Question:
Why can't I get over my boring marriage proposal?
MJ
2009-02-14 01:35:48 UTC
I live in Hawaii and me and now hubby do a lot of stuff together at the beach, hiking etc. I knew he was going to propose but was caught off guard when he proposed in our shabby living room, NAKED, 30 mins before I boarded a plane to visit my dying dog in my home state for 10 days. The diamond is exquisite, he is a great catch, but I find myself feeling so bitter about the proposal. I throw it in his face almost every time we get in a fight. I know it hurts him, but I can't seem to get over how disappointed I am. I wanted my fairy tale proposal!!! There were so many opportunities to make it wonderful, why did he do it that way???!!! Tried to suggest he should attempt a redo, but he thinks that it's stupid.
37 answers:
nickipettis
2009-02-14 01:41:11 UTC
YOU WANTED A FAIRY TALE.



that rarely happens, to any of us.



I know that proposing when you were about to leave to visit your dying dog was a bad time, but your husband probably thought it would cheer you up. maybe he had even been trying to find the perfect time, then knowing you would leave soon, just rushed it.



But the fact is, life is not a fairy tale. You really need to find a way to appreciate the marriage, or you are going to destroy it over the ( sorry) immature feelings you are still having about the proposal. Again, I am sorry, but if you just had to have the one and only perfectly perfect proposal, you should have given your husband to be a script.
Siu
2016-04-16 10:25:44 UTC
1
Adrianne
2009-02-14 06:32:33 UTC
That is actually kinda cute - and it reflects real life. That's how real life is a lot of the time.



People always raise their eyebrows when they ask how my fiance proposed. He brought it up in casual conversation what I thought our future would be like. We both decided we're ready to make the commitment. The conversation continued over a couple of days, and one night he said, what about next fall? I like September. And I said sure, September is good.



That was the whole proposal.



I did tell him it would be nice if he would still ask me officially, so I could have at least one romantic memory of our engagement. This actually seemed to surprise him. But he humored me and said, "Will you marry me?" to which I could finally say "Yes." I had been hoping to wear my great grandmother's ring someday, so he didn't even have a ring on-hand when he asked.



But our engagement has been an awesome and romantic time though, so after the initial questions about how he proposed, I don't even think about it. I just know he's a great man who will make a great husband, and that's all I care about.



Just focus on the good between the two of you!
Gradeigh
2015-08-23 08:08:29 UTC
This Site Might Help You.



RE:

Why can't I get over my boring marriage proposal?

I live in Hawaii and me and now hubby do a lot of stuff together at the beach, hiking etc. I knew he was going to propose but was caught off guard when he proposed in our shabby living room, NAKED, 30 mins before I boarded a plane to visit my dying dog in my home state for 10 days. The diamond is...
?
2016-03-17 03:37:06 UTC
Hello Mutant x. We have all been impulsive and regretted it later, so don't beat yourself up about it. It was an emotional reaction to what you believed you were feeling at the time. Unfortunately, online relationships are only just that. Where avatar meets avatar, and together they form their own facebook, a repository of a virtual relationship. And even though you may exchange numerous text messages, and do Skype, it still remains remote. Language is the beating heart of understanding and maturity. The internet can bring two people together initially, but it can only develop into anything more meaningful if face to face. A place to show and feel real emotional, consistently and without the confusion that the internet can often bring about. So why not do just that? Take a deep breath. Arrange to meet her, and take it from there? Best wishes. And goodluck.:)
The Original GarnetGlitter
2009-02-14 07:52:23 UTC
Wow, are YOU hung up on fantasies.....



Listen, Toots, the guy is a great catch and he gave you an 'exquisite' ring-your words. So his proposal was less than Fantasy Island.....so what? Is the proposal more important than the man? Fluff is fluff and you're too hung up on it...concentrate on your engagement rather than the proposal-at least you got one from a real good good guy, jeeze....this is Life, NOT a soap opera or a chick flick.



A re-do is D@MN stupid.....if the proposal style means more to you than the man, give back the ring and let him give it to a gal who will value him, not his timing or eloquence and wait for some joe shmoe who will spoon feed you all the dramatics....of course he may treat you like crap but at least you'll have your fantasy, which seems to be more important to you than anything else.
Missus
2009-02-14 06:00:41 UTC
Ouch. Poor fella. Gonna be sad when he divorces over your petty attitude. Redo a proposal? If you are over 18, that is the most immature thing I have ever heard!

You've watched too many movies, my friend. Most of us never get a fairy tale proposal and who cares, if you are more interested in the style of the proposal that the proposal itself, maybe you should have re-thought the relationship.



Use you energy in working on your hurting marriage instead of fighting over nonsense. Hubby will soon find someone else, that is more interested in him and not a fairy tale!



Good Luck!
mrrmaid
2009-02-14 02:42:25 UTC
There's something so impersonal about the "great catch" idea, I never liked it. I'd hate to be thought of as a great catch by a spouse.



I think there's more going on here than a disappointing proposal. I'm sure your guy is completely confused about why you're so angry about this and keep bringing it up. Maybe not romantic, but I'm sure he was hoping this would take the edge off your sadness. Losing a family pet is really tough and I'm sure he fully recognized how hard it was for you, and wanted to 'fix" it.



I think you're using this non-issue to keep him at arm's length. Maybe you didn't feel ready to get married, maybe the prospect of committing to one person for life scares you, but you don't want to admit it. So you're carping at him instead. It would be good if you could take responsibility for your own feelings here. Find out what all the anger is really about and then act accordingly. If you don't, one of you could end up having to leave which is probably not what you really want.
Erica S
2009-02-14 01:46:37 UTC
Its possible he actually planned on doing it later, in a more romantic place, but since you were so distraught and sad about your dog, he thought it may help cheer you up to do it right then. Now of course he will never admit to wanting to do it up better, as you were disappointed at his attempt to make you feel better, and it hurt his feelings. The poor guy didn't stop to realize that a hug and letting you have a good cry on his shoulder at that time would have been better... Go ahead and marry the doofus. On your first anniversary --- take him out somewhere romantic and propose to HIM, just to be silly. Make it a yearly tradition to take turns trying to outdo one another each year with a new proposal :D
Marisa1963
2009-02-14 02:50:44 UTC
My marriage proposal was pretty ordinary: hubby asked me over the phone, late one night! I agree with some of the other answer-ers here: I'd rather have an ordinary proposal from a wonderful man than have some fairytale thing from a mongrel of a bloke. Been there, done that: I much prefer the proposal I received two years ago: from my dream man. No complaints here!
Rhonda
2009-02-14 02:14:36 UTC
You can't get over it because in our society, we are conditioned to believe that marriage proposals should be an unbelievably romantic, perfectly timed and executed thing. They rarely are, I don't care what you see in the movies and those fake jewelry commercials.



And I agree with him about not doing a redo- if you love each other, that is all that matters. Marriage is not about the proposal, and it's not about the wedding. You have someone that you love, right? That loves you back? That you're going to grow old with?? You're the one who said yes- the proposal didn't stop you from becoming his wife.



Stop dwelling on it. Most proposals aren't perfect, but the important thing is he asked YOU to marry him. If you have to, get some counseling to get over it, anything to stop making the man feel bad by bringing it up constantly.



We want our men to marry us, then when they do, we make them regret it. Don't make him regret it over something so petty.
2009-02-14 03:43:33 UTC
If you're not going to be able to let this go and throw it in his face every time you have a fight, then please break off the engagement.



Not everything is a fairy tale, sometimes you have to deal with the "real" stuff. He was probably trying to do it then to help cheer you up before you left, and so you could tell everyone when you got to your family's house.



Instead of appreciating it, you're complaining and abusing punctuation. Shame on you, and either learn to be happy you're getting married and leave it alone, or break up and lose the guy. Your choice.
2009-02-14 01:49:55 UTC
I honestly think you expected way too much. We all have out "perfect" idea of how we would like to propose or be proposed to.



I can understand how you feel on the other hand I really think he did a very good job.



I'm guessing you never spoke to each other about what ways you thought were great for a proposal to be carried out but I imagine you're the kind of person who like a surprise?



I think the idea of a proposal is to be spontaneous and unpredictable....and thats exactly what he did :) So in reality he pulled it off perfectly....



I know your hurt and that's fair enough but give the man a chance? It's not about taking sides and I honestly can say with my hand on my heart that I have NEVER heard of anyone doing a proposal like that. He couldn't have picked perfect timing....You weren't expecting it and it he was NAKED for gods sake!!! lol



Its probably no conselation but just appriciate that you have someone who is willing to leave themselves vulnerable enough to rejection...you could have said no, leaving him NAKED and rejected.



Hope this helps and wish you the very best of luck :)



P.S. Sometimes we have this perfect idea in our heads of what we want but when it comes to reality its built up so much in our heads that NOTHING could possibly match up to it :)
2009-02-14 03:59:29 UTC
You need to let this go.



My husband proposed to me in front of a crowd of people at a pre-charity christmas tree VIP event. I'm a really quiet person so I was shocked that he wanted to propose to me in public like that - and if I had my choice - I would have muchly preferred an at home proposal just the two of us so he could have said everything he wanted to say. But I'm over it.



Let it go...you got a beautiful ring, you are getting married, you're in a good position.
catrina h
2009-02-14 01:58:36 UTC
So many ladies have the imagine of the perfect proposal. I did.

But mine didn't happen that way. I was crying in my bedroom about some silly thing and he just said "Do you want to Marry Me"

Boring for some yes, but memorable and something to laugh about in the future.

Once you get into the wedding prepartions you will forget about it.

I am glad he proposed that way. It was a different and unique way.



You are engaged. Enjoy it. Then maybe in a few years when you are settled in your marriage. Think of renewing your vows and get your partner to actually "propose" then. Its different
Simple Guy
2009-02-14 01:46:51 UTC
Hah, that's really unfortunate. To the person who said guys just think differently, that's not an excuse. Almost every guy can understand the desire for a nice proposal and it really isn't that hard. I don't know why your proposal was dull, but you're not marrying him for the proposal. You're marrying the man making the proposal. If you like him, then be happy.
2009-02-14 01:40:09 UTC
Its only a minor detail, honestly! You said yourself he's a great catch and he obviously went to a lot of effort to make you happy so why are you dwelling on the proposal? As significant as the proposal is said to be, you should just be grateful you have such a decent man by your side who wants to make you happy. Start focusing on the positives and forget the crappy proposal - there are bigger things in life to concern yourself with!
Lil Miss
2009-02-14 02:53:11 UTC
Give him a break, he has a man brain. They just don't think the same way we do. Besides, its not about the proposal, its about your marriage.



My fiancee proposed to me while I was laying on the couch. He pretty much gave me a kiss and handed me the ring, then laid on the couch with me. It was terrible haha, but so him... And I love him and I get to marry my best friend. Isn't that what matters?
Kelly
2009-02-14 01:44:31 UTC
You have to change your thinking :)



You were about to get on a plane, and he was worried for you. You were on your way to visit family with nothing exciting to tell them. You were about to go through a horrible time, and what if something had happened to you? Then the last moments of your life are spent worrying over your dog and not knowing he had been trying to figure out how to propose to you.



At least if anything happened to you, and no matter how upsetting your trip was going to be for you, he was able to give you a happy moment to hold on to, some good news to share, and God forbid, at least if anything bad happened, you would die a happily engaged woman.



I know my husband would have proposed to me before I was getting on a plane. He's scared of air travel. My sister's fiance proposed right before a much of company came over, because he knew it upset her whenever they always asked her if she was engaged yet.



The men who love us just want to save us some grief. They want to make us feel better, and that's how he did it for you. I actually thought it was very sweet when I read it :)
boodoll33
2009-02-14 08:28:57 UTC
Focus on the positive: you are getting married to the man you love. Look at it this way, he loves you enough to propose at a bad time in your life, probably trying to make you feel better.
Poppet
2009-02-14 02:14:54 UTC
You want mine? You can have it if you want. Sitting on the couch in the middle of the night discussing modern housing architecture...then a long pause...."Hey baby, wanna get hitched?"



It doesn't matter HOW you get married. What is important is what you do when you are married. I got a crappy marriage proposal, but I got a wonderful husband. I rather like it that way....rather than the other way around.
Lab Girl
2009-02-14 01:39:50 UTC
Not the most romantic proposal, but you said yes obviously. You just have to get over it if you truly love your husband. Think about how much pressure society has put on men to have over-the-top romantic proposals. It's a wonder they even bother anymore with that kind of pressure looming.
Kimmy
2009-02-14 06:57:20 UTC
If you are so caught up on the proposal, then you clearly aren't about a loving relationship. Loving someone means accepting them as they are, the good and the bad. It's such a superficial thing and if you hound on this one little glitch in your relationship, I don't see your relationship lasting.
?
2009-02-14 06:50:42 UTC
I have no idea what you can do to get over it but don't worry yours is not the only man that dropped the ball on proposing! Mine asked do you have any grey poopon when he gave me the ring! which is very him but not me at all!
Blunt
2009-02-14 05:13:08 UTC
Get over it for Pete's sake.



If you still have your nose into sappy hollywood charades, perhaps it's time fo ryou to get a grip on reality. he's a great catch and you want to hut his feelings over your childish, juvenile, princessity bs???



If you are willing to pass on that great catch, I'm sure some one more mature and deserving would not mind takeing him away from you.



Grow up
=^_^=
2009-02-14 01:42:02 UTC
I think girls who are obsessed with fairy tale weddings are stupid.



Be mature and responsible.



I bet you want a fancy wedding that will cost more money than your first car twice over and you'll go into debt together before you even start your lives together.



Why are women so obsessed with romance? Be happy you found the right guy!!
Randi
2009-02-14 01:41:33 UTC
omg dude im sorry. i would be so dissappointed if that happened to me too. what kind of timing is that before you visit your DYING DOG?! i hope your dog is feeeling better btw.. i dont think you should throw it in nyour face about his sucky proposal because that probably kills his ego and stuff but i guess you will just have to be happy that he proposed?... or make him make it up to you on the honeymoon!
Core
2009-02-14 01:45:59 UTC
This isn't a fairytale, this is the real world.

He loves you....stop being a selfish ***** and get over yourself. There will be great days and horrible days. If you want a fairytale you should stay single and spend your time reading fantasy novels.
Ravenberri
2009-02-14 01:42:16 UTC
Geez, what a way to hurt a guy...



Try thinking to yourself about WHY that peticular moment was special, unique, interesting, a good story.. It's funny enough to me!! I would love to have a story like that to tell my kids!



And if that fails.. well, I'm sorry lady, but grow up! Life isn't a fantasy, Life is what you make of it, and your husband made a funny!!!
lyn
2009-02-14 03:44:16 UTC
wow you need to call it off so he can marry someone else that is nicer and not so into them selves

i hope you leave the poor guy so us single girls can get our hands on him i will treat him so nice and not whinge so much like you

you have a ring on your finger and the guy loves you and or still complaining

keep throwing it in his face so he will leave your so ar$e
Nafnaf
2009-02-14 01:41:52 UTC
Try it the other way round : You make the proposal and organise things the way you like : that will teach him .
Yahoo Woman
2009-02-14 01:39:47 UTC
Please please forgive him. He is just a guy. They often think in a different way. I'm sure that he loves you, otherwise he wouldn't have proposed to you. I do understand how you feel though but for the sake of the relationship, please put it behind and don't make him regret it. He is probably suffering inside himself.
2009-02-14 01:38:18 UTC
lmao, he picked a great time to ask the question
Sweet_Di
2009-02-14 05:36:27 UTC
who cares how he asked. you know he loves you and wants to be with you.
jay_-/-_mix
2009-02-14 02:07:33 UTC
you need help! why don't you see a counselor, but better still,be mature about it!
James Watkin
2009-02-14 02:13:59 UTC
I suggest you grow up and realize that life is not a fairy tale. You are blessed with a man who loves you and you still are not satisfied. You are going to throw it up to him one time to many and he is going to walk.



You can only throw a coconut on the ground so many times before it shatters. Eventually he will crack. And you will be on here asking why your husband left.



I had a friend whose husband was hard working. He did the laundry, the cooking, maintained the home and the yard. Did the work on their vehicles himself. All he asked of her was respect. And she could not do it. She belittled him and talked to him like you are talking to your husband. And she thought he would always be there. If he got her a cat, she wanted a dog. If he bought her roses, she wanted lilies. She picked and picked and picked.



She thought a friend of ours was sexy in his uniform so she asked her husband to enlist. He joined the military to please her. All the while she nitpicked.



She ran around on him and was never there when he called from out of town. She never sent him care packages. She spent all their money partying. And still, he loved her. He called me to check on her. He just loved her. And all he wanted was to be treated with respect.

Still she nitpicked.



They moved far away to a base. He got a job at night to buy her a home. They had a child. He would get 4 hours of sleep a night. Between work and his child and the military he was exhausted. But he loved her. He would beam with pride when he showed me the picture of her and his child. His family. He loved them so. But she continued to nitpick.



He took a week off to spend time with them for the holidays. Hid his gifts at my home. Bought a turkey and all the trimmings. Called me and asked how to bake things. He did this for them. She never cooked. He planned a wonderful holiday. He never smoked, drank or went out. He lived for his family. But yet she would not be happy with him. Nothing was ever good enough. She wanted a ham. She threw the turkey in the garbage and called her mother. She took a bus to spend the remainder of the holidays with her family. And she took his child.



He was alone. He was tired. He had spent his marriage being a great man. And for what? To have a wife who was never satisfied. He could take no more.



He called a work mate. He went to their holiday party. He was a handsome and charming man. But he did not know it. She never told him. She told him he was ugly. That no one would ever want him. She was wrong. Women flocked to him at the party. He charmed them with his wit. They were basically falling at his feet. They complimented him. They brought him a plate. They brought him punch. Wow, he had never had a woman do for him. This was nice.



He went home alone. He had morals. And soon his wife returned. More of the same from her. And he continued to be a good man. But now people were asking him over. Inviting him to functions and parties. He asked his wife to join him. He found a sitter. She refused. He went anyway. For an hour at first. Then he would stay out longer and longer. Then he met the one.



He met a woman who was kind. Who talked to him like a human being. Who was happy with the dinner he bought her. Who was pleased with the gifts he gave her. Who was patient and loving. He had enough.



He did not sleep with her. Or try to kiss her. He was happy just being with her. He told her he was married and that he would see her again when he was divorced. And he went home.



He told his wife to take a vacation. And he gave her cash. Lots of cash. He would take off from work and take care of the baby. Go have fun.



She called a man and took off. He had a private detective follow her. He kept phone records. She never called to check on their child. Not once. He filed for divorce. He packed his things. He packed his child's things. He left her clothes, one bed, one set of sheets and one place setting of dishes. He left one hundred dollars for food. He turned off all the bills that were in his name and left.



Two weeks later she came home. No lights, that is strange. Wait, no car. Inside: No furniture. No baby. No husband. He had had enough.



One hundred dollars and that was it. She had no job. She had no education. She thought he would be her lap dog forever. And never have to work. She was wrong.



Cut to court. Pictures of her atop a man that was not her husband. Never calling to check on her child. Him doing so much and her never lifting a finger. Witnesses to how she spoke to him. Witnesses to her laziness. He said she could have the house. Just take over the mortgage. But he was keeping his son.



The judge ordered that he keep his son. She was ordered to sell the house and pay off the mortgage. She was ordered to pay child support and given one weekend a month and two holidays a ye
2009-02-14 02:05:07 UTC
i read your other posts about picking fights for no reason.



there is something wrong with you.


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