Do you think a couple can dictate who you can bring when the invite says, "Your name and guest?"?

Question

The invite says "John/Jane Doe and Guest" for people who are dating someone right now or for people who the bride and groom don't know for sure if they are dating someone right now. Then the bride and groom made a personal phone call to everyone telling them if their invite says "and Guest" they can only bring someone they are dating if they are dating them at this moment. If they break up with that person between now and the wedding, they can't bring anyone else. And if they are not dating anyone right now, they can not bring anyone.

I was caught off guard by this and little unimpressed with it. I follow it because it's their wedding and their money but it just feels kind of choosey.

Answer 1

I agree it was handled horribly. What I'm guessing is that they assumed everyone would know that guest meant current squeeze, and they figured most wouldn't bring one if they didn't have one. Then they found out otherwise.



It falls under the category of "check these things BEFORE sending out invites".

Answer 2

Normally, the "and guest" addition to an invite is so the invited guest can bring a date. This is a first where I have heard that a marrying couple has had strings attached to who their invited guest can and cannot bring according to a specific time line. This is unusual at best.



I suppose if the bride knew her intended guests, she should have written: Mr John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith. That way only the people on the invitation were invited and therefore, the invitation would not be transferable in the event of a break up.



I dunno, this is a strange situation. Regardless, the marrying couple have set parameters as to who can be invited to their wedding and invited guests should respect such requests.

Answer 3

There are few situations where the hosts could get some say in the guest, such as if their guest wants to bring someone who has been banned from the wedding activities or someone who is hostile towards the wedding.



Otherwise, it is mostly up to the guest to determine their plus one. It could be a long-term partner, a short-term partner, an old or new partner, or friend or sibling.



What this couple has chosen to do is absolutely rude. I agree they have handled the situation horribly.

Answer 4

I would be completely unimpressed with it as well.



Yeah, to save one or two $50 dinners for the one or two people who may break up with their partner between now and the wedding date, they probably cost themselves at least $500 in wedding gifts. If I were the recipient of such a phone call, my $100 check would be reduced to a $20 Wal-Mart gift card. And I am quite certain I would not be the only one who would express their response to the phone call through a significantly smaller wedding gift.



The bride sounds like a real bridezilla. It's brides like that who are so controlling and micromanaging of everyone and everything, and then they wonder why everything is falling apart and they are getting so little cooperation in the days or weeks leading up to their wedding.

Answer 5

It's a tricky situation and one that I think arises more from guest rudeness than bride/groom rudeness.



Wedding invitations are generally sent 8-10 weeks before the wedding. I cannot imagine in what universe it would be appropriate to bring someone you've been with for less than that time as a date to a wedding. Yes, it's a party - but it's also a formal occasion celebrating a new part of YOUR friend's lives. Why would you drag someone else to that?



Also, as a bride - I can sympathize some with the exasperation that while I'm trying to be a good hostess, I'm not paying for some girl/guy you picked up in a bar last week to eat and get wasted on my dime. It's about sharing a special day with myself and my spouse-to-be, not a backyard kegger.

Answer 6

It was strange and awkward of them to call their guests and say that. As a guest, I think it is understood that "and guest" means someone I may be dating seriously at the time, and not a random friend of mine. Honestly I do not bring my friends with me as I am perfectly capable of making friends and chatting with the people at the wedding. But if another guest were to bring their friend as the "guest", I wouldnt say they were exactly wrong -- I just dont feel the need to do it.



As a host, I do not invite people and then put stipulations on it. And if a guest brought their friend, I might find it funny but I wouldnt say anything about it and just go on with the party.



There is nothing worse than a host making their guests feel awkward and unwanted. It is better to be gracious and welcoming in this situation. Most people do not bring random friends, although one or two guests might do it.

Answer 7

If that is what they wanted they should have taken the time to call their guests and inquire if they were seriously dating someone and if so what that person's name was so it could included the invitation. Or do a little digging around. In the world of technology (Facebook anyone) it is not hard to figure out or simply send a message and ask. I understand their intention but agree they handled it very poorly.

Answer 8

No..the 'and Guest' gives the invitee the choice to bring whoever they please.



Now if it said 'and Guest as Long as the Couple Approve of Your Selection'..but who is gonna have enough balls to type that? lol....



...and exactly how would the bride and groom KNOW? The guest being called can LIE you know....



Will the couple demand PROOF that the guest meets their criteria?



I can see frantic people whipping out receipts for dinners, movies...dated pictures...motel charges'...copies of dirty e-mails exchanged....phone texts with naked pictures....



Oh the possibilities!



lol would just say that under those 'specifications,' I was unable to attend the wedding. Infact I would tell them not only will I not bring any guest, thus saving them from the cost of a plate for someone they don;t approve of, I will further their savings by not bringing myself as well! There ya go...they saved on TWO plates instead of one.....Then I would send them a book on proper etiquette as a wedding gift...wowza are they ever in need of one....

Answer 9

That is ridiculous! I would love to see what Miss Manners would have to say about that. When someone puts guest on an invitation it should mean guest and that could be a boyfriend, friend, whatever. If you RSVP and you tell them you are bringing a guest and you and your boyfriend break up then you should be able to bring a friend. I am glad to see they are a real "classy" couple. LOL

Answer 10

If a host sends an invitation that says and guest, then it is up to that person who they will bring with. It is very rude for a host to call up and give guidelines.

Personally I would decline to go to this wedding. It puts my back up to have someone dictate to me, what kind of relationship I can have to qualify as a date to them.

Answer 11

Of course it's fine. For anyone who I knew had a bf or gf, I mailed the invitation to the person we knew well, but included the name of who they were dating. If I didn't know the bf/gf's full name, I asked. I included "and guest" for people I didn't think were dating anyone, in case they wanted to bring a date.



"I was caught off guard by this and little unimpressed with it. I follow it because it's their wedding and their money but it just feels kind of choosey."



Eh, screw it. If you are not dating someone seriously, bring a date anyway if you want to. If they wrote "and guest" they should account for the "and guests" in their budgeting. But make sure to RSVP with your date's name.

Answer 12

They handled it wrong, but its still *their* wedding.



I'm allowing all my single guests to bring a guest/+1 of their choosing, but I assume a lot of them choosing to do this is budgeting or maybe not wanting to look at their wedding pictures and wondering who the people are in them.

Answer 13

I have been doing weddings for years and never heard of this. That is too crazy. Who tells someone they cannot bring a date to a wedding unless its a specific person? This person needs to stop being such a damn redneck.

Answer 14

you can tell these people are well versed in good manners. not.



if it says and guest they have no say on who the guest is. they dont entertain or have any grasp of manners so they dont know this and feel now that they can take back this invitation and dictate who comes.



classy!

Answer 15

thats pretty rude.....



if an invitation says "and guest" that means that you can chose which ever person you want to bring as your "date". doesnt matter if its your mom, best friend, or boyfriend.



these people obviously have control issues.

Answer 16

That's quite rude. If they only want one specific person, they should say that on the invite.



But Bridezillas will be Bridezillas :)