Can we say "No Plus Ones" on our wedding invites.?

Question

My Fiance and I are young and getting married, so naturally we have many friends our age. With our generation, there seems to be an unwritten rule, that you must bring a date to a wedding (eg I have a friend who has said multiple times "I am determened to bring a plus one) even though she has never been told she can even bring one. However we do not want our friends to bring their "shag of the week" to our wedding, especially if we don't know them, and with our friends being in school, they may bring people we didn't invite on purpose.

So is it 'appropriate' to write "There are no plus ones" on the invites?

For people with known partners (eg. teachers and work friends) we are putting their name and partner (eg. John smith and partner).

Our guest list is set at roughly 120 with anticipated partners, so I need a way to prevent tag alongs from coming. And if tag along do come, what do we do about seating and feeding them, we are to capacity with our reception venue as our guest list is.

What do you think?

Answer 1

Tell them to stop assuming.

Answer 2

Most people understand the etiquette is you don't bring someone as your date to a wedding who you aren't seriously dating. You don't go looking for any random person to bring, because it costs the bride and groom $$$ to feed each guest. Plus you don't want random people you've never met and will never see again at your intimate private wedding.



You don't have to write 'no guests' on each invitation, you just address it to the individual you're inviting and write their name in on the response card ALONE. If they are so gauche as to add a guests' name when they send back the response card, then it's your parents' job to call those guests and tell them there is no additional seating available at the venue, so the invitee can attend alone but not bring a date. That's the kind of thing the bride can delegate to your parents or bridesmaids so you don't have to do the dirty work yourself ;)



Keep in mind about 20% of your guest list will decline, or more if many of the guests have to travel to the wedding. So if you have 120 on the list now, you'll end up with less than 100 attending. For my wedding we invited about 150 and had just under 100 guests attend, and we knew we could do that because the wedding was 5 hours from where we live.



BTW if you're inviting couples that are spouses, you don't address the invitation 'and partner,' you address it Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. It wouldn't be Mrs. Sue Smith and partner, you have to use both their formal names on the invitation as a couple.

Answer 3

There is a simple remedy to address your concerns, which by the way, are valid.



With your wedding invitations have a RSVP card. On the RSVP card, there will be a blank space for the number of people who will or will not attend. When the RSVP card is returned, you will clearly be able to tell if someone invites an uninvited guest by the number of guests filled in on the RSVP card.



If the number of guests does not coincide with whom you invited, then you call up the invitation recipient and let them know that they misunderstood and no extra guests will be accommodated. Do not give reasons or excuses or you will open up the dialogue to defend your choices.



Some brides, with light pencil, write the number of invited guests on back of the RSVP card. So, when they get the RSVP card back, they simply flip it over to see if extra guests were added to the count by the invitee.



Never feel awkward to call people about their error in judgment, just handle it with social grace or have your mother make those phone calls. I am sure you already realize that the way you address the envelope should be clear as to who is invited.



It is a shame that people just automatically think they get to bring someone to a wedding. Perhaps once people mature a bit, they will realize that strangers at a wedding is very gauche. A wedding is an intimate affair and if you do not know someones name, they don't belong there.

Answer 4

Anyone who is:



Living together

Engaged

Married

Been together 1 year +

And at least one of them is over the age of 18



Gets to bring their partner. Someone's "shag of the week" doesn't count in this. You do NOT write anything like that on the invite. Just address it to them only and on the RSVP card fill out "One attending" and leave the check space empty. That should be enough of a hint. If they don't get it then obviously they know nothing of etiquette and are rude. You will have to tell them their guest must leave.

Answer 5

the easiest way is to say your venue is at capacity and as a result you cant let anyone other than those in a serious relationship bring a +1 (because they are a social unit and it would be rude to leave one half off the list,as you well know).i don't even think that it is a rule to let all single people bring a date - especially in a group of friends.the whole point of a date is so they won't be lonely,but if they're with friends,why would they be lonely?



bride to be has made a good point though - ask guests to bring their invites and check them off on a list.let your ushers run interference.its your wedding and you have every right to decide the guest list.the fact is,the only people invited are the ones named on the invitation - spread by word of mouth as well that there are no +1 for the events and any tag-a-longs wont even get into the event

Answer 6

Do not put No Plus Ones on your wedding invitations. instead write out your wedding invitation to the single person only and have the RSVP card for the single person only to reply and no room for a guest to tag along. Have a wonderful wedding day.

Answer 7

I'm having the same Problem and have come to the conclusion that I'm writing down the guests name and that's it. If it doesn't say plus one they shouldnt just assume they're getting one.

And this may sound rude, but if I'm having my guests bring their invite along and getin the ushers or groomsmen to collect them at the door. If u don't have it ur not in. Ive had random people come up to me saying that they can't wait to my wedding and I have nevr seen them before in my life. And they even know when and where I'm havin it. It sounds harsh but it's mm fiancé's and my special day an I'm not having some tag along ruin it.

Answer 8

It seems rather tacky and blunt to write "no plus ones" on the invite. Just name one person only on the invite. I would put out by word of mouth, to your uneducated friends, that partners are not invited unless they are named on the invite.



p.s. when inviting people with unmarried partners who you know (or know of), put the partner's name, e.g "John Smith and Mary Jones", or "John and Mary". If you don't know the partner's name, make the effort to find out.



@Bride to be - DON'T make people bring their invites, that's tacky, like they need tickets. Just have someone at the door with a guest list, and get that person to ask people's names. If their name is on the list, they are then told what table they're sitting at. Otherwise they're turned away.

Answer 9

No, you can not outright say 'no plus ones'. This is terribly harsh and will look crass. What you can do is indicate the number of seats reserved on the RSVP, which would be just one for the single invitees. Then be careful checking your RSVPs to make sure no one added a guest, in which case, you make a phone call.

Answer 10

I would not write "No plus ones" on the invitation.



What I would do instead, is address the invitation to the person you are inviting ONLY and do not have a space for plus one.



Simply.

__Yes I will be attending.



__I must regretfully decline.



If they write in a plus one, simply call them and explain that the plus one cannot come as your are at maximum capacity for your chosen venue and that you are terribly sorry. If they choose not to come, there isn't much you can do.



I understand you not wanting to have to cater to random people you do not know.



Good luck and congrats.

Answer 11

Of course you can, weddings are expensive affairs these days, and you are entitled to invite only who you want on your special day. Be aware however, that this may offend some of your guests who do have a significant other, and they might decline the invitation because of this and you may well end up with fewer guests as a result.

Answer 12

Have the invitation say "We've reserved __ seats in your honor" and/or "__ of __ attending". Or to drive it home harder:



We have reserved a seat for :



Guest #1 name here

[ ] gladly accepts

[ ] regretfully declines



Guest #2 name here

[ ] gladly accepts

[ ] regretfully declines

Answer 13

Writing "No plus ones" on an invite is a bit rude, maybe write on the invite to call you about SO's

Answer 14

The fact of the matter is, you cannot get away with inviting people to your wedding without extending an invitation to their spouses or long-term partners. Because of this way note right.