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Question

I'm getting married next year.

We have 200 people coming and the insurance for the church says that's the max for health & safety reasons....

However, my boyfriend & I were talking to his mum at the weekend and she announced that people could just turn up for the wedding ceremony uninvited...is this true? Is it polite? Personally, I'd be really offended if people just rocked up without letting anyone know, especially if they nab a seat reserved for someone who has an invite.

We were talking about his ex girlfriend (of 3 months) who is now dating an aquaintance we know. We'd like this aquaintance to play the drums for the songs we're singing so boyfriends mum said that we had to invite the ex too. Then said we didn't need to invite extras, its a free thing and you can't ban people from weddings....she said what if they have a reason we can't be married?

It really upset me so I was just wondering whether there was any truth in what she said? Or whether its bad ettiquette?

Answer 1

Yes, anyone can come to a wedding ceremony without an invite. But they cannot prevent you from being married.



You're getting married next year...how do you know for certain already how many people are going to be there? Usually, people RSVP 4 to 6 weeks before the wedding, not a whole year in advance. If you are sending out invitations to 200 people, you will likely only have 80% of them able to attend your wedding.



Relax and enjoy this time.

Answer 2

It sounds like your mother-in-law to be is a little worried and has gotten you worried as well.



It is true that people can and do show up at weddings uninvited (usually it is a small amount of people that either felt they should have been entitled to an invite or they are complete strangers hoping to "get in on the action" be it food and drink or just the happy feelings that surround weddings. Is this polite? ABSOLUTELY NOT, but that doesn't stop them.

As for the ex-girlfriend, if she is truly interested in her current significant other she will behave well, he probably is going to be watching her as well to judge whether their relationship is solid. So I wouldn't worry to much about her. As for the part of the ceremony where they ask if anyone has objections.... request that your officiant omit that part. It is not required and in many ceremonies these days it is not standard.

So yes she was telling the truth and it IS bad etiquette on the part of the "crashers", but you truly have very little to worry about. If you start feeling very stressed you would do best to contact a professional wedding planner who can be your right hand. With an event the size you are speaking of, there is a very good possibility that they would save you well over their own fee making them not only affordable, but necessary. Call around and do your homework before signing ANY contracts with ANY vendors.

If you need further assistance feel free to email me and I will do my best to help.

Answer 3

Maybe after that movie Wedding Crashers people are even more aware that they can go, dress nice and score free booze and food. I think you won't have too much trouble spotting the black sheep. If not- it's unlikely that more than 1 or 2 uninvited guests would show up. If you are still very worried though maybe you can have some tighter security? Not saying like a bouncer or anything but maybe a list? Have people bring their invitations? And if you really want to make sure, you could do assigned seating till everyone gets there then say "OK it's fine to move around now." Congratulations though! I'm sure that with the level of detail you are attending to your event will be as memorable and magical as you've hoped for.

Answer 4

Yeah i'm affraid this is true, people can turn up and sit in the back of the church if they so wish without an invite, however i dont think that many people do as this is quite rude in my opinion. MAny people will probably gather outside the church to have a nose at ur dress etc and wish u well, but i wouldnt panic about it as i dont think anyone will intrude on ur big day! Weddings are stressful enough so dont panic!

Answer 5

I had about 100 toursists at my wedding. When I pulled up in the limo they started snapping pictures of me (that was creepy) and then gang rushed for the door to get inside. Then they all sat and watched our whole ceremony and applauded at the end as we exited. It was like we put on a show for them.

But a church is a public place, they cant legally keep people out even though ours tried. One of the deacons was yelling at people to get away from me since I was a member of the church and everything, but he couldnt tell them to leave.



If people want to come they will, but rarely does that happen. It only happened in my case because I was married at Trinity Church in Downtown NYC, which is one of the oldest churches in America and a big tourist attraction. If you are married at your local church there probably wont be a bus load of people that just got off that will stick around to see your wedding.



I dont understand the second part about the drums, but if you hire someone to play at your wedding they dont get to bring a guest. They are being paid for their services, its a job. Would you take your fiance to your office?



Anyway, yes people can come without an invitation, will it actually happen? I'm the only case I know of that it has ever happened to and the reasons werent because people wanted to see me, they wanted to see my church.

Answer 6

Unfortunately, anyone really can walk into a wedding. The concept behind the movie "Wedding Crashers" was real, I know from cocktail waitressing at receptions that sometimes total strangers show up at the wedding for the open bar/food that follows. Occasionally friends that aren't invited show up. The good news is that most people aren't rude enough to show up to a wedding to which they haven't been formally invited. If anyone did, it would most likely be 1 or 2 people, not enough to put your church's building code at serious risk.

As for the second question, I think it's rude to ask someone to participate in your ceremony, especially performing for you, and not allow them to bring a date. I think if you want the guy to play drums, you have to put up with the annoying ex.

Answer 7

Even random people off the street can come into a church and watch the wedding ceremony. Have you never seen the gangs of little old ladies who hang around churches on a Saturday, cooing and aaahhing? Unless the vicar/priest locks the doors, I don't think there's much you can do - after all, it is a public place of worship. However, they will all be there to wish you happiness and love, so I shouldn't let it bother you. Hope your day is wonderful.

Answer 8

Though it is not the decent thing to do, people have and will continue to show up uninvited to wedding ceremonies.



However, if you are worried that one of them will say something during the "if anyone has any reason..." portion of the wedding, simply ask the person doing the ceremony to omit that portion from the ceremony. Most pastors/justice of the peace will be happy to do so.

Answer 9

If teh boyfriend is to be paid for his services then there is no need to invite the ex with. People rendering a service at the wedding dont have the right to bring someone with them... YOU DONT SEE THE CATERER BRINGING A PARTNER AND ALL THEIR ASSISTANTS SO WHY SHOULD HE? If he doesnt agree to this then find someone else, this is the only way to control the situation. And the church doors stay open in a ceremony incase someone objects... thats why I made sure my ceremony was short and sweet lol

Answer 10

Technically speaking, you can just go into a wedding in a church without any problem.



However, if there is limited seating and the seats are all 'invited only' then you need to tell the potential gate-crashers this.



Please don't let anything (or anyone) spoil your big day though, you will only do this once in your lifetime.

Answer 11

Take no notice - weddings are stressful enough, and I presume your mother in law is panicking.



It is true that people can just turn up at the church, but I've never known it without an invite. Anyone who is not invited but wants to see you in your dress would just be outside to get a look.



Relax and enjoy your day.

Answer 12

Your mother in law is correct people can just turn up if they so wish, however, this is why you have ushers. They direct your invited guests to their seats. Also, if you don't want her to be there don't add 'and guest' on your friends invitation.



It's your wedding have the day you and your fiance want. You shouldn't really invite ex's really unless you were married to them and then that is only out of politeness!!



If you're still unsure, speak to your vicar and ask his advice.



Good luck

Answer 13

anybody can sit in at a wedding who isnt invited, members of the church i married in, who werent invited came to wish us well, i had a small wedding so there was room. people dont normally push there way into a church, if they want to see they normally wait outside for when you both come out, i think youre worrying needlessly, relax as it does work out in the end

Answer 14

Technically, people CAN show up uninvited. Yes, it is rude, and it really sucks for those hosting, but it's not impossible. my family hosted me cousin's wedding a few years ago, and some of her guests decided to brings their friends without asking first. It was especially rude because we hadn't ordered food for those people, but they ate anyway...

Answer 15

so here is what you do ask the drummer friend and his possible date to go to the reception spot instead of the ceremony to ensure that eerything is running smoothly and to make sure the music equipment is all set. they could help people to find their tables as guest usually enter receptions first. This way she is not at the ceremony to say anything during that part and by the time you arrive at the reception she is already involved in so many other things to be interferring with you.

Answer 16

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Answer 17

ok....for the weeding at the church....she is right..any one can go

and attend ceremony.....invitations are sent to persons...indicating the church, time and place of ceremony

and also of the weeding reception...also, not always all the

person you sent invitation to will show up at church or/and

at wedding reception,

however at wedding reception ..only invites and their companions should be accepted and kids included(family),

unless you specified on invitation "no kids, please"

and ..yes it is ok to invite the aquaintance to play at church

or/and wedding reception....however...make clear that

he knows and understands that all band members

are to go solo to wedding reception....otherwise...tell him to

forget about him playing at your wedding

Answer 18

Dnt listen to her at all, sounds like she's just jealous that her precious son is growing up, she prob will try and make you feel uncomfortable as possible and be nasty towards you but so what don't stoop to her level just ignore her and make sure you do everything yours and your partners way and listen to no one else good luck and congratulations!!

Answer 19

by church law, anybody is entitled to come in whether they know you or not. the church cannot deny access to anybody regardless what is going on inside as it is a place of worship.

Answer 20

unfortunately its right,a church is a public place you cant stop people from turning up,obviously they cant go to your do afterward but yeah the church,for instance i could just turn up at your church even though you dont know me you dont own the church so anyone can attend,sorry to let you down"!

Answer 21

i'll say a prayer tonight to protect my friend on internet

and her problems ...i'll pray for you honestly in my heart ...

i hope you will have a wonferful wedding !!

warm wishes for more bighter years cumin ...

plus i'll always be here ...to make you smile

because i'm such a good person !!!



PEACE ...

Answer 22

Roxy is right.Go ahead and do it ur best answer.

Answer 23

to avoid any future problems...do not get married...just live together..it will be cheaper....less complicated...it will only end in divorce...it is just a question of time....just check the statistics on marriages and divorces.

Answer 24

sometimes they do