What would you do in this situation?

Question

I got engaged on April 30, 2008 and we set a wedding date for April 25, 2009. That has been our date throughout the whole engagement and we even sent out save the date cards telling people to SAVE THE DATE on the 25th. Anyway, a "friend" of mine just announced her wedding date for the 25 of April! WTF!?! And she just announced it this month, so she only has about a month to do everything! Im assuming its cuz she got knocked up that she moved the date because her wedding was suppose to be in October. My fiance told me not to worry about it, but how could i not? It bugs me so much, and what bothers me the most is that my friends fiance apologized to me saying he didn't realize it was the same date as ours until after they ordered their invites. HELLOO!!! I gave you a save the date and i know they recieved it because they replied saying that they would come!!! What should i do? This is bugging me SO MUCH!

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, but you should realize that she obviously has other things on her mind right now other than the date of your wedding. It is very possible that it was an oversight. To be honest, its not that big of a deal. You will have so many guests at your wedding, you won't even notice that she's not there.

Answer 2

Do nothing. There's nothing TO do. Decline to go to her wedding (obviously), but cut the drama. Were you very close with her? If so, and it's bothering you that much, call her or sit down with her and (calmly) explain to her your frustration that she set her wedding for the same date that yours is, after she'd already replied yes to yours. While it's rude of her, you don't own the day, and if she's pregnant she obviously has more on her mind than when your wedding is. It's very possible that she simply forgot the date of your wedding - a save the date does not mean all people write things on their calendars, nor does it mean they remember it until they get the formal invitation, etc. A reply to a save the date is not the same as a formal reply to a formal invitation. It's a really unfortunate situation, but really, all you can do is just move on - there's nothing else you can do if you don't want to calmly speak to her. But definitely don't expect her to move the wedding; she's certainly not required to go to your wedding, and you don't know if there are things going on OTHER than a pregnancy that may have required her to choose that date for hers.

Answer 3

There isn't anything you can do, expect stop being upset. For whatever reason, they picked the same day. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and say, they really truly forgot about your wedding. It's possible. Plus, let's not forget, this is a friend. It's not like she's a family member and this is putting your family in a odd position. Your family will be at your wedding and her family will be at hers. That's all that matters in the end.



Whatever the reason, getting upset just makes you look like a bridezilla. When you RSVP to her wedding, wish her luck and let her know you'll be thinking about her on your special day and wish her as much happiness and love, as you'll feel.



What else are you going to do? Start an all out war, like that movie, "Bride Wars" I hope not, because in the end, it doesn't solve anything.

Answer 4

Okay think about what you just said. You think she's just found out that she's pregnant and has to plan a wedding in 8 weeks. Ummm...I think it is very possible that she has a lot on her mind and may have forgotten a "save the date" card that she got almost a year ago!! You put "friend" in quotation marks so this isn't a lifelong, BFF - just a casual friend. If her wedding is the same day as yours, you can bet she will not be attending your reception so just reduce your meal list by 2. When you get her invitation, you simply RSVP that you are not attending. Simple as that. If your own wedding is in 8 weeks, you have much more to think about than two people who have their own issues. they aren't your sister and brother so your world wil not end if they don't attend. Focus on your wedding.

Answer 5

I can see that it's sort of annoying that your 'friend' is getting married on the same day as you, but what exactly is the problem with that? Is it that she won't be at your wedding? Or are you afraid that mutual friends will go to hers and not theirs? Like I said, it's annoying, but you can't let it ruin your day. I hope that you aren't angry because she is stealing 'your day'.... it sounds like she's got some important reasons for moving the day up and I'm sure she's not trying to sabatoge your day. I'm sure she's sacrificing a lot of what she wants for her wedding since she will only have 1 1/2 months to plan it. Just wish her luck and focus on your day.

Answer 6

It amazes me that brides think they own their wedding date. She has every right to get married on any day she wishes. She may or may not have realized that your wedding was the same day, but that doesn't lessen her right to choose her own date.



As far as what should you do? Nothing. You have no right to do anything. The world does not revolve around your wedding, and believe it or not, your wedding is not as important to anyone else as it is to you and your fiance. They really may not have realized it was the same date. Just count on two fewer guests at your wedding. That's the end of it.

Answer 7

Let it go. For the sake of these friendships, just let it go.



Your family and your fiance's family will be present at your wedding. That is all that matters.



There will be plenty of people present at your wedding. May you have a lovely wedding day and a lifetime of happiness.

Answer 8

And this my friend is why save the date cards are not worth the paper and postage. Hardly anyone saves them or marks it on their calendar. People receive those cards and think "oh, that's nice" and throw them away.



So...are you competing over virtually the same guest list...meaning is this going be some competition over who likes you better and your reception would might be barren if she wins? Then I would be pissed.



Otherwise, laugh about it and wish her well. You just saved $100 on feeding them.



Just keep repeating the mantra "it's not always about me. It's not always about me." I know it is the most important day in your life. It is not the most important day in all of your friends/family's lives?

Answer 9

Well, you should ask them if they could politely choose a time that does not clash with your wedding time...it would be o.k. if it overlapped a little...but it's not going to be good if friends that you guys share have to pick and choose between whose wedding to go to. That is really a tricky situation. I think they need to change their date if you do have lots of shared friends, because that is unfair on EVERYONE not just you and your fiance. Maybe you should get your fiance to talk to her fiance so that it's less confrontational if you're pretty upset about it all.

Answer 10

I would take the high road and wish them the best.



You said it yourslef the woman is probably pregnannt and they only have a few weeks to put it all together, so people more likely attend yours as it would me a better planned and annouced affair.



They are the ones looking bad, you have nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone will be whispering about their lack of consideration and manners. You chin up and pretend it doesn't bother you.



Good luck

Answer 11

do you know how many people in the world are getting married on 4/25? let it go. yes it sucks that this girl is an idiot and usurped your wedding date but it's one less person you'll have to feed at your wedding, so there.

Answer 12

um, it sounds like maybe your wedding was last on their priority list.

what's the problem, one person wont be at your wedding? send your invites out first and call it a day.

Answer 13

Just let it go and assume that they will not be there. Hopefully it is at a different time of day so that any friends that may lap over will be able to attend both.



Good luck and congratulations.

Answer 14

dont let it bother you. Just go along with your day as planned. You cant let things like this get to you. Just relax, enjoy your wedding, be happy for your friends, as i believe they will be happy for you, and go on with your lives.



Congrats!

Answer 15

forget her, enjoy your day and move on. Congrats on your wedding and dont let something so petty bother you on your day.

Answer 16

Let it go and don't let it ruin your bug day. Obviously they won't be there but why should that spoil your big day?

Answer 17

get over yourself the woman is pg and needs to go ahead and get married so, she cannot make your wedding. np

Answer 18

just don't invite her. you got the date first.

Answer 19

dont invite the whore to your wedding