Is this a horrible way to get engaged?

Question

This is way in the past but it still bothers me and I wanted to hear honest opinions. When my husband and I got engaged it was kind of random and not typical. We had been dating for 2 years and had been talking about getting engaged. We were at my cousins wedding on a Saturday night and I had a few drinks and was telling him how much I wanted to get married. He said Ok we will go look at rings tomorrow. On Sunday we went to look at rings and I kept telling the jeweler that I felt odd helping him pick out the ring but she said that more and more people were doing the same thing. We ended up finding one that we both loved. I was under the impressions that I was just going to pick one out so he could propose later. Since we both loved it he went aheand and bought it then as we were walking out of the jewelry store he just handed it to me. He didnt save it to propose later, I guess he never really actually proposed he just gave me a ring we picked out together. It was really different, definately NOT typical. We told everyone that he just proposed to me that day like he already had the ring. We have been married for a year and a helf now and I love my husband and wouldn't trade our life for anything but I was just wondering if this was a totally horrible way to get engaged. Does anyone have a similar story that would make me feel better? Thanks for reading my some-what silly question.

Answer 1

It's not that strange although I'd have to agree that it wasn't very romantic. Mine was similar though, I know where you're coming from.



We were in a long-distance relationship and we were talking on AIM and then he brought up marriage. We'd talked about it before, but this time we went on to discuss the pros and cons of getting married now or later and ended up having a nice conversation which resulted in us deciding we wanted to get married sooner.



He was coming to visit that Friday, so we went out to Wal-Mart and he bought me the ring I'd always loved (I'm not crazy about expensive rings, this one was cute and that's all I cared about) and then later that evening we were just chilling in my living room and he got down on both knees and pulled it out of his pocket and asked me to marry him.



So I reckon I DID have a proposal, but up to that point it seemed very normal and logical and unromantic. :P We love each other so much though... wouldn't change anything.



My MOM's engagement story is horrible though. She had just turned 18 and had dated my dad for only one month. She was scratching his back and he just randomly asked her to marry him... no ring. She never got one either. Later when they were getting divorced (they lasted only 12 years) she asked him why he had even proposed to her. His answer? You scratched my back better than anyone else so I thought it would be cool to marry you.



Yeaaah.

Answer 2

I think the perfect proposal is a fantasy...



My fiance can't keep a secret to save his life. We had already looked at engagement rings and picked one out. I had an insert put into the ring to keep it from spinning on my finger once it was on and that took several weeks. I basically knew he planned on proposing on Valentine's Day when we went to dinner. We were in the middle of dinner and he held out his hands and made it look as if he were opening an invisible box with a ring in it. He told me "This is the part where I would have given you the ring if I had it!" He told me how much he loved me and we finished our meal. Not terribly romantic, but not an issue. Wouldn't you know? The ring came back to the jewelers the very next day.



I don't have a problem with him not being the most romantic guy out there. It's more important to me that he loves me to no end and wants to be with me for the rest of his life.

Answer 3

It isn't silly mine is funny and not typical either.



We had been dating for about 5 years and I was getting tired of waiting for the ring, my boss had been riding me hard in the morning and popped off so wheres the ring I shut my door and wrote a 10 page letter breaking up, saying that I loved him but the relationship was going no where and that it is over. See in my world when you break up you never look back go back or no second chances and he knew that. I drove by his house and saw his door open chucked the letter in and drove home in tears because I knew this was the end forever because if night fell on this day the relationship I was in for 5 years would end.



He showed up at my apt a few hours later wanting to talk I told him I was done talking that I understood if he didn't want to get married no one was going to make him I just wanted to find a life where I would one day get married and stop wasting time, that he was great and wonderful but I won't wait any longer. He begged to come in for just a minute. I had been crying, I don't cry much if ever. He put his arms around me and tried to tell me it could be ok but my rule was never look back, I said today is the end of our relationship. He sat down on my couch and said it didn't have to be, when I gave him a hug I felt something in his pocket it was a ring. He handed it to me and said things good now I am late for a hocky game.

Answer 4

Well the best way to look at your situation is that the "way" you got engaged is definitely unique to you. It's not a typical fan fare story. I had gone to the dentist the day my hubby proposed and was laying back on him on the couch watching tv with a frozen face when he put the ring in my face and asked me (we had picked out the ring together already) He has always been a little "put off" by my response because I didn't get all teary eyed or excited and hug and kiss him all over but ahem....I had a frozen mouth!! Lol, we had already been together for 5 years and all I can say is my reaction was genuine and honest and I said yes.....we have now been married for 9 years!!!! It's not textbook but it's unique to us!

Answer 5

You have nothing to be worried about. This is similar to my story... we were together for about 3 years and had been talking about getting engaged. Well, he said what type of ring do you want? We went back and forth looking at online rings and couldn't agree on anything. I got really upset that he wouldn't just go get one I like. One Saturday he said let's go look in person and see what you like. We found one I loved in about 10 minutes. He bought it and it had to be sized so he gave me the receipt and said pick it up after work on Monday. That's it and we are very happy together.



You can always think of it like the movie Sweet Home Alabama where the guy takes Reese Witherspoon to Tiffany's to pick out a ring:)

Answer 6

One night my fiance and I were just setting by my fireplace. And he said there are two women in my life that I love. My mother and you. I think he did say will you marry me. And then we went and picked out the ring a few days later. I felt it could have been done better. But that is how he did it. He isn't the romantic type. Some guys really feel pressure when they asked. So, if your guy asked you in a very relaxed way. I think he is a keeper. He is just being himself. I think he wanted to make sure you like the ring before he bought it. I've been married to this guy for 28 years.

Answer 7

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. Yes..it's not typical but it's not the end of the world. Every girl wants that huge romantic moment, but it doesn't always happen that way. Maybe he though this was more spontaneous than you "knowing" he was going to propose with that particular ring after the fact. Who knows...



This is how my dad and step-mom got engaged.



They were sitting in the food court at the local mall having chinese food. There was a Gordon's in their view and my step mom mentioned that she "would" marry again and wasn't against it. So my dad said, ok..let's go get a ring. They walked over to Gordon's, she picked one out, he bought it and she put it on her own finger. Pretty much the same situation and they've been happily married for 18 yrs.

Answer 8

I think everybody has there idea of the perfect proposal, but it is different for every single person. Some people would be thrilled with the proposal you received because they just don't like surprises!



Since you have been married for 1.5 years now, and you are still bothered by it, I would bring it up to your husband, and maybe for your anniversary or completely by surprise he could re-propose to you to represent how wonderful your marriage has been so far and for continued commitment. This way you won't have this on your mind for the rest of your marriage, and if people ask about his proposal you can just tell them about the most recent proposal.

Answer 9

It's not a silly question, but I'm wondering why you're worrying about this now? It seems like more and more proposals are being turned into huge events. I may be old-fashioned or just boring, but I think that a proposal should be a moment shared between two people, whatever they are doing when it happens. You and your husband were together and bonded while picking out the ring...most people may not have that experience.

Answer 10

I guess my story is somewhat similar, but it never bothered me.



My husband and I talked about marriage frequently through our first four years of dating. It was always clear we would get married, it was just a matter of when. I went to the ring store with him at his request to get ideas. In Aug ’06, after nearly 4 years together, we (not just I) started planning our wedding without a formal engagement. He actually got the ring and proposed in October. By that time, we’d already been looking at venues and I had been dress shopping.



At the time, I felt a little funny planning a wedding with no “official” engagement, but it doesn’t bother me now. Given the huge changes in courtship rituals, I don’t see why we have to follow any silly rules. What’s the harm in picking your own ring or in bucking traditional proposal rules. If you love the person, do whatever works for you.



PS: we got engaged in our bedroom closet. How's that for unromantic? I'm still just as happily married as if he'd gone to a ton of trouble trying to surprise me with a romantic dinner.

Answer 11

It's funny - most girls dream of the perfect romantic proposal. But like so many things, real life does not turn out to happen exactly like the dream. All of my friends have had very different types of proposals. Our story has an unfortunate twist to it, also. We had gone out to dinner to a really nice restaurant in Philly and walked to a beautiful park nearby afterwards. As we got closer to the park, he slowed down and I knew something was going to happen. So he pulled out the ring and I was in total shock. Just at that moment, a homeless man came up to us and started bugging us for money. He even stopped and said, "oh, I can see this isn't a good time, but could you spare some money?"

We had to get up and walk away to another bench before I had time to say YES!!! We joke about it now. :-)

So there you have it - not everything goes as planned. Enjoy your story for what it is and be happy that you have found the man of your dreams!

Answer 12

It's not silly if it bothers you.



But we all buy into all this wedding stuff, That engagements are to be super-romantic & that weddings are to be the social event of the year.



Instead of airing it with us, one night when the two of you are alone (not watching TV) tell hubby that you wonder why he just gave you the ring without actually proposing. Don't make a big deal about it or make him feel bad. It's probably never crossed his mind that it bothers you. Won't change the facts, but you will feel better from talking to him about it.

Answer 13

Well, I think you were the one who proposed to him at that wedding - he just planned to go ring shopping with you - you could have told him that you wanted him to choose it, but you didn't. I think you will find other women are in the same boat, when more and more want to be there for the choosing of the ring - and what do you all expect the man to do? The surprise proposal has been ruined, so he just gives the ring you chose!

Wow, and now you are married.

It's really time to let this go - why are you wanting to hurt him now, by being so resentful? I think that's more of an issue you have to deal with.

Answer 14

YES!!! Mine was almost exactly the same....but worse. We were very young, although he did have a good job with a good income. He was influenced by his family (mom and sisters) who thought getting a ring cheaper - though a discount CATALOG - was the way to go.



Same thing with us. We talked about getting married, but no real proposal. Then he brought the catalog over (to my apartment). I had no idea what size ring I needed, so we went to a jewelry store to get my ring finger sized. However, we did NOT look at rings there - just got sized. Then I picked out my ring (from the catalog) and that was it. We it came in....he came over and gave it to me. That was that.



I chalk it up to us both being very young (21 at the time). It was NOT magical, NOT romantic at all.



We have, however, been married for 31 years!!

Answer 15

My husband proposed in a really lame way. His elaborate plan for the day went to hell (beginning with a flat tire and getting worse from there). By the time he proposed at the beach, he was so nervous and defeated that he just flopped down on the sand like a beached whale and said "I suppose you're wondering why I've called you here today." Yeah, every girl's dream proposal, right?



Turns out, it was irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was that he wanted to marry me, and I wanted to marry him, and we got the deal done. The reality is, some guys -- including some great husbands -- just don't have mad romantic skills, and they choke under romantic pressure. Your guy (like my awesome husband) has come through for you when it REALLY matters -- when you're married. We must forgive them for their lameness in proposing; that was one moment in time. What really counts is the many, many years you will have together. :-)

Answer 16

No, that's not horrible! There's no "right" way to get engaged: speaking for myself, I didn't even want or get a ring. My husband and I (we just celebrated our 8th anniversary) mutually agreed that we couldn't imagine not sharing our lives together. That conversation is what formed our bond, and the wedding ceremony formally cemented it. There was no traditional proposal moment, and that was perfect for our relationship.



So to me, the fact he didn't feel the need for the traditional "on the knee" proposal moment, certainly doesn't mean he loves you any less or is less romantic than a man who would do that! It's probably just what felt natural to him.

Answer 17

Men are not mind readers so they have no idea on how a gal imagines her 'dream proposal' should be.



Me? My guy proposed as I was helping him unpack in a hotel room when he had flown up for an extended christmas visit..how romantic was that?



Okay, are you two happy....do you two have a good marriage...



Those above questions are the only things important here, as far as how you got engaged, just let it go....not every gal gets the down on one knee routine and in the end, is it really that important in the scheme of life, love, and , marriage? Good luck.

Answer 18

I don't think it's a horrible way it's just not the typical way. My dad never proposed. His conversation with my mum was "I guess we're going to get married one day". I can't remember which one said that but that was their proposal. It must be cool knowing that your proposal isn't the typical kind.

Answer 19

Yep! sounds like mine! My husband and I were talking about it after living togther for 3yrs... and we were driving down the street and I said I would like to get married this year (because my father was sick) and he said ok... we pulled into the jewlery store parking lot, sat in the car for at least 1/2 hour talking about what we really wanted and why...we both agreed, got out the car went in, picked out the ring out , paid for it the sales lady handed us the sack he said "get it its your ring" so I took the sack, we got in the car he said are you happy (not sarcastic) and I said yes! all smiles! and we were married about 3mos later and that my friend was 19 yrs ago , no down on one knee proposal... e nothing exciting, In fact he didn't really ask me at all, but that's just my hubby !!! no frills but I know he loves me and we are happy.... so I just watch all of the fairy tale stuff on TV... and it's ok because the great big announements and romantic down on one knee, surprise proposals usually are the ones that don't last....Its ok to be low key and know for sure that he loves you and you love him, that is all that matters not the show... :0)

Answer 20

It sounds a LITTLE bit "cold" but not really terrible. It is VERY common for couples to shop together for the rings, though, since guys rarely know much of anything about engagement and wedding rings. It so happened that (having been married before) I picked out her rings and did the get-down-on-my-knee thing, for my current wife. If I had been him I probably would have waited and tried to set up a more romantic moment, but I am not him. He's obviously the impulsive type and maybe a little extreme in the pragmatic sense. Drop hints about a romantic re-do of your vows, except that it could be a re-do of your engagement. Maybe you could talk to one of his female relatives - mother, or sister if he has one, and enlist their help in getting him to arrange a romantic second-engagement.

Answer 21

Eek! Every girl dreams of prince charming coming up with the most original, romantic proposal ever. And a lot of times, it just doesn't happen. It's a pretty huge let down when your fairytale doesn't come true so you have every right to feel a little jilted. My proposal was pretty romantic but it certainly wasn't the perfect experience I thought it was going to be. I saw it coming and was too nervous to actually enjoy it. Oh well, such is life. Yes, its ok that you feel that way. Make him do it again on an anniversary. Haha.

Answer 22

Well mine was not typical either. I had received a promise ring from my boyfriend and gave it back to him after an incident. He had it back for about 8 months. He had been talking about giving it back to me, but hadn't. One night we went to our weekly pool tournament. When we got home, we were hashing out some things in our relationship, like me not being able to bare him a child.



We were sitting on the front steps of our house. He told me he loved me and that he was fine with the fact that I couldn't have any more children and that we would adopt someday. He said he wouldn't have been with me for 4 years if he wasn't sure about that.



He walked over to his van, pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. He has a nick name for me, cause I have a big butt and a small frame. He said "Debbie Big Bootie (last name)" will you marry me?" I said yes. That was 4 months ago.



Don't feel so bad now huh? It's unusual, but it came from his heart.

Answer 23

it certainly isn't the most romantic way to get engaged but how he did (or didn't) propose doesn't really matter- do you have a good marriage? are you happy? that is what matters- so you don't have a great story to tell about how he proposed- you do have a good life together and that is all that is important (especially in this day and age with so many people getting divorces)

Answer 24

No, that's not horrible. I honestly find the whole down on one knee, weepy eyes, cold hands, fancy dinner thing Absolutely cheesy and over done. But other people wouldn't have it any other way. Its all in what you want. My fiancee proposed to me by letting me go in a jewelry store, pick out a ring, and then giving it to me, and then telling everyone we're engaged, he didn't even mention marriage to me. I liked it, because he took the initiative and I didn't have to keep hinting around. Its all in how you like things.

Answer 25

I have a smiliar story and i wouldnt have it any other way. my boyfriend and i started dating in january 05' we went on a vacation in april with his family, except for we drove seperate. on our way home after being there for a week, we were talking about getting married so when we returned back home we called up all of our friends and family and told them the news, we ended up getting married in may of 05' just a month after our decision to get married. so we went to the jewelry store and picked out a set that we both liked, went and got his and we were set.( note * ive known him for 12 years) haha. we got married, moved to florida because that was our dream since we were little, had a beautiful baby boy. although we didnt live happily ever after because he was just killed in december of 07' we had the best 2 and a half years of our lives. but goodluck. no one has to get down on one knee, if they say that want to get married that should be good enough.

Answer 26

You proposed to him. He just bought the ring. I think it's sweet.



I'm pretty certain that my fiance actually intended to just ask me to move in with him, not marry him. Not that he will admit it now, but his kids were sure surprised, which is why I'm pretty certain that was the plan. He certainly warmed up to it anyway.

Answer 27

When people have a picture in their head about how something will happen, it does have a way of haunting them when it is different from the picture.



He was probably just happy he didn't have to go through all the nerve racking stuff that comes with a planned proposal.

Answer 28

It sounds more like you were the one who proposed the night before at your cousin's wedding. All he wanted to do was get you a ring :)



No, it's not a horrible way to get engaged. Who says it has to be down on one knee with a ring anyway? The point is you got married, and that's what you wanted. The rest of it doesn't matter.

Answer 29

You should just stop dwelling on the past. You have obviously found a wonderful man, lover, friend & husband in him so whats the problem?

Get over it & move on with your wedded lives together

Answer 30

aww i understand where ur coming from. I would also feel weird about it, because i have always wanted my man to ask me down on one knee, but at the end, what matters is that you are happily married. End results is the same. At least you got engaged and married.. im still waiting for mine!!

Answer 31

it sounds like he's not a pomp and circumstance, grand gesture kind of guy. he really weasled out of that one, but for once in his life he should have gone outside his comfort zone, got down on one knee and asked you to marry him formally.

Answer 32

I do not think that it is the most horrible way, but at least you did not charge your ring on your credit card......with promise to pay it off.....

Answer 33

well thats not my story but i think if u both love each other so much then .......ther is nothing wrong on that

Answer 34

well at least it wasnt in the car....driving from walmart.