Brides have you thought about...?

Question

I never did until I started reading here but have you thought about all you ask/expect of your BM/MOH???

From 1 wedding I was in:
Dress, shoes & alterations - $600
Shower (split with other BMs) - $350 each
Bachelorette party $200 each
Wedding Gift $250
Travel arrangements and hotel $400
Time spent running around for her.... priceless....
Oh year and after she married and moved to another state this "great" friend has not been able to attend several "BIG" events for the girls that were in her wedding. Don't know about you but I will certainly think before I ask anything more of them.

Answer 1

I've been told I think TOO MUCH about them and not enough about what I want haha! Is that possible!? I checked the color for the dresses to make sure it looks good on all of them. We are going together to pick dresses and my mom is making them at no cost to the girls, alterations and fittings included. The dresses will not require any special undergarments (strapless bra, etc). I asked them if they were okay with silver shoes, any style and they said that would be great as they already have them! I'm not making them get their hair or nails or makeup done but I will pay for it if they want it. I'm not making them wear any special jewelry and I expect nothing from them other than that they stand up next to me and "protect me" (bridesmaid tradition!) on my wedding day. I love my girls and am really excited to make them part of my wedding day!!!

Answer 2

I must be really nice, because I have one bridesmaid, and here's what I've asked from her:



She provide shoes (whether she buys them or uses what she has)

She provide jewelry

She shows up to the rehearsal and wedding (she lives 3 1/2 hours away, so she'll need maybe $50 in gas and $100-$200 in hotel, if she stays a second night).



She's also throwing a "bachelorette" party, but there will probably only be 3 of us, and she would probably provide the alcohol. I'm driving there, so no other expenses.



I told her I didn't want a shower, but then my FMIL asked if she could do it. Turns out my only bridesmaid is flying halfway across the country to visit her sister that week.



She went and lost 20 pounds after special ordering the dress, and now it's too big for her. She asked if I could return it (I can't) and buy a different dress. Hah! Yeah right! She said the "only good seamstress she knows" charges $90 an hour, which could make it cost more than the dress itself. I figured it wasn't too much to ask (since it's not my fault the dress doesn't fit anymore!) that she get the dress altered.

Answer 3

I had only a MoH. I let her choose her dress and shoes--I didn't dictate anything, not even color or style. She bought clothes she can wear again.



I specifically told her that I didn't want a shower (we're an older couple and don't need things to set up house, so a shower seemed silly and greedy).



I did not want or expect a bachelorette party. Some of my friends took me out for dinner at a really cool jazz tapas restaurant/bar instead.



Her gift was extremely generous, and not expected.



She did no running around for me. She and a few friends came over one Sunday afternoon to help assemble favors and write out seating place cards. All I asked of her was to stand beside me at my wedding, and to give a toast at the reception.



I guess it depends who the bride is...

Answer 4

I put that into a lot of consideration before I even asked anyone, but honestly I don't expect much from them. Just that they buy their dresses ($75 cause I looked everywhere to find good prices and they are floor length so I don't care if on their feet they wear slippers), show up to help set up the reception site the night before followed by dinner and going to the club afterward, of which everyone buys their own dinner and the dinner and club is optional... Then to show up the morning of the wedding to do a quick run through and hang out with us at the hotel until it's time to get ready and head to the ceremony.

I didn't feel right nor the need to ask my friends to spend so much money to be in my wedding.

Answer 5

We only have one couple standing up with us, and they are married. The dress & shoes were 180.00 total and the tux rental is 150.00. We are not having any pre-wedding parties, and we are doing each others hair & makeup. We are also paying for them to stay at the same hotel for the wedding for 2 nights. The wedding gift we have no control over, but they would be doing the same even if they werent in the wedding.



I don't believe that what we personally are asking from them is over the top, however, I do see your point.

Answer 6

I wish some brides would think more about it, some get a little too carried away with the whole "its my day" thing and dont realise its not just them that are facing huge expenses.



My ex Sister in Law wanted my three older children as her pages and flower girl and we were meant to pay for their outfits, fair enough I thought, but she got really picky about everything, the dress for my daughter was over 200 and she wanted a certain style shoe for the boys that cost 150 quid a pair and were unsuitable for use as school shoes as they were very fancy so they'd literally be only wearing them for one day. We were also told not to bring our younger two children which meant paying for day care and babysitters at about 250 quid for the whole day. Not to mention the travel expenses.



Worse than the outrageous expenses though was the fact she used me as a middleman between my mum and her and caused me so much hassle and stress, I was pregnant at the time and my hubby was fuming with her for putting so much on my shoulders when I wasnt even a real member of the bridal party, then the cheeky cow didnt invite us to the hen night, she'd talked to me all about it but didnt invite me or my sisters or mother. i was so upset I turned round and told the snotty cow to stick her wedding where the sun dont shine and refused to allow the children to take part and refused to pay for all the stupid stuff she'd bought, yes thats right, she'd bought it all without the kids there or considering if we could afford it and basically just handed me the bill. I have to say I cheered when one year later my brother announced they were getting divorced. Ha.

Answer 7

I been a bridesmaid / maid of honor a total of 10 times. I have spent thousands of dollars and now 9 of those couples are no longer together!



I really appreciate when a bride considers the cost... and remembers even tho we are part of the wedding party we are not personal servants to do all this running around for them. I don't mind helping a bit but there were a few brides that became bridezillas!

Answer 8

Personally, all I "expect" of my MOH and bridesmaids is that they are there to stand up with me while I get married and share in the joy of the day with me. I don't want them shelling out any unnecessary money for a dress they'll never wear again, so I have asked them all to just wear a dress they feel beautiful in that they already own, or one that is within their budget. Also, I really don't want them to throw me any bridal showers because I'll feel really uncomfortable sitting there and opening everyone's gifts in front of them, making them feel bad if they bought something smaller than someone else, because it's not about that at all. If they do want to give me a bachelorette party, I am totally prepared to pay my own way whatever we end up doing- including drinks, food, entertainment, etc. Why should they have to go broke because I'm getting married? Also, I don't expect them to help me with running around the city and doing my errands- they're my friends, not my slaves. If they want to come along to do some last-minute wedding stuff, I'll be grateful for the company, but I'm not expecting them to run and fetch for me.

Answer 9

Personally, my bridesmaids spent $80 on their dresses, whatever they spent on their shoes,a nd to get nails done. I paid for the hair and the "shower" was a small one where my family pitched in and one of the girls is a baker and made my cake. We had a pay your own way bachlorette party and ALL of my female friends were invited and all apparantly pitched in for me. None of them paid for travel arrangements because they stayed with my family or other friends if they were out of town.



All I know is, I asked my friends and they said they would love to come and participate. I tried not to make it a burden, but if it was, then they didn't have to say yes.



I think that when brides pick out $400 bridesmaids dresses, that its excessive and expensive for the girls to have to shell out and that's not right, but at the same time, I see all the time bridesmaids going behind the brides back against the bride. My advice, yes, she should be more considerate as the bride, but don't say yes next time or tell the bride your financial situation and make her aware before she makes arrangements for such pricy amounts for you to shell out.

Answer 10

I have thought about it. I am not getting married for a few years, but I have already decided that for my MOH I want someone who will add to the ceremony because I love them instead of a wedding planner and lving mannequin. I will probably just have a MOH, no bridesmaids. I will see if they already have an appropriate dress, and if they don't I will look for one with them that they like and could wear again. I don't think I will really even care about colors, I want to get married in a butterfly garden so there will be lots color around us. There will be lots of options for colors, and I will probably not get too tied up with a color scheme as long as it is colorful. I will expect them to pay for the dress but I will make sure its affordable and they will hopefully be wearing it again. They can help if they want, but I would be perfectly happy if all they did was show up to the wedding.

Answer 11

I've been in a few weddings in the last 2 years as a bridesmaid, so I can really appreciate all that's asked of them. Luckily I've never had to spend quite as much money as you! But it does cost a lot, and it's a big responsibility! I will definitely try not to ask too much of my bridesmaids (I'm getting married July 12th). And I've tried to find inexpensive bridesmaids dresses, and one of the bridesmaids is actually doing all of their alterations for $20 apiece! I know how it feels to be the bridesmaid, so I hope I've done and okay job of keeping that in mind as I've been planning my wedding! I appreciate them all sooo much, and I don't know how I could have planned everything without them :-)

Answer 12

Oh yeah. Completely agree. I see some serious bridezilla questions on here expecting 7 hour drives for every shower and luncheon. I bent over backwards for my bridesmaids. I provided the transportation for one and the other who lived in Alaska, I helped her search for discount flights. Both--if they didn't want a hotel--could stay at a friend's (groomsman) house. He was willing to drive them around to rehearsal, and back from reception. I picked a dress that was less than $150. None were expected to get me a gift or help me with any planning. And my bachelorette party. My MOH searched all over and total night of entertainment was about $20 each.



But b/c of bridezillas out there, when bridesmaids can they feel it's finally their time to get back at a bride by placing one demand after another on them. I had one bride expect her bridesmaids to fly to NYC for a week of bachelorette party in an expensive hotel. She was willing to negotiate down to 3 day weekend. Umm over a grand for a bachelorette party? No way!! She was a really close friend but she hasn't talked to any of us since. Then those brides complain on the bridesmaids and threaten to kick them out??



My cousin is being one now and I'm saving up so that when one of her bridesmaids backs out, I will step in and be a bridesmaid for her. Now of course there are some terrible bridesmaids out there. I had 2 of them who scam the bride into paying hundreds of dollars for the Honor of having a bridesmaid there. But...



I can't stand to see brides not even be the slightest bit grateful to their bridesmaids who put out so much time and money helping them.

Answer 13

I have a list for you...all I asked my MOH to do is:

Find a dress, we'll pay for it (she used one she wore to a different wedding and paid for the alterations, she wouldn't let us pay her back - $100

Wedding gift - Not saying

Travel arrangements (she had to travel but she could have stayed with us instead of in the hotel) - not sure



That's it. I would be upset if I had to shell out almost $2000 for someone!!

Answer 14

which is exactly why i don't expect that much from any of them! & i let them pick out their own dresses in whatever price range they wanted & their own shoes & i also made sure they knew the wedding was very informal! so they basically got sundresses & get to wear them again & again! plus as far as my bachelorette party goes i'm paying for it & my shower my mom's family (who passed away) is taking care of it & for travel arrangements we're having a mini-sleepover the night before so i have to say MOST brides aren't like that & i hate that the ones who do that give the rest of us bad reps...i'm way into cutting costs for myself & everyone else...

Answer 15

Have I? ABSOLUTELY!

I don't want to be an obnoxious bride that has her MOH & BMs doing a tally of how much they *had* to spend in order to be in my wedding.

I'm paying for their dresses and I wish I could pay for more. But fortunately, I have a brain in my head so anything my girls do choose to do for me will not be outrageously expensive for them.

Answer 16

i did and i really think that most brides don't. for my wedding i picked out dresses that cost $110, tuxes came out to that also. my husband and i paid $40 for everyone, couldn't afford to pay for it all but wanted to make sure everything was under $100. we bought all the excessories, no specifics on shoes, hair, or anything like that.

Answer 17

I`m not having a BM or MOH so no problem. My sister hired her BM and MOH outfits. They ony had to buy their own shoes.

Answer 18

All I asked of mine was that she pick out a dress in pink, lavender or yellow and that she call me periodically to see how things are going. Apparently this was too much to ask becasue she has done neither.



People do ask way too much from people sometimes though, I definitely agree.

Answer 19

all i asked of my moh was she buy a 67 dollar dress and told her not to get me a dress and i'd help pay for any prarty she wanted to have but we didn't have to have any. I'm broke and i won't ask anybody to buy something i couldn't afford to buy for them