Do I have a right to feel a bit snubbed?

Question

I've been friends with the groom for 5 years. We went to college together. When I found out he got engaged, I asked how long they had been dating, & his response was very matterthefactly "The same as you & Mitch (my bf)." We've met each other's significant others multiple times, but they honestly don't know each well, since we live in different states. The bride & groom's relationship is quite similiar to my bf & I since we started dating at the same time & the course of the relationships have both been over long distance. Groom in CA, bride & my bf in WI, & me in IL

I received a wedding invitation addressed just to me, & since it did not say "& Guest" I will not be bringing my boyfriend of 2 yrs along. I understand wedding etiquette & how expensive they can be, so am not taking it personally, but
1) Do I have a right to feel a bit snubbed?
2) In the event my bf & I get married (& it's going that route) will I be expected to invite this friend's new wife?

Answer 1

Yes, they should have invited your significant other out of courtesy, though they didn't HAVE to.



Yes you SHOULD invite his wife. Two wrongs don't make a right and not inviting someones spouse is incredibly rude (more rude than they have been to you).



I's ok to feel a bit snubbed, but there may be some issues with the budget and they just could not invite guests but still wanted you to be there.

Answer 2

The way I've always looked at it and what I've read on Emily Post, if the guest is in a serious relationship with a boyfriend/girlfriend or has a fiance, the polite thing to do would be to invite their significant other. Otherwise, you'd end up with a bunch of guests and strangers at your wedding just for the sake of the guest having a date. But there's really nothing you can do because ultimately this is the bride and groom's decision as to whether they want their guests to bring a guest based on budget restraints, headcount, not enough room, etc. I would either go solo if you want to attend the wedding or politely decline the invitation.



Oh, and to answer your second question...yes, if you get married and intend on inviting the friend, his wife should be invited as well...same situation applies.

Answer 3

Ask your friend if you are allowed to bring a guest. Some people assume you are going to bring a guest. I would wait to hear the response before feeling snubbed. If you get married, you will need to invite the new wife because they are married. Etiquette pretty much says that you have to invite the spouse. Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go and they aren't required to be invited but spouses are the other half of that person. Good luck.

Answer 4

1) Not really. He is just a boyfriend and not close to the bride and groom. Typically the bride and/or bride's mother sends out the invitations so they may not have even known you had a boyfriend unless your friend specifically said so. Things can become very hectic and details (though important to others) can become lost or over looked.



2)Yes, because they are married...they are an official couple.



If you really feel snubbed send a nice note and a small gift. This isn't something worth ruining a good friendship with.

Answer 5

It is wedding etiquette to invite a guests long time partner whether they live together or not and your friend was aware of your relationship. You are under no obligation to go if you will not be comfortable. Personally I would never invite a person without including "and guest". I would cut down my guest list if I had to, but I would never be that rude. Of course when you get married if you want to invite your friend you will need to address the invitation as Mr. and Mrs. because they are now married and both should be included. Although what they did was rude, you do not have to lower yourself to those standards. If at all possible see if your boyfriend can go with you and make it a weekend romantic trip for the two of you.

Answer 6

Though you have every right to feel snubbed, you two are at the b/f/g/f stage and not engaged or married.



I would talk to the groom, and see if it would be ok if your b/f went. If they say no for whatever reason, then decide whether you want to go or not.



And, if you two do get engaged, then you should be inviting your friend and his wife, because like someone said, they are a package deal.

Answer 7

Why should YOU feel snubbed? YOU got invited! Your BF, on the other hand -- are you feeling snubbed on his behalf? (He may be secretly glad he doesn't have to go!) Several things could have happened:



1. "& Guest" could have accidently been left off the inside envelope.

2. BF could have received his own invitation (but I assume you've already checked?)

3. It's a small wedding and costs are a factor -- bride really doesn't know him and only wants close friends



And yes, you DO have to invite both of 'em to your wedding if they are married. They come in sets :-)

Answer 8

As a recent bride...do not feel snubbed. If you want to take your bf, then either RSVP for two or called your friend of a million years and just ask if they have a tight seating/budget and if it would be a problem if you brought him.



By the way...inviting someone's spouse is NOT the same as expecting to invite someone's BF.

Answer 9

Did they send him a separate invitation? Properly, if they were inviting him, that's what they should have done. 'And guest' is not actually correct, particularly if one knows the SO.



On the other hand, while fiances, live-ins, and spouses are automatically required to be invited (one invites both or neither, but may not break up the established, official social unit), boyfriends are not absolutely required. It's nice if they're invited, and certainly a happy thing for all involved, but if they needed to cut costs somewhere, that may, alas, have been the cut-off point.



If you marry your boyfriend, it will be up to you to choose whether you invite both or neither, but it would be in the worst possible taste to invite one spouse without the other.

Answer 10

Yes, you would be expected to invite the wife.

And yes, I would feel snubbed as well. They obviously know you've been dating 2 years. They know he is your significant other, not just your 'wedding date'.

I think you're looking at it the right way though- weddings are expensive, don't take it personally.

Now, if there ends up being 200 people at the wedding, I'd be pissed!

Answer 11

Maybe they are having a smaller wedding and only allowing actual spouses, although ettiqute also dictates long time significant others should be invited, it's not manditory. I would talk to the groom and see if you can bring a guest.

Answer 12

Ewww... thats sticky



first off, yes, you will have to invite the wife... if you in fact invite him.



honestly, i wouldnt go. especially since he knows your in a committed long term relationship - i think thats just rude!



Im planning a wedding and im inviting my guests to bring thier significant others - the only people im inviting solo are people who I know arent dating anyone.

Answer 13

Since he knew you had a long term boyfriend he should have invited him or explained to you why he couldn't. If you are still good friends you should ask what the situation is, because it would feel odd to go without your boyfriend.



You should do what is appropriate and invite his wife if you invite him.

Answer 14

Snubbed? Maybe a little, but I wouldn't take it personally. My daughter is getting married in September and she had to make cuts to the guest list even though she knew it might hurt people's feelings. She has to make orders on how much food to order etc...



It is up to you & bf on who you want to invite, it is your day. Congratulations to both of you!

Answer 15

bummer, its unfortunate they did not include a guest, but is there any chance they sent your beau a separate invitation? you have the right to feel any way you feel, you really can't control that, however, you can control the way you react. accept or decline the invitation graciously, if you decline you could perhaps add a personal note of explanation, wishing them all the best.

of course when you get married you have to invite the entire couple, you can't just say husband can come but leave wife at home. totally different when they are married.

i feel badly that your feelings are hurt, but i admire your maturity and gracious manner in accepting their decision!

Answer 16

What a b****. Absolutely call her (wait a day or two so you don't blow up out of anger) and tackfully ask her if leaving your bf off the invite was an oversight. If she gives some petty excuse say, "Sorry, I won't be able to attend because I am spending that day with my boyfriend. Plus, I have to respect my bf's feelings. I wouldn't appreciate him attending a wedding without me. " This goes back to "treat people the way you want to treated." BUT be the better person and invite them BOTH when you get married. Good luck!

Answer 17

oh if they are married you have to invite them - thats where most draw the line... if they are married they come as 2 if they are unmarried- they are invited solo. no don't feel snubbed.. its inappropriate, but you said you and the boy are far away.. where is the wedding, maybe they figured he wouldn't be traveling for the wedding...

Answer 18

1. You may feel any way you wish to feel, but you are correct they are not obligated to invite people who are not married or formally engaged.



2. If you get married you are obligated to invite him and his wife IF you invite them at all. They are are married. Married people are ALWAYS invited as a couple or they aren't invited at all.

Answer 19

I would feel a bit put out, but it could be a budget issue. And, yes, if they are still married, they are a pair and have to be invited together.

Answer 20

No, you already said you understood and know not to take it personally. If you and your bf eventually marry, and you want this dude at your wedding, of course you would invite him and his wife. They will be MARRIED then, and you don't just invite one member of a married couple.

Answer 21

They should have invited your boyfriend because you've been dating for a while now. And, yes, if you invite your friend to your wedding in the future, he and his wife are a package deal.

Answer 22

No i don't experience sorry for her. I believe Sarah's own assessment over the subject...."I further this on myself." additionally she wasn't truly upset over unlikely to the marriage itself, she replaced into upset at no longer being waiting to hold out with Andrew and her daughters and "sit down as a kin". i think she forgot a needed certainty...they are divorced and this replaced into an party relating to the ex-husband's kin no longer her kin or the ladies.

Answer 23

Yes and if I were you I wouldn't go. If he knows you and your boyfriend are close he should invite him as well. No matter how close he is of a friend you must stand your ground. Tell him you are sorry but you wouldn't feel comfortable there if your boyfriemd wasn't.

Answer 24

yes.. but call and find out if you are able to bring him.. Sometimes it is good to find out first with out going to conclusions..



and yes when you get married they are now a package deal..

Answer 25

yes you have the right, how rude of them. Do they honestly expect you to attend alone?

Answer 26

of course you will