What do you think of long engagements?

Question

My boyfriend and I will have been together 4 years in April and are totally in love. We have had quite in-depth discussions about our future, marriage kids etc. Due to him being at uni and not graduating for another 2 or 3 years, we obviously won't be able to finance a wedding until at least 3 years from now. Thing is, I would love for him to propose just now and for us to have a long engagement, but he wants to wait until he can afford an expensive ring and start planning the wedding properly. I don't care about having the perfect ring, I just want to show our love and commitment to each other. Do you think I'm being silly?

Answer 1

oh hun i dont think you are being silly at all. I have been waiting for 8 years for a proposal from my boyfriend. We have both been to uni now both graduated and we have been out of uni for a year and a half. Still no proposal from him. I too like you do not want some expensive ring, i just want the commitment. I think long engagement are ok, as long as they are not going to continue to be an engagement. You both need to be clear that there will be a wedding. Best thing to do is set a year that it will happen.



I understand your frustration with your bf. I have been there. He might not want to get engaged while he is at uni though, he might feel that little bit too young to do it right now. When he is finished uni (or almost finished) and there is still no proposal, then you have something to worry about. Have you tried telling your bf that you would like a long engagement? Maybe this would be a good thing to mention to him and see what he says. whatever you do, don't let this turn into an argument, it easily can and its horrible.

Answer 2

I think that you wanting to commit to the one you love now instead of later is perfectly normal, especially since you all have been together so long. Although this is a decision that you both will have to come to some agreement on, I really think that he should not let the anticipated cost of the wedding stall the engagement. Even after he has graduated would you have the $10,000 or $20,000 or more dollars for the wedding right away? If not, why wait that long?



I think you should communicate to him that you are not as interested in a wedding as you are in a solid show of commitment between you two. It sounds like he is figuring that he is doing the logical thing and he might have his own personal reasons why he feels the way he does. But how you feel is important too and I hope you can talk to him honestly about things.



Good luck. :)

Answer 3

You're not being silly at all. Different things are important to different people. If you want to start planning the wedding, you can! I would express your feelings to him of how important the act of expressing the final commitment is to you, and see what he says.



Keep in mind that, to a guy, the act of proposing is as important [if not more] as the wedding itself!! We get to do all the planning for the perfect setting, the ring itself, the food, the people around...everything has to be perfect!! It's almost like planning the wedding for you. Understand his side, and try to reach a mutual compromise. Maybe you can get pre-engagement promise rings for eachother, and you can be surprised later with the actual ring!

And maybe ask him if he can start planning out all the small details for the wedding with you! Doing that together will make it seem as if you're already there and on your way.

I am sure 3 years seems like a lot right now, but in the scheme of things, it's a blink of an eye. Love is eternal.

Answer 4

I don't know...I know what you mean. It's different with this new phase of "emerging adulthood." Things are so different when one or both peope are in school. I got married after my 4th year of college (5 total undergrad), and it probably would have been smarter to wait until it was over. However, I wanted a long engagement, too. Once the ring was on...I had to try on dresses for fun..the rest is history; we married 9 months later.

My younger sister is now engaged. She has no date in mind. It's not really my business, but since you asked...I think she got engaged to be engaged..not engaged to be married (like I think it should be). I know it's hard calling someone a boyfriend and people don't take you seriously. A boyfriend could be a 5 year commitment or a two-week thing.

I guess, if I were you, I would secretly look at wedding magazines, but don't get engaged. It is a new dynamic. It doesn't seem like a piece of paper would change things, but it does. Just enjoy being in love now, and get married and do it "proper" how you described he wants to.

Answer 5

The perfect ring is one where by it was given in love. Tell your boyfriend that the ring is a symbolism of your love for each other, not a symbolism of your weath. And that you truely want to begin cementing your love together with an engagement.



You can hold off the wedding, until more fruitful times, but if the only thing is holding off the engagement is the price of a ring - stuff that!



And besides you could have two weddings, one when you get engaged, do it in the court system and then when you are more financially sound you can have the big do then...



but the most important thing, is the love. It doesn't matter how, as long as you have it.

Answer 6

I think when you've been together that long, you should have a short engagement (maybe 6-9 months). I say this cause when you've been with someone for that long, there really isn't any sense in waiting. (Personal experience). And just tell your boo that the ring price isn't what matters. Have you thought about a small wedding? I plan on going small with closest fam and friends. You don't have to spend a lot, it's the memories that last forever, and you don't want to regret spending thousands on a wedding when you could have been saving up for the REAL after marriage "stuff."

Answer 7

all of it dependes the type you experience, what time of three hundred and sixty 5 days you will possibly prefer to get married and how long you have elementary one yet another. in case you have been a pair that has dated like 5 years or something, there may well be no reason for a protracted engagement, except of course you're saving up money to throw the marriage of your desires. on the different hand if you acquire engaged after like a million 3 hundred and sixty 5 days that could be a diverse tale. circulate with what your coronary heart and a nicely theory out ethical experience tells you.

Answer 8

well what does being engaged mean to you? to me it means you want to get married and waiting 3 years...you may as well carry on as you are. Things will always come up in life that will mean you have other things to pay for, you just find the money if you want to get married. if anything being a student is the perfect time to save the pennies, less bills to no e.g. no council tax, subsidised rent etc. i lived a better quality of life when i was a student. your debt and bills will grow, when will you ever be able to afford a wedding? it does sound like you just want a ring on your finger, and if so then your in it for the wrong reasons. if you love him as much as you say you wouldnt mind waiting. what harm will it do if your so strong?

Answer 9

I don't really think 2 years is a long engagement if it's financial or other reasonable issues that are the hold-up. People with financial stability who have 2+ long engagements and no other reason than "we just want to be engaged, but not married yet for no reason" is a little silly in my opinion, but to each his own.

Answer 10

I think you need to be questioning the intensity of your

boyfriend's "love". If he truly loves you, he will want to be with you every day. Two people living together doesn't cost any more than two people living separately (unless

they are living with parents.)

Also, why does everything have to be so "perfect"?

If he is this picky about the wedding, how picky will he be about the myriad of problems that always arise after

marriage. Love is love. It's either yes or No.

Answer 11

My boyfriend and I are in the same boat. We're both freshmen in college and constantly talk about our futures. He's in petroleum engineering (he'll be working with oil), and in that field, people get job offers while they're still in college but don't take them until after the graduate.

So...my boyfriend has been talking about proposing after he gets a job offer then is going to wait a year and a half until we get married the summer after we both earn our BAs.

Answer 12

I think they make no sense. Too much can happen over a long time.

Only be engaged as long as it takes to plan a wedding, which in a big city, may be a year.

Answer 13

You forgot to tell us Yahooskies about your age.

That is the most important.

If your 30.

Dont take that long.

If your 18 wait til your 30.

If your under 18 you wont listen to anybody anyway, and you will do what you want.

Answer 14

I don't like long engagements. Get engaged & get married within a year.



Why do you have to wait until he can afford an expensive ring and wedding? I have never understood that...

Answer 15

I guess it boils down to what your ready for.

I was ready to be married and had a three month engagement.

I personally think that there isn't a point to waiting if your ready to commit and the commitment is leading to marriage.

Answer 16

Nope! I'm in somewhat of the same situation. Long engagements are just fine! You will have more time to build a stronger commitment to each other. Also...it's fun to publicize. Can't wait until I have a ring around my finger to show off...along with my man. If any one sounds silly...its me!

Good luck! And congrats in advance!

Answer 17

I have mentioned to my gf that I will wait until I finish college and get a job in my career field.



I finishing school in september. She doesn't know that I'm going to propose on christmas.

Answer 18

dont listen to the first guy.

anyways, just bring up marriage and all that. talk about a friend who just got engaged (can be made up, done one of those stories to get a promise ring) and just bring it up often. hopefully he'll get the point and start shopping.



if he talks about it seriously, tell him exactally what you said, you dont want anything fancy, just something to symbolize your love for eachother.



good luck

Answer 19

my stance on engagement, is went you get engaged you should set the date. and it shouldn't be strange to go out and buy/shop for a dress.



basically, i say a year, maybe a tiny bit more at most for an engagement



but it's just my personal opinion

Answer 20

go for it! 3/4 yrs is normal lengh for engagements it annoys me when people say they have been engaged for 10 plus years they obvouisly have no plans to get married

Answer 21

no i think its a great idea. if i were you i will let him know, at least he would know what i was thinking. If he doesn't like the idea, then you both can talk something else out.

Answer 22

thats boring

Answer 23

It's his way of holding off until a hotter girl comes along.