. Let her grow into love if she chooses, it is good you do not want to force her. If you are patient and gentle and loving to her she will grow to love you. However you mus be united on your religious beliefs for it to work , because a "house divided against itself will fall" do not pursue her if you are not agreed,

Answer 8

The only thing you can do is have a face-to-face talk with her and get her true feelings about you. Don't push her. If this is an arranged marriage I can't see it ever being a happy one and urge you both to forget it and move on with your lives.

Answer 9

Don't ask us, ask her. Take her out someplace where you two can talk and ask her what is going on and how does she feel about you. Tellher what you have told us and then see what she says. That will give you your answer better than anything we could tell you. Good Luck, hope she thinks you are the one.

Answer 10

It gonna work, jump in.



There be love after marriage , don't worry about that !



The most important thing at the moment is that she's not inlove with another (which would be very sad) but obviously she's not, so jump in !

Answer 11

i dont really understand what you are talking about because you are typing like you live in the 1800's but still... i do think she loves you and it is probably just you being a bit nervous because you really want to make this work.

Answer 12

Ask her...and tell her how you feel...tell her you are very concerned for your futures and want only the best for her...and tell her she should not do something she does not wish to. Tell her you want her to be happy whatever that means but nothing would make you happier than to be with her..

Answer 13

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Answer 14

Talk to her about how you feel if she says she loves you believe her.

Answer 15

sit down and talk to her about it and if she feels diffrent to you then tell her to move on and to not mess with your feelins but if she does love you then accept it well

Answer 16

Talk to her - don't live with your perception only.

Answer 17

i think you 2 should sit down and talk, and ask her how she really feels.

Answer 18

ask her if she wants to got through with it. if she says no then she doesnt love you, if yes then stress that she doesnt have to just make sure.

Answer 19

why don't you ask her yourself. ask her how she REALLY feels about you. only then can you figure out whether or not it's going to truly work out.

Answer 20

She loves you, so simple.