Catholic Wedding Shoulder Cover?

Question

First of all, I've completely already fallen in love with my dress, and I'm totally not giving it up. The problem is, it is an off the shoulder dress. My husband is Catholic, and wants us to be married in a Catholic church. Now, upon meeting with the church officials to discuss the plans, I learned my dress was inappropriate because my shoulders wouldn't be covered.

Please tell me there is some kind of loop hole. Does a veil count? Do my shoulders need to be covered the entire time?

lol, I would seriously rather convert my soon to be husband than give up my amazing vera wang dress.

Answer 1

I suggest having a shawl or shoulder cover to wear for the duration of the ceremony in the church. It is respectful to the religion to cover your shoulders during the ceremony, as unfashionable as it is. After the wedding, for the pictures and reception, ditch the shoulder cover and enjoy your beautiful dress.

Answer 2

Call the parish office or even better, call the priest and ASK. It's much better than sitting there stressing and wondering what the heck to do. Offer to bring around a photo of the dress for him to see. If he says "You must be covered" then you look at those options. A veil doesn't count.



But seriously, I've been a Catholic all my life and been to lots of Catholic weddings and I've seen plenty of brides wearing strapless gowns (I wore one myself) and I haven't heard any horror stories either. The main thing is that this depends A LOT on the different diocese and priests, some are more conservative (has nothing to do with age btw) and some are more willing to give leeway. Especially because you're not a Catholic, they might be more leniant so long as you're not falling out the dress.



From what I know, they put that rule in there to remind brides that they are going to be in the house of God and as such they should show proper respect. You must have seen some brides with dresses that are just Trashy, that's the sort of thing that they're trying to discourage.



Good luck.

Answer 3

This Site Might Help You.



RE:

Catholic Wedding Shoulder Cover?

First of all, I've completely already fallen in love with my dress, and I'm totally not giving it up. The problem is, it is an off the shoulder dress. My husband is Catholic, and wants us to be married in a Catholic church. Now, upon meeting with the church officials to discuss the plans, I...

Answer 4

Sorry, but the veil doesn't count.



Yes, your shoulders need to be covered during the entire Mass. But not for the reception or formal portraits.



A friend of mine had little cap sleeves made out of matching material. They slipped in the top of the dress and velcro-ed into place. After the wedding, she just took them off. No big deal.



But her dress was strapless, not off-the-shoulder. Haven't seen your dress -- if it's an elastic/gathered part that falls off your shoulder, you can pull it up to cover your shoulders during Mass, and then pull it down for the reception. If it's structured, you'll have to have a piece made to go over your shoulders for Mass.



And I appreciate the "lol" before your last comment, because it shows you're joking and not a very shallow and selfish person would put her wedding dress on a higher priority than her husband-to-be's religion.

Answer 5

A veil will not count. However, most bridal salons and designers can provide a bolero-type lace jacket that you wear only during the ceremony. Check with the salon to see what they have that will match your dress.



However, I do have to warn you: many Catholic dioceses are becoming stricter than they were a few years ago, and some absolutely won't accept a strapless dress no matter what you pair it with. The diocese here requires that the dress itself have permanent, non-detachable, totally opaque sleeves that fall at least three inches below the underarm, as well as built-up shoulders at least two inches wide. On the other hand, the diocese bordering this one does allow strapless dresses with lace boleros, so you have to check with your specific diocese (probably through your priest).



Remember, though, that Vera Wang or not, it's just a dress.

Answer 6

That's surprising because I've been to probably 10 Catholic weddings with full mass and the bride wore a strapless dress every time, without a cover up. Some churches must be more strict than others. They all wore veils though. I would ask about that.

Answer 7

I had an off the shoulder dress, and the church didn't give me any problems with it. Every church is different (all depends on the priest in charge).



This was more or less my dress and they had no problems with my shoulders.

http://www.thebridalworld.com/21466.html



I also had a friend who wore a strapless dress and got married in a catholic church without a problem.

Answer 8

I would call and speak with the secretary. Personally, (and I have been Catholic all my life), I have never heard of such a policy. My daughter-in-law and my son were married in our Catholic Church and she had a strapless dress. I have been to many other Catholic weddings where the bride had a strapless dress, and there was never a problem. Call and speak with the secretary or priest to see if this is an old policy and/or if you can wear a longer veil.

Answer 9

Well if it is important for your husband to get married in his church I don't think it would kill you to wear a cover up. No typically a veil does not count, you basically must cover the shoulders with a wrap, sometimes they allow sheer or lace. It's only during the ceremony and you can tons of pictures with it off and it's not like you have to wear it to the reception. If you think your dress is more important than his faith I forsee arguments in the future.

Answer 10

its because to go to God's house you need to be dressed appropriate

but you can have a shawl over your shoulders just for the wedding ceremony!

im catholic also & my church is very strict on the dressing code!

my dress has a thin strap but i just plan to wear a shawl over it



im not sure about the veil

but you should just get a white shawl

or theres like jackets that just cover your shoulders that go with the wedding dress or removable sleeves

!



at least in Bakersfield, Ca all catholic churches won't allow a girl to be showing cleavage or their back exposed or a thin spaghetti strap

when my lil sis did her first communion the bishop told her that all girls had to be covered with a shawl/jacket/sleeves & the dress couldn't be short

when i did my first communion i wore a thin spaghetti strap & i just put a shawl over it for the church ceremony

its not big deal!

Answer 11

The same thing happened to my sister during her wedding. The church does not allow strapless dresses but she fell in love with one. She had a detachable shoulder straps put on her dress (it was quite thick and extended up to the edge of her shoulders) and that solved the problem. Spaghetti straps were not acceptable too so the BM's and I had to use a shawl. We all took our "detachables" during the reception.



Good luck to you!

Answer 12

When I got married years ago I was also told, no bare shoulders in church. You can get a wrap to wear or see if you can have some detachable sleeves put on then remove them for photos and the reception.

Answer 13

I wasn't informed until me & the rest of my bridal party showed up for pictures that my priest does not like strapless gowns...oops. What could I do about it on our wedding day a few hours before our wedding? Nothing so the priest had to live with it.

Answer 14

Nope. No loophole. Have the seamstress add sleeves (maybe detachable) or wear a shrug. That is just how Catholic Churches are sometimes.

Answer 15

Could you wear something like a wedding shawl? It would drape over your shoulders. Check with the Bridal shoppe that you bought your dress from to see if they can match one to your dress.

Answer 16

The church's rules are their rules and it is pretty rude of you to be searching for a loophole rather than respecting the church's rules.



I'm sure you can still wear the dress, but is there any harm in wearing a wrap while you are in the church so you adhere to their rules?

Answer 17

It all rests upon the Priest who will perform the Mass at your wedding ceremony.



I've heard nightmares about a Priest who took a white towel to cover the bride.



Now, most Priests (older ones) are kind blind, and don't really give a whoot. If the Priest is younger then he's probably very conservative and will promote chastity.



In short, treat the Priest to lunch, and get to understand how he runs the Mass over lunch.

Answer 18

I would not get married in a church where they did not let me wear my dress. Maybe you could find another church, another priest.... But I would NEVER allow anybody to dictate what I wore, especially if I was paying them.





I personally don't like shawls or jackets, and I'm sure if you wanted one, you would have bought one... But even then, it MIGHT take away from your dress and you...



I don't see anything wrong with shoulders, it's not like you're showing your "3 B's" (boobs butt and belly)

Answer 19

buy a shawl to wear over your shoulders, or buy a cute little fur jacket that's really short but does the job, its just to walk down the aisle, once that's done you can take it off!

Answer 20

I have never heard of that. Never. I'm sure you could find a catholic church that doesn't do that BS. Ask your fiance to find another church because you are not taking the dress back.



If they want her to wear something over it or her to wear a new dress, then THEY can spend the money to get it. No one should tell a bride how they should dress for their wedding. They are paying the church, therefore, it is the church who should be bending over backwards to please her.