My gift to bride-to-be was her wedding invitations. Should I be asked to attend shower/s and bring another?

Question

In a few months a friend of the family is getting married. Our (my husband and I) wedding gift to her were the wedding invitations. All 500 of them, which included envelopes, RSVP cards and a directions to the reception card. He and I have our own graphic arts and printing business. We worked with her and got them just as she wanted. It was understood that we wanted to do this as our gift to her. BUT, we didn't want this to be public knowledge because we didn't want everyone else we know expecting the same. Well, now the showers are beginning and I got one. It's being held at her church and is being hosted by "the ladies of the church". Am I really expected to visit one of the places she's registered (they listed them all), purchase her another gift and go? I sure can't show up empty-handed. But then again, I hate being forced to do something "just for appearances" and thats how I feel this is.
I don't know what to do!!! This seems so wrong in so many ways. Very torn. Any advise?

Answer 1

i always bring a gift to the shower and the wedding. the bridal shower gift is usually smaller, but i bring something. you do not have to tell anyone about the invites. :P i am sure that the people hosting the shower got a list of names from the bride or her family and that is why you were invited. but you do not have to attend if you do not want.

Answer 2

You're right that if you go to the shower you must bring a gift. Gift-giving is, after all, the whole point of a shower. However, you don't have to give an expensive gift, especially considering the value of the wedding gift you've already given. If you don't want to give even a small additional gift, then simply decline the shower invitation.



You seem annoyed that you were invited to the shower, and assume that the bride's friends are only looking for more out of you. Consider that the people throwing the shower do not know the extent of the gift you've already given ) as you've said you want to keep it a secret), so they have no idea that you consider this invitation a burden. They may well have invited you simply to be polite and inclusive. It is always your choice whether to accept an invitation or not.

Answer 3

If you want to go then you should definitely go!

I would take a nice card as the gift and maybe put your business card in it with a wink face drawn on it or something. The bride can say it is a gift card or something. Or get them a gift card for like $5 to their registry store. That way people won't know how much it was for, but the couple can put it with other gift cards and still use it.

I think the bride will 100% understand. I doubt anyone would notice that you didn't bing a gift.

If you are not comfortable, then just don't go to the shower.

You could get them something small, a set of candles or a picture frame so you can walk in with a wrapped box.

Just have fun.

Answer 4

I don t agree with the comments that say it s rude. I ve been to 16 weddings over the past 3 years and have forked out £50 every time - whether it be cash in a card, transfer to a honeymoon account or buying a honeymoon gift like an experience they will do when the couple are away. I live in London and am 32. This is modern life, and I will be putting a honeymoon account details on my wedding invitation (after all I ve done it for everyone else). I think if you think it s rude or not appropriate you need to get with the times. Hardly anyone has a household gift list these days. 90% of Brits live together before they get married as it s not the 1930 s anymore. I think it s tight if you won t cough up some dough for the happy couple. Stop being a penny pincher and put your hand in your pocket for two people that surely you are friends with anyway?!?!

Answer 5

There is nothing wrong with you being invited to the shower. It's a perfectly proper thing to do for women who are fairly close to the bride and also invited to the wedding.



It would be very rude to come to a shower without a gift. That's the point of showers. It may be something off the registry or something else you think the bride would enjoy/could use. Also the cost of the item is not important. Some nice kitchen towels or wooden spoons would be plenty, and wouldn't cost much.



On the other hand, just because you've been invited to a function does not obligate you to accept the invitation. You are perfectly free to send your regrets in which case you need not send a gift.

Answer 6

Maybe just get something small from one of the registries if you feel you need to get a gift. I don't think the bride is trying to get more gifts out of you, probably just wants you to share in the day. The shower is usually where the wedding gifts are given, so you can always say you already gave the gift privately to the bride if asked by someone. The shower is mainly for wishing the bride/couple well or giving the gift, so go and wish the couple well with a card.



Personally I would just take a card wishing the couple well so I had something. You already gave a very genrous gift. You can also decline the invitation if you don't want to go. Based on your gift though, I would think you are close to the bride.

Answer 7

get her something small and inexpensive for both the shower, and the wedding. Even if the other women gawk at the fact that your gift in inexpensive your bride will understand. As for at the wedding give her another small trinket, the bride and groom don't open the wedding gifts in front of all their guests anyway. a good shower gift is something from a Hallmark store. A bridal figurine or something small usually is less than 5.00. Or you could get her something like a small bath set which costs no more than 10.00 at Target or Wal-mart. It may be a smaller gift but you already gave your big gift, and don't care what other women think, they don't realize you already paid for the invitations and it's none of their business. Also for the actual wedding ceremony, you might want to frame their invitation for them in a nice frame that doesn't cost that much. That way it goes with your gift and is a nice keepsake.

Don't feel bad, at my sister-in-law's baby shower my mom only gave a onesie to her at the shower, which being the future grandma probably looked tacky to everyone else there, but she had already bought them a crib, but didn't want everyone to know that. Anyway, best of luck!

Answer 8

I understand. My mom felt like she needed to bring a gift to my shower and she and my dad are helping with so much of the cost but she did it for appearances. Since you did the invitations maybe instead of purchasing a gift, make some kinda picture using there invitations. Being creative, which is something that you are already good at. Otherwise, just extend your wishes and don't attend, you've done enough and the bride to be will understand, I'm sure. Good luck!!!

Answer 9

This is probably the deal, the bride didn't want you to feel left out or get your feelings hurt or not get to come to any of the pre-wedding parties & such. So, even though the gift is already given she put your name on the shower invite list.



The women at the church obviously have no clue about the invites if ya'll are keeping it quiet, so it is not their fault either.



I wouldn't get really worked up about it. Go if you want to, even without a gift. But if that makes you uncomfortable, then just decline. And certainly don't feel guilty. Your gesture was very nice!

Answer 10

OMG, I'm a designer by trade and all I have to say is your a VERY good friend. The hours of labor, designing, sorting... it's a job!! I don't think many people understand. Why don't you buy a wedding album

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/sr=1-10/qid=1187457326/ref=sr_1_10/602-8236899-3423839?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=&asin=B0006B5G7K

(CVS, Target) and have the invitation on the inside cover page. Wrap it, with a designer flair and there's your gift. Or, if your a designer, maybe you can make something for her shower.



For my friends shower I made the wishing well with a hamper (something from Target, Walmart) and wrapped fabric around the edges.



Make a flip book, with images of them together



Or get a clothes line cord with clothes pins and hang kitchens towels, mits form them. (Dollar Store). Nobody will notice the price, you have an advantage, your a designer and can make anything unique. It means more than getting a set of glasses from Crate and Barrel.

Answer 11

Why miss the fun! You being in the graphic arts business can surely com up with an idea for a card or something expressing your congratulations and love without reveling what you have done.



I give all my great-nieces and nephews a substantial amount of money to start up a savings account when they are born (or at the baby shower). But of course no S.S. number yet to open an account) so I always make a card and make up a cute saying about the surprise that will be forthcoming for the new baby. The parents already know about this but I do not have to publicly make known that I am giving money later or how much.



fishineasy

Answer 12

The best gift I got at my shower was a gift of a small bowl with swirls on it (I am always drawing them) and a fancy pepper mill (my fiance likes to cook and loves pepper). This gift was probably the least expensive of the gifts I got, but the most thoughtful because it was also personal to both of us. It depends on how well you know the groom, but my groom was very touched he was thought of at such a "girl-centered" event. If you know the groom well, something that includes his taste or something they both like is probably a good thing. Also, if you are a graphic artist, you can probably take a photo of them and take it into PhotoShop and do a heart mask of it or something creative and put it into either an inexpensive frame or even a paper rendition with elements of their invitation incorporated.

Answer 13

Get her a small gift for the shower and the wedding. You do not have to buy anything from the registry. My personal opinion is that registries have gotten out of hand.



I would suggest a recipie box (you can get them at many kitchen stores for $8-16.00) with some starter basic recipies that you print yourself. You should keep it on file, so you can print it out again for the next wedding/shower gift. You will probably have cool paper/fonts since you are a graphic designer. Also, it is good publicity for your business. The ther ladies will probably fawn over it and want to buy them from you. You can descretly let them know it costs $25-35.00 (or whatever the going market rate is in your area).



Actually, you can show up at the wedding sans gift, but bring a card. You might want to reference in the card something tot he effect of, "we were so happy we could provide your wedding invitations as a gift to you and your husband. We wish you both much happiness."

Answer 14

Yes the invitations was a general contribution gift to the wedding but now its her bridal shower you should purchase a small personal gift just for her .

Answer 15

I would go to one (only one!) shower and give her a small gift. I once attended a shower where a guest gave the cutest little gift (I suspect that like you, she had already given a generous wedding gift). She gave the cutest little set of salt and pepper shakers on a little tray. It was made to fit on one's stove. Very cute and useful too!

Answer 16

gift bridewedding invitations asked attend showerbring

Answer 17

Your WEDDING gift was the invitations.

This is for the shower - so you buy something modest - doesn't have to be from the registry, go and have fun.

Answer 18

well you gave it as a wedding gift not a shower gift i say go an look at one of the stores buy something 20.00 and let it be.

Answer 19

Don't go. Or else get her a nice card, go have fun and stop worry about what everyone else will think.

Answer 20

You are not obligated to buy her anything since you did her invites at no charge. (Very nice of you by the way)

Answer 21

Just decline the invitation.