No engagement ring or wedding ring. Is it dumb that this bugs me?

Question

Hey all, this is a silly question, but just wondering what ya'll think. I've been married for 4 years and STILL don't have an engagement ring or a wedding ring. All of my friends are getting engaged and married and their fiances/ husbands gave all of them absolutely BEAUTIFUL engagement and wedding rings . I've tried hinting numerous times to my husband, but it doesn't do any good - I still don't have either and it kind of hurts my feelings way more than a little bit (and I've told him that too). Is it dumb that this is bugging me? Anyone else out there in this same situation? Just wondering.

Answer 1

I was in a somewhat similar situation for awhile. It was because my fiance couldn't afford it. He had meant to propose to me at Christmas, but his collie dog got stomach cancer and my fiance spent all the money he had to pay for surgery and vet care to try to save his dog. At Christmas, he was in tears (and my husband NEVER cries) when he told me he wanted to get me a ring for Christmas. I was elated just that he wanted me to marry him, since we hadn't been dating all that long, and assured him I didn't need a ring--just being engaged was gift enough! So we planned a September wedding, and by July I was still waiting on my ring. I didn't want to bug him about it, but I started wondering if he was going to get me one. My friends said it wasn't proper to get engagement portraits that didn't show my ring off, but we got them taken without a ring. On July 12, a year from the day we met, he gave me a beautiful diamond! It was worth waiting for. I wanted to tell him even a band would have made me happier--it was more the meaning behind having a ring than the size or value of the diamond that I really wanted. But I'm glad I didn't nag him about it. It took him another year to pay it off, but we are both happy to have it. He admires it often, and I make sure to tell him how much I love it.



In your situation, though, I have several questions about your husband. Can he afford to buy a ring? Has he ever mentioned getting you a ring? Since I don't know him, and he sounds rather inconsiderate and insensitive, I want to tell you to go buy yourself one, or inform him that you both are going shopping next weekend for a ring that he should have given you a LONG time ago! It isn't fair to you.



If it is a financial problem, then let him know you want a promise ring until he can afford a diamond. If he isn't the kind of person who will listen to your wants and needs, then I don't think a ring from him will mean that much to you anyway. So to answer your final question, no it isn't dumb to be bugged about it.

Answer 2

Have you asked WHY he never got you a ring? The majority of both men and women understand this is accepted custom to do.



A ring does not need to be large or expensive, but you should still have one, unless you chose not to.



Does he not have the money? Does he not think a ring is worth spending money on? Is he not a fan of tradtion/customs/conformity?



On the positive side, you ARE married, and a ring is nothing more than a material object. Provided you are happy with the relationship in general, this may not be such a big deal.



BUT if money is NOT an issue, and you want a ring, then I think you should ask that your husband buy you one. That is the traditional role of the groom/husband.



Tell him that you don't feel like a "real wife" or whole without it. I'm sure he wants to make you happy. You could also tell him that men have asked you out for dates, because they had no idea you were married! How would they know?!! Most guys look for a ring! That should do the trick!



Good luck!



P.S. If all else fails, then yes, you can buy yourself a ring. But in all honesty, if he will not spend $200 (provided you have the money) on a simple wedding band to make you happy, you might have to ask how good of a husband he really is.

Answer 3

You should definitely have a wedding ring, and I'm a little shocked at his selfishness. He must know that you want one (he has one after all) but so far, you've only hinted. Be bold! Tell him that you're a married woman and you want a wedding ring to wear (I'd forgo the engagement ring for now). Find out what his concerns are and see if you can overcome them.



Offer to pay for half of the ring if it's a money issue. Or get something that's inexpensive. I'm getting my fiancee a stainless steel ring because they are scratch-resistant (I scratched my own ring pretty badly and wish I had a stainless steel one myself!). Here are some inexpensive bands you might consider:



http://www.limogesjewelry.com/Custom.asp?productid=7087

http://www.limogesjewelry.com/custom.asp?productid=9147



BTW, how is it that you didn't exchange rings at the ceremony? Or that your friends and family didn't notice the absence of rings on your finger?

Answer 4

It's not silly that it bothers you, it is what you know all your life is when you get engaged/married you get rings. As far as still not having them maybe you should say flat out I want rings and go shoping with him to get what you want. He should understand this and hopefully you all are able to afford it financially. If money is tight you could always just go with a wedding band and later add an engament ring. I think that although he didn't propose with it and your engagment is over you should still get one if that is what you want. Alot of people especially today continue to wear their engament ring with their band and you should have that. Tell him flat out, you have been married 4 years you should definatly be able to talk about stuff like this.

Answer 5

Just sit down and tell him how you feel about it. Tell him that is bothers you & that you would like to have a wedding band at the least. The engagment ring is for before getting married so maybe a wedding set or wedding band would be dest.

Answer 6

Honestly, as a married woman, I would be unhappy if my husband spent several hundred/thousand dollars on something without talking to me about it, even if it was a gift for me. Forget this surprise thing.



What you should do is let him know that you want to go buy a ring on a certain date, and spend a certain amount of money. Have him go to the jewlery store with you and help you pick it out.



You're married now, these are now joint decisions for purchases with joint money. Act that way.

Answer 7

I do understand, and it's not silly, a wedding band does not cost much and it is a symbol of your union, and for that reason alone it is nice to have one. Hints don't work with men, just say to him that you really would love to wear a wedding ring and ask him if you can go look at some this weekend.

Answer 8

I don't think that's dumb at all, my rings mean a lot to me and I'm sure that not having one would really hurt my feelings. Make a "ring fund" and put a small portion of your (or his) paycheck up ($20 a week or so) unitl you have enough to buy a set of rings like you want. Take him to the jewelry store, money in hand and make him see that you ARE going to have a ring. Explain to him in the car so you don't fuss in public. If he sees that it means that much to you he will surely come around.

Answer 9

He does know that the ring signifies you're taken and loved by someone right? He's being very disrespectful to you by not getting you those rings. After all, you bought him one! Here's what you do: sit him down and tell him that if he really loves you and cares for you he will get you a wedding/engagement ring. If you don't have those rings on your left hand ring finger by at least next week, he's really not the right one for you, trust me on this. How did y'all work out the ceremony without your ring? That makes no sense... "with this ring I thee wed" **slips on imaginary ring**?????

Answer 10

sounds like you rushed into it and no you should have a ring no you should have two on your left hand.

i know someone who is in the same boat and she probably wont get one either. (sorry i have a little bitterness for guys like that.)

If he don't buy you one then take his money and go buy it yourself, he knows what you are saying and the reason he is not getting it is b/c you let him not get you one at first.

make sure he knows that even a second hand ring will make you happy and all you want is a symbol of your love on your hand so every time you look down you see the moment he gave it to you.

Answer 11

When we got engaged my husband got me a fake diamond engagement ring (it was fine) and we bought gold bands together and got them engraved.

An engagement ring is tradition but so be it. When we were married 10 years we got silver bands in Mexico (we met there)

as we were on a cruise with our 3 kids. It was kind of cool.



Start to leave magazine cut out pictures around the house (you know under his pillow, in his wallet, on the mirror)

and just say to please get me a band on the next anniversary. It's important because it's tradition.

If he doesn't understand this, he doesn't understand you.

Answer 12

Well Im taking it you have tried everything already to get him to buy you one. You've talked to him, asked him about it & even hinted to him that you wanted one. Since none of that has worked I would just say to go buy yourself one! Just go to Walmart & get a pretty ring if you dont have much money or if you do have money to spend go & get you the ring of your dreams! Or you could even just get a plain gold or platnium band! You deserve one so dont let him stop you from getting one! I hope this helps! Good Luck :)

Answer 13

You have every right to be upset. A major part of bveing married is the symbol of his love on your finger. It tells the world you are in a marriage. Take him to the jewelry store right now and pick out what you like.

Answer 14

Forget the engagement ring...it wouldn't mean anything now. But tell your husband that if he doesn't buy you a wedding ring, then you'll buy it yourself. That's silly; you should have one, even if it's a thin gold band. Does he have one? He should as well.

Answer 15

I dont blame you for wanting one. Every women should have the ring of there dreams (or whatever comes close that the person can afford)



My question for you would be does he not have the money to get the one that you want?

Answer 16

I can not believe how F***in cheap your husband is!

You should be completely insulted and hurt.

I think you are being taken for granted and your future in this marriage will be unrewarding.

Women can and do tolerate a lot of things but being married to a person who does not value you and doesn't care to make you feel special and important is too bad.

I hope that he is adequate in other ways?

Answer 17

Buy yourself the ring of your dreams. If he isn't going to buy it, buy it yourself. It's kind of past the point of special anyways isn't it? I would go to your favorite jewelry store, find your perfect ring....and BUY IT! Then it won't bug you anymore. Sometime us girls have to do things on our own!

Answer 18

No it's not "dumb", but it's totally your fault. An engagement isn't a true one without a ring and a date. So what you "allowed" to let happen all that time ago has just continued. At this stage, if you want rings, buy them yourself.

Answer 19

I dont understand why he has a wedding ring and you dont, could you explain why that would be for us?

Answer 20

Honey, it's just natural that it bugs you, but at this point, don;t expect him to "see the light". Hints are not going to work, married men are inmune to nagging.

My advice is for you to go and buy it yourself at his expense, of course.



Good luck

Answer 21

its kinda weird that he has one and you dont. my husband and i bought our bands together.

Answer 22

i am in the same situation. i dont know what to say...

Answer 23

not acceptable. go buy yourself on and charge it to him