Tacky or not...(in your opinion)?

Question

1. Emailed invitations
2. Cash bar vs. open bar
3. Spa day as BM gifts (instead of an item that they keep)
4. Mixed CD (rather than DJ with requests)
5. Maid of Honour not involved in planning (lives too far away), done by bridesmaids

Answer 1

1) Not enough information given about the size of the wedding or the computer habits about people who will be invited. If there's even one person who wouldn't be able to get a personalized invitation in this manner then might be a good idea to shy away from email.



2) That's kind of comparing the two extremes. A true open bar is extremely rare and expensive. A cash bar is a way to either save money or to discourage drinking without totally going dry. It would probably be better to compare it to a limited bar like where there's a few varieties of beer and maybe a signature drink. When that runs out, its cash bar or no more booze for you. Don't even think about "drink tickets" that's really lame. Unless you also have rides and pick-a-duck there. Cash bar might not go over well with some people but it's not their wedding and in these times not everyone has the money to throw around for one night. Regardless of which way you go, there usuaully should be free wine for toasting.



3) They should be happy with any gift. They're there to support you not for the gift. It sounds like something they all would be able to use instead of just put in a drawer.



4) Hells yes, down with DJs. They keep things flowing good but they always have crappy music and they improvise poorly. Then again, I am so Metal I can't get through airport security. The music at my brother's music was extremely bad and they let him just improvise. They just said play music that gets people dancing. Get an iPod or mp3 player. You then have more songs and can set up playlists to control the setlist better, and manage requests or changes quicker. You still may want to have someone who is keeping an eye on the music just in case.



5) There's no rule on who has to do what. Whatever gets the job done.



In summary, don't worry about impressing other people. It's your big day. I think the food/music/atmosphere sucks at every wedding I ever went to and still came away from it glad I was there for them.

Answer 2

1. Unless it's a VERY casual wedding, e-vites are tacky. Also consider that not all your guests may regularly use e-mail, or computers, and so may miss the invitation or not know how to reply.

2. Where I'm from, a cash bar is the definition of tacky. If you can't afford alcohol, then you just don't serve any, or have a wine and beer bar only. It might be different where you live.

3. A nice thought if the particular women would enjoy it: not everyone does.

4. It always looks cheap, and requires a guest to manage it. DJs are professionals, so they have access to everything, know what songs to play when, how to get the crowd going, etc. For me, they add a lot to the party.

5. Personally, I didn't expect my MOH to do anything except pick out and buy her dress, and show up. It's my wedding, so I planned it, made decisions, ran the errands, etc. As long as you're not asking too much of them, I would think they'd understand that the MOH simply can't do the things you've asked them to do because she's not there.

Answer 3

Simply to help you retain your title as the most answers, I'll pipe in my opinion too.



1- Very tacky. Like others said, moms and grandparents like to save invites. Plus email is like announcing this is a backyard bbq, not an elegant wedding. Tells me I can wear jeans if I want.



2-Cash bars are tacky. I know that up north it's the norm but that doesn't make it less tacky. You don't have to provide an open bar if you can't afford it. Some signature drinks, beer, certain wines. I had all they could drink wine and beer and no hard liquor and I don't think anyone noticed.



3- Spa day is wonderful. I'd love it. Something many of your bridesmaids probably have never experienced and pampering definitely shows your appreciation. Much more than a gift card--the gift that says "I don't know you".



4-Mixed cd. Definitely. My husband and I set up a list of MP3s. I had a friend announce the cake cutting and toasts and whatnot but under no circumstances was I doing to let requests occur. It's my wedding--not a backstreet or hannah montana concert. Sorry tweens. I'm the bride. I picked the songs to appeal to every age group present.



5-MOH lives too far away. Why should she help plan? My MOH had no part in the bach party night b/c she didn't live in the city. The one who lived in the city made a bunch of phone calls to find out what we could do in their budget. As far as wedding planning I didn't expect my BMs to be at my beck and call to help plan any element of that. I don't think MOH is a title you earn. It's a title that signifies how close you are to the bride.

Answer 4

1. I say tacky. Not all older family members know, or understand how to properly check their emails and reply.



2. Open bar is expensive and can create a lot of problems (ie. people drinking excessively and then you may be sued if they drink and drive, or end up in the hospital ill; or youth getting booze illegally). I say stick with a cash bar, people don't expect free booze at weddings.



3. That's cute and may beat out a bridesmaid gift. But make sure all your bridesmaids will enjoy it, some people don't like to get "mussied up" (as my grandma would say), and definately don't try to get them to use it to prepare on your wedding day.



4. Nice thought but I think the DJ is worth the money. You need to have a good handle on the crowd you're having to play the right music, have a decent sound system, have someone in charge to switch cd's without seeming slow and having a big delay in the music. It's worth the money to not have to worry.



5. Doesn't matter who the MOH title and the work go to. My MOH is getting married 4 months before me, just starting to plan when mine is nearly planned out, so any opinions and ideas right now are going to and coming from one of my other bridesmaids. If your other bridesmaids are jealous, they are being immature. The reason a bride asks other women to be bridesmaids are because the bride truly believes that these are the women that they want standing behind them.



Congratulations, and good luck!

Answer 5

1. Emailed invitations yeah kinda tacky



2. Cash bar vs. open bar I'm doing both. Once it hits my limit then it is cash bar. I have about 120 heavey drinkers and I can't afford it. It's either that or no bar at all.



3. Spa day as BM gifts (instead of an item that they keep) no I think it's a great idea



4. Mixed CD (rather than DJ with requests)I think you should have some sort of DJ



5. Maid of Honour not involved in planning (lives too far away), done by bridesmaids just not right. Why should she get the title and not have to play her part.





just my opinions.

Answer 6

None hit the tacky designation, but may not be appropriate.

1. No to emailed invitations. Go the paper route.

2. If you can't afford a full open bar, have what you can afford to serve, with your guests paying ZERO.

3. A spa day isn't a gift, it's a gesture and a get-together.

4. This would only be workable for a dance with very few guests.

5. Not a problem at all. I was in this same situation. My closest friend was my MOH, and lived very far away. However, I didn't choose her so she could WORK, but because she was/is closest in my heart! I wanted her to be at my side, supporting me. It's an honorary position.

Answer 7

1. Tacky. It is still nice to get a written invitation, even if it isn't as nice to the environment or easy. You have to remember people who like to keep things like invites - or grandma's who can't use the computer, etc.



2. Not. Cash bar is fine. The bride & groom are supplying free food and free non-alcoholic drinks so what is the need for alcohol as well? At most parties you are asked to bring (or buy as the case may be) your own alcohol - so why is a wedding any different? And why do people HAVE to drink alcohol to have a good time?



3. Not. It is still a gift - I think it is a lovely idea if that is what your bridesmaids are into.



4. Not. As long as the CD has variety then I think it is fine.



5. Not. Though why did you ask her to be maid of honour? Doesn't matter though. As long as she helps out adequately on the day.

Answer 8

1. Nah, I wouldn't do that, and I would be a little disappointed in receiving an email invitation. I like a "real" one in the mail!

2. I think that's okay, but a lot of people disagree.

3. Definitely love that one!!!

4. Great way to save some money, as long as you have someone still taking care of the cd player.

5. No problem that I can see. If she lives far away, but she's still your closest friend, there's not much she can do! Just make sure the BM's understand the situation so they don't think they are being made to do everything while the other girl isn't helping.

Answer 9

1. tacky!

2. tacky

3. not tacky at all. i would love to get pampered! i would rather have a spa treatment than getting a gift that i might not have any use for later, other than saving it just for sentimental reasons.

4. this is acceptable, in my opinion. i mean, what can you do if they could not afford a dj or a band? as long as the music is good, it should be ok. how about an ipod?

5. if it's really not her choice not to be able to help (due to distance, illness or some other valid reason), i think it is acceptable. as a bride, you had the choice to choose who the MOH is gonna be. you knew she lived far and that could pose as a problem with wedding planning later on but you chose to have her still. so this should not come as a surprise. if the BM's are okay, i think this should be okay.

Answer 10

1. Very tacky, not everyone has email and not everyone checks it regularly, this is an area not to skimp in. Pay the postage and do it right.



2. I think the fact that people think alcohol is necessary at a wedding to be tacky. Booze does not a wedding make, you won't be less married if you and your guests are sober.



3. This one is great, it's not like most people will use a tangible gift anyway and everyone needs the opportunity to relax and be pampered.



4. I did this and no one had anything negative to say, not to mention I got exactly the songs I wanted and didn't have to pay extra for a DJ to not throw in some their own favorites.



5. I'm not understanding why the maid of honour has to do so much planning in the first place- I planned everything for my own wedding (except bridal shower) and just asked for help when I needed it. I didn't expect anyone to do it for me. My maid of honour was my maid of honour because she's my sister and best friend and I couldn't imagine her not there.

Answer 11

1. Emailed invitations- tacky

2. Cash bar vs. open bar- semi-tacky

3. Spa day as BM gifts (instead of an item that they keep)- good

4. Mixed CD (rather than DJ with requests)- good- though better if done with an MP3 player- more songs.

5. Maid of Honour not involved in planning (lives too far away), done by bridesmaids- fine

Answer 12

1. Tacky (not everyone has e-mail, think of all your elderly relatives - most of mine don't even own a computer).

2. Due to the liability of hosting an open bar, I understand why people would provide cash bars at weddings. I am from NJ and party hosts who provided free liquor have been sued by accident victims or their estates and been found guilty/responsible just as much as the drunk who did the driving.

3. NOT - it can be an extravagance that some BMs wouldn't normally indulge in and therefore be a wonderful gift. And it sure beats something that'll just collect dust or sit in a drawer.

4. Neither - its just CHEAP!

5. Neither - It isn't the responsibility of a MOH or Bridesmaid to help plan the wedding - - it is the bride & groom's job. If the bride & groom need planning help, they can hire a wedding planner rather than dump work onto their wedding party.

Answer 13

1) Some of the older folks may not like it. I remembered my cousin doing that and my older relatives nearly boycott her wedding because they claimed they didn't recevie any invites. but it's the 21st century and we need to save the earth by cutting down less trees. so i would say go ahead with the emailed invitation.

2) Open bar

3) Spa day - it';s fun getting together with bridesmaids to have fun without the men for a day.

4) Mixed CD. I had that and saved some money.

5) It's fine as long as the maid of honour doesn't get offended because you left her out of the planning process.

Answer 14

1) Tacky. You can buy invites to print up at Office Depot or Hobby Lobby for very cheap.



2) Cash bar not tacky.



3) Spa day is awesome. Likely thing is they'd rather have that than another goofy trinket to dust. Unless they are super close friends. I gave my bridesmaids pictures of me & them together in their gift. Try Shutterfly.com for cheap prints.



4) I used a mixed CD & no one cared. In fact everyone said they loved my music because there was songs there that everyone could relate to. I used everything from Ray Charles, Carrie Underwood, to Jonas Bros for the teens.



5) Your maid of honor probably feels grateful if truth be known. Everyone has to pull together during a wedding. My bridesmaid stayed the night before the wedding & helped for WAY longer than my MOH. Allow those who want to help to help. :) They don't mind because they love you.



6) WOOT! You're getting married! :) Enjoy every minute!

Answer 15

1. Tacky. Send handwritten letters in your own dear handwriting if you are trying to save money. Engraved invites are actually a substitute for handwriting, and not the other way around.



2. Tacky. You are the the host, they are guest. So HOST. If you cannot afford liquor, serve beer or wine. If you cannot afford beer or wine, serve punch. If you cannot afford punch, serve water. But a guest should never ever have to pay for anything. Otherwise, they'd be hosting themselves.



3. Perfectly acceptable. Mixed CDs instead of a hired DJ is perfectly acceptable-- just so long as you don't make a guest in charge of playing the music. A guest should be a guest and not be treated like free help.



4. Perfectly acceptable. The Maid of Honor is a title given to honor your closest, dearest friend. It is not an honor given to be the highest bidder or the person who "works" the most for it by running your errands.

Answer 16

Maids of Honour don't expect to do planning, it's not their job.



Spa day isn't tacky, it's just not fair to the bridesmaids. If you can't think of anything then get them gift cards.



Mix CD is better than a DJ, because you don't get the DJ trying to be the MC, or telling people that they have to dance when they don't want to.



e-mailed invitations aren't great, everyone should get invited the same way, and people without e-mail mean that everyone should get a printed one.

Answer 17

1.- we're doing both email and paper invites. so not tacky, just send out a couple of paper ones with backup email for the stick in the mud types.

2.never having done either or been to a wedding with either I cannot say either way- we have brewers in the family who supply some really nice homebrews for their wedding gift.

3. I'm doing both a spa day and a keepsake present. My bridesmaid has never been to a spa and loves the pretty silver keepsakes traditional in my family

4.have a couple of backup cds and cd players- nothing worse than the machine breaking down., and nobody really notices the dj at a wedding anyway unless they are acting as MC.

5. How on earth did you get your bridesmaids to hep with the planning? I ony have a single attendant and the instant anybody mentions planning to her she turns white and dissapears! (actually this goes for my entire family- they just handed me the credit cards and told me to have fun!)

Because I'm pretty clueless about what needs to be done I'm acting more as secretary to my fiance and future mother in law who are making most of the decisions on what needs doing- I do get final say when I choose to though!

Answer 18

1. Pretty tacky

2. i honestly don't see the problem with cash bars, another alternative is to have a beer and wine tab and let people buy their own spirits

3. no way! especially if they realise how much a day at the spa costs

4. you'll probably need more than a cd ... perhaps have a laptop or ipod hooked up, or you could also look into hiring a jukebox they're like half the price of a dj

5. as long as the MOH is ok with this i do not see a problem with it... tacky is certainly not the word for it





why do people think cash bars are so tacky! you're already gettign a three course frickin meal!! if you don't want to pay for drinks, drink water!!! i don't wanna pay for you to get trashed.

Answer 19

1. Emailed invitations - Tacky

2. Cash bar vs. open bar - VERY Tacky

3. Spa day as BM gifts (instead of an item that they keep) - If they like going to spas, not tacky.

4. Mixed CD (rather than DJ with requests) - Not Tacky

5. Maid of Honor not involved in planning (lives too far away), done by bridesmaids - Not Tacky (You both knew she wouldn't be able to help much)

Answer 20

1.Tacky

2. Tacky

3. Spa gift certificate that they can use anywhere is a nice gift. It doesn't have to be for the wedding.

4. Mixed CD-if people can't afford a DJ, well, they can't afford it.

5. Fine.

Answer 21

emailed invitations a bit tacky would be better to be used as a reminder maybe

and I dont drink so cant comment on the bar but its understandable with the current financial situation it would depend also if the guest are big drinkers or not

Everything else sounds good just have a copy of the cd in case one gets damaged or starts to skip

Answer 22

I'd say:



1. Getting to be a popular idea, and a lot of people are moving away from the "snail mail" way of things, so not tacky in this day and age.

2. As long as you warn people (ie. in invitations....) that it will be cash bar, so they won't be surprised, it's not really that tacky. The economy's not that great right now, so people should understand. This will also help prevent those famous "drunken relatives getting in fights" thing that people always hear about. If they have to buy their own booze, they're less likely to get drunk, and more likely to enjoy just you and your ceremony. The other option is no alcohol except for toasting.... and provide free pop/juice/coffee/tea.

3. I LOVE this idea!! Give the girls a day to pamper themselves. Some women are hard to buy for, but a spa day is appreciated by almost any woman.

4. Maybe instead of a mixed CD, put together a playlist on a laptop or mp3 player and hook it up to speakers. A bit easier, and most MP3 players can hold a decent amount of music (much more than a 700MB cd....) and laptops can hold even more space (usually). Just make sure someone you trust is in charge of it for the night.

5. Understandable. My MOH lives a 2hr drive from me, so I'm actually planning ours myself (with input from my fiance, of course... though he's an 8hr FLIGHT away, but we're constantly in contact via email). It's great to have the support team of the bridesmaids for you, though. Just make sure your MOH is comfortable with this arrangement. Let her help in whatever ways she can.

Answer 23

1. Tacky

2. No, but people prefer an open bar!

3. No, I think that's a nice gift

4. I don't think it's tacky

5. Not tacky, maybe a little hurtful to her...she can be involved with emails and photos...her opinion should still matter

Answer 24

I don't think it's ALL tacky...



1) I wouldn't do this. You can buy some "print yourself" invitations from target.com for $19.99 a package (50 per pack).



2) Not tacky!



3) Great gift! I would rather have this than half the crap I've been given.



4) Perfectly fine. Been to plenty of weddings with this situation. As long as you have a reliable person to take care of pausing it for toasts, changing it when it's over, etc. you should be good.



5) Don't understand the question...

Answer 25

1. Tacky

2. Tacky, and rude

3. Not tacky-- a breath of fresh air in fact-- everyone is tired of getting jewelry and trinkets they dont really like.

4. Not tacky, but risky. You lose that "live" vibe that you get from a DJ.

5. Not tacky or wrong. No one has an obligation to help, and their position has nothing to do with how much they help or dont help plan. It is all purely voluntary and irrespective of title.

Answer 26

1. Tacky

2. Tacky

3. Acceptable

4. Tacky

5. Tacky and unfair to the people working hard for your day--they should get the credit! If anything, give the girls WHO HELPED a special thank you gift ( in addition to spa) and say a thank at the reception

Answer 27

1) Always

2) Depends...if the couple opt for a dry wedding and there's a bar there for guests to partake, then no. If the couple opt for wine both white & red with dinner, the champagne toast only and it runs out, and there is a bar that guests may partake of, then no. If there is alcohol being served, but guests must pay, then yes.....so what's the diff? either it's dry and all the guests are informed, and they DISCOVER there's a bar...or the wine & champagne are offered and the guests DISCOVER there's a bar.....or the guests are told out right they have to pay....

so it's all in the discovery lol

3) No, but some won't go so it's money wasted

4) Hey, music IS music and the way the DJ's BLAST...you can't understand them most of the time anyway lol

5) That is not tacky, just a MOH who does too little, and a Bride who expects too much lol....just depends on who you ask.

Answer 28

Email invites is tacky. And if your inviting older people they might not know how to use an email. Everything else is okay, and if I were a bridesmaid I would prefer a spa day then some gift that will end up in my basement. I find that most bridesmaid's gift is candles.

Answer 29

1- yes, tacky. it shows respect for the event and your guests by inviting them in writing

2- doesn't matter. at most weddings I've been to, the cocktail hour preceeding the reception is open bar, then switches to cash bar during dinner and the rest of the reception. no one expects the bride and groom to pay for 5 hours of free drinks for 100+ people

3- not the best idea. if you want to cover their hair and makeup the day of the wedding, that's cool but you should also give them the jewelry they'll be wearing in the wedding so they have something to keep. that's the bridesmaid gift I've gotten for all the weddings I've been in

4- that's fine. DJ's are annoying anyway.

5- doesn't matter, just know you're lucky to have bridesmaids to pick up the slack. even though the shower is usually hosted by the MOH, if all the bridesmaids are planning and paying for it, the invitation should say it's hosted by all of them.

Answer 30

1. Yes, tacky....in my opinion.



2. OK....if where you live it's the "norm." If it's not the norm where you live, then it could be viewed as tacky.



3. I think this one is a GREAT idea!



4. I think this is perfectly fine. Not tacky in the least.



5. Perfectly acceptable. Too many brides think that the maid of honor needs to be at her beck and call 24/7.

Answer 31

1/a little tacky because they may not check emails

2/up to your budget but at looks of things you are on a tight budget and cash bar would be fine as long as the invites said cash bar give them notice

3/would love day spa passes

4/cd is tacky period

5/i did the same thing

Answer 32

1. I think you should do regular invittaions. Most people like your parents and grandparents may want to keep them. Also you want to include the RSVP card and any hotel information for out of town guests.

2. did not have one

3. great idea

4. mixed cd (cheaper than dj)

Answer 33

1. a little too modern even for me.

2. i think that cash bars are tacky.

3. well, that could be a neat gift.

4. mixed cd..wouldn't work...an IPOD would be ok.

5. it is the bride's responsibility to plan her own wedding, not the MOH.

Answer 34

1. Tacky

#2 Tacky---Set up you some kegs, bring on some wine, / Self serve till the well runs dry.........

#3. Good ideal

#4 Not a bad ideal

#5 As long as the Maid of Honor is not offended, I don't see why not..

Answer 35

1: Yes, tacky. Saving the invitations tends to be important to moms, grandmas, you get the point.

2: Slightly tacky, but understandable on a budget.

3:Not tacky at all. Why get them something they'll just box up and forget about later?

4:Tacky. What if it skips? Party foul.

5:Entirely situational. Yours sounds perfectly fine, as long as the maid of honor is ok with that.

Answer 36

Tacky or Not... ? Is any of your guest helping pay? Doubt it! Do as you please...

If you think having a cash bar is tacky, just do champagne.

Emailed invites?? I wouldn't say tacky, but you want to make sure everyone gets them. Not sure what state/country but Michael's has really nice templates (cheap) and any printing company is usually around .10-.20 per copy.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 37

email is not tacky its actually eco friendly, cash bar is sorta but not really, love the spa day idea every thing else sounds fine

Answer 38

That is not tacky at all! Make people pay for their own alcohol if they want to drink! We're in a recession for crying out loud! Get the girls together for a day and hit the spa! It'll be good girl time! My fiance and I are just hooking the laptop up to the speakers and we're making a mixed CD to hand out at the end of the night with our favorite love songs on it. You do what you want, but that is not tacky at all.

Answer 39

Not to sure about emailed invites..Not everybody is computer lit.. open bar a must..Spa day is awesome.. Mixed cd will work..Most brides do most the work anyway...hope I helped

Answer 40

1. very tacky for a wedding

2. tacky cash bar

3. not tacky -- would probably be alot of fun

4. (no opinion --- guess ok if you have one person taking care of the

CDs)

5. really depends on the individual situation with the MOH and if you knew that when you asked her for this position.

Answer 41

1. TACKY!

2. Meh doesn't matter to me.

3. sounds good to me :]

4. I love mix cd's personally! I've got tons.

5. I don't know about that one..

Answer 42

1 : Emailed Invitations is ok

2. Cash Bar - Very Tacky

3 - Ok

4 - Tacky

5- Ok..if she lives too far , she lives too far



It is really your special day but at the same time you don't need to be extremely cheap and in addition to that you don't want to be broke either. They are alot of useful wedding tips on the internet and in today's times you want to be careful how you spend. So do some thoughtful and thorough research and I am sure the wedding will be fine. In addition with the bar, have a limited selection and if they want something not on your list they can pay for it

Answer 43

that is not cheesy yet I do many times think of the mother and dad are thinking extra with regard to the relaxing of applying dissimilar names they prefer fairly than what the youngster could choose. i understand i does not have needed my mum and dad to straddle me with 3 center names. Sorry.

Answer 44

1. Nope

2. Both has it's ups and downs...

3. Nope

4. Eh, depends

5. Meh.

Answer 45

The only thing I would be leery of are the electronic invites, unless all of your guests check their email regularly, have internet, or are computer savvy.

Answer 46

1-yes

2-yes

3-no

4-mmm, both

5-pick a dif. MOH

Answer 47

All are tacky except number 5

Answer 48

1. tacky

2. not - my fiance and I have will not allow alcohol (11am reception)

3. not

4. not

5. not

Answer 49

GET OVER WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!

this is a special day for you ( i assume its your wedding )

experience the day how you want to experience and as long as you have fun and enjoy the day

dont worry about what other people think

plus

tacky can sometimes work : )

good luck

Answer 50

1. No as long as everyone checks their email a lot

2. idk about 2 open would be better but cost more. so thats up to u and how much you want to spend

3. awasome!

4. Again up to u and what u want to spend

5. Thats fine

Answer 51

for number 2 open bar.and it seems like a pretty well planned wedding to me

Answer 52

sorry but tacky