doubts before wedding!!?

Question

I'm getting amrrie don the 24th and am starting to have doubts!!! Im more worried about whether i should be having these doubts or not!

I love my fiance so much and we have a great time...I dont know whats wrong with me! when we are having a good time together and are snugling i dont have any doubts...but when hes not there i am wondering if i care neough about him etc.....

Is it normal to have these doubts?? I acnt imagine life without him...I dont know wha to do..I've told him i get these doubts and he says he gets none at all cos he knows im the right one. That makes me feel guilty for having doubts....

Any help please???!!

Answer 1

depends on how much money he has coz thats what drives women as far as i can see



lady's see how many thumbs down you can give me iam going for the record on this one. don't worry i am skint, bring em on

Answer 2

Doubts in any relationship, at any point are completely normal. That goes double for getting married. It is a BIG thing, it's a commitment. The thing you need to remember is that YOU LOVE HIM. Love is not enough but as you say, life without him would be horrible. Look at it this way, you've said you wonder if you care about him enough. Obviously you do, the problem you're having here is that your are trying to "measure" you're love by other people's standards. Don't love him like he loves you, don't love him like your parents love each other, don't expect to love him like anyone else, love him how you love him. If he says he's not got doubts that doesn't meant that you should worry or feel guilty, it just means that maybe you feel a bit more insecure than he does.



try not to worry and accept that doubts are normal, after all i've doubted whether i want to go on with life from time to time, doesn't mean i shouldn't.



try not to let doubts ruin your relationship. Talk more openly and express how you feel. I've had a relationship end with someone i love very much because she had doubts and it's very sad.



As long as you love him, he loves you and there is no violence or anything that would make someone go "WOW yeah, you should have doubts, the guy sleeps with animals and wares your make up all day long." then you should try talking to him openly and say you're feeling a little scared, i'm sure he'll understand, hell, even just talking to him and him understanding may make you realize that there is no reason to doubt.



Good luck and big hugs...



stay beautiful!

Answer 3

What are you doubting about? Are you questioning whether or not you're going to spend the rest of your lives together? The truth is - no one knows! Things happen in relationships all the time, people grow apart. This is reality. If you're having doubts about what the future will bring - don't worry about it; there's nothing you can do right here right now, and no one at all can give you any guarantees. If you're looking for some kind of "sign" that everything's gonna be ok forever and ever, you will not find it; there's no way to tell. But you can't let it stop you from living your life.



If you having doubts about the present situation, I would pay attention to that; but this honestly doesn't sound like it's the case here. Seems to me like you're simply trying to find reassurance where none is to be found. But seriously: don't worry too much about the future; life goes on, and the future will sort itself out. Make sure you make good decisions right here, right now, and everything else will fall into place. Congrats.

Answer 4

When your alone is when all the 'what if's' start to get into your head and it's natural to have some doubts. Marrage is a huge step and can be very scary - especially if you are also happy with your life as it is now. I have the same doubts as you occationally but then my fiance will do or say something that will drive them away. The fact that you can not imagine your life without him does say a lot. I'm sure you do love him enough but with the wedding getting closer you are just getting nervous. Speaking from personal experience I think women question things more than men do - which is why they are more prone to getting doubts. Just concentrate on your feelings, if you are happy with him, love him and cant imagine life without him then I am sure these doubts will pass.

Answer 5

Do you love him or are you in love with him, maybe this will help you too realise why you are marrying him, are you sure your not with him because you feel secure and don't like the thought of being on your own, if you have any doubts then you need to talk to him sooner rather than later because it wont be fair on him if you do the wrong thing, there are two lives here to think about, you should be able as a couple to talk about anything, do it now before you get hurt, good luck and hope all goes well.

Answer 6

I think it's normal - although I have to admit to not having any doubts myself...

The questions you need to ask yourself are - do you love him? Is he good to you? Are you ready to commit for life? If the answers are yes, then don't worry!

I've been married one year - and believe it or not, it just gets better every day. I'm more in love now than I have ever been or thought possible. Your man sounds like good people saying he knows you're the right one, and I hope he doesn't make you feel guilty for having doubts!... it is a huge life changing decision, so it's only natural. But when you're with the right one, it just make sense.

Good Luck and I hope your day goes really well.

Answer 7

Weddings are a bunch of highs and lows with emotions.

I had a few doubts and almost called off the wedding several times. ( the last thing you want is a failed marriage)



for me the day I absolutly knew for sure, I was out dress shoping half way through I tried on a the right dress.



i wasn't in the thinking about him mode at the time , it just really hit me , just how much I love him. I started welling up in the store. i guess i had a forward flash at that moment when you say those special words to each other.



Now i am all screwed up, because the dam of emotions finally broke. and I can't watch a wedding story now without crying.... lol ... knowing i am going to have such a special moment myself. ( just hope I don't slobber all over myself when I say my vows)



at least you have doubts that means you are taking it SERIOUS! , and not just looking to get hitched. and that is a blessing.

Answer 8

I would say that you should try to pinpoint where the doubts are coming from. If they are not specific and just a general "I wonder if we can make this work" feeling...it's totally normal. Most people about to make a life-long committment have a moment of pause. If it's specific, like you don't know if you even love him, you may want to taks some time and really think before you take this leap. Perhaps a conseling session or two could ease your nerves. Talk to your pastor or other spiritual leader to try and get some clarity. Best of luck to you!

Answer 9

Having concerns about the wedding going smoothly, getting last minute preparations finalized or being sick on your wedding day are completely normal and nothing to be concerned about. However, having concerns about actually being married to your fiance is something that should be taken VERY seriously. If you are doubting your feelings about him, PLEASE don't get married. At the very least, postpone the wedding. I personally know two girls who had doubts like this before their weddings, but they went through with it anyway. Both had started divorce proceedings before their one year anniversaries.



People who are telling you that doubts about marrying your fiance are "normal" are giving you BAD advice! Look at the divorce rate in this country. I'm convinced that if everyone who had "doubts" about marrying the person they were engaged to decided to listen to their doubts and not get married, the divorce rate would be cut by more than half. This is too major a decision to go into if you have doubts. When I got married, I worried about things going smoothly on our wedding day, getting a cold before the big day, and there being a major snow storm (we got married in the winter). I did NOT, however, EVER worry if I should be marrying my husband. I knew with 100% certainty that marrying him was an excellent decision, and I never questioned it for even a moment.

Answer 10

Are you doing any premarital preparation? Several have mentioned that it is normal to have some doubts. Nothing to feel bad about.



But doubts may be signal of a problem that needs to be dealt with now.



Marriage preparation resources can help you uncover and explore any such issues. I often say to couples that marriage preparation won't solve all your problems - you don't know what they are until you get married and life comes at you - but it can reduce the number of unpleasant surprises. You can go into a marriage with differences (in fact, you will), but you need to know that you can live with them.



You can do some one-on-one counseling, as well as couple counseling. And maybe start with the free resource below.



http://www.marriagepreparationonline.com

Answer 11

I think its perfectly normal to have doubts!! I don't think you would human if you didn't - NOT meaning that your fiance isn't human..... cos that'd be strange!!



Its a big moment in your life so its not a step to be taken lightly. You are right to tell him about your doubts and you shouldn't feel guilty about having these issues!! He, I am sure has had doubts in the past and has probably worked through them without you even knowing.



If you can't imagine life without him then go for it!!



You sound like a very reasonable and intelligent person who has no problem with sharing their fears and hopes with the person you love!!



I wish you all the best for the future!!

Answer 12

everyone has some its normal it is when they are ones that are hard to deal with or frightening ones that you should be concerned because if it is something you are scared of then thats different It could be you need to do some soul searching i had doubts about my first wedding ( and it wasn't about money I made more) and it turned out a lot of my doubts should have been taken seriously of course depend on what exactly they are I am married again this time for ever and didn't have any doubt and we have kids his mine and ours and everything has just worked out so good

Answer 13

Doubts are often a normal part of getting married.



On my second marriage, I made my decision differently than the basis for my first choice. I thought about our disagreements, arguments, and bad times in our time together. I decided that, if I could take him at his worst, I could take him at his best. When you're together and snuggling, it's not a time to say "ah yes, this is why we should marry".



Many divorces are people who truly loved each other, but couldn't live together because they didn't handle disagreements and arguments constructively together. Some people you can love, but have to show your love by not living with them.



So... what you didn't include here is what you need to look at.

When chosing things to do, including the wedding... did you agree on everything? If not, look at the disagreements! How were they handled? If he's right for you, he would disagree with you withOUT name calling, insulting, putting you down.



Don't feel guilty about you having doubts and his not having doubts. Feelings are just indicators of how we're handling the stress in our lives. They are not right or wrong. It's not our feelings that's important... it's how we deal with them, and with the stressful times in our lives that's important. Feeling guilty is a waste of your energy... it's a way to make things fail! Accepting your feelings of discomfort is valid. Feeling guilty is NOT valid.



So, sit down by yourself and review the stressful times you two have had. How did YOU treat HIM in those times? How did HE treat YOU in those times. That's what tells you if you're both ready for commitment required to make a long-lasting marriage.

Answer 14

Your perfectly normal!!! I'm not sure if its doubts that your having, it seems that your just taking the wedding seriously. Its good to think about what your going to be doing and making sure that your making the right decision. Your most likely nervous because a marriage is not something to take lightly, and it seems that your evaluating your fiance. I'm sure you do love him and that you will marry him.

There's not a saying "getting cold feet" for nothing. Most people have this before their wedding day. I did, but this Sunday (11th) will be our 1 year anniversary, and walking down the aisle was the best thing I ever did!!!

Answer 15

I think it's totally normal. I mean sometimes I'm really excited about the wedding, etc, and sometimes I just don't care that much, and I wonder if that means anything, but I know that for me what it means is that I cannot live in a heightened state of excitement for a year or more while this is all going on, and it's my mind's way of coping with all the stress. Excitement is stressful, and even though its a good stress, it still wears on you after a while.

Answer 16

It's perfectly normal to have doubts of spending the rest of your life with someone. It doesn't mean it's wrong or that you shouldn't get married. It just means that like all normal people you have doubts of the unknown. Also, trust me when i say that your soon to be husband has had these same thoughts. He just won't ever admit to them. You probably shouldn't have told him either. Some things are better left unsaid. All it can do is build insecurity in the relationship.

Answer 17

My fiance had so many Doubts , he backed out of 3 weddings before he Finally took the Plunge. I would say it's pretty normal , Each time you start to doubt the wedding , stop an think about 1 thing you love about him , it's sure to bring a smile to your face , an put them doubts outta mind !!



Congrats & Good Luck !

Answer 18

Firstly RELAX!!



Some people do get pre wedding jitters- its completely normal.

Like you say, you can't imagine your life without him, so i think with that in mind its nerves.

Try remember all the good times you will have ahead- im sure you can't wait....how exciting.



I'm sure its definitely nerves and if you are very concerned maybe try chat to your mum or a best friend, I'm sure they'll reassure you to!

Answer 19

It's totally normal to have "cold feet", many people do, take a deep breath and take some time out from thinking about the wedding (hard I know, but book yourself a spa treatment)

Answer 20

You have to sit down and talk to him about it, these doubts in your head could be silly little things that can be talked about, tell him exactly how you feel, obviously he won`t be with you 24/7, he isn`t now so do you care about him when he isn`t with you now.Talk about it you will feel better

Answer 21

we all have doubts that's part of life ?its getting near and your getting the jitters only normal ask yourself do you love him?do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?yes will be your answer go for it and don't feel guilty enjoy the best day of your life and congratulations

Answer 22

well ive never personaly been in this situation, but I know a lot of people who were about to get married & started gettin scared & having doubts! id say its normal! dont do it if you dont think its going to work! :)but good luck! & congrats!

Answer 23

I think it is quite normal. After all it is a big step. Is there someone you can confide in that you trust 100%? Maybe someone who is married and most likely have been throught the same thing. Good luck

Answer 24

It is just pre-wedding jitters. Unless you have nagging doubts about something either of you have done, Don't worry about it. If you do, then talk about it.

Answer 25

If you have doubts, hold back. Postpone the wedding.

Once you are married, that's it. Divorce is expensive and painful. When I married my husband, I had no doubts.

Not one. I'm a stepmom (part-time). That's rough but I'm dealing with it. There shouldn't be a rush to get married.

I've been there before, no doubts when you are together but doubts when you are apart. For me, that met that we shouldn't be together. I could be wrong but I'm happy and healthy.

Answer 26

tatlly normal. i ahve the same freak outs. as long as you are confident when you are with him... i think thats all they are, minor freak outs. you will know deep down if ur doing the right thing. good luck

Answer 27

Well, divorce should never be an option. Also, if you need to wait, I think that's ok, but if you think you are supposed to get married, get married. Do you think you are just being negitive? I don't know, I feel like I might not be helping. But try to get away & listen to what you KNOW is right.

Answer 28

its normal that the way i was feeling at first the same way but now its back to normal

Answer 29

Perfectly normal. In fact I didn't have any and my mates all said that was weird.



xxR

Answer 30

sophisticated task query over yahoo it could help

Answer 31

Does he have enough money for you?