is it wrong to walk yourself up the isle?

Question

my dad left me and my mum when i was 5 and since then we have always had a up and down relationship although we have recently got closer over the last 2 years. My mum did alot of the bringing up and we were very close until a couple of years ago when we driffted apart.

Now i am getting married and said i want to walk myself up the isle. noone is happy with this not even my fiancee.

So its either sticking to my guns or walking down with both of them. theres no way i can walk with just one of them and not the other. also my dad is meant to be videoing the whole thing.

yesterday my dad and his wife said they would pay for our honeymoon to america which is costing around £1,500-£2,000. this has also made me feel bad about my decision.

i dont know what to do. im trying to stay true to myself and just walk myself up but it appears by doing this i will upset alot of people. will ppl think im wierd having both parents there but having neither walk with me?

Answer 1

Ultimately, it's your decision. Many women these days do chose to walk alone, and many chose not o be "given away" like a pice of property or farm animal. There are other ways to honor your parents and keep a relationship with them and still walk alone. Bt you need to decide WHY this is important to yo - if you want o do it because you dislike the tradition, or because (as it sounds to me) because of the relationship you have had with your parents (which is okay too). It sounds as if you are much closer to your Dad now, and this is perhaps something he would like to do - he could escort you "halfway down" and then have your man meet you & hand you off - and have the pastor just skip the whole "who gives this woman" bit totally...

Answer 2

Sure, walk yourself down, if you want to. If Dad will be busy, and Mom goes down the aisle on the arm of a usher, fine.

Just know that in some cultures, the Mom and Dad do both walk the bride down the aisle.

I thought of what I thought was a cute and romantic solution. The groom comes in with the groomsmen, and stands at the alter with them while the bridesmaid go down the aisle. Then when you come down, you take a few steps on your own to show that you do so of your own free will, then he comes and gets you, and walks you the rest of the way to the alter.

Other alternatives are a relative to walk you down, an uncle or a cousin or brother or grandpa , if anyone has had a major influence on your life. If they have not, skip this option.

Many brides really don't have any family, and do choose to walk alone.

Answer 3

I know I'm going to get a lot of thumbs down for this, but:



I think what a lot of people forget is that a wedding is a family celebration as well. Somehow it's gotten to the point where the bridal perspective is "Look at me, it's all about me! Forget what others think as long as I'm happy."



While you definitely want to do what makes you happy and comfortable, sometimes it doesn't hurt you to take someone else's feelings in consideration. After all, they are your family, close friends, and most importantly, your GUESTS. You have invited them.



If your mom is the one who raised you and the one with whom you are closer, then it won't seem weird to have her give you away. Don't feel obligated to have your father walk you down the aisle just because he's paying for your honeymoon. While it is a very large and thoughtful gift, it is a gift, and should come with no strings attached. Besides, how will he be able to film it while walking with you? There are plenty of other ways to honor him as well.



You'll make the right decision for you and your family. Make sure that it's something you can live with for the rest of your life. And remember that while your parents may have made mistakes, the wedding of their daughter is something that most people look forward to from the day she is born.

Answer 4

not at all. times are changing, and ppl are stearing away from the traditional types of ceremony. I am not close with my dad, and will not have him walk me down the aisle for formality's sake. I am really close with my mom, and she has been a huge strength to me in my life, but I can't just have her and not my dad, so I am opting to do it alone. I think that I am a strong and independant person, and walking down the aisle represents that I have done a lot on my own. People need to realize that it's for you, and what it represents. I'd explain more that it's nice for you to represent you are strong, and independant rather than keep on saying that you would rather not have your dad because you aren't that close. It focuses on the positive rather than negative. However, if it's going to ruffle everyone's feathers to the point where everyone will have hurt feelings..then just have them both walk you down. You know how you feel about, and it doesn't air the dirtly laundry of the rocky relationship in the past between you and your dad, to everyone at the wedding. Also, don't make a decision based on the honeymoon. It's a gift and shouldn't have been offered to make you feel guilty etc. good luck, that is a tough one!! :)

Answer 5

it might be awkward to have neither parent walk you down the aisle if they are both there. You could have both walk you or a brother, uncle, grandfather, close family friend, or another guy who is strictly a friend do the honor. Remember that whatever you decide is something you will live with for the rest of your marriage and it might be best to compromise. Your dad walks you down the aisle and your mom does something else special, carry your train, or light a special candle. Good Luck and have a blessed marriage!

Answer 6

maybe you should break all conventions and stereotypes for this wedding and have a ceremony that you and your fiance are both happy with.... getting married is just a legal binding between two people that are in love... right? who says a woman should even have to walk a stupid isle... you could both meet half way in the middle of a football oval or a meet 20 metres half way on the beach with your fammily gathered around in a circle... change the rules a bit... be creative... people get married in helicopters and under water these days... do something that reflects abon you and your fiance ina graceful and original way and forget the whole notion of tradition... church are boring and face it... more than half the people who got married in a church over the last 3 decade are now divorced, because of lack of communication... you should talk with your fiance and come. you are a woman with equal rights and feeling and they should be validated, so shoud his.... the main thing is that your family are there to witness this beutiful occasion.... they should understand what ever you decide. its your weding . you and your husband will want to remember it for the rest of your lives...

Answer 7

Stick by your guns I say. Unless you really feel that the people in question, would honestly love to 'give you away'. I dont have a very good relationship with my Dad, and I was going to do the walk alone, but I have decided that I will have my Dad, and my son give me away at the same time - one on each side, hehe.



Like I said, I dont get along with him, but I think it will mean the world to him. And yes the days about ME, but if it doesnt bother me, then... you know. Why not?



It really depends how you feel. It's YOUR DAY. Dont let anyone do that money guilt thing. My mum is doing is right now.... argh! But I'm being quite clear about things. Theyre only giving us a small amount, but I'm still like, this is what I'm doing, if you don't like it, I dont want to hear it, it's your choice to give us money etc.



Good luck! Weddings are sh*t sometimes, arent they?

Answer 8

What's wrong with walking yourself down the isle.



Walking someone down the isle - i.e. - giving them away - is a symbolic gesture of passing along the role of emotional (and financial in past times) support. The "walker" is someone that you would have turned to in times of need for emotional support, and now that role belongs to your husband.



You have made a very very reasonable compromise - you can't choose one over the other, they can't both do it - so you'll walk yourself down the isle. Tradition is just that - tradition - it means what is usually done, but why?? Why keep doing something just because it is "traditional" if it doesn't make sense for you. Don't just ask someone to do something "just because it's tradition." Tradition only means something if it is meaningful to you. Having a friend give you away, etc. will just seem shallow.



It can be a lovely and intimate moment - that you and you alone - are bringing yourself to this marriage.



My now sister in law walked herself down the isle and it was a lovely moment.



Read: http://www.weddingbasics.com/blog/article.asp?SUBJ=The+Wedding+Aisle+Who+Is+Walking+You+Down+It&Key=716 The only "con" to walking yourself down is nerves. Maybe you can walk in with your fiance, or have him meet you half way if you think you'll get nervous walking down alone.

Answer 9

No it is'nt. I had this same problem. I was a single mom at the time. I asked my uncle, who was unavailabe at the last minute. So I had my seven year old son give me away. It was the cutest thing and the most memorable. If you don't have any male figure that can walk you down the aisle. You may walk yourself. I'ts been done plenty of times before.

Answer 10

Do you want to walk down the aisle by yourself because you want to walk alone, or do you want to walk alone because of the things that happened in the past between you and your parents? It sounds like you have at least an OK relationship with them presently. If I were you, I would have both of your parents walk you down (up) the aisle, you may regret not having it that way later. It's a very special moment for everyone, not just you.



I had both of my parents walk me down the aisle because I couldn't just have my dad...also my fiance was walked down the aisle with both of his parents. It was more egalitarian and maybe the same thing would work for you.

Answer 11

I don't see a problem with it. If she was there for you then let her and him both walk you down the isle. It isn't that big of a deal and no ones business as to y they are both walking you down. It is your day so they can get over it.



Good luck

Answer 12

If your dad is videoing then I see no real problem.



My brother is escorting me down the aisle, but no one is giving their blessing on our marriage or giving me away. I find that kind of thing utterly ridiculous and old fashioned. I was going to walk alone until I realised I might enjoy having someone to hold on to, especially if I'm nervous.



There is no issue with your mother walking you down either, unless she feels weird about it.

Answer 13

Hi and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!



I have lived 52 years and learned a few things. Please be TRUE TO YOURSELF.....you will regret it if you don't. It will bother you afterward that you did "the right thing" to please others. But what about yourself?



You must be in the UK as you say "mum," but here in the States many brides walk alone up the aisle. I am a strong woman myself, so it wouldn't bother me in the least to walk up alone. Once on this forum, I read where a girl wanted to "walk up alone....a single woman " and "walk back down the aisle....a married woman."



You know what? If people think it's weird...LET THEM! Again, you need to please yourself and your own conscience, not anyone elses.



Yes, the gift from your father and step mother is nice, but hopefully it is not given "with strings attached."



Good luck with your decision!



PS....Where is the honeymoon in the U.S.?

Answer 14

it's your day, walk in together, that's what I am doing although not in a church, my reasons are less complicated though, both my parents are deceased and I do not want someone replacing them.



perhaps your dad just wants to do something nice (or by making up for lost time) by paying for the honeymoon, only you know him well enough to know.



Talk to your family and tell them you don't want to be in the middle hence your decision to go solo!

Answer 15

Well, it is a bit strange. You're obviously on good enough terms with both of your parents for you to invite them to the wedding. Ordinarily at least one of them would be "giving you away".

Still, it is your wedding. And, although it's your fiance's wedding as well, I really don't think this can be his call - after all, it's not about him; it's about your relationship with each of your parents.

It could be also be a way for you to improve your relations with them. If that's something you would like to happen, that is.

Answer 16

you must feel so tormented with the desision you have to make. if you want to walk yourself down the aisle then you shold. talk to your parents alone and just say you feel its right. id hate to be in your pedicament i really feel bad for you. do you have a brother, or a child maybe they could walk you down the aisle or maybe you and your partner could enter the chruch together and walk down the aisle together,

goodluck hope all works out for you

Answer 17

I would say sit down with both of your parents alone and tell them how you feel. How do they feel about this?

Also, it is your wedding...not your guests. If you think walking alone would be the best, then do it.

Answer 18

I've not seen it done but I don't see a problem with it. I don't think you should have your dad walk you down the aisle if you are uncomfortable with it.

Answer 19

No, not at all. It's totally fine.

Another option might be what my husband and I did - we walked in together, with our attendants walking up the aisle before us, in couples.

Answer 20

If you want to walk yourself down the aisle, then do it. There really isn't any definitive "correct" for this. It is your day, so do as you want.



My husband and I walked in together, and it was perfect.

Answer 21

I am going to walk myself.

I will not be given away by anybody to the man I love as if I am some piece of meat to be traded!

I walk to the man I love to be with him, not to become his property!

Answer 22

Being "given away" by your father is a very old tradition - but it's not compulsory. It's your wedding - you decide what you want to do. As for your fiancé: he doesn't get to see that bit - he's sitting at the front waiting.

Answer 23

i've heard of people just having their mom walk them down the aisle. i don't see a problem with that. but, in your situation, i would probably just walk myself down the aisle.

Answer 24

If I were you, I would have them both do it. But, if you want to walk down by yourself, I really don't see anything wrong with it. No major faux pas by any means!

Answer 25

i would ask my mom to walk me down the aisle. she was essentially your father AND mother and she deserves the recognition.



if you're aren't comfortable with that, do you have a close friend, a close family member, someone who means a lot to you? if so, ask them.

Answer 26

if you want to walk yourself then do it it's one day you don't get a re-run of, i maybe wouldn't take the money for the honeymoon though.

Answer 27

Do what you want, I see it as, it's your wedding.. if people aren't happy about it.. it shoudn't be your problem but theirs.



It's your day.. what have people have to say about it? They will decide for you? No.. YOU take the decision.

Answer 28

traditionally just the father walks you down the isle. I walked myself down the isle so I don't see anything wrong with that. but to answer your question, yes it would be weird for your mother to be walking you down the isle, no matter what.