Question:
Bridesmaid help please?!?
?
2013-08-01 09:55:10 UTC
Ok, well... bit of a long story but here it goes... When my fiance and I first got engaged, we decided on a big grand venue and a proper grand princess wedding. I asked 3 friends to be bridesmaids. Our situation has now changed and we have chosen a different venue that we had originally ruled out because we thought it was too small. The new venue is a lot more chilled out and informal, so i'm not sure if having bridesmaids is best thing anymore. What does everybody else think? I was debating with saying instead of bridesmaids, they could be best girls or something, and still wear the colour theme but choose their own dress etc (My sister-in-law would have just had a baby so i'd want her to be comfortable!) Does anyone have any suggestions? Should i just keep them as bridesmaids?
Thank you all! xx
Nine answers:
planner
2013-08-01 12:54:09 UTC
why would you want to change their title? just because you are having a more relaxed and casual wedding does not change the fact that your friends are your bridesmaids. a bridesmaid is a girl who is close to the bride and who does things to help her get through all that must done to execute a wedding, regardless of how small or how casual.



three is not a very large bridal party, so you don't need to do anything. just tell them what color of dress you want them to have and let them get what suites them each best if you are okay with that. but you are still a bride and they will still be your maids, present to help you and wait on you and do whatever you need them to do.



people who say that the members of the wedding party have no duties are in error. the entire reason for having the bridal party members is for the purpose of helping the bride and groom to pull off the wedding and to be there as friends who are ready to serve them.



this idea that all they are obligated to do is to show up at the wedding wearing the outfit is incorrect and not in keeping with proper wedding tradition.
Halo Mom
2013-08-01 18:58:07 UTC
You ask them, there is no way to un ask someone without hurting the people



Three is not bad, I had three(MOH and two bridesmaids)

If you are having a less formal wedding, get short dresses that are less formal



It's not the amount of bridesmaid that make it formal, it's the dress

You could fine a cute dress that fit the new venue, keep the bridesmaid and not risk your friendships
?
2013-08-01 18:24:14 UTC
I would keep them. Three bridesmaids isn't too much for any size wedding/venue. It would be so much more graceful to keep them then to have to come up with a way to "un-ask" them. Really, wouldn't be worth it. I would however, stick to the idea that they just wear a dress in the color theme and choose their own. That would help make the day seem more informal.
BeatriceBatten
2013-08-01 19:07:34 UTC
You cannot un-ask the bridal party without causing hurt feelings. If you're telling them ALL that you have decided to no longer have a bridal party, then go ahead and do it (and be sure to refund them for every penny they may have spent on your wedding), but don't be surprised if they are hurt and angry by your poor planning.







No, you cannot make up some lame fake title to try and hide the fact that you're being rude. It's unnecessary, rude, dramatic, and stupid.



WTF is the difference between "Bridesmaids" and "Best Girls"? That's just obviously pointing out to them that you no longer want them as bridesmaids. I mean, "Our plans changed and we're going to scrap the whole bridal party" is one thing ... but "Our plans changed and you're no longer bridesmaids, but I made up this phony lame title for you and you still need to dress in the color I pick for you, even though you're not bridesmaids" is REALLY insulting. It's basically saying that you want them to do everything a bridesmaid does (because a bridesmaid's only official duty is to get the dress and be in the ceremony), but you are denying them the title. That'll just make them think, "Geez, if we're already buying specific dresses to be 'included,' then why aren't we real bridesmaids?"



And three bridesmaids is not very many at all. Not to mention that I don't know where you got the idea that three bridesmaids constitutes a "proper grand princess wedding" when most of the REAL princesses out there (the Duchess of Cambridge, Crown Princess Mette-Marit, Princess Stephanie of Luxembourg, Princess Madeleine and Crown Princess Victoria) had only two, one, or zero bridesmaids in their royal weddings.



I don't really get how kicking three friends out of your wedding is really going to make that much of a difference. You can reflect the informality of the new location by picking more informal dresses for them - or, like you said, just pick a color and let them get their own dresses. Do a Google Image search for "mismatched bridesmaids" or "different dresses same color" and you will see a ton of nice examples.



Either suck it up and leave the bridal party how it is; or apologize profusely to the whole bridal party and tell them that you're scrapping the bridal party since your plans changed. But DO NOT try to come up with some kind of consolation prize for them. Just scrap the bridal party or don't ... but if you go with some bogus in-between solution then you're going to piss off a lot of people and look like a real fool in the process. Make ONE decision.
?
2013-08-01 18:13:16 UTC
I would just say that due to the change in venue, you and your fiance would be standing at the altar by yourselves. They can still be bridesmaids. Maybe tone the dress down to something less formal (they can pick their own if you like) and you could reserve a row of seating up front for them.



Other than that, they really didn't have any duties at the wedding anyhow.
?
2013-08-01 17:01:15 UTC
You can just tune down the dresses make them less formal if that's how the venue is going to go. Instead of full on frufru brides maids dresses do your idea of letting them pick the gown that sticks to the color theme. Or you could pick something that's light and flowy material.
Jenny W.
2013-08-01 17:05:36 UTC
Depend on what kind of wedding you want, can vary if you want bridesmaid. If the venue is informal and you just want to have a happy wedding and a comfortable one, first talk about it with your fiance and then decide. If there are available family or friends to be the bridesmaid, you might want to let them. But if there aren't, don't shred it and have a comfortable wedding. Happy Wedding from Illinois.
Blundt Cake
2013-08-01 17:42:35 UTC
Generally speaking, being a bridesmaid is an expensive chore that people only agree to do because they care about you. Very few people would be disappointed if they were free to enjoy your wedding as a guest, rather than have to "work" it.

If you don't see bridesmaids fitting your new venue, simply tell them you've changed your plans.
anonymous
2013-08-01 18:51:08 UTC
Just make the dresses more informal and tell them you are toning it down a bit :)


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